My Sons' Eyes Are Blue, Too
By
AJ
Prologue: Devastation of the Mind
The nightmare came again, faces leering, hands groping, bodies pressing against his, driving their point home with jeers and catcalls that would make even the modest of men blush. Dick tried to escape, but the bonds that held him this time were of his own making. Wrapped in cotton and silk he couldn't escape the inevitable. Malone and Jasper had him once again. The terror that struck sent daggers of anguish to his mind where he could not discern between the dream and real life. Was he a prisoner or wasn't he? Was this real? Or was it within his fragile psyche? It seems he was suffering once again from nightmares that would not end. His dream self was becoming weaker and smaller, being reduced to a boy once again and still they would not stop their relentless pounding. It felt so real.
"NO! NOOOOO!" he screamed out his terror until his voice was hoarse. Then a dark menacing figure swooped in as if to rescue him, but instead the figure swallowed him whole, forcing him to relive his worst fear of all, the fear of failure in which there was no escape. He failed to fight back and the menacing figure ripped him in two leaving him empty and alone. Dick turned his head to see another on the shadow's edge.
"Bruce, please help me!"
But the figure of his father and former mentor just stood there helpless with his hands tied.
The fifteen-year-old image of himself stared at the man with his eyes wide, pleading when suddenly he was pulled away, back through the darkness.
Dick Grayson bolted up right crying out in his anguish from what he had witnessed. "Why! Why didn't you help me!"
"Dick!" Bruce rushed in to grab his son into his arms to comfort him from a second round of nightmares in one night. The words he cried out were different. What had he dreamed? "Dick."
Bruce reached for his son and gently pulled him into an embrace, but Dick suddenly thrust him away continuing to repeat, "Why, why didn't you help me!"
Racking sobs of anguish sent the young man crashing back onto the bed. He rolled over, turning his back on his father and curling up into a ball so tightly, his fingers nearly ripped through the fabric of the mattress.
Bruce stared, astonished at what Dick had done, his hands still poised in their embrace to touch and comfort his son now touched empty air. It was only the second time in his life when Dick could not . . . would not be comforted. The first time was when Batman ripped Robin from him and the part that was Bruce let it happen causing a rip in his own soul where grief and a second son had not replaced what he had lost. He could not believe what was happening.
Earlier, Bruce had succeeded in easing his son's distress and what he witnessed, a robin successfully escaping the clutches of a hawk had given him a sense of hope, that his birds would fly again. Was that hope misplaced? Did he read the omen wrong? Or was it just a coincidence that a hawk and a robin fought and the smaller bird succeeded in escaping what could have been its fate?
Bruce didn't dare leave his son alone and yet his son had rejected his attempt at bringing him comfort. Heartsick once again, Bruce made his way to the conservatory to decide on what must be done. He feared that the nightmares were slowly driving his eldest son insane and his only option at that point was to send him away to a hospital to get help. Arkham Asylum was the closest, but he dare not send Dick there. Too many of Gotham's criminally insane were there.
'If I send him to Arkham, it will kill him. Please, Father, I don't know what to do any more. My oldest is fighting a losing battle with his mind and my youngest is racked with guilt. He tries to hide it, but I see it in his eyes. What must I do? I don't know what to do.'
For the first time in many years, he felt helpless. Bruce Wayne covered his face with his hands and wept.
Continues with Part 1: A Broken Bird In My Hands
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A/N: The dream reflects back to Broken Trust series. In the series Bruce saves Dick, but in Dick's dream, Bruce is powerless and cannot help and for a moment when Dick wakes, he's still partially in that dream state where he's that 15-year-old boy and asking why Bruce did not help him and he rejects Bruce's attempt to comfort him.