Sometimes i fantasize about you but not the way you might think.
The locks of celery sexiness. In my wildest fantasies, I take you out of the fridge and hold you like a baby… my baby celery. I lay you in our celery bed. I tuck you in and celery snuggle you. I give you sweet celery flavored kisses. I sing you the celery songs of your grandceleries. I give you one more savory celery kiss, then…. I BITE. (*wink wonk*). I break you in two, I rub you along my eyebrows. i lick your long limber stalks and poke you violently. I chew you up and put you in my bellybutton, then I try to put a whole stalk in my bellybutton, then my ear, but it won't fit.. then other places… It fits somewhere, but I won't say where. And then I snap. You are part of me forever, stuck inside me, forever lost, cannot be found.
I wish you could be celery. Can you please wear celery cologne, celery themed apparel, and replace your hair with the luscious limbers of celery? You can even squeeze it underneath your armpits. Bring me celery and we will have a good time. Rub celery on your lips before you kiss me on the cheek, bathe in celery juice. But no matter what, you will never be as attractive to me as celery. The smell of celery in the morning is the only thing that gets me out of bed… and the smell of celery at night? Thats what gets me IN bed (*wink wink*).
More about my fantasies. As I said, you are a part of me. We are married. We have three celery babies named 'Quack Quack Urethra', 'Stelio', and *whispers* 'Ricky Spanish'. We get a divorce, and I marry a radish. He is big, dark red, and mysterious. He has a smolder in his eyes, and he can treat me like a real woman. But as we go on as radish and wife, we begin to fight and I want you back. So we get remarried. But I have an affair with the radish. And after you are so angry at me, I finally kill our celery babies and put the bodies in my urethra. You and the radishes fight for my love. I stop it, and then you all forgive. But, as you are forgiving, I kill all of them but you. I keep you in my nostrils, and we live happily every after. (But I still have affairs with radishes).
And if you have not guessed yet…. i have a celery fetish.