Hello! Okay... new teeth. That's weird. So, where was I?
Avatar Sokka
Book One: Revolution
"Zuko!"
The screaming of his nephew echoed in Iroh's ears. The darkness encircled them, trapped them, smothered them. Iroh felt his back pressed against an inky carapace and heard the click-clack of insectile legs.
"Aaaah, there's that face." The voice was as black as the body it belonged too, and Iroh knew it all too well. Well enough to fend for himself, but not when his nephew was with him – his wonderful nephew, who wore his emotions on his sleeve no matter how deep he buried them. His brave son, who now no longer had a face to be scarred.
"My favorite face. A face of fear."
Iroh tried to keep control of his own face, but the fear must have shone through anyways. "Spirit!" Iroh yelled. "I command you in the name of Agni –"
"Who do you think ordered me to do this?"
A white mask in the darkness, and then all Iroh felt was darkness.
"Two down. Thirty four to go."
Iroh woke with a start.
Everything was fading like a bad dream, but Iroh knew of the spirit world, and their methods. He clung to the dream like a rope on the edge of a cliff, pulling himself back to the light of day.
"Zuko." Iroh muttered. "Zuko's in danger." He pushed himself to his feet.
And that was when he noticed that he'd somehow lost two hundred pounds during the night. Honestly, it felt like he was thirteen again.
He noticed that he was in a small wooden room, with windows overlooking the forest, not in the decommissioned Fire Nation steamer that should have been travelling through the waters of the South Pole.
He noticed his voice was not the soft, soothing voice, smoothed by tea but roughened by age and by shouting a general's commands.
He noticed a great many things, but above all he noticed the mirror on the bedside table.
He picked it up, with a hands that was tanned in part by the sun and in part by water tribe heritage. And when he looked in the mirror, he saw a face that was not his own.
Iroh frowned.
He quickly put on the clothes in the room, noting any signs they had to give. Clearly, they belonged to a warrior. Not a hunter, but perhaps a leader. There were the soft stains of blood, but no grain residue around the pants, so somebody of status. Given the lack of greens in the room, despite the earthy tones, this was someone who felt no particular obligation to his nation – someone who blazed his own trail.
Iroh picked up the twin swords in the room. They were similar to his nephew's dao blades, but had the peculiar addition of a hook at the ends of the blades. Iroh made a note to ask Zuko, or perhaps Pandaio, to instruct him in the wielding of these weapons.
Anybody who used them either sacrificed utility for style, or wielded them with the grace of a tigerswan. Or, they didn't use them at all. Weapons like these were a fine way to lose an appendage.
As an afterthought, Iroh drew forth his chi, and attempted to summon a flame in the palm of his hand. No flame. He would test the other elements later, but for now Iroh would accept the swords, and assume his new body was not a bender.
In fact, he shouldn't assume so much to begin with. He recalled an enlightening conversation with his friend Bumi, concerning timebending. If one reached the conclusion that his spirit had been stolen away into another's body, then why assume the body he now inhabited was in the present? It could easily be a hundred years before the war even began, or a hundred years after the war was won. He'd have to inquire about that.
He ran through his objectives in his mind;
1a) Find and reunite with Zuko.
1b) Rescue Zuko from whatever trouble they're in.
2) Acquire necessary information about this situation (Time, Body, Zuko's location).
3) Acquire necessary resources (Troops? Weapons? Tea?) to obtain victory in this situation.
4) Help those along my path, and stop to smell the roses.
Iroh nodded. Yes, that sounded about right. Now, to find Zuko – knowing his nephew, he need only find the largest source of trouble, and his nephew would be in the thick of it. He would have to find the nearest town, contact what members of the White Lotus as he could for information, and procure a means of transportation. Would it be faster to walk, or to work a day for some wages?
Emerging from the room, Iroh was struck with a sense of awe. He was in a hut – a small hut, neither polished nor poorly made. But the hut was built with such craft, that it rested in the branches of an enormous tree.
Iroh walked along the branch, taking in the sight with wonder. Below him were many more huts, each built on their own tree branches. A complex system of bridges, ropes, and planks, littered the forest. It was a marvel of engineering, and concealment. Many people seemed to live in this secret city among the tress, and were emerging for their morning chores, some chatting amicably and having breakfast.
Iroh considered joining them, for pleasant company and information, or moving on quickly to find his nephew.
"Hey Jet!"
Iroh spun around, curious as to whether he was being addressed or not. A pair of children were pulling themselves up to his branch with a basket pulley system. One was a boy so thin, he couldn't have eaten properly in days. His eyes echoed with battles past, and his bow expertly loose at his side. The other was a young lady (although, she seemed to be trying to hide her true gender) that was almost equally thin and wearing ragged, mudstained clothes. The wicked glint in her eyes, along with the handles of various hidden knives Iroh could pick out, identified her and her companion as fearsome warriors.
"The Duke's got breakfast going on the campfire." The girl said, clearly addressing him. "I know you had a late night, but he won't start eating until you're there.
So, his new name was to be Jet was it? What game did Koh think he was playing?
Iroh would play along for now. Perhaps The Duke was the leader of this outfit, in which case he could have pertinent information. "Well, I'd best not keep The Duke waiting." He said, getting into the basket with what he hoped was a smile that Jet would smile.
Kuei had no idea what to think.
He'd just woken up from a nice sleep. It was his mother's birthday party and perhaps, well, if he was being honest he went overboard on the wine. Nevertheless, he felt sober now. Very sober.
So obviously, this was either a very realistic dream, or he was in somebody else's body. He didn't know which disturbed him more, but either way, he had more important issues to deal with.
He stood in front of an ornate full length mirror, looking up his nose.
This body sure had a lot of nose hair.
Fascinating.
Kuei pushed and squished against his face. It hurt a little – his arms were very strong, muscles pushing tight against the skin. But more importantly, he had very large, and very fuzzy sideburns. He spent a moment admiring the fuzziness, and wondered whether he should grow sideburns, or perhaps buy a platypus bear to run his hands through the fur.
A man walked into the tent. Kuei nodded to him in greeting. "Hello good sir. May I ask whose tent I'm in?"
The man stopped, and stared at Kuei like he'd just threatened the poor soul. "Y-your tent sir." He bowed low. "My apologies, Commander, I should have asked permission before coming in –"
Kuei waved the man's apologies away. It wasn't his tent after all. "It's quite alright lad. Now, can you tell me who I am?"
The poor boy gulped, and Kuei frowned inside himself for asking questions that seemed to sound threatening. "You are my Superior, sir!" The lad said, bowing again. "Commander Zhao, foremost Commander of the Firenation navy."
"Am I really?" Kuei stared at the man. "What an fascinating experience this is."
Kuei had always had an inquisitive mind. He'd always yearned for knowledge of the world around him, and now he had a prime chance to see the wonders of his neighbors to the West. Whenever he asked Long Feng about the Fire Nation, his advisor seemed to sidetrack himself with talk of trades. He was always so absent minded, that Long Feng.
"Well then." Kuei clapped his hands with an excitement that startled the subordinate. "Help me pick out some suitable commanding clothes will you? I want to… uh… inspect the fleet!" Kuei restrained himself from giggling like a schoolchild.
When Hakoda woke up, the first thing he noticed was the weight.
He seemed to have put on several pounds in his sleep. And a suit of armor. Fire nation armor.
He pulled himself up slowly, blearily taking in his surroundings.
He was in the middle of a camp. Five Komodo Rhinos stood nearby, and four soldiers slept beside him. Hadoka had seen these four before. They were members of the Rough Rhino Riders. His rebellion had come to blows with them many times. And apparently, these blundering psychopaths had kidnapped him but forgot to tie him up.
But wait… there were five Rough Rhino Riders.
Where was their leader?
Hakoda yawned silently, and rotated himself around slowly on his heel. There was nobody else in sight.
"Mongke." Hakoda spun, as the archer hoisted himself up silently. "Mongke, what's wrong?"
The others were slowly waking up. Hakoda felt a surge of panic – before a surge of realization.
The archer thought he was their leader.
Probably slightly sleep addled, but Hakoda never passed up on an opportunity like this.
"I thought I heard something." He said. "Can you see anything?"
The archer immdediately raced off, bow in his hand, circling around the clearing as he searched for anything unusual. The others were definitely awake now, and also readying their weapons. But none of the weapons were pointed at him yet.
"Nothing." The archer said, putting his arrow back in its quiver. "Nevertheless, we should keep moving. Where do we ride to Mongke?"
The others were looking at him expectantly, and for the seventh time since he'd left home, Hakoda thanked the spirits for his good fortune. They actually believed he was their leader!
This he could work with. Oh yes, Hakoda could definitely work with this. When fortune dropped something like this in his lap, he would always take it, no matter how confused he was.
"We ride West!" He declared, confidently striding to one of the Komodo Rhinos. With a heave he attempted to pull himself into the saddle – and was promptly bucked off.
The others looked at him in confusion. "Mongke… that's Yeh-Lu's rhino." The one with the spear said.
"… Obviously." Hakoda said, nodding as if he'd known that all along. "I was just going to climb over him to get to my rhino. But if you all want to get on first, be my guest. We should get moving."
June woke up without the splitting headache she was accustomed to.
And without the flat belly she was accustomed to.
She looked down at her swollen body, with her emotions swinging wildly between 'I must be dreaming/in a drunken stupor' and 'Nonononononononononononononono!'.
"What happened last night?" She wondered.
Then she felt a shifting in the bed beside her, and the man sleeping next to her woke up. "Good morning my beautiful turtleduck." He said, sappily.
June punched him off the bed.
"RISE AND SHINE LAZY BONES!"
Katara fell out of bed with a yelp, as somebody clanged a bunch of pots and pans right near her ear.
Right. Near. Her. Ear.
Whoever was responsible – justice would be meted out. Mornings were almost as sacred as waterbending – you should never have to wake up at the break of dawn. I mean, this was the South Pole for crying out loud! There was an entire month where dawn never came!
No. Whoever did this would feel her wrath. They would be so badly frozen, they'd need a firebender to get them out.
Katara looked up at her mystery assailant. It was some girl wearing a green dress, and enough face paint to make Sokka jealous.
"Sorry Suki." She said, giggling softly. "But this is the first time you didn't wake up for morning training in – well, ever! The girls and I thought a little payback was in order. Can you really blame us?"
"… Run if you value your life."
And so, Katara had chased this mysterious laughing girl out the door of her house, and onto the beach where a line of similarly dressed girls were waiting, before she realized something.
She didn't live in a house.
She didn't have a bed.
Her village didn't have a girl her age.
Much less several girls her age.
Much less the green clothe required to dress them all in.
And were those trees? She'd never seen trees before. She'd heard stories though. Were those what trees looked like?
Where was she?
"Where am I?" Katara asked. And suddenly she realized who she was asking. "Who are you?"
The girl she was chasing stopped, and looked inquisitively at Katara. "I'm Chijin."
"No she's not!" One of the girls called from the sidelines. "She's Cynna, I'm Chijin, don't fall for her lies Suki!"
Katara reached behind her to draw water from the river. She wasn't a master water bender. Not yet. But she could still freeze someone to the ground. "I won't ask you again!" She yelled. "Where am I?"
The girl who'd wokan her – Cynna – stepped forward cautiously, and inquisitively. "Suki, what do you mean? You're on Kyoshi island. Your home?"
"My name's not Suki!" Katara yelled. "It's Katara, from the southern water tribe!" She flung the water forward with all her might, willing it to freeze…
And nothing happened.
Cynna stepped forward. "Suki? Er… Katara? What are you doing?"
Katara looked back at the river, and tried to pull water from it. Nothing happened. The familiar flow of chi down her arms, the water moving from its body… nothing happened.
"My bending…" Katara began to shake. "My bending? What happened to my bending?"
"Woah." Cynna rushed up, and caught Katara as she fell. "Girls! Something's wrong with Suki!"
Suki wanted answers.
She'd woken up in some sort of ice palace. Her reflection showed a face that was not her own.
Her mind went through the three sorts of things that happened to her; the stuff she made happen, the stuff her friends made happen, and the stuff her enemies made happen. She didn't transport herself in the night to an ice fortress then surgically operate on her face. And this seemed just a little too complicated to be one of her girl's pranks.
So, somebody did this against her, and for nefarious purposes.
Hence the answers, and her desire thereof.
None of the clothes in the wardrobe were desirable for sneaking out in. She considered escape in her sleeping garments, but it was freezing outside. So, she dressed as warmly as she could, in the clothes that least limited her movements. Thankfully, she was used to fighting in a dress.
She left via the window. Below her was a sprawling metropolis. Were all the people below in on this? Unlikely. So it would be a good place to search for allies. But not a good place to find answers.
As she crept along the outskirts of the palace, the answer hit her. All she needed to do was utilize her stealth training and disappear. Once her captors realized she'd escaped, they'd be looking for her, and she could listen in on rumors to find out what their reasons for looking for her were.
It would be rough going. Especially since Suki seemed weaker than normal. Probably her captors had drugged her – for who knows how long? She'd need to find a calendar.
With a deep breath, ready for a shock, she dove off the ledge she'd been slinking along, and into the frigid waters below.
Chit Sang looked around.
He was sitting on top of some sort of mountain. The birds were singing, clear mountain lakes were running, the sun was shining, and all was right with the world.
Yet when he'd went to sleep, he'd been in the prison that even other firenation prisons called inhumane.
He stroked his new beard thoughtfully, with his wrinkly, sun-blackened hand.
He shrugged.
"Not the strangest thing to happen to me." He muttered, in a squeaky voice.
He drank his onion and banana juice with the relish of a free man.
Mongke, the leader of the Rough Rhino Riders, was baffled.
Having slept in open fields for the last several years of his life, he woke up almost instantly to the sound of a steamer's engine.
It was a short jump from there, to realizing he'd woken up as General Iroh.
Mongke would never have guessed, ever, that he would wake up one day and be that tea-guzzling old coot. But here they were. Here he was? He was confused.
He walked out onto the deck, and wondered what he should do.
"Iroh!"
Suddenly, a human missile launched itself at Mongke, and wrapped itself around his midsection. Mongke immediately felt the urge to kill him violently. But when he realized who it was, he restrained itself. Zhao had often regaled him of the tale of Prince Zuko's banishment. He was looking down at one of the most recognizable faces in the Fire Nation.
"It's good to see you old man!" The fire prince said, with a wide smile.
"Uh… yes… well, of course it is." Mongke said, gruffly.
Zuko looked up at him questioningly, and for a moment Mongke wondered whether the prince suspected something was wrong. Then the smile was back on his face, and Zuko laughed. "Oh Uncle dear, I just had the most peculiar nightmare! You see, the earth was made of sky, and the air was made of earth, and as I was walking along I suddenly choked on a ruby…"
Mongke was only half listening to the mad ramblings. He'd heard that the young prince was simple in the head, but he hadn't realized the lad was this adle-brained. It would be easy to fool this ridiculous child into thinking he was General Iroh.
Mongke blinked in surprise. He wondered where that thought had come from. He still couldn't wrap his mind around it – but for whatever reason, he was General Iroh now. Maybe the spirits had seen his slow descent into senility like the rest of the Fire Nation military had. Maybe they'd seen fit to put someone more responsible in his place.
Mongke beamed with that flash of inspiration. Yes, all he had to do was pretend to be General Iroh… he'd win the favor of the Firelord. He'd be a hero. He might even be able to take the throne somehow! Yes! Who needed Ozai's favor when he could have Ozai's throne!? Or better yet, the boy seemed as foolish as his uncle… Mongke could use him as a puppet king, and retire in the lap of luxury!
Mongke beamed at his hastily made and ill-thought out plan of glorious glories, and turned his attention back to the future puppet Prince Zuko.
"… And I'm not sure when I am any more." Zuko said. "Maybe I'm in the past, maybe the future, who knows?" Zuko turned his attention to Mongke. "Do you know the date?"
As it happened… Mongle didn't. "You have two eyes." Mongke said. "Can't you read a calendar?" Agni, the lad was a simpleton.
Zuko pouted. "Aaw, Uncle, you're no fun!" He whined. "You're having one of your grumpy days, aren't you? I know what'll help! Sing the kissing trees song!"
Mongke paled. "The… kissing trees song?"
He did not know that song.
Zuko nodded. "It always makes you feel better when you're being grumpy!"
Mongke licked his lips. "Uh… why don't you start the song off for me nephew?"
Zuko shook his head, still smiling like a madman. This was less than helpful in Mongke's opinion.
"Uh… there once were two trees… and they kissed…" Mongke sang. Zuko nodded, encouragingly. "One was a girl tree… one was a boy tree…"
"Do the dance." Zuko encouraged him.
Mongke started swaying, which was difficult in Iroh's overweight body. "The girl tree had bright red lips… but there was a bird in her… leaves… the boy tree still wanted to kiss her… but he... uh... had no lips... because he was a tree..."
Thankfully, it was about this time when Mongke thought of a solution. "And the HACK COUGH, COUGH, COUGH!" Iroh wheezed. "Oh, it appears my throat is sore." Mongke growled. "I don't think I can sing any more Zuko."
"That's okay." Zuko said, and Mongke thought he saw the half-wit trying to hold back laughter. "There are other ways I can cheer you up! I'll go and make you your favorite breakfast uncle!"
Mongke sighed with relief, as the boy ran into the ship. Honestly, he thought, Iroh is a duckmonkey's uncle. He'd have to work at it even to make this poor fool a decent puppet.
Mongke didn't notice the glimmer of mischief in 'Zuko's' eyes.