I can't write Heller style, but I can try. Given that I can't write like Heller, it must be assumed that I am not him, and therefore cannot plausibly own the book. Go forth and enjoy!
"Hey, Yo-Yo?"
"Don't call me Yo-Yo."
"Why not?"
"Because my name is Yossarian."
"Well, I know that, Yossarian."
"Then call me Yossarian."
"I have been."
"No you haven't."
Yossarian's tentmate frowned. He was one of the four young men of twenty-one who had been forced upon him. He was tall. He was broad shouldered and strong. He grinned widely and often and laughed loudly. He had a nice, simple American name of Brown. He was proud to be serving his country and excited to fly his missions.
He was an idiot.
"What've I been calling you?"
"Yo-Yo. That's what all of you have been calling me since you've stepped onto this island."
"Who has?"
"You have!" Yossarian exclaimed.
"No I haven't." Yossarian moaned and rolled over on his bunk.
"Hey, Yo-Yo?"
"What?"
"Does anyone ever use that cot?"
"Does anyone ever use what cot?"
"The cot with all the bags on it."
"That's Lieutenant Mudd's bed."
"Does he ever use it though?"
"He's a dead man. Why the hell should he use it?"
Brown considered this for a moment.
"Why does a dead man have his bags here?"
"He doesn't."
"Of course he does! They're right there!"
"No they're not."
"Then who's are they?"
Yossarian shrugged.
"Mudd never even got here."
"But if Mudd never got here, who's bags are those?"
"Lieutenant Mudd's! Don't you ever listen?!"
"You just said that Mudd never got here!"
"Lieutenant Mudd came here and flew a mission before he was registered. He was killed."
"So?"
"So he never got here."
"He had to get here to fly a mission!"
'No he didn't."
"Yes, he did." Brown insisted.
"Not according to the catch."
"What catch?"
"Catch-22."
"What's Catch-22?"
"What isn't Catch-22?" Yossaraian asked, giggling. Brown smiled and shook his head.
"You're crazy, Yo-Yo."
"That's what I keep telling Doc Daneeka."
"Why?"
"So I can get grounded."
"Why aren't you grounded?"
"Catch-22."
Brown laughed and Yossarian scowled.
"You won't be laughing when you've flown sixty-four missions and Cathcart raises the number to seventy."
"I want to fly my missions, Yo-Yo."
"You're crazy."
"You're crazy."
"I'm the only sane one in this squadron!"
"But you're trying to get grounded for being crazy." Brown pointed out.
"Because I'm not crazy!"
"That doesn't make any sense."
"It makes perfect sense." Yossarian grumbled.
"Maybe if you're crazy." Brown laughed.
"You really think I'm crazy, don't you?" Yossarian asked, hope creeping into his voice.
"Absolutely."
Yossarian shot out of his bed. "Won't you tell that to Doc Daneeka? Won't you?" He pleaded on his knees at Brown's feet.
"Sure I will, Yo-Yo."
Yossarian laughed wildly.
"Yossarian is crazy." Brown said. Doc Daneeka nodded.
"I see."
"Even Brown thinks so, Doc! He doesn't even know me and he thinks I'm crazy!"
"I know you are, Yossarian." Doc Daneeka agreed.
"Then you can ground me!"
"No."
"What d'you mean, 'no'?" Yossarian demanded.
"I know you're crazy so I can't ground you."
"Why the hell not?!"
"You're the craziest man in the squadron, Yossarain. We need you."
"I'm the only sane man on this island!"
"Which makes you the craziest. No sane man would fly seventy missions."
"Which is why I'm trying to get grounded!"
"You're trying to get grounded so you don't have to fly more missions."
"So I'm sane?"
"You're crazy for flying your missions when you could just get grounded."
"That's what I'm trying to do." Yossarian growled.
"And that's the beauty of the catch." Said Doc Daneeka.
"What catch?" Asked Brown.
"Catch-22."
"What is Catch-22?"
Doc Daneeka cocked his head.
"That's a good question." "
"It's not real." Yossarian muttered.
"Why do you say that, Yossarian?" Doc Daneeka questioned.
"Catch-22 doesn't exist. I bet Colonel Cathcart made it up."
"Colonel Cathcart would do no such thing!" Doc Daneeka protested.
"He's making us fly seventy missions! I wouldn't put much past him at this point."
"Again with the missions," Doc Daneeka moaned. "You think you have it bad, flying your seventy missions, but look at me! I'm dead! My family is stricken with grief and I never even got to say goodbye!"
Brown stared dumbly as Doc Daneeka continued.
"Besides, Yossarian, even if you were eligible to be grounded, they won't let me practice medicine anymore. I couldn't ground you anymore than Nately could."
"Doc Daneeka's dead, too?" Brown asked.
"Of course he's dead. He was killed when McWatt flew into a mountain." Yossarian said. Brown blinked, watching Doc Daneeka do tasks generally associated with the living, like breathing.
"Catch-22?" He guessed. Yossarian nodded.
"Catch-22."
Brown was deeply moved by the sheer volume of which Catch-22 seemed to encompass and let out a respectful whistle.
"That's some catch, that Catch-22." He observed. Yossarian loosed a bark of manic laughter.
"It's the best catch there is."
So there we are. Thanks for reading, and if you could review this, it would make my day. Even if you don't, thanks again for reading, have a fantastic day, and DFTBA!