Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.
A/N: This takes place during Remus's and Sirius's First Year. It's pre-slash, though it can be read as Gen too. But that's no fun, so read it as pre-slash.
At home his parents put him in a cage. A cage in their cellar with floor to ceiling bars, the thickest steel they could find, held in place by a magic that the wolf can't break.
It used to really scare him, that cage. He doesn't dare go down there if he doesn't have to. It's dark and it's damp and it's cold, and the only thing that makes him bravely get in his cage on full moon nights is the reassuring thought that his mother is waiting for him at the top of the stairs. At least he's not alone. At least he's in his home. At least he's with his parents.
Maybe that's why he'd gladly take his cage over the Shrieking Shack.
"You'll have the whole house to run around in," says Albus Dumbledore, smiling gently from behind his desk.
Remus doesn't look up at him. He's eleven years old, and he's just been sorted into Gryffindor, and he doesn't want to show he's scared of that house. The Shrieking Shack is too big and it made funny noises when they took him there to see it. And he'll be all alone on full moon nights. No loving face waiting for him to open his eyes. Remus nods his head, eyes down cast.
"And Madame Pomfrey-"
Remus looks up at the young witch sitting next to him.
"-will make sure you get there safely at night, and will help you return to the castle at dawn."
Madame Pomfrey smiles down at Remus, and he tries, he really tries to smile back. He's never been so nervous. Remus just wants to learn. He wishes he could just go to class like all the other students. They don't have to worry about being by themselves in a great big scary house while they await an agonizing transformation to start. They probably don't have to worry about anything.
"Professor McGonagall," says Dumbledore. Remus turns his head to look at the older witch with sharp features sitting on his right. "Is your Head of House. If you have any problems, unrelated to your health, you are advised to seek her aid."
"Now, Remus." And with that, Remus can no longer refuse to look at Dumbledore. He looks the Headmaster in the eye and can't quite remember why he was so scared to in the first place. There is possibly no kinder face to look at then Albus Dumbledore's; with his blue eyes, twinkling behind glinting glasses, and a lopsided smile. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to do me a favor," says Dumbledore.
"OK," says Remus, in his scratchy quiet voice.
"I'm sure you've met your dormmates, and while I have no doubt that you will soon be close friends with them-"
Remus can't stop the deep frown that tears through his face. His brown eyes once again fall down to gaze unseeing at his knees.
"It is very important that you keep your condition a secret from them. Some people may not be as accepting to it as we. I'm sure you're well aware of that. Is that going to be something you can do?"
"Yes," says Remus nodding his head.
"What is the matter Remus?" says Madame Pomfrey.
Remus feels her hand rub his shoulder softly. He sighs and the air that escapes his mouth rakes through his entire body. He doesn't want to tell them, of course he doesn't. But if he just says it, Remus thinks to himself. If he just tells them the truth, Dumbledore will be confident in trusting him to keep his condition a secret.
Remus doesn't dare pick his head back up or look anywhere but at the floor. "Those boys won't like me anyway," he says. "No one ever likes…I don't…other boys don't like me. I'll…I'll be able to keep my secret safe."
A stinging silence follows Remus's words. It's because he's a werewolf that he never had any friends. Not because the other kids were scared of him. No one ever knew he was a werewolf. It's because being a werewolf has made him impossibly shy and quiet. Traits, he's discovered, most don't want their friends to have.
Remus has only just met those three boys that he'll be sharing a room with and already he can tell that they are as far from being shy and quiet as any person can get.
"Remus," says Dumbledore. Remus feels fingers curl under his chin and push his head up. He's shocked to see Dumbledore kneeling in front of him and not sitting back behind his desk. Dumbledore removes his hand and places it gently on Remus's brown haired head. "Don't be so quick to pass judgment on others. Things are different here at Hogwarts. It's perfectly fine to be scared. Even the bravest of us are scared sometimes. But don't already decide that no one is going to want to be your friend. Or that you're not worthy enough to have friends. You never know, Remus, who might need you to be there for them."
Remus swallows heavily and nods. He doesn't quite believe Dumbledore.
Dumbledore shuffles his hand through Remus's hair and stands up. "On full moon nights, I suggest you tell anyone who asks that you are leaving the castle to visit a sick relative."
Remus nods.
"And Remus, you must promise me that you will not tell anyone where you really go and why. Do you promise?"
"I promise," whispers Remus, with everything he has. "Thank you for letting me come to Hogwarts, sir."
Dumbledore smiles and asks Professor McGonagall to escort Remus back to Gryffindor Tower. McGonagall tells him to go straight to bed because it is late and he does not need telling twice. He is mentally exhausted from everything today; the traveling and the sorting and seeing the Shrieking Shack and the talk with Dumbledore.
The common room is empty when Remus walks through it and up the stairs to his dorm room. He leans his ear against the door marked First Years. When he is certain that he can't hear any voices, he carefully opens the door and silently closes it behind himself.
Remus is happy to see that three of the four beds in the room have their drapes closed around them. He didn't want to have to speak to anyone right now; explain to them why McGonagall took him from the common room earlier. Tomorrow they can ask their questions. Remus is too tired tonight to make up lies.
As he pulls his pajamas from his trunk, Remus tries to guess which boy is in which bed. The one across from his already has sweet wrappings littered over the floor around it. He can't help but laugh for the first time since he's arrived. The pudgy one, Pettigrew, thinks Remus, a little ashamed of himself.
The bed kiddy corner from his has a tear in the curtains, like someone tried to jump through them. And there are posters all over the walls of Quidditch players. Potter, thinks Remus. He isn't too sure about James Potter; he was acting a little wild earlier.
The last bed is obviously Black's then. There's nothing unusual about it. It looks to Remus like Black hasn't even opened his trunk yet.
Shrugging, Remus steps in between his and Black's beds. He bends down to place his slippers underneath when he hears it. A rattling sound, like someone trying to stop themselves from sobbing.
Remus steps carefully closer to Black's bed and peers in through a tiny crack in the opening. There's nothing to see except for Black's wand lying lit on the covers which are still as perfectly untouched as Remus's.
He can hear more crying sounds and whimpering. Remus feels immensely sick to his stomach to hear this boy cry. Maybe he's home sick, he thinks. In a split second Remus makes his decision. "Um," he says, clearing his throat. "Bl-Sirius?" he whispers. He brings his face close to Black's curtains.
The crying stops with a sudden gasp. "Who's there?" is whispered back. "Go away!"
Remus doesn't know why, but he ignores that last command and pulls back Black's curtains. "It's Lupin," says Remus. His voice dies out when he finally sees Black.
Sirius Black is sitting, still in his Hogwarts robes, with his arms wrapped around his legs. His dark hair hangs perfectly and sleek over his face which is wet with tears. He looks pale and hopeless and lost. Is this really the same obnoxious, slightly arrogant boy Remus met at the feast earlier?
"Are you OK Sirius?"
"Leave me alone," hisses Sirius.
"Why are you crying?"
"Does it matter to you?"
"Yes," replies Remus, surprising himself with his own answer. "Is it…do you miss your parents?"
Sirius's face scrunches up and he shakes his head violently and plunges it into his knees. "Go away Lupin," shouts Sirius crying even heavier than before.
Remus starts to turn away, but the sounds from Sirius stops him. He wants to make this poor boy feel better. Out of his pocket, Remus pulls a ratty, dark blue handkerchief. His father had given it to him two months after he was first bitten; to help keep the bad dreams away. He reaches forward and tucks a corner of it into Sirius's clenched hand. "Don't cry, Sirius. You're a Gryffindor," he says, letting the curtains fall closed. That's it, he thinks. He's ruined any chance to be friends with this one.
"I'm not supposed to be a Gryffindor!"
Remus spins around. Sirius is holding his curtains open, but his eyes are down, looking curiously at the handkerchief in his hand.
"What?" asks Remus. He steps up as close to Sirius's bed as he can.
Sirius looks at him and sighs. "I'm not supposed to be a Gryffindor," he barley whispers, tears streaming freely from his eyes. "I'm not-" A dry sob cuts through his voice.
Remus tips his head to the side. "What do you mean? What are you supposed to be?"
"Slytherin," whispers Sirius.
"You want to be a Slytherin?" Who wants to be a Slytherin, Remus asks himself.
Sirius stares at him for a few seconds, sniffing and blinking. "Don't you know who my family is?"
Remus shakes his head. He watches Sirius shuffle back further against his headboard. "Well?" he snuffles. "Come in, Lupin." With a tiny jump, Remus scrambles onto Sirius's bed. "You're not going to tell anyone I've been crying, are you?"
"No," says Remus quickly.
Sirius nods and picks at the hem of his robes. "I know it's improper because I've only just met you this afternoon, but, may I call you Remus?"
"Yes," says Remus. He feels a little incapable of giving anything other than one word answers. He's completely fascinated by what's going on and by the dark haired boy sitting across from him in the darkness of the enclosed bed.
"My family," starts Sirius quietly. Remus has to lean forward to hear him properly. "We're purebloods, and…we've, they've been in Slytherin for…since Hogwarts opened. And…I'm supposed to be…I am expected…I'm the heir."
"The heir?" Remus slips out accidentally. He is so confused, trying to make sense of Sirius's fragmented sentences and getting no where. What he does realize is that since he first heard Sirius crying, he's forgotten all about the Shrieking Shack.
"To the Black fortune."
Remus is mildly impressed. He's never known anyone to have a fortune before.
Sirius sniffs loudly. "I broke the…the family tradition. Of being in Slytherin. And…and they're, she's going to be so angry!" Sirius relapses back into silent sobs, covering his face with his hands.
Remus watches Sirius's shoulders move up and down and his body rock back and forth. He feels a surge of sympathy unlike anything. Because Remus has cried like this before. For different reasons, but it doesn't make it less painful to watch. He thinks about the last time he cried this hard; curled up on this bed late at night, a week before a full moon, when he just felt really lonely. He thinks about what he wanted someone to do to make him feel better.
Steadying himself with a deep inhale, Remus reaches forward and grabs Sirius's wrists. With a little force, he manages to pull Sirius's hands away from his face. He tries to catch Sirius's eye. "Your mum won't be that angry, Sirius," he whispers.
"You don't know her Remus," hisses Sirius. "She said…my dad…they said that I have no choice. I have to be in Slytherin. And I'm not! And I tried to get that hat…and it kept…I wasn't supposed to be in Slytherin, it said….it wouldn't listen! I'm going to…they're going to kick me out! I know it!"
"Kick you out?" Remus unconsciously squeezes Sirius's wrists. "You're only eleven. They can't kick you out. That's illegal."
Sirius shakes his head. "That doesn't matter to them. Black's are above the law." He sighs. "I'll know tomorrow."
"Why?"
"My cousins," whispers Sirius. He pulls his writs from Remus's grip and grabs the handkerchief Remus gave him earlier. He brushes it across his face. "They're…seventh and fifth…and…they're in Slytherin. They're…Bella's going to…she told me she's going to write my mother and…and tell her."
"It'll be OK, Sirius," says Remus, trying to sound confident.
Sirius shakes his head again, twisting the blue cloth around in his hands. "I don't want to be in Slytherin," he whispers.
Remus doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know Sirius's mother, and if Sirius is overreacting, then why is he crying like he's truly scared of what's going to happen to him? For the first time in Remus's life, he thinks he'd rather be a werewolf than have such a horrible family to deal with.
"I'm sorry," says Sirius suddenly. "You probably think I'm strange."
Remus shakes his head and yawns. "Maybe if you go to sleep you'll feel better."
"No," sniffs Sirius. "I always have bad dreams after I…"
Remus smiles brightly and points to the handkerchief lying in between them. "Well, you're in luck because that handkerchief makes bad dreams go away! My dad told me to always keep it near me before I go to sleep, and it'll protect me." Remus blushes suddenly. That didn't sound so stupid when his father said it. "You can keep it. Tonight."
"OK," says Sirius. Remus sees a tiny smile start to spread across Sirius's face. "Thank you, Remus."
"You're welcome, Sirius." Remus starts to slide off of Sirius's bed but stops when he feels Sirius grab his arm.
"Remus?" whispers Sirius. "Will you…tomorrow, will you sit next to me at breakfast tomorrow? That's when the post comes and…I'd like a friend to be with me…in case she…"
Remus's mouth goes dry. No one ever called him a friend before. Maybe that's what he has been doing this whole time, he thinks. Sitting and letting this practical stranger pour his heart out to him. A while ago Remus didn't know anything about Sirius Black. A while ago he thought he wasn't going to ever be able to talk to Sirius, or any of them. That he wasn't going to be good enough for them, that none of them would like him or want to be friends with him.
Now he doesn't want anything else in the world except Sirius's friendship.
"Will you?" asks Sirius again, after it was clear that Remus wasn't going to say anything.
Remus snaps back to reality. Dumbledore was right, he thinks. On a strange impulse, he quickly gives Sirius a tight hug and is surprised to feel Sirius hug him back even harder. Something warm and pleasant flips over in his stomach when he feels Sirius's hands dig into his back. "Yes, Sirius," he whispers. "I'll be there for you."