SHIP: Kurt/Sebastian.
RATING: M / NC-17
AU: LibrarianTeacher!Sebastian / Student!Kurt.
Summary: NYADA's new librarian, Mr. Smythe, looks to be younger, hotter and flirtier than Kurt had expected it. So, when he starts facing his real nature, it gets too hard for him to resist; which would totally be okay, if Sebastian hadn't become his teacher and if he didn't have a boyfriend already.
A/N: Good Tuesday everybody!
Since the holidays are coming and I won't be able to update for two weeks, I'm going to post daily or almost until then to make it up.
Actually, if it's usually easy for me to update every two days if I want two - since most of my stories are already written and just need to be translated, as many of you already know - this is sort of an experiment. It's the first long fic I actually write directly in English, so I don't know how I feel about this haha. I made it read to the lovely CaramelApple74 who betaed it and suggested that I would post this. So I'm totally thankful to her!
I hope you do enjoy and I beg you to just read the warnings before you decide wether you want to read this or not.
Warnings: If you don't like age difference, then I suggest you don't read this. It's a teacher/student somehow and since most of the teacher/student I've read included a very young teacher or a 40 years old one, I've went more in the middle of the two things because I liked it the most. Also, I wouldn't say there it includes real infidelity, like physical one, but some people would consider it infidelity also when you still date someone even if you know you're feelings are growing stronger for another person. Besides, no Blaine bashing. Although Blaine is in the middle of it - often in my fics actually -, I don't hate him. In fact, I love using Blaine in fics just like I love using other characters. If you're worried about this, I would never hate on Blaine, he is a cupcake.
Beta: CaramelApple74.
/
Prologue
The taste for the forbidden is the hardest temptation to resist.
This is the reason why your kid is probably going to blow that vase you told him he should never touch. He's probably going to drop it on the floor, until it falls into million sharp pieces. But that's okay, because every time one gets a taste of forbidden, that's inevitably gonna cut. It wouldn't be forbidden if it didn't hurt so much.
Also, it wouldn't be forbidden if it wasn't so fantastic.
Most of the things one can have are fantastic; or maybe it's just the wanting that makes them so desirable and amazing.
Hamburgers taste better when you're on diet.
The sky looks clearer when you can't go to the seaside because you're busy.
You feel dirtier and bad-smelling when you can't have a shower.
You just really want to play that video game again now that you've sold it away.
This is the way it is: human beings tempt to desire what they can't have the most. Once they've gotten it, it gets boring and the process of desire and longing slowly fades, making the forbidden lose the charm it had before it turned into usual banality.
So, most of what the forbidden is about is the haunting.
The haunting is the funny part, the one during which one always walks on the line between the infinite pleasure of filling his desire and the consequences that might eventually come with it. The danger of it is what pushes someone to take the risk, because it sounds like it's worth it.
Kurt can taste it on his tongue.
The fresh, wonderful savor of this chocolate ice-cream brushing his tongue and making it arch in pleasure is what makes him think that it's worth it. He has followed his strict diet for nine months in a row without even conceding himself any steps out of line. In the end, on the first day on his tenth month, Kurt couldn't resist.
He's sitting on the sofa of their apartment, all arched and pressed into it with his light, new Calvin Klein little blanket, soft and perfect, white like the clouds, as he lets his spoon sink into his fondant Magnum. There's a slight hint of guilt that makes his stomach flip, but he tries to ignore it. He's resisted for nine months without breaking any rules, so now he's totally sure that eating this one out will help him kill the desire of it.
I just wanted to break the rules after so long, he tells himself, I'm eating it because I can't eat it, not because I want to.
He sighs heavily and lets himself fall deeper into the sofa as the fashion TV show he's watching makes him scowl with the competitor's terrible choices. At least someone is breaking rules worse than he is, because it's rules of decency.
When he has dropped the last spoon of ice-cream down his throat, he hears the key rolling into the lock and starts with guilt as he stands up from the sofa and almost runs towards the waste bin and drops the plastic container. He shifts towards the sink fast as he opens the tap and washes the spoon, pulling it aside, into the cutlery.
When the door opens and a few seconds later Rachel emerges from the wall, Kurt is already innocently leaning his hip against the counter and he's got his arms crossed to his chest. He wears a playful smile, but Rachel frowns as soon as he sees him.
Blaine comes out from behind her, walking into the kitchen, but having to stop when Rachel puts an arm on his torso to stop him as she stares at Kurt with her mouth wide open.
"Is that chocolate on your face?" she asks suspiciously.
Shit.
"Hmm …" Kurt hums stupidly. "'s not."
"It is." Rachel rolls her eyes and Blaine's giggling behind her.
"C'mon Rach," he says, walking around her and then stepping to Kurt. "He's been perfectly good for nine months, he was impeccable. You can't really make him feel guilty for the one time he's eaten something that wasn't a fresh cucumber."
Rachel turns to Blaine in disbelief, as if she was expecting him to support her.
"Kurt is your boyfriend! You should be worried about what he eats since Cassy is going to notice each pound of chocolate on his ass!" she yells as usual as Blaine reaches Kurt.
Kurt watches as he puts his hands on his hips and then leans up to press a soft, fond kiss on his mouth. He smiles into the kiss, closing his eyes and enjoying the pleasant blend of sweet chocolate and Blaine taste.
It lasts just for a few seconds, then Blaine moves back, walking through the apartment as Rachel is still shocked in front of Kurt.
Kurt shrugs and smiles at her innocently, and that makes her even more furious.
"Well, don't call me up when you'll need someone who can help you choosing your new size!" She frowns and Kurt giggles lightly as he leans a hand over the counter to take a handkerchief and clean the chocolate away from his mouth. "Kurt, this isn't funny, we've worked hard on this. Look at you; do you remember how we were during our sophomore year?"
Kurt sighs lightly and shows her another smile.
"I just had one, ok?" he asks, lifting his eyebrows as he gazes fast to Blaine, who's sitting on the sofa and watching the same fashion show Kurt was watching before. "It's not the end of the world. It was more about having it, wasn't it? The fact that chocolate is a totally mustn't on my list made me want it. That's it."
Rachel arches his brows almost theatrically as she stares at him in disbelief. Blaine looks completely extraneous at the situation, but Kurt knows that he's probably giggling lowly not be heard by Rachel.
"This isn't how it works," Rachel says, shaking her head and putting her hand firmly on the counter. "Kurt, if you lose your balance once, you're going to fall again and again. Every time you see something you've been wanting for so long, something that's good and forbidden, you're just going to want more of it."
"I don't think so," Kurt snaps, mirroring her position with a hand on the counter. "When the forbidden loses its forbidden-ness, where's all the fun?"
"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel." Rachel points her index finger to him. "You aren't the I wanna have fun kind of guy."
Blaine laughs loudly now, but Rachel just rolls her eyes and the focuses back on Kurt with no mercy. "Are you suggesting that I'll get emotionally involved with a chocolate ice-cream?" Kurt hints, fake-wondering look on his face. "Blaine, you'd better be jealous."
He finally walks away from the counter, surpassing Rachel and walking towards the sofa where his boyfriend is sitting, a hand on his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
Kurt looks at him for a second.
It's still different from the beginning and he hasn't forgotten that Blaine had cheated on him. Forgiving is not forgetting, he thinks to himself as he sighs. It's not like he's still mad at him – maybe – but he'd want to be like it was in the start. He wants it to be the mature, lovely relationship they had back in high school.
"Wanna come and hug me?" Blaine asks, spreading his arms towards him. "Or are you afraid that I might smell chocolate ice-creamed boyfriend on you?"
It's funny.
Kurt knows it is, but he can't laugh.
The fact that Blaine is slightly mentioning cheating, so lightly, confuses him. He knows it's just Blaine, it's the way he plays, he jokes, just that. He's not doing anything mean; he really wants it to sound funny. Yet, Kurt has to force a smile.
Eventually, he joins him on the sofa.
/
Wednesday comes soon.
It's been two days since the so called CIA – Chocolate Ice-cream Accident – and Kurt hasn't felt any sort of wanting towards it again. Not that he has believed Rachel's theory, not even for the slightest of seconds anyway. Even when he's in line to get launch at NYADA's cafeteria, the area destined to the students who have extracurricular projects, he isn't slightly tempted from the sweets and donuts. It's just as he has thought it: once tasted, the forbidden loses its fascination, no matter how hard Rachel tries to convince him it's not like this.
He's just eaten his salad and fruit, as he should, and then moved to the library where he's going to spend the next three hours trying to get some credits over an extra exam of literature. He's chosen French literature for now, so he needs to start checking on it. He's always loved French, but it's not like you get to know literature for real in High School. It's just all a bunch on summaries and exercises.
He's walking along the hallways between the shelves, trying to catch the initials BOU on the books. His gaze is completely focused on the books as he runs between the BAE's, then the BICs and the thousands of books in the library.
He's so focused on searching that he doesn't even notice the boy standing in front of him until he's stepped on his feet.
The immediate groan of pain makes Kurt startle, and before he can even realize what's happening he's already dropped his books and notes on the floor. He bends down without even looking at the guy, trying to gather all of his things as he mutters a long series of senseless sorrys.
He realizes he's panicking when he freezes as someone's hand touches his own as it's trying to grab his precious notes.
Kurt lifts his gaze slowly, and finds himself a little breathless as he finally sees the boy bending in front of him who's just arched on his knees to help him out.
He looks handsome.
His eyes are green and shine with a strange knowing light, as if he's already heading to something. They stare back at Kurt, studying his face almost as Kurt's studying the other boy's. He breathes in slowly, trying not to get lost in this weird new sensation invading his body. It's silly of him to feel like this with a complete stranger, so he's not going to allow it.
His hair is a little spiky, but just a little, since it looks well put-up with gel, or maybe something different. Why am I nervous? Kurt thinks, swallowing, I should know what he's used for his hair, I always know, at first sight; then, there's his smirk: it's smart, maybe slightly arrogant and lingering, thin lips arched in a delicious way. His face and part of his neck – the only portion of tanned skin Kurt can see beside his face and his hands – is covered in charming freckles.
He uses the last second of this long contemplation to breathe in more slowly. The boy smells like cologne, it's good and fresh, but also not comforting as far as Kurt's concerned about smells, perfumes and colognes.
"I'm-"
"Sorry?" the boy stops him as soon as Kurt tries to speak, a trembling voice that makes it hard as it comes out weaker than he had expected. "You've already said that. Are you as boring as you seem to be?"
Kurt frowns immediately, his face weirdly altered as he tries to process his words. Maybe he's just heard it wrong, maybe he's got it wrong and this smirking guy he has just met didn't actually mean what he's said.
"Excuse me?" he asks while he's almost sitting on the floor of library, hands that wander insecurely to find some paper on their way.
"You look boring," he tells him again, and Kurt knows he's heard it well this time. "One stare is enough for me to realize that you're a walking stereotype: dressed in gay, gay hair, gay smell, gay face. Wow, sounds interesting."
It takes Kurt another few seconds and then he realizes how judgmental this guy in front of him is being.
"Well, I'm sorry if I'm too gay for this conversation," he snaps, showing him an unhappy proud face. "But last time I checked, I was gay. So, don't get me wrong, but this all trying to be offensive by using the word gay isn't going to work. My gay face just suits my gay being as much as your asshole face suits your asshole being."
The guy's voice cracks into a low laugh as he's leaning his hands down and gathering Kurt's stuff to push it into his hands.
Kurt lowers his gaze to stare at where this unknown boy is passing him his notes and then looks up at him again. He doesn't trust him. It's clear now; he's just the kind of person Kurt can't trust.
"Thanks for being so judgmental," the guy tells him, and Kurt feels like yelling because, seriously? He's the one being judgmental?
"Well, you've been judgmental first," he says, feeling like he's five years old, but he's unable to keep it. God, he's never wanted to be so right and to have the last word as he is right now. "So I guess that makes two of us, anyway."
"At least I'm being judgmental better." The guy smirks, and when they both stand up, Kurt's leaning fast towards his notes and taking them from the boy's hands to press them on his chest.
"I don't think that's something to be proud of." Kurt winces and then lowers his gaze where the boy is laying a hand. He immediately arches his eyebrows and for a few seconds he thinks about telling him that he doesn't want to hold it.
Then though, he thinks that holding his hand, squeezing his hand hard, might be a way to make this arrogant guy understand that Kurt isn't going to stand and stare while he talks to him like this. He doesn't know what it is exactly, but there's a new sparkle in his body, and it could burn into a flame. It's like he's feeling competitive again, like he felt last year for the last time when he challenged Rachel at Midnight Madness.
So he leans his hand too, showing him a fake grin and taking the boy's one into his own until he's squeezing it.
"Sebastian Smythe," the boy says, and Kurt could swear that his name sounds like evil, too.
"Pleasure," Kurt snaps proudly. "Kurt Hummel."
They just stay like this for a few seconds, holding hands tightly as if none of them wants to give up on the grip and show his weakness. They wince at each other until Sebastian is slightly pressing his fingers right under Kurt's knuckles until it hurts and Kurt's forced to take his hand back and leave the hold for first.
He would complain, but complaining means admitting that they were playing some sort of game and Kurt doesn't want to.
Sebastian lowers his gaze towards something Kurt isn't sure of. He looks like he's checking the books pressed against his chest and then their eyes meet again.
"You were searching for something?" Sebastian asks. "I mean, it must be interesting if you didn't notice my hotness and stepped on me." Kurt lifts an eyebrow and shows him a proud bitch face. "Or maybe you stepped on me because you wanted me to talk to you. How cute."
"Of course," Kurt fake-smiles and winces. "I was actually stepping on you because you smell like arrogance and I wanted to hit you."
Well, it's not true, Kurt knows it. He actually thought the guy before his eyes was handsome, before the asshole was revealed as the bitch he seems to be now that he's opened his mouth.
"Oh, you're finally admitting it." Sebastian completely ignores his irony and winks at him.
There's something so frustrating in his guy, seriously, Kurt would slap him if it wasn't for his anti-violence policy.
"Fine, now that I haven't admitted what you think I've admitted, would you mind going somewhere else?" Kurt asks, falsely kind. "I sort of have a life and interesting things to do that don't involve you."
"Ouch, this hurts." The guy smirks unpleasantly as he shifts his gaze for a second to Kurt's chest, looking the firmly when he has his books, Kurt has no idea why. When his eyes go back to Kurt's, he's smirking wisely and, again, Kurt feels frustrated at his behavior. "Woah, what was this charming princess searching for here?"
Kurt looks at him suspiciously for a few seconds, wondering if this is some kind of trap or something. He might just wanna find out what Kurt reads so that he can mock him, something like that. Maybe not, though. Indeed, the books Kurt's searching for aren't for his personal taste: they're on the list of books he has to read for the end of the semester when he has this extra exam. So Sebastian can't really mock him because it's not about his personal taste.
And again, it is somehow about his personal taste, isn't it? The fact that Kurt has chosen French literature is indeed something about his tastes. Sebastian is probably going to say something like French? Could you be any more gayer?
"So, you're not going to answer …" Sebastian whispers, lifting his eyebrows and wrinkling his nose as if he's thinking of something.
"It's useless." Kurt shakes his head and tightens his eyelids, one of these looks which could kill. "I bet you wouldn't know even one of the writers I'm searching for."
With one last final smile, Kurt just walks by and passes beside him. Anyway, Sebastian doesn't seem like the type of person who gives up easily.
"Try me," he murmurs as Kurt can clearly hear not only his voice closer than he'd expected, but also his steps walking behind him.
He sighs and gives in, even if he's still walking along the shelves.
"Nous avons psychologisé comme les fous, qui augmentent leur folie en s'efforçant de la comprendre," he murmurs without paying too much attention to his words as he's lifting on his toes to check the names under the shelves.
"Oh, Charles Baudelaire," Sebastian comments, and Kurt turns with his eyes wide opened at him.
He looks between Sebastian and the shelves as if he's searching for something that might have betrayed him, something about Baudelaire he hasn't realized he was looking at between the books. Nothing. Well, Baudelaire is quite a famous writer, so if he's a student at NYADA or any college, he might just know him.
He puts his feet back on the ground completely and looks at Sebastian, who looks proud and arrogant again.
"Les sanglots longs des violons de l'automne blessent mon cœur d'une langueur monotone," Kurt chants again, pretending as nothing happened and challenging Sebastian with his eyes.
Sebastian just shrugs and smiles.
"You tried, Verlaine," he says and wrinkles his lips again, and then Kurt's speechless.
He breathes in and out, feeling his heart weirdly hammering. God, this is weird. It's like everytime he talks about European poetry and literature with Rachel and Blaine, they look bored and confused, like he's speaking another language. Maybe because he is. But this arrogant guy in front of him knows what Kurt is talking about, and it's crazy. It's like the world is making fun of him.
Maybe he's just good at French and whatever is French, so Kurt tries something different.
"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it," he murmurs, low voice, as if he doesn't even feel like talking anymore. Sebastian is fucking smirking again.
"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best," he answers smugly as he takes a step towards Kurt and starts murmuring: "Exactly, Wilde. We have the same way of living, I guess."
Kurt's heart is jumping on itself and beating fast now as he lowers his gaze for a second, to stare at the way Sebastian's moving to get closer, step after step, slow and deadly. This tension, or whatever it is, is something Kurt has never felt before and it's scaring him so much he can't talk.
"Speechless again?" Sebastian asks, now so close that Kurt can smell his cologne. "Want me to explain?"
"No," he says and shows Sebastian his back to walk away and run from this strange sensation.
Sadly, as soon as he does, he finds himself pressed with his back against the bookshelves, books tight against his chest on an instinct and Sebastian's hand that holds the shelf right beside Kurt's right ear. Kurt's in panic.
He looks into Sebastian's eyes and has no idea what to do; his pupils are blown and Kurt's starting to fear he might be some sort of library maniac who catches his preys, rapes and kills them with famous writers' quotations. His heart is now exploding in fear and he feels the urge to cry, and fuck, if he isn't a maniac though, Kurt doesn't want to show this arrogant idiot how afraid he is.
He can practically feel his good-smelling breath beating against his own skin, Sebastian's thighs brushing casually his own and Kurt has never been so intimate with a boy that wasn't Blaine, which is terribly frightening and makes him feel guilty even though he hasn't done anything and, especially, doesn't plan on doing anything with Sebastian.
Luckily, his fear turns back to simple panic when Sebastian leans over until their lips are almost touching only to whisper on his mouth.
"Ansia perpetua de algo mejor, eso soy yo."
Their eyes are connected and Kurt is swallowing. His chest is lowering and lifting and eventually, he blinks just once and then whispers back: "Bécquer." Quick and small, just the name, watching as Sebastian smiles happily and satisfied.
"You got that right, woah," he says, stepping a little back from Kurt, which makes Kurt almost sigh in relief – he keeps it only because he wants to prove that he's completely indifferent to the situation.
"Yeah, well, that was easy," he answers, feeling the blush on his cheeks and his heart still beating fast as he shrugs at Sebastian. "You could have asked me for something harder."
"A few minutes and I would totally get you up for something harder." Sebastian winks and the blush on Kurt's face fires up immediately. "No, but seriously, that was tough. Bécquer … nice score, gay face."
"Bécquer is totally romantic, and now you can make fun of how gay you think this is." He rolls his eyes, though his legs are still shaking as he's leant against the shelves. Fucking closeness. "That's why I know and love him."
Sebastian giggles and looks down at the books in Kurt's hands again for a minute.
"Are you going to take French Literature?" he asks, and well, he seems spontaneously and innocently curious, which is weird.
Kurt takes a few seconds to think about what he's going to answer. By the way, Sebastian already has the Bécquer blackmail material to make fun of him, so it can't get worse than this.
"Yeah, well, I was planning on it," he says, breathing in as he tries to makes his cheeks go back to pale. "I guess it'd be interesting as an extra, fine way to get me some credits."
"I see." Sebastian nods and presses his lips together - Kurt has no idea why - as he puts his hands on his own hips. "So, you think it's going to be an easy exam?"
"I-I didn't say that!" he stammers evidently, as he always does when he gets nervous. He has no idea who this Sebastian guy is, but he surely smells like trouble. And cologne. "I just think it fits me, so it's going to be easy studying something I love, and-"
"You think it's gonna be easy," Sebastian confirms, rolling his eyes and sighing. Kurt has no idea why, but he looks a little disappointed with that. "Baudelaire is right behind your back, Kurt. Or am I supposed to call you Hummel?"
Kurt wrinkles his nose and his face turns into a grimace as he shakes his head.
"Why would you do that? You don't look like the formal kind of guy," he says, feeling a little of the tension and nerves slowing down.
Sebastian giggles and shrugs. He looks way more natural now, and there's something rather fascinating in the way his smirk has turned into a smile. Kurt isn't going to let him know that, of course, but he looks kinda cute like this. Giggling, smiling, shrugging, relaxed.
Fuck, this is terrible.
He can't really be thinking these things. He remembers the last time he simply started thinking cute of a boy. Chandler. Blaine still stiffens and winces every time the name comes out and, well, they had a pretty tough fight about him. Also, the fact that he's blushing and feeling weird around a guy who looks annoying and arrogant isn't helping him feel better about the sensation.
"I don't, indeed, but I'm very professional," he says, his smirk lifting up again as he looks into Kurt's eyes.
"Oh." Kurt's eyes widen again as a new panic burns into him. "You're … the new librarian?"
That must be the reason why he's so damned prepared in literature. How hasn't Kurt thought about it? Of course, because he looks so young and … how old is actually the guy who's almost pressed him into the bookshelves, breathing on his mouth? Why the hell did the librarian even have his lips so close to Kurt's? Shit. This is getting worse and worse.
"Nice to meet you, Hummel." Sebastian winks and crap, is Kurt supposed to call him Mr. Smythe or something?
He has no proper time to think about it though, because as soon as he opens his mouth to reply instinctively, Mr. Smythe lifts his hand and softly grabs at Kurt's cheek, brushing it gently between his thumb and index finger before letting it slide and let go of him.
Kurt's practically frozen.
He has no idea what to do or say. His heart's hammering again, but he doesn't know how much of this is actually allowed. It's not like Sebastian is a teacher, right? This isn't illegal. Not that he's planning on doing something with Sebastian, just in case someone's seen them.
"Hmm yeah, well …" he murmurs, meeting Sebastian's gaze with his own. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Smythe?" he asks doubtfully, feeling panic burning inside him again.
"Good boy." Sebastian winks and crosses his arms to his chest. "You look pretty surprised and, mostly, you look pretty when you're surprised."
Okay. So the guy is the new librarian and he's flirting with Kurt who is momentarily between his body and the shelves. This situation is scaring the crap out of him so much he can feel his fingers shaking around the books he's still holding.
"How old are you?" he asks directly, ignoring the flirt.
"Not a gentlemen question, I guess." Sebastian lifts his eyebrows and smirks maliciously.
"How old are you?" Kurt asks again, breathing harshly as he presses his own body back against the bookshelves as if the wood could suck him in and put some distance between them.
"Thirty."
Kurt's heart stops for a few seconds.
At this point, he has to admit that he was expecting even worse, even though Sebastian practically looks like he could be attempting NYADA just like Kurt. But still, a thirty year old man is hitting on him, and although ten years aren't too much if he thinks about what it could have been instead, it's the first time he gets hit on by a man. No high school, no college, no glee clubs; a man who works as librarian at his college.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Smythe." He immediately tries to put some distance between. "I gotta go."
"Of course you have to," Sebastian sighs ironically but nods towards the door to point it to Kurt. "It's going to be a pleasure to examine you this semester, Hummel."
Kurt's heart stops immediately, but he gets no further explanation than that. Sebastian is already walking away and it's starting to hurt, because what is that supposed to mean? Why should Sebastian examine him?
As he watches Mr. Smythe, Sebastian, the annoying bitch walking down the library hallway, he hopes with all himself that he really doesn't have anything to do with his exam. He hopes so, because Sebastian dislikes him and enjoys flirting with him. The kind of situation that's totally inappropriate for an exam.
When he starts walking towards the door – he doesn't use the one Sebastian has pointed, he uses the opposite one, just because he doesn't really want to do what Sebastian says – Kurt's head is so filled with thoughts of panic and fear, guilt and confusion, that he doesn't even realize he hasn't taken his precious Les Fleurs Du Mal.