Something shitty. There was to be more but then... the laziness kicked in. I'll probably come back to this when I'm in the mood, lol.

This pairing is darling. Too bad it's just one-sided; I think there can be a lot to be done with it. ^^

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

Beautiful Relationship

South Park Elementary was bursting with activity that late February morning. Class was in session, and Mr. Garrison's fourth graders had been working hard on assigned valentines over the past week. Stan obviously made one for Wendy, Kyle for his little brother, Ike, and Kenny for Karen. Eric Cartman's, however, was a mystery. His desk was an unkempt mess that was covered in a stack of red and pink construction paper, glitter and glue sticks, and a whole set of colored markers. Mr. Garrison was quite astonished to see the least hardest-working student of his class putting in so much determination into his valentines. Even Kyle was shocked. He couldn't believe it.

"Eric, could I borrow your pink marker?" asked Butters, reaching a hand for Cartman's desk. "I'd like to finish this valentine before the lunch bell rings…"

Cartman childishly smacked Butters' hand away, grimacing darkly. Everyone looked up from their work and stared at the two boys. Stunned, Butters retrieved his hand and pet his fingers, trying to reduce the sting.

"Cartman, dude!" exclaimed Kyle. "What the hell was that for?!"

The rotund boy shielded his cherished markers from the crowd of students.

"What's gotten into him?" Stan whispered to Kyle.

"I don't know, dude," he said, shaking his head. He tried to focus on his work. "Cartman's been acting weird all week. Ever since we started this stupid project…"

"Hey, who's that one for?"

"What?"

Stan pointed to the valentine that was hiding underneath Kyle's elbow. "That one, right there." He leaned closer, eyes squinting to get a better look. "… Is that for Jenny Si—"

"Dude! Stan! SHH!"

In a panicked frenzy, Kyle covered his best friend's mouth to make sure no one had heard him. He glanced to Jenny Simon who was sitting and chatting with Wendy and Lola in a small group of three. She seemed oblivious to their conversation, which immediately made Kyle feel grateful. Cartman was first to leap from his chair when the bell rang for lunch. Under both of his armpits were a chunk load of makeshift valentines; he didn't take any notice when a few fell to the floor as he staggered out of the classroom, much to the other boys' amusement.

When the students piled out into the hall, Stan, Kyle and Kenny gathered around the valentines that their frienemy had left behind.

"I wonder who they're for," Kenny wondered aloud.

"He probably made all of them for his cat," suggested Kyle.

The two boys held their stomachs in laughter when Stan picked up one of the cards and read it to himself. Kenny was "dying" on the floor from laughing while Kyle's face was scrunched and red from his silly joke.

"… Patty Nelson."

Heaving, Kyle wiped a tear from his eye. "W-what?"

Stan gathered the rest of the valentines and browsed through them.

"These are for Patty Nelson," he said.

The kids behind Stan exchanged glances.

"Patty Nelson?" asked Kenny. "You mean the chick from the other class who wears the polka-dotted headband?"

"No way!" Kyle snatched a card from Stan, looking at it in disbelief as Kenny peered over their shoulders.

"Well I'll be damned," cursed Kenny. "And here I thought he was really gay!"

The hallways were deserted. Everyone had headed down to the cafeteria for lunch, and as much as Cartman wanted to get his hands on some sweet Salisbury steak, there was something that was extremely important that he had to do first. After taking a steady breath, he approached a row of lockers nearby the counselor's office. He remained confident and cool when a group of girls walked by, giggling about dogs and shoes. When they left him alone, he dropped his valentines onto the floor and opened his secret beloved's locker.

Cartman seethed at the One Direction posters that were hanging inside the locker. Typical girly girl. Always crushing on the poppy boy bands who think they know how to sing... Pfft. Give me a break! The boy rolled his eyes but brushed his anger aside and began to stack the valentines on top of another.

"Cartman?"

He froze right on the spot. Oh. Kyle. Great. Cartman was going to be in for an earful.

"Let me guess," said Cartman without thinking, "You're going to point out how wrong it is to rummage through another student's locker without their permission. That I'm vandalizing their little piece of property. God, Kyle. Can't you teach anything else than morals, you stupid—"

"You dropped a few of your valentines."

Back hunched and eyes wide, Eric Cartman turned to face his friends who each had a handful of cards and hearts. One by one they handed them over to him. Cartman stared speechlessly between them and his leftover valentines.

"Oh… uh… th-thanks, you guys."

"No problem, dude."

Just then a pretty girl wearing a purple polka-dotted headband walked into the hall; she wore a violet winter coat with a dark skirt that matched the color of her shoulder-length hair.

"Eric Cartman?" she asked in a curious voice. "What are you doing with my locker?"

Cartman froze up; his palms became clammy. Sweat began to trickle down his forehead. His cheeks tinted in a rosy hue.

"Oh! Uh… well, y-you see, Patty… I was just…"

Patty used her womanly charm by slowly batting her thick eyelashes.

"Yes…?"

Kyle grinned slyly as he watched the romance start to bloom before him. "Oh, gee, would you look at the time!" He glanced down at his imaginary watch and then slung an arm around Stan's shoulder as he used his free hand to slap Kenny on the back. "We don't want to miss out on the delicious Salisbury steak, do we guys?"

"Oh, uh, yeahhh!" Stan winked, going along with it. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving!"

Kenny sniffled and hung his head sadly; he desperately wanted to watch Cartman make a fool of himself in front of a girl he only had one chance with. Kyle pushed him through the cafeteria doors, leaving a flustered Cartman and a flirty Patty all alone in the hallway so they could officially start a beautiful relationship.