One day, there was a human Dinky Hooves who threw pineapples at trees because they stole her turducken. The trees had also been stealing turduckens from other people, but ignored the houses that served tofurkey. Suddenly, a boss battle! It was the head tree/vampire lichen beast! He wanted to steal all the meat in Equestria! Except bacon. He didn't like bacon. The girl figured out that since the trees never stole tofurkey, they must have been allergic to it! So she gathered all the tofurkey she could find, and started throwing it at the tree people. Huzzah! The minions were defeated and the turduckens could return to their proper homes. However, she used up all the tofurkey before she could get to the head boss. The lichen tree laughed, since he'd now absorbed all the fruit punch in the area, and not even the tofurkey masters of Pai Quoi could stop him now. All hope looked lost, but then the werebadger tribe of the fifth dynasty KKK warlords catapulted all their watermelons (did this unintentionally do a racist?) at the giant tree. The tree was part ninja and dodged most of the watermelons, except for one that hit his left eye.
"Curses!" He bellowed, "How am I supposed to see with only five eyes?!" The tree swung wildly, knocking over the werebadgers as they reloaded. Dinky watched in horror as the army was decimated in a matter of seconds before her eyes.
Their peppermint-scented werebadger squire carefully brought to her a package he'd been carrying. "Take this!" it said, "Use the power of the rock-death pill to vanquish the tree vampire before we're all doomed!"
"But why can't you use the rock-death pill?" asked Dinky.
"Because I'm a racist." Said the squire. "You can't have superpowers if you're racist."
"That makes no sense." Said Dinky, but before she could say anything else, the vampire tree bellowed as it started to gain his bearings, and the racist werebadger squire shoved the rock-death pill down the girl's throat. Within moments, she glowed, and transformed into a magical Dinky-pony with a shark's jaw and chainsaw legs that could shoot fire, and her tail became a platypus-monkey who recited calculus equations that became rope made from bats and rotten tomatoes and vomit! The now powered-up pony girl galloped in the air toward the boss battle as her chainsaw legs roared in anticipation.
The tree swung at her, but she dodged and her tail-rope wrapped around its wrist. She then flew around his head three times, thereby wrapping the lichen tree's arm around its neck, and the rope's combination of rotted tomato and vomit stomach acid began to dissolve through its wood exterior. The beast swung its other arm, and Dinky galloped along it, cutting and burning the wood-flesh as she went. The lichen vampire tree bellowed in pain. Dinky flew off, gradually pulling the tree's head apart from its body. Then, in one last pull to completely sever body from head, her legs blasted butt loads of fire, the chainsaws roared in agony, and she shouted in her new Swedish tongue, "Jag tror på älvor!" (Or "I do believe in fairies!") The beast's head ripped off, and its lifeless body fell to the ground, crushing everything and everyone underneath it.
At long last, the good citizens of Equestria could rest easy knowing that their turduckens were now safe to live a long and happy life….IN EVERYONE'S BELLIES!
Oh, and everyone else died from lack of oxygen.
The End.