This stemmed from one great scene in The Man From U.N.C.L.E (the movie). From there, it was just fun playing around with the idea of Naoto even being drunk in the first place. I haven't written a oneshot in a while, so here we are.

Note: Slight AU for the sake of plot.

Hope you enjoy my attempt at humor.

"Hmf. Come with me, she said. It'll be fun, they said."

"I can't hear you, Souji-kun; you gotta speak up."

"Eh…"

Souji paused his train of thought as he recalled just how he had gotten into this situation, walking down the street in the dark with a certain detective latched onto his back, his arms securely under her legs to support her light weight. She was quiet since he left the bar, her statement being the first thing she said in about fifteen minutes.

"You know, when Yosuke wanted to take us to a bar, I didn't think he was serious."

"What did you think he meant?"

"I dunno. An arcade? A restaurant?"

"It wouldn't be Yosuke-san if it wasn't something we wouldn't have ever expected."

Souji sighed quietly from his seat at the bar, looking around the absurdly blue Velvet Room bar. Upon its opening he had received a call from Margaret proudly proclaiming her success at finding the perfect spot for the family bar. As soon as Yosuke had caught wind of it, he had planned behind Souji's back, ultimately springing his trap on the day of Souji's vacation. So here he was, sipping his water and hoping he wasn't pulled into another pseudo-drunken scenario. Naoto was sitting next to him, quietly browsing the menu of various drinks and snacks. Smiling at her, he joked, "Don't overdo it."

"Please, Souji-kun. I'm a detective, I don't drink."

"Good to know."

"Mm. I'm glad you agreed to come along. It would have been quite awkward without you here to diffuse potential situations."

"Sure thing. Just enjoy yourself."

"I'll be sure to. Make sure you do as well."

Souji smiled again and nodded, taking a sip of water as he watched Yosuke wrestling with Kanji for the King's game sticks. If one could call it wrestling. What Souji saw was his partner being held with a hand on his forehead by a very exasperated Kanji, easily keeping himself out of the range of Yosuke's frantic grabs. He glanced to his right at Naoto, who was quietly sipping a drink he couldn't exactly identify while reading the newest in her favorite book series. She was right; why would she drink?

It took about twenty minutes for that assumption to blow up in his face. "Hic."

Uh-oh.

He slowly looked at Naoto, who was staring determinedly at her empty glass. To the untrained eye, she looked perfectly fine, but Souji saw the light flush of her cheeks and the occasional wobble in her seat as she looked up and him and smiled. "Naoto?"

"Hellooo."

"…Hi."

This was starting to look more and more like a problem. He looked over to where the rest of his friends were, his gaze hardening into a glare as Yosuke gave him a dumb thumbs-up from where he was sprawled on the floor, the sticks for the game scattered around him. Chie looked like she was nursing him after his apparently humiliating loss to Kanji, as the 20-year-old artisan was downing a bottle of what Souji truly hoped was soda. Looking back to Naoto, he watched for a second as she squinted at her cup, pointing upwards as if she discovered something as she looked at Souji and smiled lopsidedly. "Souji-kun, this drink just might be- hic- alcoholic in its composition."

He stared at her slack-jawed as she wobbled slightly in her seat, a self-satisfied smirk plastered on her face. "…Are you sure?"

"Yep!"

"…Nothing, I was just-"

"Are you keeping secrets? I love secrets."

"Do you now?"

"Yup. That's part of being a detective. Fiiiinding secrets."

"Well, that's good."

"…So, are you keeping secrets?"

"Uh…no?"

"You hesitated…why?"

"No reason."

"Mmm- I think you-"

"Naoto, do you have an apartment or a house nearby, or…?"

She chuckled slightly but followed his prompt, calling out in a sing-song tone, "No~pe. I took a taxi to your apartment and then I found you! Then-"

"I, er…I remember, I was there."

"…Yay! Congratulations, Souji-kun, you passed!"

"…Passed?"

"Yup. Want to know the prize?"

"Um…sure."

Naoto tugged at his shirt with her hands to lean a bit over his shoulder, pressing her lips to his cheek with an over-exaggerated "mwah" noise. Souji blushed fiercely, unable to do anything with his arms occupied with carrying Naoto. What came out of his mouth could be roughly translated to a combination of um's and uh's, followed by silence as Naoto laughed at his embarrassment. "You're so cute when you blush. Does that sound familiar, Souji-kun?"

"…Yes."

"Hah!"

Souji renewed his grip as Naoto nuzzled against his back, taking a deep breath and focusing on making it to his apartment before his cheeks got any warmer. It took another ten minutes of enduring Naoto's slightly amusing babbling before he made it back to his apartment, lifting Naoto a bit higher and fishing his key out of his pocket. He let himself in as Naoto hopped out of his grasp, taking Souji's hand and leading him into his own home. "Welcome home, Senpai!"

"I told you not to call me that, Kouhai."

Naoto fell silent as she walked up to him, pouting at their difference in height as he stood up a little straighter. She leaned one way, then another, examining his reaction as he quietly watched her mysterious behavior. Swiftly, she reached into his pocket and snatched his phone, hopping to his speaker deck and plugging it in as he protested. "Hey, what are you-"

"Shh…wait."

She picked up the small remote lying next to the speaker, tossing it in the air and catching it easily before stopping and hitting a button. A slow song started playing, with guitars and piano working in tandem to create an enticing melody. Naoto closed her eyes and hummed along with the rhythm before taking Souji's hand again and pulling him closer. He smiled and followed her lead as Naoto lazily led him in what one may have once called a ballroom dance. Her eyes lit up as she sensed capture incoming, so she stepped back again as he tried to keep her still, holding a hand out to him and saying with only a slight slur, "Souji-kun, dance with me!"

"I've had enough of dancing for a good few more years."

Souji reached for her hand, but groaned softly as she bounced out of his range. Her tie twirled around her as she did, ultimately landing over her shoulder as she stopped with her arms out to balance. "Tada- hic."

"Naoto, I'll carry you to bed if I have to."

She raised an eyebrow at him and cocked her head teasingly, putting her hands behind her back and leaning forward a bit. Her tie fell off her shoulder and dangled like a pendulum from her occasional sway. "Ooh, that's so bold of you, Souji-kun!"

"Naoto, I'm serious."

Naoto stopped and regarded him with what he hoped was coherence from where she was standing, but any hope of salvation from the drunken detective was quickly shattered as she grinned slyly at him. "...So you don't wanna dance…but you do wanna wrestle."

"Wait, wha- oof!"

Souji was caught completely off-guard as Naoto pounced on him, sending them both hurtling to the floor. The poor guy couldn't help but roll around with her, doing his best to fend off her spirited play-fighting without hurting her. Her eyes flashed merrily as he pinned her, putting his hands on either side of her head and muttering, "Are you done yet?"

Naoto responded by hooking her leg around his side and pushing him off, content to prolong the mock match. Eventually, she pinned him down, pushing him back against the floor insistently as he tried to rise. His blew out a breath he didn't know he was holding as she grinned from the fun she was having. "Lookin' good, Souji-kun."

"W-what?"

Her expression turned into a pondering frown as she sat up, drumming her hands on his chest before coming to a conclusion based on the evidence presented to her. With the upmost honesty, she declared, "Hum. You have muscles."

"U-uh…I do run a lot…"

"And you have muscles!"

"I'm not exactly a hunk of muscle, Naoto."

"Oh! You're right."

"…Okay, now can you-"

"You're too cute to be a hunk of muscle!"

She smiled like the Cheshire Cat as he stared at her, a blush slowly intensifying until he felt like his face was on fire. His next words were hard to interpret, but Naoto was able to piece it together as a babble that sounded like, "Wh-wh-wh-whatareyoutalkingabouti'mnotcute-"

"Sou-kun, you're stuttering. A little bit. It's okay, though; I understood…most of it?"

Naoto whistled softly at the thoroughly flustered Souji's expression, a cross between bafflement and amused surprise at the new nickname. "S-…Sou-kun?"

She crossed her arms from where she sat and nodded judiciously, staring down at him regally as he watched her in awe. "Yes. You are Sou-kun."

"…Um…"

"Hic."

Souji watched in appalled silence as Naoto squinted slightly, leaning down and staring intently into his eyes. "Er…are you alright?"

She blinked at him, but he was shocked as he saw sharp clarity reflected in her eyes before they slipped shut and she pressed her lips gently against his. The contact ended as soon as it began, as Naoto sighed and relaxed on top of him, with him still trying to process what just happened. Soft snoring filled the air as he noted that Naoto abruptly fell asleep, with Souji still pinned underneath him. He glanced around quickly and thanked his luck that they were on a warm rug as opposed to a cold tile floor. He weighed his options as he noted that there wasn't an easy way out. Carefully reaching up to the couch they had fallen next to, he pulled the blanket draped over it onto the two of them, grabbing one of the throw pillows to put under his head. He then pulled the remote for the speaker out of the pocket she had tucked it into and shut off the music, tossing the device onto the cushions. Relaxing in the makeshift bed, he reached behind Naoto's head and gently eased the small black ribbon out of her hair. His fingers ran through her locks and easily straightened them out, leaving her long blue hair smoothed out along her back. She mumbled in her sleep and snuggled into him, prompting him to smile and wrap his arms around her waist. "Sweet dreams, Princess…I'm never letting you drink again."

Naoto hummed happily in her sleep as Souji closed his eyes and committed himself to doing the same.

I hope this wasn't appallingly bad…I haven't exactly written about drunk characters in my stories. Like, ever.

Till next time, be seeing ya.