Beloved

((Rewrite of my first ever story, 'Beloved', although I had to change the title to 'My beloved', because apparently you can't have two stories under the same name. Currently, the other version is still up, but it will be taken down as soon as I've used the number of hits it has as evidence of how great I am (jokes) to get into this sixth form I want to go to. A lot is going to change in this version, spare the main ideas and plot. Constructive criticism is always welcome, and I'd just love any reviews, or anything. So yeah, thanks, and I'll let you go read now :))

"Roxanne Weasley." George sighs gently as he strokes his daughter's hair, smiling at her. "When did you get so gorgeous? I swear, it shouldn't be allowed."

The sixteen year old giggles, but doesn't agree. She's too short, with frizzy black hair that sticks up everywhere and is impossible to brush. Coffee coloured skin doesn't match freckles, and she's past the stage of trying to coat her face in enough foundation to hide them completely. Why does everyone care about being beautiful anyway? Roxy doesn't want to be like her cousins, with their perfectly straight hair and flawless patina, especially Dominique, flawless Veela.

Releasing Roxy from his tight embrace, George turns to his son, Freddie. Freddie II.

"Are you going to tell me how pretty I am now too, Dad?" Fred pouts, tilting his head to the side and fluttering his eyelashes, winking at a group of fourth year girls who giggle as they pass by us, heading towards the train.

George's grin spreads. "Actually, your mother asked me to tell you that this year there's going to be no more messing around. We've agreed: NEWTs come first." With that, he pulls a face and laughs, "Well, by agreed, I mean she yelled at me and I said yes, but the point still stands." Reaching forwards and ruffling his son's hair lightly, he laughs once more. "Try not to get into too much trouble, kiddo."

"Me? Trouble?" Freddie's tone drips with sarcasm, "Surely you're getting me mixed up with someone else."

"Yeah, yeah." George sighs, "Just promise me you're not going to flood the Great Hall again. McGonagall's cranky enough without a broken neck."

Fred giggles.

"Hey, it's only funny until someone gets hurt."

"Yeah, then it's hilarious."

Roxy rolls her eyes, turning away from her Dad and brother's playful bickering and looking around for someone to save her. Her eyes come to rest on a tumult of bushy red hair floating somewhere about a foot above every other head on the station, retreating away from her quickly on legs that ended at the height of Roxy's chest.

"OI ROSE." Rox bellows, charging after her cousin and ignoring George's sighed, 'Bye! Love you too, honey.'

The redhead spins around, grinning widely.

"ROXY BABY." Rose throws her arms up into the air over her head and pulls Roxy into a tight hug, lifting her off the ground. "I've missed you!" She gasps, "Where've you been?!"

"Oh, you know- around." Roxy laughs as her giant of a cousin plonks her back down onto her feet and giggles.

Rose is staring at her with a mischievous expression, leering very slightly. "Go on then. Who is he?"

Roxy's confusion is evident, and she stares back at Rose blankly. "What?"

"The guy. Come on, do you think I'm stupid? I've seen you twice this whole holiday. Who is it?" She glances around them, grinning.

Despite there not being anything to tell, Roxy can't help but blush.

"OH MY GOD, IS IT SCORPIUS MALFOY?!" Rose exclaims with utter glee, her grin revealing the braces her grandparents, wary of magical dentistry, had enforced. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!"

Roxy snorts. "Where in the name of Merlin did that come from? Scorpius- What?!" She's doubled over, laughing hysterically and so mortified she's gone bright red from ear to ear.

"YES. ROXY'S IN LOVE WITH SCORPIUS. ROXY'S IN LOVE WITH SCORPIUS." Rose chants as she dances around us, waving her gangly arms in the air.

Finally managing to get a hold on herself, Rox grabs hold of one of Rose's flailing arms and giggles. "You know, Rose, I have a few problems with that statement." She pauses for dramatic effect, and then continues, "First of all- No. Secondly- No. And thirdly- I'd never betray you like that." She gazes at Rose solemnly, nodding her head.

Now it's Rose's turn to be confused. "What?"

"Rosie, you've been in love with Scorpius since you were eleven years old. Please, don't even bother-"

"Hey!" Rosie shrieks and playfully bats Roxy's shoulder, sending us flying. Rose is one of those people who's never going to realise their own strength. But then, when you're sixteen and six foot seven, there's not really that much hope for you.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry!" She mumbles as she painfully grasps Roxy's arm and hauls us back to our feet, "I didn't mean to, really, I'm so sorry."

Roxy mumbles incoherently, rubbing her bruised shoulder, and smiling reassuringly at Rose, trying to convince herself that it hurt less than it did. "I'm fine, I'm fine." She dusts off her legs and smiles again, "Really, it's fine."

"I'm sorry, I'm such a disaster. I shouldn't be allowed out of the house. I'm a public health hazard." Rose moans miserably.

"Who's a public health hazard?" There's a sudden blur of red, and a tiny figure materialises at Rose's side, grinning. "Surely not you, Rosie."

Rose chuckles, smiling down at the midget. "'Fraid so, Luce. They've got the test results back and apparently I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life tied to a bed for the safety of the rest of the world."

"Could be worse," I don't know when Dominique arrived, but she's stood at Roxy and I's side, two brand new pink streaks in her dirty blonde hair and black kohl smeared around each of her eyes. "You could always be Hagrid."

"I guess." Shrugging, and exhaling deeply, Rose turns around, "C'mon, I guess we should go get on the train before I trample any first years."

Roxy laughs, and reaches up to pat Rose on the shoulder. "You guys go on. I left my trunk over with Dad. Save me a seat."

The others nod as she jogs away, back towards where George stands holding her trunk steady, obviously having been waiting for her return. Freddie's disappeared somewhere, most likely having found James and run off to prank Muggles using the latter's invisibility cloak.

"I was wondering how long it'd take you." George grins down at her with that oh-so-familiar smile. The smile that one upon a time was my smile, too.

I should probably explain. My name is Fred Weasley. Fred Weasley the first. You'll recognise it from the faded war memorials and broken, stopped hand on the Weasley family clock. I was twenty years old when I died, and, had I survived, I would have been 26 when I was born for a second time.

Don't bother asking me how it happened or why, because I don't have a clue. When I died, it took less than a heartbeat, less than a second, before I felt my eyes open once more.

That's just it though. I didn't open my eyes: I felt my eyes open.

Tiny limbs reached forwards without my permission, grasping at the air until, after a few seconds, I felt my fingers catch around something, and grip on. Squinting through long black eyelashes, I could see a face hovering above mine. A very familiar face.

"Georgie." I tried to croak, my mouth staying resolutely closed. "Georgie I'm-"

"Congratulations Mr Weasley, Mrs Weasley. You have a baby girl."

If I had been in control of my own heart, it would probably have stopped then.

"Roxanne." George cradled me in his arms, holding me close to his face and kissing my forehead with cracked lips. "My little baby Roxy."

Everything went black.

The first five or six years of my second life were a nonsensical blur. Feeling Roxy learn how to walk and talk, listening to her mind develop and gradually start to form conscious thoughts. Once I realised I could hear what she was thinking, I spent days and months screaming at her silently to listen to me. But there was nothing I could do. I was trapped like a prisoner, seeing what she saw, hearing what she heard, and feeling what she felt. I went through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. I've come to a point when I know that there's nothing I can do. Roxy doesn't know me, she never has. I'm a stranger to her, just a name on a war memorial, the reason her Dad won't celebrate his birthday or smile at Christmas. I'm a ghost.

Roxy waves enthusiastically at her Dad as the train pulls out of the station, but her heart really isn't in it. Like most of the other pupils on the train, she exhales the annual sigh of relief as parents and family members vanish out of sigh and out of mind.

"Hey Freddie," Roxy calls, without looking up from the window. "He's gone. It's safe for you to read now."

"Don't bother," Rose's voice from beside her is ominous, "It's begun."

"What-?" Roxy's head snaps up, to be met by the sight of Freddie and a familiar, jet-black haired Slytherin, their mouths locked together. "Oh for Pete's sake."

In the last year, Freddie had given up his playboy lifestyle of snogging anything that walked, and been in a relationship with Julian Nolan. He's in Freddie's year, and to be perfectly honest, I don't trust him. Not one bit. Neither does Roxy. It's not anything Julian's done besides being a bit of a tosser, and she probably wouldn't be able to explain it if anyone asked her, but the there's something about him that seems... wrong. She's never voiced her worries; she wouldn't dare, and she's doing her best to convince herself that it's just freaking her out how vulnerable her brother becomes when he's around Julian.

Rose, apparently, has had enough.

"STOP SNOGGING. THERE ARE CHILDREN ON THIS VEHICLE." She yells, lobbing her book across the compartment towards them, where Julian, without so much as looking up, reaches out a hand and catches it effortlessly, before pulling his face away from Freddie's with a resounding squelching sound, which Rose promptly mimics.

Fred, eyes shining as he glances almost shyly at Julian, licks his lips, muttering, "Some people are gay, get over it." He's quoting the brightly coloured Muggle posters that appeared around the school during his second year, and Roxy's first.

Rose rolls her eyes, taking her book back from Julian. "Your gender is not the issue, here, Fred. Some of us are going to have to die alone and don't need to be reminded of it by you two playing tongue-hockey every second of the day."

"Tongue hockey." Roxy muses. "Nice." No-one's really listening to her though.

Freddie and Julian are kissing again, and Dom, having been sat quietly in a corner with her i-pod for the journey so far, shoots them a resentful look.

"I don't know what you're looking so pissed off for, Domi." Rose laughs. "How come you aren't with Lorcan?"

Shrugging, Dom pulls her headphones out of her ears and sits up, tucking a strand of pink hair behind her ear. "Dunno where he is."

"Fair enough." Returning her gaze to the two snoggers sat opposite her, Rose pokes Fred with her leg. "Earth to Freddie. Earth to Freddie. Come in Freddie."

He doesn't respond, except to slide his hand around Julian's waist, pulling him closer.

"Eurgh. It's practically pornography. PORNOGRAPHY." Rose bellows at the two of them, startling two tiny first years passing outside the glass door of the compartment. They stare at her wide eyed for a few seconds, and then run away as she fixes them with an innocent smile.

"Oh Rose." Dominique shakes her head, giggling. "What on earth are we going to do with you?"

Rose shrugs, shaking her head. "I tried to get Dad to shrink me a bit over the summer, but he kept saying I'm perfect just the way I am." She pulls a face. "Mum sympathised, but she still said no."

"I'll do it if you like." Freddie and Julian have finally managed to tear their faces apart, and Freddie's sat with his wand raised. "We did self transformation last year. I was great at it."

Roxy furrows her brow. "Oh, would that have been around Easter-time, when you tried to turn your eyebrows blue and ended up with a bald face for three week?."

Freddie shrugs. "I've practised."

"Yes, I remember." Dom laughs, "Wasn't that why Percy had to go to St. Mungo's?"

"I was distracted by how much of a prat he is." Fred says casually, raising to his feet and advancing on Rose. "Trust me, it'll be fine."

Rose also rises to her feet, standing up to her full height, a full foot above the top of Freddie's head. "Fred Weasley if you so much as try."

He sighs, backing down and taking a seat, leaning into Julian's arms. "It's Freddie. Don't call me Fred." He mutters resentfully. "It's not my name."

I don't resent the kid for refusing to be called by my name. If I was him I'm insist on 'Freddie' too. I would never ever in my life -Well, while I'm still conscious of my own mind anyway- say that I hate George. He's my twin brother, my other half. But the way he treats his son can be utterly despicable.

Everything that George has ever wanted of Freddie is for him to be me. Aged five, Freddie was going to the shop with George every day. Aged seven, he had his own line of fireworks, and when Roxy came up with the idea for sweets that changed your hair colour, George patted her on the head and told her well done, crumpling up her childish sketches the moment her back was turned. I remember her running up to her bedroom, curling up into a ball and crying for hours.

Times like those, I should note, were the worst times for me. I could hear her every thought, feel the gut-wrenching disappointment in her stomach as she sobbed into her pillow, and there was absolutely nothing I could do. I'm the one person who understands every thought that runs through her mind and she doesn't even know I exist. I could scream at her all day long and she'd still never have any idea, although it gives us a headache if I do. She changes with my moods as well- If I'm feeling pissed off and frustrated, Roxy will act grouchy. As a child, Roxy was always pretty lonely, and now I'm sure it was because of my depression, before I managed to reach a stage where I can at least accept my situation. There are times now when I'm not even conscious of my own existence. I just unthinkingly watch Roxy's life go by, never so much as considering that I have the ability to so much as form an opinion outside of whatever goes on in her mind.

"Roxy." Dom's worried voice cuts into Roxy's thoughts, and she looks up slowly, linking. "You okay?"

The whole compartment is staring at her now, Fred's face in particular filled with concern. "Yeah." She exhales in a shaky laugh, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Rose moves forwards and wraps an arm around her cousin's shoulders, touching our cheek. "You're crying."

"I am?" Although it's a question, she doesn't sound remotely surprised. "Sorry."

Rose stares at her intently. "Don't apologise, Rox. What's up?"

Swallowing, and shaking her head, Roxy wipes the tears from her face. "I'm fine, I think- I'm just going to go get some air." She stands up, grabbing her rucksack from the luggage rack above her head and blinking rapidly as she slides open the compartment door, not looking back as she turns down the carriage and walks away as fast as she can without breaking into a run.

By the time she reaches the front of the train, our hopes of finding an empty carriage are all but dead. Her tears fall thick and fast as she approaches the very last compartment on the train, praying for it to be empty. It is, although someone's trunk has been left slung along the seats on the right hand side. She has bigger things to worry about now though, than who it belongs to and when they're going to return.

Sliding open the door and trembling as she steps through, she slams it behind her and drops to the floor, burying her face into the soft fabric of one of the seats.

"Why am I crying?" She whispers, lifting a trembling hand to her lips, "What's wrong with me, why am I crying?"

I wish I could wrap my arms around her, or even give her one word of comfort. But there's nothing I can do. Everything is my bloody fault. What's the point? Is there a god? Is this part of some bigger picture he's working on, by trapping me here? Am I supposed to spend the rest of Roxy's life like this? My only influence on the outside world an occasional teenage emotional breakdown? I wish, not for the first time, that I could die. But how do you die when you don't have a body of your own in the first place?

I hate myself for what I do to her, I hate it I hate it I HATE IT. I'd kill for one day in my own body again. I'd kill to just be able to lift one finger of my own free will. I want out. I want out of this right now.

Roxy's eyes are screwed shut as great sobs shake her body, and she curls up into a ball, pulling her rucksack off her back and grappling with the zip, tugging it open and trying desperately to find the small bottle that's been untouched in so long. She's wondering why now? What's happened? She thought she was getting better. It had been so long since last time and now everything's happening all over again.

"Roxy?" The confused voice arrives along with the sound of the compartment door sliding open. "Roxy what-? Oh balls."

Stong arms reach around her, picking her up off the floor and placing her gently onto the seat. "Okay Roxy, calm down, calm down, it's okay."

The deep, gentle, masculine voice is familiar, but can't quite put my finger on it. If Roxy knows who it is she's not thinking about it lucidly enough for me to tell, too busy sobbing hysterically into her hands.

"Roxy, I-" The voice begins, but Roxy cuts in.

"P-pills. I n-need my p-p-"

"Of course." We hear him rifling through her rucksack, and after a few seconds, the small, opaque glass bottle is pressed into her hands. "I'll get you some water, one second."

Another few seconds, and a large plastic bottle is pushed into her other hand. She fumbles to unscrew the lid, but it's hopeless, her hands are shaking too much. Eventually, both bottles are lifted out of her hands, and the seat moves downwards ever so slightly with the weight of somebody sitting down beside her. She upturns her trembling hand, opening her eyes a crack, but still unable to see through her tears. A pill is placed into the centre of her palm, and she holds it gently before tilting her head back and putting the pill into her mouth. It tastes disgusting, but she's already starting to feel better, her tears slowly subsiding. The now open bottle of water is lifted to her lips by the stranger, and she drinks gratefully, swallowing the pill and wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

"I'm s-sorry." She mutters, leaning forwards and blinking, trying to clear her vision. "I th-thought I was getting better, it's-"

"Hey. Hey. It's not your fault, Rox. Don't think it's your fault. Please. It's okay." A hand rubs her back gently.

Before she even looks up at him, I realise who it must be. Roxy's known all along, and she's not remotely surprised to herself sitting face to face with a man sporting bright, bubblegum-pink hair, turquoise eyes flecked with violet, and a patient, concerned smile. "No, Teddy. It's not. How is this okay? I can't- I can't."

Teddy Lupin. 26 years old and the son of Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin, born a few months before I died, although I never met him personally. He's a metamorphmagus, meaning he can change his body to his will. Hair colour, eye colour, the shape of his face, his height, everything. Being Harry's godson, he's always been relatively close to the family, and became even more so after he proposed to Victoire, Roxy's cousin and Dominique's older sister.

Everything was going great, and it looked as though Teddy was set to become a real part of the family. But then there was the car accident. Being a witch, Victoire shouldn't have even been using a car, nobody knows why she was. She had been on her way to a shopping centre with a Muggle friend, buying last minute accessories for her wedding, when a thirty tonne lorry ran straight through a red light 100 metres from her and Teddy's home. Neither of the two women in the car so much as had a chance. Since then, Ted's been a bit of a recluse. He comes to Weasley family gatherings, but he arrives late and leaves early, usually hiding out in the kitchen with Roxy and stealing whatever food my Mum's prepared. They aren't close, to be exact, but they enjoy each others company.

"Shh." Teddy sighs, pulling her into a gentle hug. "You're okay now. Everything's going to be fine."

Slowly, she turns her head and buries it into his shoulder, sniffing. There's a part of her that can't stand to be this pathetic, especially around Teddy.

Finally, when she's sure she's got a hold on her emotions, she picks her head up, looking at him warily. "What are you doing here?"

Her tone is a lot more demanding than she had meant it to be, but it doesn't look like he's offended. In fact, he laughs. "Guess who's your new potions teacher?"

"Oh my god, Teddy!" She exclaims, laughing with delight before sniffing delicately, "That's brilliant!"

"Actually," He winks, "It's Professor Lupin now."

Giggling, her bad mood dissolved instantly, she glances over at the trunk across the other side of the carriage, spying the gold lettering on the side. Professor T R Lupin: Teddy Remus Lupin. How did she not see that earlier? Oh, that's right, because I was busy having a bloody breakdown, she thinks irritably.

I press down my anger, knowing full well that letting my emotions get out of hand again isn't going to help the situation.

"So you're a teacher now?" Despite herself, Roxy snorts.

He backs up, offended, "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" His eyes glint as they shift to pale green, and he laughs. "You don't think I can be a good teacher? Fuck you I can be a good teacher. I'll be a great teacher."

"First point- swearing at students." Roxy bites her lip, looking up at him through her curls, "Second point- you couldn't control a classroom full of slugs, let alone teenagers."

"You wait and see." He mutters, folding his arms. "I'll be the one laughing when everyone passes their exams. You'll see. You'll see!"

It's obvious he's just trying to cheer her up, but either she doesn't notice, or doesn't care. I'm thinking the latter.

Laughing with him, she looks up at the door to the carriage, wiping her eyes and realising that her face is smudged with Mascara. She curses, and reaches into her pocket for a tissue, wiping beneath her eyes and then looking back up at Ted, grimacing slightly.

"You look fine, love." He says gently, getting to his feet and going to the door, sliding it open and looking out of it, down the train. We can see him sighing. "Hey, Freddie!" He calls, "Stop pestering first years, she's fine. She's in here."

Roxy sets her jaw, and stares resolutely down at the ground until her brother appears in the doorway.

"Rox? What happened?" He plops down next to her, draping an arm around her shoulders and hugging her tightly, "You ran off. I was worried."

Giving him a reassuring smile and squeezing his hand, she shook her head. "I'm fine, it was nothing. I guess... I guess I didn't realise how stressed I was about coming back to school."

His eyebrows raise sceptically, but shrugs. "Whatever you say. You're okay now though?"

"I'm fine." She repeats. "Shouldn't you be with Julian or something?"

He rolls his eyes. "He's my boyfriend, not my Siamese bloody twin. Jules went to go find his sister."

"Wait, wait." Teddy shakes his head, confused. "Who's Freddie going out with now?"

Roxy says "Julian" at the exact second that Freddie says "No-one".

Teddy laughs, turning away and fishing around in his pocket, bringing out an apple. "You know if I'm supposed to be your teacher now," he says, in between large bites, "I really need to keep track of who's shagging who. This is going to be great. It's like one huge episode of Hollyoaks.

Pretending she has the faintest clue what 'hollyoaks' is, Roxy grins. "Sure. If you say so."

Teddy shrugs. "I've figured it all out now. I was born to teach. This is what my life's all about."

To his credit, his Father was the second best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher I ever had. If you don't count Mad-Eye moody, who actually turned out to be some kind of psychopath.

"Look," Roxy mutters, getting to her feet, "I should probably go find Rose and get changed. We're nearly there." Nodding at Teddy politely, she picks up her rucksack, tucking her pills into the inside pocket and slinging it over her shoulder. "I'll see guys later. Good luck with the... teaching, Ted."

Conscious that her face is turning a deep red colour, she spins on her heel and exits the compartment, head down and heart thumping, wearing that childish smirk that only Teddy has ever managed to bring out.

Sucks that he's your teacher now. I tell her silently, knowing fully well she can't hear a word of it. Still, worst case scenario he ends up in Azkaban and you get kicked out of Hogwarts. What could possibly go wrong?

"No. Shut up. He doesn't even like me, that's-" She mutters under her breath, shaking her head and biting her lip, "No."

For one gut-wrenching moment I think she's replying to me, and then I realise she's just responding to her own internal monologue. My heart sinks.

Sighing, and rubbing her chin gently, she sets off back to her original compartment, steeling herself for Rose's predictable girlish outburst on the news of Teddy, and thinking about the year ahead. Yeah, maybe it looks like her bi-polar disorder is back with a vengeance, and Dom's surely not going to react well to Teddy being here, him bringing back painful memories of her sister, but... it's a new year. It's a new start for her, and this time,she's not going to screw it up.

And there we go, chapter one finished!
If anyone's reading this who's read my other version of this story, I think we can all agree that it was not the best written piece of work on the planet, but I'm feeling a lot better about this. I'm planning it all out, chapter by chapter, and I'm not going to let myself do that thing where I go off on a tangent like I did last time. I now have this BRILLIANT (and ever so slightly pretentious) editor named Zack, who gives me a kick up the arse every time I write something that makes no sense, but yeah. Hi. For anyone that hasn't read any of my other stories, I'm Hannah, and I'm just about the worst updater you will ever come across. I'm working on it though. Look, I have exams this week and I'm still here writing away! It's all for you guys! No, no I'm kidding, but I really should revise :/
Anyway, moving onwards. Like I said at the beginning of the chapter: feedback. I NEED feedback. It's what I live off. Most people live off food but not me, I NEED REVIEWS AND FEEDBACK TO SURVIVE. Positive, negative, it doesn't even matter, just knowing that someone's taken the time to actually reply back with something feels amazing, you have no idea.
So yeah, thank-you, and if you need anything else from me, or want to kick me up the arse and get me to update faster, just message me, either here or on tumblr :)
Anyway I have a maths exam at nine tomorrow morning, and it's half eleven now, so...
I'll aim to get an update on either Turned to Dust or Kiss Goodbye by the end of the week (It's a goal, okay? I can set myself goals. I might never achieve them, but... It's a goal).
Thank-you so much for taking the time to read my story though, and I hope you have a great day,
Hannah :)
P.S. I wasn't kidding about living off feedback.