"I'm dying," Vanitas says. He says it so quietly that it was almost missed.
The two halves, light and dark, sat back to back in Sora's heart. Vast darkness loomed all around them but somehow they, along with the Station of Awakening, were lit.
There had never been anything to do in this place except converse with the other occupants. Roxas mostly stayed away and was often seen wandering through the depths of the heart as if searching for something. Something that he often said he didn't remember what it was but he feels as if he must find it. Even now he was searching aimlessly. Ventus hoped he found what he was searching for.
"I know," Ventus replies to Vanitas' blunt statement. Of course he couldn't have just sugar-coated his words – Vanitas could have had said 'fading' instead of 'dying'. Perhaps they meant the same thing here but it hurt more hearing the later word. It was just so final and lacked all hope.
"I won't exist much longer," Vanitas continues on without a shred of emotion in his words. Just like Ventus, he absentmindedly looks into the vast void of black. Strange how a single boy's heart seemed to go on for an eternity. Stranger still how so many other hearts is kept within this place – this prison that may not have bars but was inescapable and confining all the same.
"Yeah," Ventus whispers. He frowns and his blue eyes glisten. At least Vanitas couldn't see him cry.
Vanitas grins and he brings his hands close to his own face, watching as his fingertips fade away into nothingness. His palms start to go the same way but he keeps on smiling and oddly finds some delight in it – he will be free, even if he will no longer be himself with his own body and individual mind. "You're going to wake up soon. You've been sleeping for so long." The fact that he is starting to go transparent is proof of Ventus' rousing into wakefulness.
Ventus can't bring himself to reply because his throat constricts. Every word Vanitas says just makes him feel worse.
"I wonder if your friends will be there; but I can't seem to recall their names. Their faces too are difficult to remember – you're absorbing everything."
It was true: Ventus could recall everything Vanitas had been put through. His painful upbringing serving under Master Xehanort, the way his soul had always been in pure agony and yearning to be reunited with Ventus, the hell of being filled with such a high level of negativity… and the loneliness. As an entity of darkness, Ventus' own in fact, he could never connect with anyone. All his Master wanted was to use him to fight Ventus in order to form the X-blade.
"I'm starting to forget a lot and soon it will all be lost entirely. Does time flow differently in here from outside? I always wondered and you'll find that out for me, won't you? When you awaken?"
Ventus nodded, even if Vanitas couldn't see it. In a way, everything Vanitas had been through had been his fault. If he had been strong enough then Master Xehanort would have never tore Vanitas out of him in the first place. They would have both been whole and Ventus could have stood up to him. All this pain and hurt could have been prevented if he hadn't been so weak. Aqua wouldn't have gotten trapped within the darkness, Terra wouldn't have given into it and all three of them could have been exploring the universe happily, without any pain.
"I suppose it would be nice to see how things have changed on the outside. Roxas told me that Sora's some kind of bigshot hero. Can you believe that? But then again, apparently he has a lot in common with you. Perhaps you being here left an impression on his heart but if that's true then what did he get from me? Nonetheless, I've always envisioned him as a wimpy loser just like you." Vanitas stopped smiling. "But if a loser beat me then what does that make me? I suppose it's really me that was weak. You had always been stronger and I guess I knew I was bound to fail in my task. But I just couldn't bring myself to care or stop for a second to really think."
Ventus could feel himself becoming more and more whole. It was as if the more Vanitas talked, the more he was becoming consumed by Ventus' fractured but healing heart.
"If there's one favour that I will ask of you it's to make sure Xehanort is stopped. Well, I don't care too much about preventing his plans but I want him to get punched in the face at least. With all this time in here I've thought over a lot of things and I can't believe I didn't just betray him. Why did I serve him and go along with his plans? I was a coward I think – he just had so much power."
Now Ventus could feel what Vanitas had felt when he had gotten split off and turned into his own person – the sensation was unbearable but it faded quickly yet the memory remained, burned into his mind permanently.
"You will probably forget me once we're whole again," Vanitas sighed out. "I won't forgive you for that but I suppose with me dead it won't even matter. Oh, I almost forget to say but did you ever wonder about your own existence? I mean, I am a part of you. You used to be filled with both light and darkness, both of which are closely matched. When I go away and become one with you again then will you truly still be you or someone else?"
Ventus gasped and his skin became chalk white. He turned and Vanitas did the same.
"Who is 'Ventus'? Who is the true 'Ventus'?"
Vanitas grinned but unlike his usual cruel smiles this one held no malice. It was rather plain and so un-Vanitas-like that Ventus started to sob. He was scared of losing him and scared of what would happen to himself as well. He was scared of awakening in a world where so much time had passed and scared that he would still be too broken to be any help in stopping Master Xehanort.
The body of Vanitas was flickering in and out of existence like a dying candle with no wax left to burn, soon to be snuffed out. How could he look so unconcerned with his demise? How could he grin and act as if everything was going to be fine?
Vanitas reached a flickering hand out and caressed Ventus' cheek, clearing away the tear tracks as he did. His touch was far too gentle, far too kind. Perhaps, even if he tried to hide it, he was actually afraid as well.
The golden eyes of Vanitas started to glisten, if only for a few seconds, giving away what he felt. Ventus pulled him into his arms then as he could feel the fear now and the sorrow. He could even hear Vanitas' thoughts whirl around in his own mind as if they were his very own.
I'm afraid to not exist.
I don't want to die.
Why does it have to be me?
No one cares anyway.
Everyone who knew me hated me.
I won't even be spoken about when you awaken.
I won't be included in any history books or thought twice about.
My entire existence was utterly meaningless from start to finish.
"Stop," Ventus begs, barely able to speak as the sadness leaks out and feels as if it is buried in every part of his being. "Please don't think that."
"It's all true and you know it. You're not that stupid and I know for a fact that you're no longer so naïve either."
Ventus agrees but can't bring himself to admit it out loud. He just hurts so much and wish it would all go away and for him to forget but that would mean losing Vanitas entirely. If he remembers him then he will never truly be gone. He could live on in his memories. He wouldn't truly die.
Vanitas pulls out of the embrace and Ventus allows this without much struggle. They stare at each other and both have tear tracks running down their faces that looks silver in the light. This would be the last time they would ever see each other. The last time they would be so individual: the last moments of Vanitas existing apart.
"I'm sorry, Ventus," he says. "I'm sorry it has to be this way. I'm sorry I never considered just siding with you and your friends. Perhaps we could have beaten Xehanort and perhaps I could have gotten my own life." The apologies sounded sincere. Never had Ventus expected him to be this way at all. If only there had been more time – if only Ventus had gotten to know him rather than fight him.
If only time could be turned back. If only this all could be undone. But Ventus had no way of turning back the clock and all he could do was hate Master Xehanort even more for his actions. He would get back at him for this and this time he wouldn't be so weak or such a pushover like he was in the past. He would never forgive him for this.
"Goodbye, Ventus," Vanitas said softly. He closed his eyes and started to disappear entirely. A genuine smile rests on his face that he shouldn't been capable of having.
Ventus reached out desperately as Vanitas fades like paint poured into a river. He tries to cling to something—anything but his fingers slip right through the air uselessly. "Please don't leave me here! Please don't go!" All attempts are futile as Vanitas is already gone.
Alone, Ventus stands on the Station of Awakening. Alone, he falls to his knees and places his head in his hands. Alone, he cries as the darkness changes to light and he starts to awaken.
He awakes on a white throne of some kind in a white room with a white ceiling and a white floor. He awakes not knowing where he is or who stands before him but he awakes feeling miserable and so very angry.
Ventus awakes screaming and crying all at once but he can't remember why. All he knows is that he feels as if he lost something that he would never quite get back. But he does know that somehow Master Xehanort is to blame.
He gets to his feet and even if he still cries he summons his Keyblade. The person before him freezes and is shocked but Ventus doesn't seem to care. He can't bring himself to with this misery tied deep within him that is so vast that he doubts he'll ever feel happy again.
"Do you know where Xehanort is?"
"Huh? Oh, umm, well… I guess that's why I came here – to awaken you. But you kinda did that yourself. I, and I guess the others on the side of light, were hoping to defeat him together."
Ventus sent away his Keyblade and scrubbed at his face to get rid of all the tears. Once done, he walked to the stranger (who seemed weirdly familiar) and stood at their side. "Well, let's go. I've spent enough time sleeping."
"That's the spirit! But seriously, you woke up super easy. I didn't even have to do anything. I guess I did get something out of the Mark of Mastery test after all."
I will defeat him and won't show a hint of mercy or kindness. No matter what I have to do to bring him down I'll do it and go down with him if I have to.
Distantly he swears he hears a voice that differs from his own.
Make me proud to be a part of you: kick his ass.
Ventus, spurred with sudden confidence and determination that he hadn't known he was still capable of feeling, very much planned to do just that.