Hey to my readers, this is just a little Jordan/Angela fluff I've had in my head for a while and I decided to finally write it. It's a little different from what I usually do, but I felt like a small change. Italicised sections are inner thoughts etc. I hope you like the one-shot and I may write one more before I go to America. Anyway enjoy the story and reviews are always greatly appreciated.
-RedCatCatalano
You know in life when you do something, that you like, completely regret as soon as you've decided to do it. Well that's exactly what this moment's like. Shane's staring up at me, silently laughing at the shit scared look on my face, daring me to quit with that damn overconfident smirk of his. What's fucking worse is this was his stupid idea.
I mean, I'm going to be in deep shit with Foster once this goes down. I used to not give a damn what any of the teachers thought, I used to just do whatever the fuck I wanted, but now... I want to stay in school. Which is, what was that word Brain used? Ironic.
Yeah it's ironic ,now that I actually want to be here ,I'm doing something that could get me thrown out. Permanently . Which sucks.
But my reasons for doing it are bigger then my fear of getting kicked out. I'm doing this for her, because it's the only shot I've got left to get her to, like, forgive me and stuff. She hates me, I mean really hates me. And I know, that I like, totally deserve it. When she found out I hadn't written the letter she flipped out, told me she never wanted to speak to me again. Ever. And I just sat there silent, trying to think of how I could explain to her that I never meant to lie to her. I was about to tell her when she just exploded at me, crying and demanding to be taken home. So I just did what she asked and watched her go up her driveway from Red. She didn't look back once and slammed the door so hard I swear the whole neighbourhood heard it.
So she hasn't talked to me since and it's worse then before, because when she was mad over the shit with Rayanne she'd at least look at me. Now, she turns the opposite direction every time she see's me and like ,in Katimski's she sits as far as is humanly possibly from me. I'm supposed to be like concentrating in class, but all I can think about when I'm in that room is, like, how much I want her to just turn her head. How much I want her to just glance towards me so I can show I'm sorry. Because I am. More than I can ever say. But she never does and I know if I don't do something soon to fix it, she never will. I know only some grand gesture like this could get me anywhere.
So I stupidly went to Shane for suggestions and this was his fucking bright idea. I was so desperate to get Angela back I agreed. Hell, I didn't have any better ideas.
So this is where I have ended up, hiding in some weird corner of the school with the rest of Residue, while Tino finishes basically hot wiring the school P.A system. Then all we have to do is wait for Foster to do the morning announcements and we'll hijack the air ways. And he won't have a clue till the announcements are finished, that's the beauty of it. Maybe we can get out before they catch us, but I'm not counting on it. We're screwed and I've accepted my...what's the word...inevitable fate. I'm about to make an unbelievable ass of myself in front of the entire school and possibly get expelled, but in the end, if I can get Angela Chase to smile at me once more it'll be worth it. Because as pathetic as it sounds, I'd do anything for her.
Angela was sitting in home room, lost in a daydream when the familiar sound of the Foster's announcements began. The usual metallic sound of the xylophone melody came through the speaker's and Fosters stern voice started the monotonous morning task. His voice started to crackle as if there was an interference and Foster's speech suddenly cut off. Everyone, including the wistful Angela ,stared up at the intercom in increased interest. The noise of someone nervously clearing their throat rang out and a new voice spoke. The soft but unmistakably masculine tone of Jordan Catalano's voice came through the intercom and Angela froze.
"Sorry for interrupting the morning routine everyone but there's something I've got to say." There was a pause and Angela could feel her herself growing concerned.
What the hell is he doing.? Is he high or something? This is like personal suicide. When Foster finds him ,he'll crucify him. And not just metaphorically. What has possessed him to be so blatantly reckless. I know he has a different interpretation of what constitutes proper behaviour, but this is ridiculous, even for him!
Jordan began again, this time more confident.
" Lately I did something really stupid that hurt someone I really care about and I want to say to her. I'm sorry, like, truly sorry from the bottom of my heart."
Angela's face immediately flooded with blood and she blushed brightly.
If there is a God, please make him stop before he says my name and I die of embarrassment. Brian Krakow is looking at me and he's like trying to gauge my reaction, as if I'm some social experiment. This could not get any worse.
"So Angela wherever you are I'm sorry and this is for you."
Have you ever had that dream that your naked in front of your whole school and you can't find your clothes anywhere. That's exactly how this feels. Everyone is looking at me, some smirk condescendingly, while other's just watch me with contempt. Like it's my fault he's doing this. I almost need to pinch myself because it is so surreal, it's as if I've had this nightmare before. All I need is my mom to charge in dressed as Cinderella and being chased by Hallie Lowenthall carrying a duck, and this nightmarish scenario would be complete. This just isn't happening.
Angela groaned and hid her face in her arms against the desk, to avoid the watchful eyes of her class. Her home room teacher Mrs Bergin left the room and walked briskly out into the corridor where some of the teachers had started to congregate.
Jordan nodded to the rest of the band and Shane tapped his drumsticks, starting the countdown to the song. The band began to play, the loud clanging of the guitars and deep boom of the drums filling them all with a frenzied energy.
I know I'm about to fucking ruin my life, but this is the most fun thing I've ever done. My old man's probably gonna tan my ass and my brother's will too, but whatever. It's like I'm a snowball on a hill, I can't stop the action once I've started rolling.
Jordan opened his mouth and sang with all the feeling he could muster, the lyrics slipping off his tongue as easily as breathing. All of his nerves quickly disappearing as the excitement overtook him.
" I close my door at night
but they get in all right
and she turns on the light
I held her hands so tight
'cause words don't come out right
and she sees things at night
Me, I'm closer to the door
I don't get scared no more
but I don't know the score"
Oh my God, Jordan Catalano is singing to me. I could totally murder him right now for humiliating me so publicly ,except for the fact that this is kind of incredibly sweet. Reckless, stupid, awkward, but sweet and like, probably the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.
Angela lifted her head and couldn't help but beam in delight, her face still flushed but she didn't care. The other students had begun to move around in time to the energetic music, while the teachers rushed around trying to find the source of the broadcast.
"if I could hold them in my hand
I'd make them understand
I'm not a haunted mind
I'm not a thoughtless kind
if I could put them in a jar
I know they wouldn't scar
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I close my door at night
but they get in all right
and she turns on the light
I held her hands so tight
'cause words don't come out right
and she sees things at night
Me, I'm closer to the door
I don't get scared no more
but I don't know the score"
You know those moments when everything seems to just fall into place, and you realise, why didn't I just do this in the first place? Angela had loved when I'd sang 'Red' so, why'd I insisted in writing a letter, which is something I completely suck at. Maybe if I'd just sang to her about what I'd felt, I wouldn't have had to do something so ...what was the word...drastic. Reminds me of something Tino always says 'Retrospect's a bitch'.
The door to the small secluded space began to rattle, they'd been found much sooner than anticipated. The band members nodded to one another and kept playing, they were already doomed. They might as well finish the song. Jordan just smiled, despite everything, the band were on fire.
In Angela's home room they all could hear the banging of the door over the intercom, everyone knew the impromptu concert was going to be soon over. Once the administrators got inside, the band members were done for, yet they kept on playing. Like musicians playing on a sinking ship, what was there left to do, but make the best of the situation.
Life is so unpredictable sometimes, I mean one day you can wake up and everything you believe in can be shown be a lie. Or sometimes, the thing you've always wished to be true, proves to be right . That is what this feels like, that my faith in him, my instinct that he was more than he appeared has been vindicated. I can't help but allow myself be sucked in my his magnetism, because underneath all the pretence of indifference and tactlessness, he gives a damn about me. Brian Krakow is looking at me with hurt eyes, cursing Jordan in his mind, but I don't care. He had his shot and he refused to admit his feelings. Sometimes a gesture goes a long way and Jordan for once has come through for me. Jordan Catalano it seems, always was the guy I knew he could be.
I think of Angela as the fear rises in my throat. I know we've only got a couple of seconds left before the shit hits the fan, so I'm singing with all I've got, hoping it's enough to make her see. If I strike out, well at least I know I've given it my best. At least she knows I still give a shit. If she gives me even one small smile, I know, I've gotten through to her. At least then I know, I still have a chance.
"if I could put them in a jar
I know they wouldn't scar
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would "
The door burst open as Jordan sang the last line and Principal Foster and vice principal Stephens charged in through the door, their faces puce and eyes furious.
"Mr Catalano, Mr Lewis, Mr. Griffin and Mr. Latwell as of this moment you are all suspended indefinitely , this is in effect as of now ,so leave the premises immediately ." as he spoke his voice grew angrier and lower.
" Your return to this school is subject to my personal discretion and will be decided at a later date ,during which I will meet with your parents and..."
Foster suddenly spotted Tino sitting in the corner.
"Mr Scano, I thought I expelled you last week?" he said in surprise. Tino just smirked and shrugged nonchalantly. "I just missed the place sir" he retorted cheekily.
Foster shook his head in disbelief, his irritation growing by the second. He turned back to the band.
"I want this place cleared out in five minutes and you all out of my sight. Now!" he said irately. Foster was about to leave, when he noticed the mic they'd used to broadcast was still on. He picked it up, fuming but disarmingly calm as he addressed the school.
"Show's over people, get back to your classes. Any student that does not do so immediately will be given a straight detention. No exceptions".
The sound of slight rustling of wires came through the intercom and then there was silence. No one said a word, they were all contemplating the fate of those left in the room with Foster. The people that had been dancing around in the halls, returned to their seats without a single utterance and the whole school seemed almost subdued.
I don't what to do at first, it's like I'm in a daze. Foster's suspended him and quite possibly may have expelled him if the whole school hadn't been listening. But Jordan had taken that chance, nearly ruined the future that he's been working so hard lately to regain, just to prove to me how sorry he was. He did this excessively grand gesture, embarrassed himself in front of the entire school, for me. And only me. In this vain hope I'd forgive him. Because...I'm not entirely sure why? Mrs Bergin hasn't come back yet and I wonder, what the hell am I doing still sitting here? I'd risk getting detention a hundred times over just to see him at this second.
Angela jumped to her feet and started towards her the door, she was suddenly stopped by Krakow as he held her by the elbow.
"What are you doing Angela? Are you crazy? You're gonna get yourself in trouble." he said huffily. Angela pulled her arm away from him.
"Sometimes you have to take a risk for the things that matter most" she said pointedly and walked out into the hall without a second glance back. Krakow's face fell as he watched her go helplessly.
You know those moments where you realize that you've blown your shot, that your opponent has you corner and no clever strategy you have will ever let you gain the upper hand again. As I watch Angela run off to find Jordan I realize, that this is one of those moments. I had my chance and I'd wimped out, while Jordan had somehow summoned the guts to lay it all out in public. The really contemptible thing is, I can't even hate him for it, because in the end he wanted it more then I did. Jordan has won, because he's given up everything for just a chance, while I couldn't even tell Angela why I'd written the damn letter. That doesn't mean I'm happy about it by any stretch of the imagination, but I can admire his fortitude. If nothing else, the guy has courage.
Brian turned back towards his seat despondently and avoided the curious gaze of his classmates. He turned back to studying silently. In time, the normal flow of conversation resumed in the room as if nothing had happened .
Angela raced through the corridors to the other side of the school where she'd seen Jordan's car earlier that day. One or two teachers had seen her, but truthfully ,she didn't give a crap. She smiled broadly in relief as she saw him just ahead of her walking out the back entrance, carrying his guitar case and looking dejectedly at the floor. She followed him out as quickly as her legs could muster.
"Jordan, wait up!" she called as soon as she'd made it out the door unimpeded.
I heard her voice and I stopped, dead in my tracks. My heart suddenly thumping loudly and my throat tightening till I was sure I would never be able to speak. I turned slowly and she began to walk towards me, this unreadable look on her face. Whatever confidence I had, left my body as she walked closer.
"Hey what's up?" Jordan said blankly. He stared at his scuffed boots, looking everywhere but at her.
Angela looked at him a little confused. "After what just happened to you, all you have to say to me is what's up?". Jordan shrugged and kicked at the ground in discomfort.
"It's nothing, I've been suspended before". Angela looked at him
"Jordan don't act as if this was nothing. You can't just sing a song to me in front of the entire school and act like it was just something ordinary." Jordan finally looked at her.
"I just wanted to show you I was sorry or whatever. I know it was dumb" he muttered sincerely. Angela looked at him guardedly
"Then why didn't you just apologise like a normal person instead of doing something so humiliating, reckless and honestly fucking stupidly".
Jordan winced as her tone became more and more agitated, but then there was a little pause and her voice became almost dream like.
"But then again, it was also unbelievably cute, sweet, thoughtful and incredibly endearing. But what possessed you to do it?"
Jordan felt his ego inflate and her gave her a self-conscious half smile, the right words for once just rolled out of his mouth effortlessly.
"Because, people do stupid and... what's the word...impulsive...people do impulsive things when they...you know...really like someone."
I'm struck uncharacteristically silent by his admission. It's like I can't find the right way to react because I honestly don't believe that he actually said it to my face.
I can see it in her eyes, that look. She's happy. Her eyes are shining at me and then it happens, the thing I've wished for so bad. The small smirk on her face begins to grow slowly into the biggest smile I've ever seen. She beams at me and it's like the sun has come out after a storm. I'm blinded by it and find myself grinning back at her...ecstatic.
Shane came up behind them, exiting the school with the last of his drum kit.
"C'mon Catalano we've gotta split before Foster calls the cops." he said humourlessly, looking between Angela and Jordan curiously.
I hate the way Shane always seems to turn up at exactly the wrong moment. Like he's intentionally trying to ruin my love life. Fucking cockblocker! I know he's right about Foster but I don't wanna leave yet. Angela's looking at me, silently telling me to say something to Shane to delay us leaving. But then she does something that surprises me. She straightens up and looks at him sternly in the eye.
"Jesus. Lewis... can't you give us ,like, a minute alone here" Angela said with annoyance. Shane cocked a surprised eyebrow at her and shrugged indifferently. "Suit yourself" he sighed as he wandered over to Jordan's car with the snare.
Jordan grinned at her devishly "I didn't know you had it in you Angela" he said proudly. She smirked in return. He watched her for a second in silence, before taking a step closer to her.
"You know I meant ever word today, the song and all that" he said quietly, not quite being able to look at her directly in the eye despite the fact she was so close to him. Angela smiled up at him in contentment. "I know, which is why I thought you'd like to know...you're forgiven... for everything" she said dizzily. Jordan breathed out heavily in relief and reciprocated the smile.
We just stand there, happy just to be so close. He smiles at me, this look in his eye I've never seen before. Almost like adoration or something. It makes me feel warm and safe, like I've finally found the answer to a problem that's plagued me all my life. For the first time, I feel wanted by someone. Everything else seems to fade into insignificance and all I can see are his two beautiful blue eyes, boring into mine. And nothing else matters, school, detention, what my parents will say, it doesn't even enter into my mind. I just wait patiently for the undeniable end to this tension.
Angela stands there watching me, a vacant look on her face. I know she's waiting, urging me to do what we both know is coming. I break our gaze for a second, in my head I have to be sure she wants me to. She just gives me this lazy grin and I know, there's no need to hesitate. This is, like, a perfect moment.
Jordan closed the small gap between them, never breaking their eye contact. He caught her face in between his two hands, holding either side gently . He gave her one last roguish grin before leaning down and kissing her eagerly. Angela reacted instantly, pushing into him with as much enthusiasm as Jordan and wrapped her arms around him. It felt different though ,then how'd they'd kissed before. It was slower and more affectionate, but at the same time no less passionate and breathtaking. It was clear that, maybe now with the mutual acknowledgement of deeper feelings for one another, it made the experience more intense. The tender moment was rudely interrupted by the noise of Jordan's car horn.
Angela pulled back and smiled at him flirtatiously ."Your boyfriend's calling you" she said teasingly. Jordan rolled his eyes "Ignore him, he's having a hissy fit or something." He cocked his head to the side for a second looking at her thoughtfully but making no attempt to move away from her.
"I can't believe that ridiculous plan worked" he said finally. Angela sighed contentedly, she grinned at him playfully.
" Yeah well, let me be clear about this. Though I appreciated the gesture, next time you want to apologise to me…..don't takeover the school's P.A system. I can't have you getting suspended every time you fuck up". Jordan cheeks flashed pink and he stared at the cement of the parking lot "You did like it though, right?" he said shyly. Angela turned his head to face her and smiled gently.
"I loved it.". Jordan's smile returned, but something else lay behind his eyes.
I know what I'm about to ask may destroy everything I've just rebuilt, but I have to say it. I need to know or it'll be always in my head. Like, torturing me when I'm around her.
"Do you love it more than Brian's letter?" he asked cautiously. Angela frowned at him slightly.
His question throws me. I can see in his eyes that he needs me to say yes, to give him some, like reassurance or something. And it gets me thinking, do I? Do I love it more than the letter that caused so much untold misery? I guess if I'm honest….I do. And why is that? Because it's real, it's raw and Jordan laid his feelings out there for the world to judge him. He may have embarrassed me extraordinarily, but he also showed me he cared enough to sacrifice his pride to get me back.
Angela's face relaxed and she pressed a small kiss to his lips.
"Yes I do ok, so stop looking at me like I've run over your dog." Jordan expression softened and he tucked a rogue hair behind her ear, smiling and clearly pleased by her answer.
"Good." Jordan said self-assuredly.
He leaned into kiss her again, but Shane pressed horn and it rang out loudly through the parking lot. Jordan gave him the finger as he stole one last kiss from Angela. She eventually pushed him off, giggling slightly.
"Go you dumb ass ,before you get us both into more trouble!". Jordan pouted but relented, he gradually disentangled himself from her and sighed in disappointment.
"Can I come over and see you later after school?" he said optimistically.
"Of course, but I might be grounded for life for getting detention though." she said wryly.
"I'll sneak in your window tonight then" Jordan said mischievously. Angela grinned at him archly. "Third window from the right... so don't forget" she said teasingly.
I contemplate kissing her again to taste her sweet lips. It's like a drug to me that I'll never get enough of, but I know if I do kiss her, I'll also never leave. So I keep my distance. For both our sakes.
"So…..I'll see you later Chase" he said with a smile. Angela began to back away towards the school, still looking at him fixedly "I look forward to it Catalano". Jordan gave her a final seductive grin as he turned and walked back to his car.
"Ah Jordan you're all red, got a little hot and bothered did you?" Shane mocked him. Jordan gave him a playful shove. "Shut up or you're walking home."
When I look back towards the school I see her watching me from just inside the door, and I know. This was the best decision I'd ever had their been a better reason to be suspended. Truth be told, I'd do it again in a heart beat to get her to smile at me like she's doing now, even across the physical distance between us I can feel it's warth. Everything's going to be ok now, I just know. I have her back and I regret nothing.
It's funny how a moment can change everything. The right words or look can make you forget everything a person's ever done to hurt you. I mean you always remember, it's foolish to forget ,but a demonstration of affection can lessen the pain, numb the ache until you don't feel it anymore. I watch Jordan drive off and towards home, and I know. Sometimes life gives you these moments, where you truly see another person's soul. These moments where, for the briefest of seconds you see who they really are. And those are the times you keep in your memory and say 'That's the instant. The moment I knew I was in love with you'. Because in life, all you ever get are these small chances, these small flashes of pure happiness. And I can see now…with you Jordan Catalano…every moment is worth it.
-If anyone is interested in knowing, the song is 'Late at Night' by Buffalo Tom, the same song used in the famous MSCL episode 12 hallway scene!