As I held you, you understood that this was the end. You looked down, searching for something, something to say. I couldn't help but feel guilty. This was all my fault. Sure we both wanted to help, but the only reason why we were here was because of my selfishness. I did not want to lose you. Even if that meant destroying everyone else. Everyone that we were supposed to protect. Everyone that we set out to protect. I did not want to lose you. Suddenly I hate myself for dragging you down. We're going to die and it's my fault. I caused this mess. I should have let you live. I should have let you go. I watch your face your eyes stop searching, you look up at me. As one tear falls you smile.
You smile.
Why are you smiling? I don't deserve that. I don't deserve your forgiveness. You should hate me, disown me. Declare that you had no part in my schemes. Yet here you stand. You are still in my arms. We haven't said anything. I want to say something. I want to say everything. But I don't say anything. I want to say that I am sorry. For all the things I did, and for all the things I didn't do. I want to say that we'll be okay. That we'll get out of this. More than anything, though, I want to say 'I love you.' I want to say that I always have loved you and that I always will.
My body reacts on its own, to hold you more closely. However, they decided that was enough time to give us. I felt the bullet before I heard the gunshot. I felt you leave me.
I hit the ground. It hurt, but I didn't notice. I could not protect you. That hurt more than anything that could happen to me now. My face faces your own, and I notice for the first time. I never did tell you 'I love you.' Not once. Somehow the words never came to me.
I reach for you, with all the strength I have left I reach for you. Before I slipped into the dark nothingness I saw your tear and your hand reach for me.
All I think is 'I love you.'
And yet, my last thought is 'I will never forgive them.'