Disclaimer: I don't own anything...Stephenie Meyer is the one with the awesome dream. If only all of us could dream of Edward...or Rob...I'm not picky, beggers can't be choosers right? :))

A/N Yeah...this is my first attempt at fan fic...or any kind of writting so...be gentle :)

I'd like to say that I am sorry if the subject of this story upsets someone. I don't know anyone who has comitted or attempted to comit suicide, and I hope I don't disrespect those of you who have gone through something like that. It is terrible when something like that happens and I really hope I don't offend anyone with the beginning of this story.

Ch. 1 Trust

"I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface"

Lifehouse - Storm

I heard a car pull up and I hoped to God it wasn't a police car. The last thing I wanted was one of dad's buddies standing there, pleading with me to get off of that bridge. I knew what I would see there, the look of disappointment, of disapproval on their face. The one that told me that this isn't what my dad wanted for me, that this isn't why he had given up his own life for.

But I didn't care either way. He wasn't here anymore, and I was going to follow him as soon as I could. I didn't deserve to live, that much I was sure of.

To my relief it wasn't a police car. From the corner of my eye I saw a silver car. It didn't look like a Police cruiser so I didn't bother to look and see who had stopped and I didn't find it in me to care why. Whoever it was would leave eventually. Nothing mattered anymore…I won't matter anymore. I'll be gone.

I heard footsteps and then, again from the corner of my eye, I saw two legs going over the railing and the owner of the shiny car sat down next to me. I risked a glance and my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Never in my entire life had I seen such a beautiful man. The first thing that struck me about his features was his eyes. They were a jade green color and they were staring anxiously at me.

Everything about this man seemed to be about color. Where I was as plain as I could be, brown hair, brown eyes set in a boring pale face, there was nothing plain about him. It was like he screamed of life, where I was dead or soon to be anyway. After the striking color of his eyes I noticed his hair. It had a strange bronze color and it was standing every which way like he had run his hand through it one too many times. He seemed colorful. There was no way to put it. Just those two colors, that of his eyes and the one of his hair contrasted so beautifully that, were my heart not already mangled, it would have broken a little just at the sight of him. The rest, his lips, his cheeks, and his jaw…God that jaw line could cut through steel I was sure of that, were perfect for lack of a better word.

I stopped staring realizing it was rude of me and I wondered why in hell that was important anyway.

That man, in all his rights could have been an angel. But how could he be? People like me didn't go to heaven. I looked back down to the black water waiting to take all my sorrows away, to make sure it was still there, that I didn't take the jump already.

The angel must have misinterpreted my glance and so he spoke in this velvety voice trying to capture my attention. The anxiety I saw in his eyes was evident in his voice as he spoke. "Hey." He waited for my answer which never came.

I wish I could tell him to get in his car and go back home, to not even bother. Then a thought struck me. What if he was here for the same reason as me and the thought was gone as soon as it came. Why would a God-like creature like him want to commit suicide? What could possibly go wrong in his life to make him go to this extent?

I turned my head and looked at his car. It was a Volvo, so safety was on his mind. I looked back at him. Designer clothes so he was a rich boy-angel-man-whatever. He had it going for him, I concluded. No, he wasn't here for the same reason that I was.

Then what was he doing here?

"You got a name?" He asked, obviously undeterred by my first lack of response.

I figured I could at least make his effort worthwhile in some measure so I answered as I chuckled. "Of course I do. Doesn't everyone?"

He furrowed his brows. "Well, what is it?"

I smirked at him and said "Jane."

"Like Madonna or is there a second name?"

I figured this was coming so I answered as serious as I could. "It's Doe. Jane Doe." And after a few minutes I started laughing. He probably thought I was crazy. Hell, I probably had lost it somewhere along the way.

He smiled at my smart-ass answer and it kind of took my breath away. He was really, really beautiful.

We just stood there, me trying not to ogle him and he was just deep in thought. I figured I should spare him so I said. "Look, I don't want to be presumptuous, but if you're here to stop me from doing this, then you are wasting your time. I appreciate the effort though."

"You are presumptuous. I just stopped to look at the water. It's where I come to think. You have stolen my spot, but tonight I'm feeling generous so I'll share. And for the record, I don't know what you think I want to stop you from doing."

I looked at him and a faint blush covered my cheeks. How could I have possibly thought that the man was here to try and save me? He wasn't an angel; and there wasn't a person in this world that would ever save me again. There had been only one who would have. And he was gone because he had done just that. I sighed and stared back down. I just wish he would go away so I could just go on with it. But he was still there and apparently he had asked me a question that I had missed, lost in thought as I was. "Excuse me, what?"

"I asked did you walk all the way over here? It's kind of far away from the city."

"Uh, yeah. I needed to think." I couldn't tell him that my truck had been impounded and all my belongings taken away from me.

"Will you need a ride back, when you're done with uh…whatever it is you're doing here?"

I stared again at him. He seemed serious, but I knew he couldn't have been oblivious to what was going on here. He seemed to know perfectly well when he crossed that railing. And he seemed to know every time he would get anxious when I looked down wistfully at the water. But his question made me laugh again, in spite of myself. I didn't know how to answer. How to tell him there is no going back. I had no one and no where to go back to. So I just stopped thinking about it and gave him a somewhat truthful answer. "Uh, no. I'm not going back."

He looked at me with apprehension in his green eyes. "I'm going for a swim." Except I didn't know how to swim, but I guess that was perfect given the circumstance.

He gave up the pretense as well then. "Can I ask you why you're doing this?"

"Of course you can. I just don't know if you'll actually get an answer." I smiled because I was being a smartass again.

He asked another question then. "How can you be so calm about this?" There was no judgment n his eyes or voice, just curiosity.

"What is there to be stressed about? You just do it. No consequences no nothing. I jump and then it's all over." I answered as I dangled my legs back and forth. "And then it all goes away" I muttered further.

He raised an eyebrow questioningly and looked at the water skeptically. "I beg to differ. I never heard of anyone dying instantly from jumping in the water."

"Yeah okay, it's not that easy. But it is easier this way." And my tone changed from one of calm and indifference, to one of sadness, all of the feelings that I bottled down since my father's death re-emerging with my next words. "At least then I'll know why I can't breathe, instead of walking around gasping for air. Air that never comes, that will never come. That I don't deserve" It was surreal standing here discussing my death with a total stranger. Suicide shouldn't be so complicated. I shouldn't explain my motives. It was supposed to be easy. Shit or get off the pot, that sort of thing.

He tried to make sense of the vagueness of my answer. And when he didn't he asked me the question he was actually interested in. "Why are you doing this…uh, Jane?" And there was a look in his eyes. Not pity, or judgment, just plain curiosity and something more. Understanding, like he could actually understand a 20 something girl trying to jump off a bridge?

But I didn't answer. I just shook my head smiling at him. In all fairness I did tell him he might not get his answer. I didn't know what came over me, or why I cared, but I asked him a question. "What are you doing here?"

He cocked an eyebrow so I rolled my eyes at him and rephrased my question. "I mean, do you actually come here to think? Or were you just telling me that?"

He looked away when he answered. "I used to. I uh, realized something of great significance one night many years ago, standing here, and I come back from time to time to make sense of things."

"How did you get here in the first place?"

"In my car. Unlike you, I hate long walks." He answered and then threw me a crooked grin. It was the most perfect 'not-perfect smile' in the world.

Now who was being a smartass? "I figured as much. I was referring to that night. What brought you here?"

"Oh…uh" he stammered, probably not expecting that one question. "I was driving around; looking for a place to uh…think" he threw me a sideways glance when he said that "and this place seemed kind of perfect."

I wondered what he was hiding, but I realized that for all the things I didn't tell him, I didn't deserve to know. It was not my business and I shouldn't care anyway. Where was this sudden interest coming from? I should tell him to go, so I could get this over with. But somehow I couldn't tell him to leave. I wanted to hear him speak some more. For him to ask me some more questions. This was the most time I had spent with anyone in who knows how long. But wasn't it kind of stupid? Why make a connection if I'll be dead by tomorrow anyway?

"What's your name?" I asked, feeling like I needed to level the playing field if I'm still going to actually have a conversation with the guy.

He flashed that crooked grin at me again and I blushed. Apparently I was also attracted to him now. Something was seriously wrong with me.

"John." He answered and then he chuckled. "Doe. John Doe is the name."

"Fair enough" I smiled. "But you know? Negotiators should be honest in order to get their victims to cooperate."

"Yup, but I'm not negotiating anything now, am I? And you don't look like a victim." He added that last part thoughtful. He looked into my eyes and asked me in a smooth low voice leaning towards me conspiratorially. "You want to know what I think?"

I couldn't look away when I answered, his eyes holding my gaze there, entrapping me. "What you think about what?"

"About you. Why you're here."

I didn't know if I wanted to or not so I just shrugged.

He took it as a yes. "I think you don't really want to do this. I think you're not entirely sure. You see this as an easy way out, but you haven't thought it through. You can't do it. You're heart is not in it so to speak."

He continued to stare at me waiting to see my reaction. I felt anger rising to the surface, something I hadn't felt in so long and I wanted to erase that smug, condescending look off of his face. How dare he question my motives?

"You don't know anything about me, my reason to do this, or if I want to do this or not! You don't get to come here and make small talk with me and act like you now fuck all about anything!" I yelled at him and he flinched, obviously not expecting this from me. "You know what? Get the fuck out of here and out of my face!" I said, forgetting all about my not being able to let him leave "Or I swear I will fucking jump right now in front of your eyes and I don't want to die feeling fucking guilty about another fucking thing!" I never swore this much in my life, but it felt kind of liberating.

He seemed really frightened now as he watched me with cautious eyes and hands up in the air looking like someone approaching a dangerous animal. His eyes kept drifting between my eyes and the ledge of the bridge and I realized I was standing now and that sometime during my speech I got closer to the edge.

"Calm down, please! I didn't mean to upset you. Look…I'm sorry, I really am! I didn't claim to know anything about you but just think about it. How long have you been standing here?" I can't remember. Why does it matter? "If you would really want this you would be long dead by now, the fact alone that you are having this conversation with me should tell you something." It means nothing; I just don't want to kill myself under someone's watch…Right? NO! Why is he making me doubt this? I felt even angrier now.

"Can you? Fuck…Jane" he seemed really frustrated by the fact that he didn't know my real name, but I for one, was grateful. It would make him all the more convincing, hearing my name roll of his tongue "Can you just sit back down? Please?" His voice was strained and he was still measuring the distance between my feet and the edge. He actually seemed sorry, but I was too wound up by now to sit.

"I'll stand." I answered simply so he stood too. I got really nervous then so I told him. "Don't try anything funny uh, John. I swear I'll take you down with me" Another person to die because of me…what's one more right? When you're already going to hell…

He blanched for a second, and I wondered if it was because of my comment or if my inner monologue had slipped past my lips, but before I could make anything of it he said "Edward. My name is Edward." Apparently he was going to negotiate with me after all.

"Look, just…just hear me out for a second please!" He looked pleadingly at me, and so I took a cautious step back. Edward – his name fit him, it was outdated, but my angel seemed to have an ancient wisdom reflected in his eyes – relaxed infinitesimally and continued. "Just take a rain check. Let me take you out to dinner or coffee or something. We'll talk for a bit, and if you don't change your mind, I'll bring you back. Hell I'll push you myself if you want me to."

I had to laugh then, at his insistence and his comment.

"A rain check, really Edward?" his name came to me so easily it was as if I had spoken it every day of my life. "You can't take a rain check on death! And how do I know you will bring me back? You'll just take me to a hospital and have me committed."

He was looking me straight in the eyes, hypnotizing me yet again when he said "You can take a rain check when it is of your own doing."

I didn't get what he meant until I saw that he was rolling up his sleeves and revealed the jagged scars on his wrists. I gasped as he continued talking. I felt his stare but I was not able to look back from his wrists. "You'll just have to trust me on this one. Can you do that for me?"

I wanted to say yes. God, how I did! And I could. I could give him every part of me that he wanted. I wouldn't take anything with me when I would die, would I? And he showed me something of him that was so personal. I could give him at least that, trust. But instead I said "You can't save me, Edward. Stop trying. Go home. I'm sorry you had to make my acquaintance".

"Give me one reason why I should. One perfectly good reason why I should turn my back on you and go home tonight thinking that I let you die." He said and he took one step closer to me.

I started to panic "Edward stay away! I don't want to do this to you!" But did he actually care about that? I mean he obviously tried to kill himself once…maybe my assumptions were wrong before. Maybe we weren't so different after all. What if he didn't have the courage to do it again, and was trying to pin it on me. Did he want me to kill him?

"One reason…Jane" and he clenched his teeth saying my 'name'. It must really bother him. "Or else I'm jumping with you" and he took another step forward. What?!

"Edward…I'm begging you, stay away!" I felt wetness on my cheeks and I realized I started crying at some point…I hadn't cried since before my life as I knew it ended. I didn't even cry at my father's funeral.

It was as if he didn't even hear my pleas. He took another step towards me, and I started to walk backwards towards the edge. I got angry again. I was supposed to do this on my own terms. Not as a reaction to Edward. I guess he was not an angel after all. Maybe he was the devil himself. Coming personally to make sure I went straight to hell. I guess you do make it high up on the Devil's list when you kill the two most important people in your life.

"Edward, I swear to fucking God -" I didn't get to finish what I wanted to say because he interrupted me. "Just tell me your name." And he stopped. He stopped where he was and he even took half a step back, glancing nervously at the edge again. I was very close to it now. It would be so simple. I would just take two steps back and that was it. "If you tell me your name I will turn around I promise. Don't you think I deserve at least that? To know the name of the girl I could have saved from drowning?"

And I started sobbing then. Because wasn't it fucking ironic? That I almost died in a fire and now I was going to kill myself by drowning? I looked in his eyes, those beautiful, green eyes, pleading with me, asking something from me that for once I could give him. "Bella. My name is Bella." He closed his eyes in relief, and I couldn't take it anymore, so I jumped.

A/N I intend to continue this, as long as someone thinks it's worth it. So let me know what you think, if you stumble upon this.

Laura :)