Brief mentions of Homophobia in this chapter and coming out.

Prologue: Nicole

Love - noun: a strong feeling of affection.

Love - verb: feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone).

Love. Something that is different for everyone. It may come and go, be platonic or romantic but is still something desired by most. Love.

Nicole didn't understand the concept completely, she didn't know what it was, what it felt like or who she was looking for. She just knew that it was expected of her. Growing up in a small town it was drilled into her from a young age. Grow up, find a man, fall in love and start a family. That's all she was told, nothing else. Not how difficult it could be. 'Oh the joys of being in love, you'll never experience anything like it in your life' they told her. They failed to mention all the pain and tears that also came with it.

You'll find a nice man and settle down.

Things weren't that simple, they never were. And when things started to spiral down a different and unknown path... Nicole was terrified.

At the age of six Nicole's parents signed her up for the local dance class. Ballet, tap and all the classics. They told her she needed to fit in with the younger kids more, the younger girls, or the boys wouldn't like her when she grew up. So she did it, she stumbled through it for just over a year. Her sister - Hayley, she loved it, she spent all day looking forward to it so why didn't she? She despised it, the way her legs were just slightly too long causing her to trip over her own feet. The way the dance teacher would give her a scolding look every time she slipped up and the other girls would giggle from the side of the room.

It was another month before her father found her crying in her room 20 minutes before dance class. She told him, after months of pretending she enjoyed it she told him everything. She didn't know what to expect, shouting? Anger? No, he just smiled at her sadly and told her to get changed into something more comfortable whilst he went downstairs.

Nicole could hear the shouting, not that she exactly understood what it was all about at that age. She couldn't remember what they were saying either, all she knew was that it was loud and she had never been more scared in her life.

But then her dad came upstairs and told her she was going to work with him whilst her mom took her sister to dance and everything suddenly seemed a lot brighter.

Her dad was the town sherif, something she knew was a huge responsibility with how much he was talked about by others around town. He worked what seemed to be endless hours to their mother but yet he always managed to spare time for them whilst keeping the town safe at the same time.

It was her first time visiting the station where her dad worked but it wasn't going to be the last. She loved it too much, seeing the people walk around in their funny hats with their shiny badges. The occasional 'bad guy' being brought in with their hands cuffed behind their backs and her dad having to go off to do his job, leaving one of the deputies to entertain her. She admired them all, and soon enough she ended up going to the station with her dad every time her sister Hayley went to dance class. She made drawings for all of them, not a single desk in the station was left without a sprawl of coloured paper stuck to the front of their desk and it was safe to say she never went home without receiving some sort of candy behind her dads back.

But more time passed and there was more shouting between her parents as she grew older.

''She's too old to be going to the station with you so often! She needs to get involved with something and join the other kids!'' The same argument over and over from her mother until her father finally relented with the promise that he would find an activity that she actually enjoyed.

It was only a few days later when her father was off duty, a bunch of him and the guys from the station were playing basketball to practice for a charity event coming up in the coming weeks and Nicole had tagged along, far too young to be left home alone. She was instantly in awe as she watched them move back and forth with the ball, bouncing it against the ground and throwing it up into the hoop in the air.

So it was just her luck when the ball rolled her way and stopped by her feet, she stood and picked it up - it was heavier then she expected but she was determined to try. Her dad called at her, asking for the ball as Nicole walked in the opposite direction towards one of the hoops which was nearly three times her height. She looked up at it and copied what she had seen them doing.

As the ball left her hands she frowned, the ball barely going half the distance needed above her before dropping down and rolling away. She heard laughter behind her and suddenly she was back in dance class being giggled at for messing up once again. Tears filled her eyes before she knew it and the laughter stopped, her dad walking over with the ball in his hands.

''Let me give you a hand with that sweetheart.'' He smiled, passing the ball to Deputy Foster before effortlessly lifting Nicole up onto his shoulders and securing her.

''Catch Nicole.'' Deputy Foster said, waiting for a ready confirmation before gently tossing the ball up to her. She caught it and suddenly a smile was back on her face. But before she had time to think she was moving through the air as her dad walked them towards the hoop with the ball in her hands.

''Daddy?'' She asked unsure, trying to peer down at his face.

''You can do it, Nicole. Shoot.'' The reassurance in his voice was all Nicole needed for determination to set in, all her focus suddenly on the hoop which was much closer now. ''I believe in you.'' He called after Nicole had made no effort to throw the ball.

Another long stare at the ball in her hands and the hoop and she stretched her arms out in front of her, sticking her tongue out in concentration before pulling her arms back and pushing as she released the ball. She watched in amazement as the ball hit the board and fell straight through the hoop. Suddenly there was cheering as her dad swung her down off his shoulders with a small laugh, his eyes gleaming as he ruffled Nicole's hair.

''Told you that you could do it.'' He smiled, allowing his partners to come over and celebrate with her.

It was on the way home later that day that she had decided.

''Daddy, I want to do basketball.'' Nicole said firmly as they pulled into the driveway. There was only a brief look of hesitation on his face before he smiled.

''Okay, sweetheart.''

And that was that.

Her mother was against it at first, Nicole had the feeling she would be but eventually she came around to the idea. As long as she was doing something other than hanging around the station. So they signed her up for the juniors group and things were off. Her sister laughed when she heard and her mother forced a smile whilst her father proudly returned home one afternoon with a basketball jersey with Haught written across the back and with what he knew was her lucky number, seven. It was only a few weeks later when she found out that the Deputies had all pitched in to buy it for her.

Nicole baked them a plate of brownies the next day.

So she carried on practicing when she could, with what she could. It was hard to find somewhere to practice that wasn't be overrun by the older kids. A month or so later though and she came home from school to find her very own basketball hoop set up in the backyard. From then on Nicole barely spent anytime in the house, all her time being spent practicing and doing what she loved. Her dad would join her outside when he returned late afternoon from work and they would stay outside until he got called away or until they both got called inside for dinner. And that was how things stayed.

Soon enough Nicole was off to middle school, where she quickly tried out for the mixed basketball team. The tryouts seemed to breeze by and a few days later the coach called her back, a grin on his face as he told her that she had made the team. Slipping in the extra comment about how she was one of the best he had seen in a while and asking how long she had been playing for. Nicole had never been happier, she got a new Jersey, a school Jersey and the coach even let her have the number seven. Things were seemingly going great until the teasing started.

Boys teased her for being the only girl on the team, telling her that this wasn't a girls sport and well the girls, they just laughed behind her back when she walked past them in the hallway dressed up in her jersey and shorts ready for practice. The teasing only continued for weeks, Nicole trying her very best to not let it get to her and she was doing so well until one day she finally snapped. It was their first break period when Nicole made a run for it, slipping out of school and running all the way home not caring about the consequences.

It seemed that fate was on her side that day, her father being home on his lunch break and her mother nowhere in sight. She tried to make an excuse about leaving something at home and slip up the stairs but he caught on instantly and saw the tears trailing down her cheeks. So she told him everything, she always did. A mix of emotions crossing his face before he led them to sit down and spoke to her.

''Now you listen here Nicole. Those kids are stupid, they have nothing better to be doing with their time and are just jealous of you my darling.''

''Jealous?'' Nicole scoffed, looking away until her father clearing his throat made her look back towards him.

''Yes. You better believe it. They're jealous because of what you do. You're very talented at something, something that you actually enjoy and willingly want to partake in and they don't have. So they try to put you down to make themselves feel better. But you, you keep your head high. I know thats what you've always done, and I'm proud of you. You understand me? I'm proud of every single part of you.'' He paused, waiting for some sort of response - a nod - before continuing. ''and if they give you any more hassle I might just send a deputy to shake them up a bit.'' He added, with a small smile which in turn triggered one for Nicole. A fatherly hug was needed after that before the two of them headed outside to practice until his lunch break was over.

Her mother was completely livid when she found out about skipping school, she didn't even care for the reason why. So Nicole didn't even bother to explain to her, she knew that her mother would probably tell her that it was her fault. So she kept quiet and her mother banned her from using the hoop in the yard for two weeks, demanding that she be home straight after practice each day. Hayley, who she had told just gave her a hug and told her she got off lightly and that night she also begged her dad not to say anything.

The teasing died down eventually, she still got the odd comment thrown in her face every so often but no one really cared anymore. The boys on the team became her friends and as did some of the girls in her class. Things were finally starting to change for the better and Nicole was starting to feel like a normal kid.

Nicole was twelve when she was invited to her first real sleepover. Of course she had been to sleepovers with friends before in Elementary school, but they were normally organised by parents. No, you see this- as Hayley called it was her first real sleepover. And so she found herself sat in a circle of girls at her friend Maia's house, the picture of her mother smiling almost gleefully as she dropped her off engraved in her brain. She was enjoying herself, it wasn't too bad. But then the games started.

Truth or dare, an apparent classic for events like this. And the subject quickly fell onto who had a crush on who. What boys were the cutest. Nicole was telling the truth, she really was when she said she didn't have a crush on any of the boys on the basketball team. The objections came in quickly, they were insistent that she must have and that she was just lying. Hiding the truth and ruining the game for the rest of them. But boys were loud and sweaty and rude and she didn't find that attractive. She didn't understand it. After that most of the girls gave her the cold shoulder for the night, apart from Maia who shot her reassuring smiles across the room almost as if she could hear Nicole's heart hammering in her chest with anxiety.

It was her sister Hayley who turned up to walk her home the next morning. The two had grown closer as they grew older, their younger years of constantly clashing being behind them. She asked her how it went and Nicole told her, every detail. She just started rambling really and that was that. Hayley just looked at her sadly, a almost odd look in her eyes as she squeezed her shoulder and told her that she would work it out. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.

Another week passed and suddenly it was late on a Saturday afternoon and a whole group of them were hanging around in the park. They sat behind a group of trees, well hidden from those who passed by as they ate snacks and candy whilst drinking sodas which Jack had managed to convince his mom to buy for them. It was going well, they were laughing and joking around but it was getting late and they would need to head home soon. That was when spin the bottle got suggested.

Nicole's cheeks flushed red with embarrassment when she had to ask what spin the bottle was and what it involved, darkening even more when they explained to her the rules of the game. She didn't want to play but she agreed anyway, not wanting to stand out and cause more trouble again.

Just play and fit in, you can do this.

Luckily the plastic bottle they were using seemed to constantly repel away from her. Something she clearly didn't mind, although it was still awkward watching her friends kiss. And then suddenly the world seemed to freeze as the bottle landed on her. The hammering in her chest slowly building up as she watched in almost slow motion as the bottle spun agonisingly slowly before landing on Luke. She looked up and he was already moving across the grass towards her, she looked around and her eyes met Maia's who just smiled at her reassuringly.

She closed her eyes and just like that it was over. She didn't like it, the feeling of his rough, wet lips against her own. She hated it and was ready to just leave now but another few rounds were insisted on. Nicole thought it was over until the bottle landed on her again, almost taunting her for the kiss before. The same anxiety rippled through her body as the bottle spun before it stopped on Maia. Suddenly there were squeals and ew's from the girls in the group whilst the boys just laughed, insisting that it still had to happen. Nicole didn't know what to do, again she remained frozen just staring at Maia who made her way over.

''Relax'' She said before pressing their lips together.

It was different, softer... actually nice. But like before it was over within seconds and Nicole was left in awe at the feeling as her lips tingled.

''I think you broke Nicole.'' Jack laughed, snapping Nicole from her daze as she tried to shake it off and laugh nervously along with the rest of the group. They seemed to let it go, until someone asked her who the better kisser was as they were walking out of the park and she said Maia. A few looks of disgust were thrown her way as some mumbled among themselves, muttering comments under their breath as they went their own ways.

Nicole didn't understand why.

Not until the weekend was over and she was back at school on Monday. Everything seemed to be normal, she smiled at Maia as she passed her in the hallway, bumped into Luke and Jack on the way to her Biology class but some of her other friends seemed to be avoiding her. It wasn't until they were sat around the table in the cafeteria for lunch that the first comment came.

''So you like kissing girls more than boys? What are you some sort of dyke?'' Elise said. She had never really gotten on with the girl, no one really did but she was just one of those people who was great at manipulating you and making you feel bad. So when the comment came although Nicole didn't know what it meant she assumed it was negative, it always was with her.

''What?'' Nicole asked, confused as the whole table seemed to fall silent.

''Are you a dyke?'' Elise repeated coldly, a look of disgust across her face.

''Leave her alone Elise.'' Maia interjected and Nicole felt herself relax ever so slightly, knowing that someone was on her side for once.

''Oh of course it would be you who defends her.'' Elise snapped, her gaze suddenly fixed on the girl across the table.

''What is that supposed to mean?'' Maia shot back, the exchange now between the two of them.

''You know exactly what it means.'' Silence. The whole table fell silent as Maia stood abruptly, her chair scraping noisily across the floor behind her.

''You're an idiot.'' Maia declared before storming off towards the cafeteria exit.

Nicole didn't really know where her sudden courage came from but before she could stop herself she was standing from her chair too, mustering up her best cold glare and directing it at the girl who had caused who was one of her best friends to leave.

''You need to grow up, stop picking on people for once in your life.'' Nicole spluttered out before turning and walking away, ignoring the mumbling she could hear from behind her as she went.

She burst through the cafeteria doors to see Maia down the end of the hallway. She called her name but she didn't stop so Nicole jogged to catch up with the girl, hoping that a teacher wouldn't appear out of nowhere and scold her for running in the hallway.

''Maia, wait.'' Nicole called out, reaching to grab the girls arm as they both stopped in the hallway. But suddenly Nicole didn't know what to say and Maia was just staring at her with her eyebrow raised, clearly waiting for some sort of response. ''Don't listen to her.'' Was the first thing she thought of, clearly the wrong thing as Maia actually laughed and just rolled her eyes.

''Wow.'' She breathed out with a sigh.

''What?'' It seemed that Nicole's confusion was only growing more.

''You really don't know, do you?'' Maia's eyes seemed to soften almost as she spoke, realisation crossing her face - only at what Nicole wasn't sure. ''You'll figure it out, I'm sure someone will tell you at basketball practice.''

''Tell me what? What's going on?'' Nicole questioned further, but Maia just shook her head. Offering her one of her small reassuring smiles before squeezing her shoulder softly and walking away, leaving without an explanation.

She doesn't figure it out by the end of the day, her classes passing in a haze of fog as she losses herself in her head. Thoughts clouding her focus as she thinks about Maia, about Elise, about what everyone else seemed to know, what everyone else seemed to already understand. Nothing really made sense right now and Nicole hated it. She hated being in the dark and not knowing what was going on, not for the fact that she wanted to be 'in on the gossip' as she had once heard someone say, but more because she liked to prepared. She liked to know what she was up against, her father told her that was good Deputy material before. That going into a situation blind was never a good idea, it was always better to gather information from all angles. But right now, she couldn't.

Basketball practice didn't serve as much help, Maia had said someone would have told her but no one mentioned it. No one mentioned what happened at lunch at all, instead they were too focused on training for an upcoming game in the next few weeks. Thankfully Basketball was her serenity, so she managed to have just over an hour with nothing swirling around inside her.

Nicole didn't bring it up again till that evening when they were sat around the table eating dinner. Her initial thought being that it would be the best place to ask about it, surely they would know and would explain it to her. So she brings it up casually, ''What does dyke mean?'' before bringing her fork to her mouth as a familiar silence falls. Her mother drops her fork, it clattering down to her plate loudly, Hayley just gives her that strange look and small smile again and her dad, her dads face is scarily blank.

''What?'' Her mother says slowly with an edge to her voice, wiping her hands on her napkin in a hurry.

''Dyke, someone called me one at school. I don't understand?'' Nicole carried on. Her mother completely freezes now, her face falling blank too.

''Hayley, take your sister upstairs please.'' Her dad finally speaks, Hayley doesn't say a word but stands up and holds her hand out for Nicole. ''Go sweetheart, it's okay.'' He smiles and for the first time in her whole life, she doesn't believe him. But she takes Hayley's hand anyway and follows her up to her room.

They're shouting already, they don't even wait for the bedroom door to shut before their voices can be heard bouncing off the walls.

''I told you this would happen if she started playing basketball! I told you she would get the wrong idea!'' Her mothers voice pierces through her ears and suddenly she wonders what she has done wrong. What she had said to make her mother this upset.

''It doesn't matter, she's our daughter-'' She hears her father started to say, defending her but suddenly music is playing in the room and drowning out the voices from downstairs.

Nicole looks to Hayley who is sat on the middle of her bed, waving her over with her hand. She follows and her sister says nothing, simply wrapping her arm around her shoulder and pulling her into her side.

Hayley tells her what it means later that night and Nicole doesn't understand why it's a bad thing. She tells her it's not and that some people are just stupid and don't like people who are different. That it shouldn't matter who a person loves, they're still human. It makes her feel a little bit better, but then her mother doesn't come to tell her goodnight and her father seems dejected.

She's determined to get to school early the next day to talk to Maia before class and she does. Hanging around the front doors to the school and watching the crowds of students arrive, waiting to catch a glimpse of the girl and pull her aside. It's getting later, the first warning bell has already sounded but Maia is a no show. The second bell rings and Nicole turns to leave, knowing that she's already late enough to her first class. Maia doesn't turn up for the rest of the day and so Nicole eats lunch on her own, refusing to sit with Elise and those who she would normally call her friends, who apparently didn't really care that much at all.

Wednesday came and Nicole stood outside the school yet again and watched the process of yesterday morning repeat, the warning bell rang, it was getting dangerously close to the second when she spotted Maia rounding the school gates. She didn't hesitate in walking over to her friend and pulling her gently to the side.

''Are you okay? You weren't in school yesterday?'' Is Nicole's first question, the concern for her health being the first thing that comes to mind.

''It was just a bug, I'm fine now.'' Maia admits, a small sheepish smile as the final bell is heard ringing from inside the building. ''We should go-''

''Maia-'' Nicole starts as the uncertainty comes rushing back.

''What?'' She asks.

''Are you gay?'' Nicole blurts out, wincing at the blunt question as Maia frowns for a second before something flickers across her face.

''Yes, does that bother you? Are you disgusted with me now?'' Her voice is raising as she angers, clearly becoming upset.

''No. It doesn't bother me at all, you're still Maia to me.'' Nicole says honestly, confused by the reaction and Maia looks stunned for a second before a grin creeps onto her face. There's a brief second before she flings herself forward and wraps her arms around Nicole who herself is stunned for a moment before wrapping her arms around the girl, trying not to think about the way her body seems to fit perfectly with her own.

''We should get to class.'' Maia says, pulling away with the same grin still plastered on her face.

''Yeah.'' Was all Nicole to croak in response as she followed Maia into the school.

It wasn't the reaction she had expected, it got her thinking about the things her sister had told her the night before. Did people really react that negatively to things like this? The whirlwind of emotions from Maia suggested they did, first anger, sadness but then pure elation at the fact that Nicole didn't care. People were stupid, that was the conclusion she came too. And if anyone was going to pick of Maia for it, then she would be there to step in. Maybe she would throw a basketball at the back of them and pretend her hands slipped, or tower over her shorter friends - one of the only times her above average height came into good use - well that and with actual basketball games.

That was what Nicole told herself anyway, hoping that she would be able to keep this new found confidence with the situation. She did and by the end of the month Nicole had earned herself a detention after not so accidentally tossing a dodgeball with excessive force straight at Elise. She regretted it immediately afterwards, she didn't like hurting people no matter what they may have done to her. Nicole actually cried about it that night, her sister just laughed, her mom shouted at her and her dad rolled his eyes, patting her back and saying good job quietly into her ear as she slipped past him later that evening.

It was safe to say she didn't do anything like it again.

Life seemed to pass normally for a while after that, it having the seemingly odd pattern of flicking between the good and the bad. She avoided trouble, merged back with their friend group, played basketball and continued to hang out at the park and each others houses. It was the night of one of their big basketball games, they had won by a landslide and were keen on celebrating. Nicole was just glad to see her family had came to watch, her father looked so proud and that alone filled Nicole with warmth. Even her mother managed to crack a smile and give her a hug, Hayley settling for a pat on the back. They were ready to head out when Jack came running over.

''Nicole, come to Luke's with us!'' He managed to get out despite his current heavy breathing. ''Everyone's going, you have to come.''

''Can I?'' Nicole spun to face her parents.

''It's not a all night thing Mr. Haught, just a couple of hours.'' Luke said, straightening up as Nicole's father narrowed his eyes at the boy.

''Please!'' Nicole begged, watching the silent exchange between her parents in anticipation.

''I'll pick you up in a few hours.'' Her father finally said as Nicole grinned, going in for one last hug with them both before scampering away with Luke towards the rest of the group. Maia was there, she had come to watch the game, a bunch of their friends had and so she was actually looking forward to spending some time with them whilst they were running off the excitement of their winning game.

Unfortunately someone always had to mess things up. Or more specifically Elise, suggesting once again that they played spin the bottle. Nicole was tempted to refuse, debating if she called her dad to come and pick her up early but everyone was cheering her on and she caved under the pressure. Events unfolded much like the time before, until the bottle landed on Maia and Elise seemed to get a mischievous glint in her eye. She spun the bottle, fairly weakly with no effort what so ever but at the same time with all her focus. A smile broke out across her face as the bottle landed on Nicole who just looked up in shock.

''You did that on purpose!'' Jack called out, laughing.

''You're really pathetic.'' Maia muttered as Elise just raised her eyebrow challengingly.

''Problem?'' A smirk from the girl in response and another sigh from Maia as she mumbled a no under her breath and moved over to Nicole.

''I'm sorry.'' Maia whispered before kissing Nicole briefly and backing away. Although Nicole wasn't sure what she was apologising for, if anyone should have been apologising it should have been Elise.

An hour or so later and they were starting to leave, parents turning up within minutes of each other until only a few remained.

''Nicole hey, I'm sorry about earlier.'' Maia said when it was just the two of them left waiting to be picked up.

''What for?'' Nicole asked, there was no reason for her to be sorry.

''The kiss- I-''

''Don't be, I liked it. It was nice.'' Nicole shrugged, missing the way Maia's mouth dropped open in shock, her eyes widening and rendering her speechless.

''You-''

''That's my dad, I've got to go. See you at school.'' Nicole said before Maia could get anymore out, pulling the girl into a quick hug without even thinking about it before jogging over to the cruiser.

By the time Nicole turned 13 she managed to work things out, work herself out. Over the last few months people had only told her more and more that she was different from everyone else and she started to see it too. She was different from her friends, from Hayley and her boyfriend. They spoke about it, how Nicole enjoyed kissing girls where Hayley preferred boys. How Nicole didn't find them cute or attractive and the thought of dating them actually kind of repulsive, whereas she often found herself daydreaming about girls. About going for long walks and holding hands, cuddling on the couch and watching films together, being able to kiss them in the hallways at school. You see it took her almost a year to figure it out but she got there.

She told Hayley first, who just smiled telling her that she thought so and that she loved her and was proud of her either way. Telling her not to worry, that people took different time periods to figure themselves out and that it wasn't a race. That she was just glad that she seemed happier with herself now, knowing that there wasn't anything wrong with her or who she was. Hayley promised not to say anything until Nicole was ready.

It was a month after telling her sister that Maia asked her out on a date, she had said yes immediately. She definitely liked the girl, somewhere in the back of her head she realised she had for a long time and so she was glad when Maia asked her. She was everything that she could ask for, Hayley had once told her that you should date someone who was your best friend. It didn't make sense at the time but now she understood why, Maia was her best friend. Maia was someone who she had learned to talk to, to trust and generally just enjoyed being around. Whether they be with others or just lounging around and watching a movie. So things started off well until Maia brought up the subject of Nicole's parents.

The subject of how they were always hanging at Maia's house because Nicole wasn't out to anyone but Hayley. How they had to pretend at school incase someone let it slip and it got back to her dad, most of the kids in town knew him - he wasn't the sherif for nothing. Maia insisted that she didn't want to rush Nicole but the thought was out there, and so was the sudden guilt at how she was behaving. Nicole had done her research - looked up online how some people felt that they weren't anything but a fling when they were being kept a secret. That it hurt them sometimes no matter how much they said it was okay and to take their time. And although she knew Maia was willing to give her time the guilt built up inside of her, not just for Maia but the guilt of lying to her parents.

So it was safe to say when the day came she was nervous. Her stomach doing somersaults to the point where she made herself physically sick. Hayley held her hair back, telling her she didn't have to do this now but Nicole just shook her head. It was now or never. Sunday evening, both parents were home. She had the escape of school and basketball practice for the whole of the week afterwards. It had to be now.

She gathered them in the living room telling them she had important news, Hayley by her side offering her reassuring smiles before pointing to a bucket they used when they were sick with a small smile which actually got Nicole to laugh.

''Nicole sweetheart, what's going on?'' Her father was first to ask, looking between his two daughters and his wife nervously.

''I, this isn't easy to say.'' Nicole admitted, deciding maybe she shouldn't do this, that she still had time to run and pretend this was all some sort of joke.

''You can do this.'' Hayley whispered, a soft smile on her face as Nicole nodded.

''I guess recently, I've realised some things and something's been going on that you need to know.'' Nicole continued, ringing her hands together nervously.

''Oh my god.'' Her mother cut in, quickly being hushed by Hayley.

''This is so hard, I can't-'' Nicole took a deep breath. ''I just hope you don't freak out when about this-''

''Nicole, it's okay.'' Her father tried to give her a reassuring smile but there was a clear sense of panic in his eyes.

''I didn't mean for this to happen, it just kind of did.'' Nicole continued, in a way dragging this out was making things worse but at the same time she was mentally building herself up for what she was about to say. ''I- I uhm-''

''You finally got a boyfriend!'' Her mother exclaimed happily as Hayley sighed. Nicole took a few moments to process the words before she shook her head.

''What no? Mom I'm gay.'' She spoke before she even knew what she was doing, the words registering with herself at the same time they did her parents.

It all happened in slow motion, her mothers face dropping as a hand came up to cover her mouth. Her father just looking at her with a uncertain look in his eyes, a completely unreadable expression. Hayley quickly jumping to her side and wrapping her arm around Nicole's shoulders. She was somewhat aware of Hayley whispering in her ear but she just couldn't make out the words.

''Nicole.'' Her father's voice cut through the fog sharply as he stood and walked over to her.

Scared.

Terrified.

Petrified.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

''Thank you for telling us.'' Wait what was the first thing to come to mind but then her fathers arms were around her and she was smiling. ''I'm proud of you.''

''So this doesn't change anything?'' Nicole said, her voice being muffled by her fathers shirt. At the words he pulled away, startling Nicole as he held her at arms length.

''No, it doesn't. I love you and that will never change.''

The panic Nicole was feeling started to fade away, a grin splitting across her face as she went in for another hug with her father. But then there was another voice, clearly her mothers, her words silencing the room as her father pulled away again and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

''You're... gay?'' Her mother said dully.

''Don't.'' Her father cut in firmly before Nicole could say anything.

''I need a minute.'' Was the only response said before her mother disappeared from the room, the sound of the front door slamming and the car engine coming to life heard shortly after.

''She'll come around, don't you worry darling.'' Her father was reassuring her but it didn't help the tears that were already falling from her eyes.

''I'm sorry dad.'' Nicole frowned, Hayley excusing herself from the room and deciding to give her younger sister some time alone with their dad.

''You listen here and you listen good, you have nothing to be sorry for okay?'' He started, voice rising. ''You are who you are and don't let anyone change you.'' He continued his tone enough to know that it was futile to try and argue. ''Don't worry about your mother. She just needs to process.''

''She's going to hate me.'' Nicole mumbled, head downcast towards the floor.

''Hey now.'' His hand was quickly under her chin, tilting it back up so he was able to look her in the eyes. ''She will not.'' Nicole just sighed, not believing her father but not wanting to argue the point with him any longer. Instead she just said she was tired, excusing herself to go upstairs to bed before he stopped her. ''You're already dating someone aren't you?'' He asked with a smile. ''It's that Maia girl isn't it.''

''I- what- how did you- yes.'' Nicole stumbled out with wide eyes.

''You two seem good together, now scram. Bed.'' And with that he turned around, walking into the kitchen. Leaving Nicole to wonder if maybe it had been that obvious all along.

Adjustment takes time. Nicole understood that, at first her mother could barely stand to be in the same room with her. Nicole saw the looks she gave her when she thought she wasn't looking at the dinner table, or when a family friend brought up how all the boys are going to be after Nicole when she's older. It hurt, a lot. There was no doubt about it, the pain that filled her chest every time her mother practically rejected her. Her friend group at school had taken to the idea better, there were comments at first but they came around. All apart from Elise who's comments were just ignored by everyone, shot down by whoever was around at the time. Of course it was a small town, filled with small minded people so not all the kids were accepting. In fact the majority of them weren't but Nicole didn't care, it didn't hurt as much as her mother.

A few months passed and Nicole began to lose hope, her dad and Hayley kept encouraging her but she just didn't see it happening. She started practicing later then usual for basketball and staying out with friends until her curfew, pushing the boundaries where she could which just made her mother angrier. But maybe that was better, because her mother feeling some sort of emotion towards her at all, her mother acknowledging her existence at all - that was better then nothing.

Nicole had given up by now, she told herself she didn't care. Or tried to at least, she had other things to focus on like her final basketball game of the 8th grade. Her final game of basketball at middle school before she moved onto high school after the summer.

Everything was going fine until there was an altercation on the court. Nicole was physically pushed to the floor by one of the players on the other team, something that clearly was not an accident and the ref decided to call out, stopping the game. Nicole was left on the floor clutching her ankle when she heard the raised voices behind her.

''Oh please! He barely touched her- you're just giving her special treatment because she's a dyke'' Nicole flinched, no amount of times of being insulted preparing anyone for another blow. But she didn't say anything, she just sighed and remained silent, struggling to get to her feet when she heard a voice.

''How dare you.'' The voice was angry, practically seething with venom as a pair of hands helped her to her feet and steadied her when she struggled to put any weight on her foot. ''How dare you attack my daughter for who she is just because your son is awful and only likely got on the school team out of pity himself''

My daughter. My daughter.

The words bounced around her head before she managed to spin around, realising it was Hayley who was at her side as both their mouths hung open in shock at their mother. Their mother, who was actually defending Nicole.

''Don't tell me you're okay with this- with what she is!'' The woman hissed back getting dangerously closer to her mother.

''I may not have been okay with it but I'm trying to be! Because no matter what she is my daughter and I will always love her!''

Not have.

Past tense. She was using the past tense, maybe her dad was right. Her mother after all this time was finally starting to come around.

''Excuse me, you're both behaving very disruptively right now. I suggest you move on before I have to drag you out of here in cuffs. And oh, just for the record. There is nothing wrong with my daughter or who she is, I suggest you focus on your own problems rather then attacking others.'' Her father. Of course he would interrupt, one he had always been extremely protective and two well he was the sherif and these two were minutes away from a fist fight smack bang in the middle of their basketball game.

That was the turning point. Although things weren't completely back to normal it was clear her mother was trying and for Nicole that was enough. It was better then before and she missed her mother, it was good to have her back. She got better as summer went on, Maia being around often and the two lounging around the house together. Life was finally turning out for the better and hopefully, just hopefully it would stay that way.

Nicole never had good luck.

Three months into high school and just before the Christmas break - Nicole was 14 when Maia decided to break up with her. Not even an explanation, just a simple things weren't working out. It was only a week later when Nicole spotted Maia kissing a boy named Charlie at the end of the hallway. Suddenly every insignificant event was taunting her in her mind, Maia not turning up to basketball games. Not spending as much time hanging out with her at either of their houses, drawing away from the friendship group and then Nicole is scolding herself, hurt that she didn't see the signs sooner.

She wondered if this was what heartbreak felt like, the sadness that followed her around for the following weeks. Nicole didn't feel like doing anything, she stayed in her room for most of the break, her family practically having to force her out of her room to come downstairs with them. The endless supply of tissues not being enough as Nicole cried herself to sleep every night. She just didn't understand what happened, what she had done wrong. It must have been her if Maia was already happy and moving on with someone else, Maia didn't even seem to care at all and that hurt.

Nicole decided that for now, this was was what heartbreak felt like. She had heard stories of people who seemed to be a lot worse after breaking up with their girlfriend or boyfriend, so she almost felt bad when she started to adjust fairly easily. But it had thrown her off, Maia was her first girlfriend in fact she was the first person that Nicole had dated at all, her first experience and someone who she would always remember and carry with her. That was how it worked right? You never forget your first partner.

But she managed to move on at least, it took her time, lots of time and encouragement and ice cream from her family but she moved on up. She threw her focus into basketball, trying not to lose it when Charlie turned up for the team try outs one afternoon. He didn't make the team and Nicole couldn't help but feel slightly smug at this.

Unfortunately he tried again once they moved onto the 10th grade - making the team due to some of the older players having left the school. Nicole swore she was over it by now, it had been nearly a year but it didn't stop the hatred from building up inside her every time she looked at the boy. Or when Maia turned up to basketball games, for him. It used to be for her that Maia would come, but now she was nothing to her. They barely spoke to each other, and that was that. But there was one good thing that came from it. Nicole had a new found confidence, no longer the quiet and worried teen - of course she still had our moments but now, now she was different.

It was approaching the end of the school year when they found out. Her parents sitting her and Hayley down in the living room to tell them that they were moving. That they were moving to be closer to family in another town, which meant new school, new house, new everything. It meant leaving everything behind and a fresh start. Nicole would be a junior, turning sixteen soon and starting the 11th grade at a brand new high school. Hayley was out of school, she apparently already knew about the move and had applied to a nearby college so that she would still be able to live at home and drive to her campus. So it would practically just be Nicole, with no friends in a brand new place. Making friends wasn't her worry though, she didn't struggle with that as much anymore. No, her only real worry was acceptance for who she was. Especially where they were going, she had heard stories about the town from her Uncle before. But it was done, the house was sold and they were going to be gone within two months.

To a town called Purgatory.