Just Be Yourself
Ymir wasn't quite sure what had happened. She didn't know what had went through her mind when she had seen it. Though the anger that bubbled in her chest along with the aggression at the events that occurred irritated her even more. Krista was at it again. Sasha decided to steal some meat from the higher-ups and she was being punished by scrubbing the floors. Krista with her heart of gold decided to assist her. Ymir happened to stumble on them after hearing a crowd of people commenting on how sweet Krista was and how adorable she had been. This only made her mood worsen, didn't they know why she was doing this? Didn't any of them understand the person that she was? How broken Krista was? No. They didn't see it. None of them saw it and Krista herself tried to ignore it. But it was there. Ymir could see it and Ymir was trying to help her, but how could the broken help the broken?
Then why was she so angry? Why was she staring at Krista who stared up at her helpessly as though she was the enemy? Her rage was boiling, she could feel the monster in her speaking viciously telling her to hurt her. Take all of her rage out on Krista. But she could never hurt Krista. Krista was her angel. Her broken. Broken. Angel.
"Why are you doing this?"
All movement ceased and Sasha looked up from the bread that she had been eating while the others turned to focus on Krista and Ymir. Krista was at a loss of words for a second before looking down at the rag in her hand.
"I-I just wanted to help her, Ymir, thats all. I just wanted to help."
She could hear Connie begin to criticize Ymir's comment only to be held back by Mikasa who slapped a hand over his mouth. Ymir's eyes hardened and she knelt down to be eye level with Krista.
"You only want to help, huh? Is that it? Helping. Thats all you wanted."
This caused Krista to bristle. Yes, that is what Ymir wanted. Get mad. Show them who you really are. Then maybe they'd help you. Maybe they'd be able to save you when she wasn't around. When Ymir could no longer help her, perhaps they could.
"I just wanted to help her, thats all! Whats wrong with helping people?"
"Whats wrong with helping people, Krista? Is that really what you're asking me? Look at what you're doing! You're not doing this so you can be helpful, you're doing it so people will think better of you!"
Krista's eyes widened and pain was in those big blue eyes. As much as it pained Ymir to say this, she knew that she had to. Krista was only hurting herself and the only person who could help her, the only person who could save her was Ymir. She felt her heart clenching, the monster relented seemingly hurt by the words themselves. Wasn't that what Ymir was doing as well? But there was a difference between the two of them. Ymir accepted her nature while Krista ran from her own.
"Why is it whenever I help someone you think its because I'm trying to be a martyr? Huh?! Maybe I really want to help someone! Maybe I really want to be like an angel, Ymir! Did you ever think of that?! Maybe.. just maybe.."
Krista faltered noticing that she really had yelled at Ymir. Ymir's jaw clenched and she stood to her feet before walking through the parted crowd. In her wake, tears began to fall from Krista's eyes and each one that fell was another stab to Ymir's heart. But the older girl couldn't turn around. She couldn't console her. She had to keep moving or else Krista would never learn. But once she was out of everyone's sight, she allowed the anger to take control. She punched, she raged, she threw fists at trees and finally she sunk down to her knees and held her head.
Why couldn't Krista see? She didn't have to do this. She didn't have to lie. She didn't have to pretend. All she had to do, all she ever had to do..
"Ymir.."
Smaller hands wrapped around one of her own and she looked up only to see those blue eyes, those painful blue eyes. Her heart clenched and she looked away suddenly unable to wrench her hand away. She lost all feeling in her limbs as Krista sank down in front of her drawing her close into a hug burying her face into Ymir's shoulder.
"Ymir."
Ymir's arms wrapped around the blonde and she tightened her grip on her.
"Historia.."
They held one another in their silent apology. No one else needed to know. No one else needed to feel the warmth and love between the two of them. It was just for them. It would only be for the two of them. If Krista wanted to be a martyr, Ymir would no longer stop her if only in these moments she was herself. That is all her beloved Historia needed to do.
"Be yourself, Historia."