"You're like this perfect and amazing person and I'm just this freak with a million problems and I don't know why you picked me but please don't ever go."
So HEY GUYS! Been a while I know, but I was scrolling through my Tumblr feed and I came across this quote and I just couldn't stop thinking about how much it relates to me, but at the same time how much it relates to Eli and Clare; so I couldn't help but write something based on this quote. Enjoy!
I don't own Degrassi, nor did I write this quote.
This story is not cannon based, so it has no real backstory. Oh, VERY OOCness! Plus some AUness.
It was beyond hard for Clare to walk away from Eli after that last fight, but she couldn't bear to let him see her crying; lately Clare had been feeling like Eli was pushing her away and it was making her scared, sure they weren't dating, but they weren't' exactly completely platonic ... Clare wasn't entirely sure what her relationship with Elijah Goldsworthy was, other than it was complicated. Even Adam had commented on Eli's lack of communication, even if it was comic book related; the only reason Adam came to Clare with so much concern was because Eli had missed their Tuesday evening ritual of going to look at the new comic book stock.
After she rounded the last corner, she broke into a run and bolted straight for the girl's restroom, where she prayed she could cry in piece. After slamming the door open into the thankfully empty bathroom, Clare lost all her sadness and pity for the dark haired boy, angry replaced this and Clare lost her temper. She began throwing her books around the room, kicking the stall doors. As Clare kicked a trash can towards the bathroom door, she froze when she heard a familiar voice.
"Oh my God … CLARE, is that you?!"
Clare screwed up her eyes, and sent up a silent prayer that she had just imagined the voice; slowly she turned and looked into the blue eyes of Jenna Middleton, who was looking at Clare in so much shock that her jaw had fallen open. Clare hastily gathered her things before trying to slide past Jenna to leave the destroyed bathroom, but before she could even get her hand on the door handle; Jenna's small hand gently touched her, Clare's eyes automatically filled with tears, as she dropped her bag and threw her arms around the taller blonde girl, and breaking down into her shoulder.
Jenna didn't say anything for a while; she rubbed Clare's back and made soft shushing noises. After Clare had calmed down, and the door had been barricaded with of the stray bins that Clare had been kicking around. She found herself sitting crossed legged on the bathroom floor opposite the last person she ever believed that she would be opening up too. Throughout her entire story, Jenna didn't comment, she didn't raise an eyebrow, she didn't even move, an uncomfortable silence fell over the two girls, before Jenna shifted towards Clare and placed a small hand over Clare's. She cleared her throat softly before pulling Clare her feet, dusting her off slightly, before giving her a small smile and departing the bathroom. Although Jenna hadn't said a word, to Clare she had spoken volumes. Clare glanced in the mirror before heading to the door, and leaving the bathroom.
Eli sat on the stone steps outside Degrassi; he watched as people walked in and out the school enjoying the rare heat they were having. After waiting for 15 more minutes, he watched as Jenna Middleton approached the doors, pausing in shock as she continued to watch him sitting there. Jenna slowly approached Eli, whose brow furrowed; he had no reason to speak to the blonde singer, so why start now. Jenna paused in front of him, gave him a sad smile that seem too full of pity for Eli's liking. "Wait a little longer Eli, Clare needs sometime to calm down."
Jenna walked down the rest of the stairs before pausing at the bottom and turning again to look at the older boy. "And keep her away from bathrooms when she gets angry." Before Eli could even question her, she ran off towards her friends.
Eli turned again to watch the glass doors, he really needed to talk to Clare, he had to explain everything, but then again Eli doubted he could. How could he explain he's been dealing with bi-polar and depression, and a severe cutting habit, plus a dead ex-girlfriend? He jumped to his feet as Clare walked towards the doors slowly, her eyes trained on Eli, even through the glass, he could see her red eyes, and that made him cringe, had he really made her cry? Clare crying because of him was the LAST thing he wanted! He always made Julia cry, and look what happened there!
"Clare, please let me explain!" He begged as Clare walked down the steps.
"Not right now, Eli. I'm tired and I need to go home, I'm not feeling very well."
"5 minutes, Clare. That's all I'm asking. Then you can leave, hell I'll even drive you myself!"
Clare sighed before sitting on the stone steps and staring expectantly up at him, her blue eyes still shining with tears. Eli sat beside her, and stared at the ground, and for the first time in a long time, the writer was lost of words. Well he had lots of words; they just made no sense when he tried to string them together. After sitting for several minutes, Clare got up to leave, and Eli reached out and gripped her wrist, and for the first time Clare realised that Eli was shaking.
"Lift up my sleeve." Eli's voice sounded full of pain.
Clare moves her hand towards Eli's sleeve, but once again he stopped her. "Promise me, promise me, that this won't change anything, promise me, that you won't hate me or that you won't be disgusted by me."
Clare just nodded, giving a silent promise and pushed his sleeve up before stifling a sob and the red marks on his arm. She traces her ring finger along a white mark on his skin, as Eli used his other hand to pull out two pill bottles.
"I have bi-polar, and I've been diagnosed as clinically depressed, for the obvious reasons, plus Julia." Eli didn't need to say much more about Julia, he had told both Adam and Clare about Julia before, but this time he was showing Clare what her death had actually done to him both physically and mentally.
Clare pulled down his sleeve before sliding her hand into his, and laying her head on his shoulder. Even without looking her, he knew that she was crying again, untangling their hands, before put his arms around her and in front of everyone, Clare Edwards broke down into Eli's leather jacket. Over her shaking shoulders, Eli could see Adam's alarmed face move towards them at an alarming speed, but Eli just shook his head at the younger boy. Eli could see it was hurting Adam to be able to comfort Clare, but he knew that if she was with Eli, then there was no safer place that she could be.
As Clare's sobs subsided and the stares continued, Eli was struck with a bolt of inspiration.
"Hey, Clare, do you remember our bout of public humiliation? I think it's my turn."
He signalled for Adam to come sit by Clare, as her pretty blue eyes which were rimmed red look up him with confusion. Eli quickly made his way across the quad towards the benches were the majority of the student body were sitting. He moved to stand on one of the benches. He turned to face Clare, who was standing, while she gripped Adam's hand tightly. Eli could swear he could see the little woose wincing.
Eli took a deep breath in, and opened his arms wide as if he was going to give someone a giant bear hug.
"Clare Diane Edwards … I'm so sorry for the huge amount of shit that I always seem to put you through, and even though I don't always say it, and I'm sorry, I had making you cry, and I hate making you angry at me! It makes me feel like I've done the worst thing in the world and in my world I have! You're like this perfect and amazing person and I'm just this freak with a million problems and I don't know why you picked me but please don't ever go. Please don't even leave me…"
Eli trailed off before jumping off the table as Clare started running towards him, he caught her as she threw her arms around him, and pressed her lips to his. Eli's hands gripped her waist tightly, and Clare wrapped her legs around his waist and tangled her hands in his hair and their kiss deepened. He could hear the cat calls and whistles of the student body around him, but they all seem so distant. He could hear Adam shouting "EWW" and "GET A ROOM", Eli's only response was flipping him his middle finger.
As their kiss ended, and Clare was standing on her own two feet, her face red with embarrassment, Eli offered her his hand, which she took and they walked off towards the hearse with Adam in tow complaining how the balance of their trio had been thrown off and that he wouldn't be subjected to sitting through make-out sessions.
Eli and Clare just laughed and Eli tried to mess up the younger boy's hair, but the smaller boy darted off towards the car, yelling "SHOTGUN!"
Eli spun Clare under his arm, and said with his signature smirk on his face. "Twist my rubber arm … girlfriend." Clare stretched up and planted a kiss on Eli's cheek, wrapping his pro-offered arm around her shoulders and snuggling into his side.
I really do hope that you enjoyed this little, story thing. Please review because they always make me smile. And no matter what happens for the rest of 12C, Eclare is endgame!