"if i smile and
don't believe
soon i know i'll wake from
this dream
don't try to fix me i'm not broken
hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry"
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You never thought you'd be alone.
It was one of those things that seemed out of the question. Unnatural. Impossible.
You had this family, your family, of misfits: a cat, a scientist, a lighting rod, your mind reader, all of whom loved you and whose love was reciprocated.
Now it seemed like a malicious dream, to be standing alone over concrete and stone, under a dark, hazy sky of looming rage. The bottled despondency sits uneasily on your stomach.
Somewhere inside you knew there'd be rain. There had to be. It was only fitting. It would complete the vision devoid of beauty…
…Because that beauty had belonged to her.
It was only one, one out of many, but she was different. She had been the glue that held you together. She was the blanket that kept you safe, a shoulder, an ear, a friend.
Her smile silenced your troubles. The way she glided into a room, the way she talked, the way she just knew the way you felt and understood it better than you did, it all just made it that more difficult to not love her and miss her.
Just this morning you thought you saw her to walk down that hallway. Yesterday, you sat down against the computer desk, hidden in the far off corner and waited for her to come and sit with you. You stood outside her room last night and pretended you could hear her soft shallow breathing, just to help you sleep.
But it wasn't her,
And she never came,
And you only pretended.
Why does seeing the name chiseled in stone make it more real? Why do the black lined roses carved above it seem to hang impedingly about her life like death itself? Why don't the fresh red roses bring any joy to the scene?
You can't cry.
Why?
She wouldn't want you to.
Why did she have to be so strong?
Why did she have to let go?
Why did she have to go?
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"suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
hello i'm still here
all that's left of yesterday"
- Evanescence "Hello"