Sometimes you just need some Remus&Lily fluffy fluff. Today was that kind of a day.
There's something peaceful about thunderstorms.
Something to do with the storm outside reflecting the storm inside of her, as if the elements agreed with her and showed the feelings she keeps inside. She leans again the heavy doorframe in the Entrance Hall, arms folded and eyes lost in the landscape in front of her. She sighs as another flash of lightening appears in the dark sky. When she jumps, she isn't sure if it's because of the thunder or because he managed to sneak up on her. He gives her one of the Marauders' oh-so-famous smirks.
"All right, Evans?"
"Shut up."
He leans against the other side of the doorframe, mirroring her posture, and they remain silent for a moment. She's grateful for that, grateful he doesn't try to find excuses, to apologize for the mess that just happened in the Common Room. Instead, he watches the storm with her, or watches her watch the storm, she doesn't quite know. She looks at him from the corner of her eye, his soft profile, his golden hair and eyes. But mostly the scars on his cheeks and nose, a fading pink. Not for the first time, she wonders if she's clever enough to have put all the pieces together, or if other people simply choose not to see the obvious. You don't want to willingly accept the fact you're sharing classes with a werewolf.
"So...", he says, dwelling on the vowel as she briskly says "It should have been you."
He closes his mouth and stares at her, but she stubbornly keeps staring at the grounds in front of her, at the sky and the storm. He tries to speak, closes his mouth a second time only to open it again. "It should have been me arguing with you?"
She winces even when she says "It should have been you dating me", and her words drip with frustration.
Somewhat, he manages his sigh to be louder than the thunder. He stands straight and it only takes him two steps to be next to her, a comforting hand drawing circles on her back. She looks up to him then, her big green eyes so full of tears it breaks his heart. It doesn't matter who moves first, because she's in his arms in an instant, head on his shoulder. There's nothing romantic about that hug, though, contrasting with her words.
Still, he knows exactly what she's talking about. It was only two years ago yet they were so different back then, so young and innocent, without the weight of the war on their shoulders. She was naive and he was quiet, and they were spending so many hours working together - on prefect duties and homework and studying and more prefect duties - than they fancied themselves in love. But she was shy and he was loyal to his friends, so nothing happened. Sometimes, though, they share a look, a 'what if' only them understand, with a smile and a roll of the eyes. It's not sadness and it's not regret, it's wonder at what the storm would have been like had they stepped on the butterfly.
"We would have made a nice couple."
"We would have made a boring couple," he scoffs.
He's right, she knows he is. Yet, with her heart in her throat and the tears in her eyes, she can't quite remember the perks of dating the other Marauder, the dark-haired one. She could settle for boring, in times like that, she could settle for simple and quiet and easy. Because fighting in the war is hard enough for her to fight for her love too. She's so tired of everything, and tonight was the last straw.
"Everyone was rotting for us," she keeps going, her voice small. "Two prefects, it's your usual Hogwarts love story, because it sounds so perfect. There were bets on us, you know? I mean, people were always betting on James and I, but they were betting on us too. That's how perfect everybody thought we were. People would have looked up to us, people would have killed to be us. Studying and prefect duties and cute dates in Hogsmeade, with a handsome and clever boy. It's every girl's dream, really."
"It would have been cute at first and then it would have been routine, and dates in the library turned into study sessions in the library, and you would hate me for being so boring."
"You're such a killjoy, Lupin."
"That's why you're not dating me."
She chuckles for what seems to be the first time that day, his arm tighter around her waist as he kissed the top of her head. The storm is growing bigger by now, promise of a sleepless night and shaking walls. They watch the spectacle in the knowing silence of two people who don't need to talk to fill the blanks.
"We're looking like a couple right now."
He can't help it, he bursts into a loud laughter - not quite Sirius' barks, but still pretty loud for such a frail body. "We could elope, you know. Run away to some Muggle town in the middle of nowhere."
"We could buy a farm, live off our garden."
"We'd get a dog..."
"Perhaps a new identity, just in case?"
He snorts, and it's most likely the ugliest noise Remus Lupin ever made. "You're a loony one, Evans."
"You love it," she replies in what's supposed to be a flirty voice, but it only sounds ridiculous. They both start laughing, unable to stop for long minutes. It feels good to Lily, finally been able to get rid of the stress and nervousness of the past hours. The tears in her eyes are ones of laughter now, her ribs aching in the best of ways, and she's so breathless her laughs turn into snorts, which only makes Remus laugh even more.
They calm down, eventually.
"Thank you."
"Go back to him, Lily. You've been here for only half an hour and you look like hell. He's not any better up there."
She bites her lip in that almost childish manner of hers, knowing he's right. Of course he's right, once again. She can't simply run away from everything after each fight with her boyfriend, she can't give up on him - on them - when they start screaming in the middle of the Common Room. They deserve better than her cowardice. But still, easier said than done.
"You know why it wouldn't work between us?" Remus says eventually. Lily turns her head to look at him, eyebrow raised in a silent question. "Because I'm not a challenge to you. And you're not a challenge to me either, mind you. Because we know each other so well we're always nice to each other. And yes, it's great when it comes to friendship, but not so great when it comes to love. And James? Merlin, James challenges you all the time. And you make him bonkers, that's for sure. You know each other so well, you know when to be nice and when you be mean. You know how to hurt each other with a single word and you're not afraid to use that word if you need to. And you may pretend otherwise all you want, but the Lily Evans I know doesn't do boring. She fights and she screams and she needs her James to fight and scream with her all day long. And you know..."
But she cuts him off by kissing his cheek, having him smile. "You're a good person, Remus. I hope you find someone who challenges you too."
"Oh, don't worry. My Potion essays are enough of a challenge for now."