Disclaimer: The words in itallic are the song "Everywhere" written by Michelle Branch.
Everywhere
Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're, you're never there
And when I sleep you're, you're everywhere
You're everywhere
Tony drove on auto-pilot down the street. He knew the location well, he'd been there over a thousand times in his mind; though he had only been there once before. He still didn't want to believe that she was lying there waiting for him whenever he wanted, but that acceptance would come with time. Or so he was told by his psychologist. He watched the leaves rustle around him as he shifted uncomfortably in the cold breeze. Inhaling the fresh air of the winter morning, he lowered his gaze to the grave stone before him. It had been months since the funeral, yet he could barely look at her name engraved into the granite. He didn't want to accept that their flirty arguments were over, that she would never elbow him in the stomach again.
Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time I sleep
You're always there
Water from the lawn seeped into his jeans as he kneeled down to clean out the flower cup provided. Though he never knew her favorite flower, he brought her red roses; in honor of the tattoo he never saw. He loved her, in his mind he thought she knew. Beyond all their bickering he thought he'd seen a glimmer of love in her eyes too when she glared at him playfully, or angrily when he'd really pissed her off. He thought of all the moments he'd had with her…up until the end. He thought that Ari's death would put an end to some of the pain he'd felt from losing his partner. That's just it…that's all he'd let himself think about Kate as. But she was so much more, so much more than she would ever know, than he would ever be able to say.
Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time I sleep
You're always there
Water from the lawn seeped into his jeans as he kneeled down to clean out the flower cup provided. Though he never knew her favorite flower, he brought her red roses; in honor of the tattoo he never saw. He loved her, in his mind he thought she knew. Beyond all their bickering he thought he'd seen a glimmer of love in her eyes too when she glared at him playfully, or angrily when he'd really pissed her off. He thought of all the moments he'd had with her…up until the end. He thought that Ari's death would put an end to some of the pain he'd felt from losing his partner. That's just it…that's all he'd let himself think about Kate as. But she was so much more, much more than she would ever know, than he would ever be able to say.Water from the lawn seeped into his jeans as he kneeled down to clean out the flower cup provided. Though he never knew her favorite flower, he brought her red roses; in honor of the tattoo he never saw. He loved her, in his mind he thought she knew. Beyond all their bickering he thought he'd seen a glimmer of love in her eyes too when she glared at him playfully, or angrily when he'd really pissed her off. He thought of all the moments he'd had with her…up until the end. He thought that Ari's death would put an end to some of the pain he'd felt from losing his partner. That's just it…that's all he'd let himself think about Kate as. But she was so much more, much more than she would ever know, than he would ever be able to say.
Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes
It's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone...
I'm not alone
The sky was painted a menacing grey, as if the day was supposed to be gloomy and lazy. He glanced at the dark patterns made by the opaque clouds in the sky, and he swore the air smelled of rain, the kind Kate loved. He knew that the skies could open at any minute, but nothing of this world could tear him away from her side. Suddenly, a sharp giggle echoed between the granite blocks in the ground as the first few drops of the morning drizzle began to fall. He looked at the young girl, playing happily even though a loved one was lying at her feet. He noted that she resembled his Katie. No one knew that he always called her that, never at work, but in times of doubt. The simple moments he knew he'd never get again.
I recognized the way you make me feel
I start to think that you might not be real
I sense it now the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me
Before long "I love you, Kate. Who else is gonna keep me in line?" he thought to himself, turning his gaze to the sky once again. As if she were there with him, a thunder sounded, causing him to flinch slightly, as if his boss were slapping him in the head. Then a wondrous downpour started, just the type of winter rain Kate would've ran or walked through. He couldn't help but smile; he knew his partner was there telling him that she knew Gibbs would keep him in line now that she was no longer with them. That was the fact that he hated most.
Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes
It's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone...
I'm not alone
Oohhhh...
When I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty lives within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
Whenever comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so
Standing in the airport terminal Tony glanced around finding himself envious of the many families gathered around. Deep inside he knew he wanted someone special to settle down with. Kate had always told him so, but he was always waiting for her to figure out that they would be so good together. He knew that he had to wait for the grief to subside, but in a strange way he didn't want it to, because that would mean beginning to forget what she meant to him. He never let himself get close to anyone because of what he was feeling right now. Despite the residual sadness from visiting Kate for the first time, he smiled to himself when he saw a woman near by elbow her boyfriend.
Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes
It's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone...
The two agents walked sideways through the small aisle in the airplane. Tony fell into the seat by the window, immediately opening the shade.
"You ok man?" McGee asked, putting a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
"Yea, Probie…I will be…" Tony said, shifting his gaze to the sunset outside his window. He was thankful that he had the window seat; it meant he could sit and stare off at the horizon. It was only an hour, but maybe he could find the answers he so desperately needed, the ones that would finally allow him to move on.
Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath
It's you I breathe
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone...
Through the car ride to the office, things were quiet. Tony thanked McGee silently for allowing him space. He knew how he really felt, and he was going to tell Kate…someday. He wondered how she saw him, if she thought of him at all away from work. He wanted to know what went through her head with every elbow into his side, with every glare, now he would never be able to. And that killed him, caused him more pain than any mortal injury could inflict. He knew this feeling would go away eventually, but he knew deep in his heart he was holding onto her memory despite the pain.
And you're everyone I see,
So tell me, do you see me...?
Tony motioned slightly to his boss as he walked in. Just as he was about to ask him what his next assignment would be, his breath caught in his throat. He'd recognize that notebook anywhere. Smiling slightly, he picked it up, recognizing her artistic ability immediately. He flipped through the pages, seeing portraits of Gibbs, a cartoon version of Abby, and then he saw himself. His mouth opened slightly, his breath catching in his throat again. He recognized himself in that picture, in a shocking way, she saw him for who he really was; she'd loved him too…in her own way.