Chapter One

Disclaimer: i own none of the harry otter characters or places only the plot. isnt that right mr sock? It sure is! i think im crazy.

Voldemort, Lord of the...Custard?

It was one of those days Snape thought he had just been called into a death eater gathering where Voldemort had explained his latest plan. God he wished he hadn't killed Dumbledore!

FLASH BACK

"Muwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha….gleeugghh" The death eaters waited patiently as the self proclaimed dark lord of evil violently coughed up phlegm.

2 Hours Later

"Gleugh curtwheeze…..Ahem, you!" he pointed at random death eater no #574896435329405443 "how dare you curse me! ABRA KEDABRA!" A bright white bunny squeezed out of voldemorts wand.

"Errrrm…. ah yes that will do, HA HA HA FEEL THE EVIL CUTENESS!" The death eater not wanting to die started screaming.

"HA HA HA HA…..Errmm, Oh darn I forgot my evil plan. Come back later."

So 1 week later they were called in once again to hear He-who-must-be-hyphenated plan.

"Now that Dumbledore is gone we can take Hogwarts down forever! But we still cannot access the school because of the wads!"

"Ehem… my lord don't you mean wards?"

"Crucio, imperio, avada kedavra" the death eaters face changes from pain to spaced out to lifeless in about 1 second

"Any woon else wanna correct me gramma?" one particularly stupid death muncher raised his hand only to have it swatted down by another.

"Good. Anyway we can get passed the WADS" he glared at the corpse "we shall drown school in………………………………………. EVIL CUSTARD!" Half the death eaters stared and the rest took off their robe and mask and requested an early pension.

END FLASH BACK

"Sir with all due respect is destroying Hogwarts with custard…."

"Evil custard"

"Evil custard that wise?"

"Yes for the genius is that they will try and eat their way out but once they eat it they will die!"

Some death eater's face regained some hope

"Ah so the custard is poisoned!" Snape said with sigh of relief.

"No but custard is very high in fat MUWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" the hope that was gained quickly vanished along with at least 2/3 s of the remaining death eaters.

"Erm sir what makes it 'evil' custard?"

"I peed in it!" Voldemort giggled and all but snape, Lucius, Crabbe and Goyle (as they thought it was a brilliant idea) Draco and Ron (he had gone to the dark side when Voldemort offered free evil custard, and was at this moment violently being sick with a bowl of evil discarded custard on the floor) left the evil lair and handed themselves into the aurora's.

3 weeks later harry and Hermionie were trying o eat their way to charms

"This custard tastes weird" Harry remarked, Large amounts of evil laughter was heard in the distance.