Authors Note: First, All credits belong to the real author of this book Louise Rennison. I own nothing. if you are reading this, i realize this chapter doesn't really relate to the summary in any way but i promise you, its just this chapter. The second and third (which i'm yet to publish) makes more sense. I also realize that there are a few grammatical errors so i apologize in advance. if anyone has any recommendation for a beta, i would really appreciate it.

If at any point, you feel the dialogue is not very Georgia-ish, i'm sorry! Sometimes, i digress.

Ok. Go on. Read & Review if you please.

In the closet : 2:00pm

I am stuck in the bottom again.

Rats!

Libby, Oh dear Sister...Why must you want to play with me? Aren't their kiddies your own age you might want to play closet and key with? Even Jas might want to play..since apparently she's into the strange and weird.

Oh well, i might as well hum. i once read in an american article that humming is good for you...might as well try it.

5 mins wasted humming

Ho hum! Pig's Bum! this is quite boring extraordinaire. Maybe if i'm quiet enough, Mutti would remember i've been gone for awhile.

As if...She and Vati are probably having wild sex in the garage.

Oh dear God, why did i just think of that?

i must now cleanse myself the instant i'm out of this closet.

2:15 pm

A small squeaky voice calls my name.

Baby Jesus? Is that you? no-no what am i rambling about? Shut Up Brain!

"Libby" I say. No answer but more squeaking. I yell out more panicked "libbys" but no answer.

Ouch! What is that? My bum's cramping. I should have followed Mabs to her strange aunt's bum massaging clinic.

God Help me! If i get out of this rat's corner alive, i would engage in a five day bum protecting cleanse.

Is that even possible?...Who cares?

What is that? I hear kissing sounds. Please, let it not be Mutti and Vati. Dear Jesus, i've been scarred enough already. I do not want to die. Not when i would be remembered as "Georgia, the girl with the cramped bum who died in a freaking rat's corner"

2 mins later...

I hear them again...No, its Mutti and Vati! I must keep quiet now...

"Oh baby, i miss this" Vati says. (More smooching sounds)

"You know i love it when you do that" Mutti giggles.

What in ponytails are they doing? They can't possibly be...Erlack!

One pile of vomit coming up. Why can't Mutti and Vati be like normal parents? Why can't they be like Jas's?

It's funny(no, its not) that Jas's M and V are normal and Jas is the queen of the strange while my M and V are insane while i am the only one full of calmnosity and normality.

I must be special.

1 min later.

My bum is cramping up again as i squeeze myself.

"Baby, do you hear that?" Mutti says. She's always had super hearing. Don't ask me why. It's completely unexplanable that she can hear my baby squeak amidst her snogging session with vati.

"yes yes, like a squeak?" Vati says. I roll my eyes at his obvious stupidity.

"Libby, are you there?" He yells at the closet.

Why yes, Captain Obvious. Now get me out of here before i die of a cramped bum-oley.

Stupid Vati...

"Its Georgia" i say

"What the bloody hell is she doing in there?" Mutti whispers.

"I told you she's lost it" Vati complains as he trys to open the rat's corner.

5 exhausting mins later..

He finally gets it open after much panting. Took him long enough.

"What the bloody hell were you doing?" Vati lashes out, his eyes wild and maniacal. Well, in his defense, they've always been that way.

"I was playing with Libby" I say, "She likes to play closet and key"

Vati scratches his "Mad Hatter" hair suspiciously...

"If you hid my underpants and are trying to hide it from me, you'd better tell me Georgia or i will cease my fivers"

What the bloody undercrackers? Why in the name of all things sane would i want vati's undercrackers? He's so paranoid. So a girl can't spend some time in a rat's corner without being questioned on her sanity and undercrackers? I must ignore him.

I and Vati do not mix. I walk up the stairs quickly and snuggle with Mr. Duvet

5-7 mins later...( in my cozy room)

Aah...this is nice... Just some "Me time" alone.

I am vair vair tired.

hmm...but why do i feel something soft and warm underneath my beddie-weddie?

I stand up quickly and take a look.

STOP IN THE NAME OF UNDERCRACKERS!

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Is that human poo i see before me?