It was spring now.
That's how much time had passed.
How long I'd managed to delay this.
Sadly, I could only come up with so many excuses.
The problem; Rangiku was taking me out drinking.
"I'm only twenty!" I protested. She scowled.
"That's legal enough."
"Not for me!" I whined. She didn't respond. I was already in on who would be there. The usual drunkards I had to shepherd back home. Shuhei, Kira, Iba, Kyoraku, and the new Lieutenant of Squad Six, whose name I hadn't bothered to learn yet.
Considering the circumstances we always met under, I never thought it appropriate to get to know him.
So, Rangiku dragged me into a new bar, and I knew there was something wrong with this from the moment I crossed the threshold.
"You've been in Soul Society for a long time now." she started as we went inside. There was already loud music pounding, reverberating in my ears, which meant this was late into happy hour, "And most of us don't remember when we were alive. So, we simply choose a new birthday! And we've dubbed today, your birthday."
"I know when my birthday is though. We've got half a year still."
"Well I don't care. That doesn't adhere to our rules." she dragged me over to the bar, and ordered me something, while the drunkards were... exactly that. Drunk. Iba smacked me on the back.
"Happy birthday, short stuff!" I rolled my eyes as Rangiku shoved a glass into my hand, half of it spilling onto the floor. I sighed and looked to the sky, as if some divine force would make the rest of this spill. I'd done my partying with alcohol while I was alive. That didn't really end well for me, considering that was how I'd lost my virginity. And my first BJ. And lots more that I don't care to list. Point is, alcohol isn't my friend. She smacked the cup, meaning for me to drink it, but half of the half hit the ground this time. I could down a fourth of this and live. After a second of doubt, I did so, and they all cheered. I felt the buzz almost immediately. My body was trained to take whatever was thrown at it. And then I made a point of drinking no more. The more I drank, the drunker I'd get. The drunker I get, the more I'll drink. It just goes till I pass out.
The night wore on quickly with that, my buzz passing after some two hours, so I got another shot, but only that. When they were all stone drunk, and on the point of passing out, I started shepherding them home. Shuhei stayed until last, because I trusted drunken him, somewhat.
Wandering back into the bar, I found it relatively empty. Shuhei sat, having a somewhat intense looking conversation with the bar tender. I just leaned against the door frame and listened.
"So you're saying I should just go up and kiss her?" Shuhei questioned, sounding incredulous.
"Exactly! Women like to be roughed up. And you're in love with this girl, right?" I grinned. Talking about Rangiku? Most likely.
"Yes." he said this with conviction. I honestly had no idea how she would react to him just kissing her, but I kind of wanted to be there to see.
"And you've been in love with her for a while?"
"Yes." I almost envied his conviction. I hadn't been able to say anything for certain to my therapist, and she knew it. She was always pressuring me to mean it. And I almost did some times.
"So why you been waiting so long?"
"Because, you see, she's kind of strung up over this guy..." I rolled my eyes and walked over.
"Ready to go, Shuhei?" he glanced up at me, looking a little surprised and sheepish.
"Uh, yeah. Thanks." he said to the bar tender, then got up, a little wobbly. I put an arm around his waist to steady him, and he turned beat red. I sighed.
"You get so much shyer when you're drunk."
"I'm not that drunk." he defended.
"Yeah you are. You were just having an intimate talk with the bartender."
"You heard that?"
"Nope. Just saw your faces." I lied smoothly. He seemed alright with this, and I shunpoed off, picking up his drunkard lagginess. We stopped outside his room, and I retracted my arm.
"Home." I prompted, waiting for him to remove his arm.
"I know." he sighed, then moved his hand to my neck, and brought his lips against mine. My mind was shocked, but my body was trained, like I said. So while I tried to figure out what was happening, my body went with the flow. Then it hit me. Holy shit, Renji's best friend is kissing me. Holy SHIT! He pulled away before I had a chance to shove him off.
"Good night." and then he was gone. My muscles were locked into place as I just stood there. For once, I was almost happy Renji wasn't around anymore. Why? Because he would've beat Shuhei's face in for that.
I almost laughed, sitting in my room, and trying to imagine how he would react. It went something like this; Renji would've yelled, considering he was the captain of Shuhei, and would've seen that. Then he would've come over, and they'd start arguing, trying to get me to take sides. When I refused, Renji would hit Shuhei, and it would start an all out brawl.
After getting the laughs out of my system for that, I tried to imagine exactly what he'd look like if he were still alive. Er, dead. Anyway, his hair would've grown out some more inches by now, and I wondered vaguely if he'd have gotten it trimmed. By now, it'd be down somewhere near the bottom of his shoulder blades. He'd probably still have that bandana across his forehead. Maybe he'd be a bit more muscular. In all the time I'd known him, he'd only gotten a bit more. So maybe, over these past three months, he'd be more? Would he be taller? Tanner? Stronger? Would he be a completely different person?
Then this led to a whole other round of questioning.
Am I a different person? Am I stronger? Am I taller? Am I tanner? And I more muscular? Do I look different? Has my style changed? My personality?
I groaned and rolled over on my bed. This psychoanalysis wasn't good for me. At all. I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly, and tried to push myself into a happy place.
Ö
Someone beating on my door woke me up, and I let out a soft groan. Light was invading my room already, pushing against the permeable barrier between my eyes and the source of the light.
"Hey!" Rangiku snapped. I opened my eyes, and looked at her, now fully awake. This woman never snaps at people.
"What the hell happened to you last night?" she questioned.
"How late is it?" I questioned softly.
"Two in the afternoon. Your therapist is looking for you, but answer my question first."
"Shuhei kissed me."
"Oh honey..." she shut the door behind her and came to give me a hug.
See, some time ago, we'd realized then whenever something particularly out of the norm happens, my body reacts by making me sleep in really late. It irritates the shit out of Rangiku.
After she let go of me, she sniffed, then crinkled her face.
"I'll distract Shuhei for today. You need to shower badly, go see Atsuko, then clean this place the hell up. Maybe take a trip or something." and like that, she was gone. I laughed, then pulled myself to my feet, and grabbed my towel, then showered. I don't know how long I stood in there, but I came out feeling refreshed. I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and cleaned my room up, throwing uniforms into a basket of dirty laundry, then putting candles where they belonged. I shunpoed to Atsuko's room, and she gave me a hard glare.
"Where have you been?" she demanded right off. I grinned sheepishly.
"Give me a minute, and I'll explain." then I launched into the story of my "birthday", Shuhei kissing me, and my imaginings. I thought she'd be greatly disturbed. She wasn't.
"So, all those things together wreaked havoc on your sleeping schedule." I nodded. She already knew how crazy I was, so these things weren't really out of the norm for what I would tell her.
"And how do you feel about this?" I rolled my eyes. A usual tactic for her, questioning me about what I felt.
"I don't know. It's not like I'm sad my schedule is fucked up now. Actually, I'm surprised I was so good natured about thinking about Renji, and the kiss." she smiled, "But sometimes, I guess... I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, so I don't feel anything. Like that kiss. It sure as hell surprised the living squirrel shits out of me, yet after I got back to my room, I didn't really know what the hell I was supposed to be feeling. Surprised? Angry? Sad? Actually, I felt a little bit of betrayal. But there wasn't much." Atsuko looked at me thoughtfully for a moment.
"I'm going to try something, alright?" she rolled her chair toward me, and took my hand, then closed her eyes. After a second, there was a jolt of something in my system and I jumped. She looked at me, grinning.
"I can't believe that worked."
"Was I your guinea pig?" I narrowed my eyes, and she continued grinning.
"Yep. No worries though, it worked beautifully. Maybe the living really are onto something. They believe in all these things like Spiritual Healing and stuff. I studied up since our last visit, and that was one of the things. The theory is that people's chakra, or in our case, Spiritual Pressure, can be used for different things. The strengths vary from person to person. Lots of people who believe in this stuff have healing attributes. They say all they have to do is focus on healing things. Happy thoughts and stuff, while imagining the injury fixing itself."
"So what the hell did you just do to me?" I questioned as she released my hand.
"Well, I actually just fixed your emotions, if that worked right. Something in the prefrontal cortex wasn't responding properly. Whatever I did, might assist in making your emotions more definable. Now, as for your inability to make decisions, I have something else from the Living. I, want you to go out into the woods, and find me an acorn with the cap still on. Come back with it." I gaped at her. Firstly, she wanted me to find an acorn. In Maggot's Nest woods. Which was fucking huge. That would be next to impossible. Secondly, it had to have the cap on it?!
"Go." I got up, and left, infuriated. This was going to take me forever.
Ö
And it did, actually. I was still looking way into the night when Rangiku found me.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Being forced to do, is more like it." I grumbled.
"Answer my question, o cryptic one." I laughed.
"Looking for an acorn. Doctor's orders. And it has to have the cap on it. So, yeah. I've been out here all day. And if I stop, I'll never find where I was again."
"Well, I won't stop you then. See you in a hundred years." and she was gone. I groaned.
Ö
Sometime midday the next day, I decided to take a break. I sat down under a tree, and leaned back, then closed my eyes.
What woke me up next, was actually something smacking into my head, hard. I winced, then opened my eyes and looked around. There, in my lap, was an acorn, cap still on. I cheered, then flashed off to Atsuko, who looked at me.
"Thought you'd take longer."
"I'm just talented. Here's your fucking acorn." she didn't yell at me for cussing anymore, seeing that it was a sign of me coming back to life. When I first starting coming, I barely said anything.
She caught the acorn, then took a sewing needle, and poked a hole straight through it. Well, the top part. Then, to my surprise, she strung it on a cord, and tied the cord and tossed it to me.
"Thanks?"
"Don't be a smart ass." she held up her own cord necklace, except with a walnut on it. I watched the walnut, curious.
"Am I in the right profession?" she questioned. And to my ultimate surprise, it moved. In fact, it looked like it was nodding yes.
"Ask it to show you yes, no, and I don't know." I did so, and it responded each time.
"This is fucking awesome."
"Don't abuse it. Otherwise your making your own next time. You're free to go." I left back to my room, and sat on my bed, then started asking stupid questions at first. It gave me the correct answers to those I already knew. Then I asked it something I wasn't sure if I wanted answered.
"Does Shuhei love me?" it quivered, then started nodding yes. In response, I closed my hand on it, just as the door opened. I glanced up at Shuhei, then grinned.
"Wassup?"
"What are you holding?" I opened my hand.
"Acorn on a string?"
"Part of therapy." I shrugged, and pulled the string over my head. He shook his head lightly.
"About yesterday..."
"Hm?" I questioned, not looking at him, instead investigating the acorn. It suddenly seemed so much more interesting than having this conversation.
"I... I... I'm sorry." I glanced up at him. His cheeks were a deep colour of red, and he was looking at the ceiling, unable to actually look at me either. I let out a short laugh, and he looked at me anxiously.
"What?"
"Sorry, I'm taking you seriously. It's just that I realized what Atsuko did actually worked. Anyway, it's fine. No emotional breakdown. Besides, you were somewhat gone." he turned pink again and looked away.
"And, I did hear your conversation with the bar tender. And my mighty acorn confirmed it." he looked at me confused.
"Don't ask, just respond."
"Well... I don't know what to say. I'm just sorry."
"It's fine. There's a chance for you, so buck up." he grinned and shook his head again.
"We'll see about that. And... thanks." he shut the door, and I was left wondering why the hell he made no sense to me. Was my brain overloaded? Is that why it seemed he was saying words with no reason? I had no idea.
"I think I'm sleep deprived." I decided, stretching out, and closing my eyes, dropping off to sleep almost instantly.
Ö
Knock. Knock. Knockknockknockknockknock. I scowled. Whoever was outside my door was fucking impatient.
"What the hell do you want?" I grumbled.
"Meeting." Captain's voice brought me back to reality and out of my preferred world. I sighed.
"Sorry."
"Used to it." he responded. I knew he was gone, so I got up and changed quickly, keeping my acorn on. Pulling my hair up, I shunpoed to the meeting room, already awake. Yuudai hadn't bothered us, and we hadn't bothered him especially since the attack that killed Renji. I think I might've made him feel bad. Ya know. With the yelling about how fucking screwed up he is?
Well it's true!
Don't you pretend like it's not!
Why the hell am I yelling at my readers?
I'm so confused.
Anyway!
I skidded to a halt inside the room, just beside Ukitake. I'd been added there, and was almost in a Captain position, simply because of the fact that I was fucking strong, and Yuudai wanted me. I also knew him the best.
Bad part: He knew me pretty damn well too.
"Yuudai could be dead." Clearly they'd started without me. Nothing new.
"Or he could be very much alive, and planning his next attack." Komamura challenged Captain.
"We need to go kill him, before he gets Katsu and kills all of us."
"We should not. That risks too many lives." Clearly, there was a little grouping to be done.
Firstly, there was those who thought Yuudai was dead, and those who thought he was alive.
Then, branching off from those who thought Yuudai was alive, was those who thought we should attack first, or wait for him to attack.
And then, branching off from those who thought we should attack first, there was those who thought we should literally go attack, and those who thought we should set a trap.
So it looked something like this:
-Everbody -Dead
-Alive -Defend
-Attack First -Attack
-Trap
Complicated. Definitely.