Death note fanfiction; Because you promised (Title in process)

Prologue

"…is not a perfect replica…"

"…will never be able to meet the expectations…"

"…can be considered a defective experiment by the government…"

"…we should get rid of them… the first generation was evidently – "

The black haired boy stepped away from the door. He had heard enough. Surprisingly, he was not as disturbed as he had thought he would be. He remained calm and collected.

As they had taught him to be.

Intelligence. Combination. Skill. Reason.

Day in and day out had been the same.

Who was he?

He realized that he did not know. He had never known.

Had he ever really been someone himself? Someone with his own feelings, his own way of doing things? Had he ever had a will of his own?

Whose life were they deciding over in that room, anyway?

It was the life of A. A, the first in a generation of "successors of L".

It had always been A's life they had been deciding on. Ever since he had been brought to the orphanage. What an honor, too. It had always been A's life he had been living.

But who was A, anyway? A was just a letter. Just a replicate of L. But just as the letter A could never be mistaken for an L – similar to that manner A could never be L. He could never succeed him. He didn't work that way.

They had tried bending him, fixing him to fit the shape of L. To meet the expectations.

Fitting an A into an L is difficult. It didn't work out in the end.

What would they do with him now?

He had known for a long time this was coming. There had been… disapproval lately, regarding his progress in becoming "more like L".

They were living A's life for him, making all the decisions.

And he was living A's life as well.

Not once, since he came to the orphanage, did he make a choice of his own.

Sure, they made it look like he did. They had offered him things, telling him to choose… a sweet cake over spinach, for example. But it was never really his choice. He picked the cake, like L would have. Because that was what they expected from him. L always ate sweets.

He hated sweets.

At first he had loved them – and that was how they had gotten him to cooperate for some time. At the very beginning, when he had been young and innocent and had had no idea what he was getting himself into. But after a while he grew tired of the sweetness in his mouth. It started to feel forced, and wrong. He began to loathe the times he had to eat anything sweet, unable to bear it anymore.

Despite hating all the procedure, he had never once tried to run away.

Because of her.

Her eyes were always watching him, with pride shining brightly inside them.

The woman, horrid enough to call herself his mother. She had given birth to him shortly after becoming a government official and co-leader of the project to find a successor to L.

And she had offered her own son as the first "specimen".

A truly loathly woman, giving up her own child for the sake of science. Or was she, even?

He couldn't really tell. She had never loved him as a mother, so did he miss a mother's love? Did he even know what that was?

Playing with the other children… had he been happy in his childhood? At his age of, now, 19 years, thinking back… he wasn't sure.

Although – there was a girl. Younger than him, by quite a few years. She had arrived at the orphanage shortly after her birth, and had always looked up to the older children – especially to him. Lately she had taken to following him around and calling him "Nii-chan". He liked her – she was a kind child.

That fact made him hate this establishment even more. They were destroying loves. Human lives. That girl was innocent – she was just unlucky enough to have been taken to this particular orphanage.

And again he was shocked by the injustice of it all. None of the children were here because of a choice they made. They had been forced to cooperate, left no other options.

A had started slowly walking along the corridor, away from the door, when he realized something. He was thinking about the things that normally made him extremely angry. Things that made him want to destroy this place and violently get rid of the people in charge of it. But now, somehow… his anger was gone. Actually – that was not all.

All his emotions, those he could have felt at hearing that he was a failure at succeeding L – sadness, anger, hatred, resentment, loneliness, depression – they were nonexistent.

He wasn't even surprised.

Who was he, again?

A. A successor of L. It was the life he had been living, all he had known.

Did anyone actually care about his real name? His real personality?

…or did he even have his own personality?

A person is framed by their past, he realized. By their upbringing, their family, their surroundings.

If he wanted to leave, could he, even?

Was he capable of becoming himself, an individual with his own mind and body?

Thinking about it now he realized he knew nothing about himself except for one single thing:

He hated sweets.

Or did he? Now that all his emotions had suddenly been switched off he wasn't even sure of that anymore.

"You've done it," he said to the empty hallway – and even though he could have made it sound bitter, all he managed was a monotone voice without feeling. "You've taken everything from me. My mind. My body. My emotions. I have no beliefs, no past, no family I really belong to."

Still walking, he thought about what he had just said. Nobody had heard him, but if they had, would they have cared?

A was just a letter.

A letter that could not, would not be L. No matter how hard they tried. No matter what they did to him.

Realizing this, he suddenly saw what he had to do.

There was no other way.

If he ran, his mother and the others would surely track him down. He had no options left, for he was sure he didn't want to continue like this. It was too much. It always had been.

These officials – they would already have decided on a way to get rid of him and B by now.

He didn't really care. All he knew was that this would be the first and only time he made a decision that was really and truly his own.

It would not be A's decision. It would be Allan Shaw's decision.

There was no happiness, no excitement at realizing this – but somehow it felt right to him. There was no other way. There was… no other way.

A arrived at his room and pushed the door open. Inside he found that yet again a cake had been left on his bedside table. They never let it rest. They expected him to have developed a craving for sweets by now.

He picked up the knife that had been left for him to cut the cake. It was long and sharp. It would do just fine.

Suddenly the door opened a little wider behind him. He heard soft footsteps on the ground and turned to see a small dark-haired girl holding on to the doorframe and peering inside.

"Nii-chan," she said. "Wanna come outside and play?"

He smiled at her – an empty, emotionless smile, a mask.

"Hollow. Ah, not today. Can you go and play on your own? I'm a little busy."

Instead of leaving, however, she entered the room completely and looked at him with large eyes.

"What's wrong, Nii-chan? Are you sad? Did something happen to you?"

He shook his head, putting down the knife next to the cake again and kneeling down in front of her so that their faces were on a level.

"I'm fine. There's nothing you can do to help me now. But you – there is still something you can do for yourself. Because later on, when you're older, there might be some trouble for you here. Do you understand?"

He had laid his hands on her shoulders and was looking at her with stern, serious eyes.

"What do you mean, Nii-chan?" Hollow asked.

"I'm going to tell you something important, alright? Something I want you to remember."

She nodded, her eyes still wide.

"As soon as you can," he said, "you should leave this place. There are people here who could harm you, people who would use us kids for their own good. I don't want them to do the things to you they did to me. Bad things."

The little girl looked scared now, hunched together and shrinking back from him a little.

"…r-run away?" she asked.

He nodded. "Right. But not yet – they're not harming you right now, are they?"

She shook her small head slightly, without breaking eye contact.

"That's good. But if a time comes where you feel uncomfortable about something – when they make you do something you think is wrong, or when they don't let you decide on your own anymore – that's when I want you to leave this place, and don't stop running until you're sure they aren't following you anymore. Okay?"

"…not yet?" Hollow asked.

"No, not yet. You'll know yourself when it's time to go, trust me. I just want you to remember what I told you. It could still take a couple of years until you need to do what I told you – but the time will come. And until then, this is our secret, okay?"

The girl's eyes lit up.

"Our secret?" she whispered. "Mine and Nii-chan's secret?"

He nodded, standing up. "Alright, don't tell anyone. And now go and play outside – look, the sun is still shining. You should go before it gets dark."

He had already started to turn away when the girl said: "I won't tell. I already have a secret I can't tell anyone about – this is the second, mine and Nii-chan's secret."

He turned back to look at her. "Another secret?"

She nodded proudly. "That one's mine and my mom's secret. But my mom didn't tell me that secret. Roger told me. He said it to me once – he said that he was the one who brought me here, and then he told me my mom's secret."

Roger – that name was familiar to him. He was the one who was officially running the orphanage – although the strings were actually being pulled by his mother and other people from behind the scenes.

Hollow cocked her head slightly to one side and seemed to be thinking deeply – then she straightened up and said: "But I think I can tell you, Nii-chan. The secret is about you, too. Roger said that one day you would find out – but I don't think you will if I don't tell you. Roger said that I could tell you if I wanted to… sometime. He said that when I was four, you know? But now I'm almost six! I think it's okay if I tell you. Do you want to know my secret, Nii-chan?"

A dropped back down beside her, a small spark of interest finding its way into his emotionless being.

"About me?" he repeated.

She nodded. "Roger said that… that my mom already had a baby before me. But that was many years ago. He said that she gave it to this orphanage – because she thought that her baby could beat L one day."

His eyes widened as realization dawned on him.

"Roger said that her baby was the first boy to be given a special name. He said that her baby was called A, because that's the first letter in the alphabet, and he would be L's first suc-ces-sor."

She struggled a little with the big word at the end of her sentence – one he was surprised she knew, since she was only so young. But the children here all knew their purpose.

"Roger said that A was my big brother, Nii-chan. So you see? That's why I call you Nii-chan – I thought you might figure it out that way; I was giving you a hint. L gets hints too on his cases, doesn't he? And you're gonna be the next L, right?"

She smiled broadly at him. "I wanna be just like my big brother."

The realization on his face turned to dismay. What had that wretched woman done? His little sister?

He moved forwards and embraced the girl. He felt so sorry for her – the same fate awaited her, then? Was there no way out for her?

"You'll become a much better person than me," he whispered, thinking about the decision he had made. Hollow being his sister changed things, but he did not intend to go back on what he had decided. He would leave this place, one way or another. He didn't think he was capable of being a good brother to her. A brother, he felt, should be there to protect his younger sibling. But there was no way he could protect her against a threat so large that it had its coils around him so tightly he couldn't move.

All he could do for her was hope that she could escape before they destroyed her like they had him. There was still a chance for her.

"Please don't forget what I told you, Hollow. Okay? It's very, very important. And you mustn't tell anyone."

He let her go and she stepped away from him, smiling. "This is our secret too, Nii-chan. I won't tell, I promise."

And with that, she left the room swiftly.

He straightened up and went to close the door, locking it as well. He wanted no more interruptions now.

It wasn't a pretty sight when they found his body. He had cut his wrists with the knife, and there was blood everywhere. He had left a single note, crumpled up in his bloodstained hand. It read:

"…and now you took my life as well"

And on the back of it, in small, hardly illegible writing stood the note: "Don't forget, and don't tell. You promised."

The children of the orphanage were spared the sight of the corpse and the room, and they were not told about the note.

The authorities simply informed them that A had become insane and had killed himself because of it – because he was not right in his head. That was the story that was spread, and whoever asked received that as a response.

But in truth, the people behind the program were frightened. They knew he had not been insane – they knew that they had broken him, had destroyed his very being.

One woman was fired in the process of the discussion whether or not something needed to be done; one woman who was charged with the blame for the incident. The leader of the program. His mother.

After that, they decided on a different approach. For the second generation of successors of L, and the following ones, they would use other methods.

And so, over time, the real reason for A's suicide was forgotten, for if you recite something over and over long enough you will come to believe it is true. After a while even the people who had been involved would swear that A had gone crazy.

Only one person remembered.

One person, who regularly visited A's grave to lay fresh flowers onto it, one person who believed that what she had been told was a lie.

"Nii-chan," she would whisper, a five year old girl with tears streaking her face. "I won't forget our secret. I promise. I know you're not crazy. It's their fault, isn't it? But you couldn't tell me. I'm not gonna run away, though. I'll stay here and become stronger, and I'll find a way to be better than L. If I'm better than L, I'm better than everyone – and if I am, then I'll have the power to make changes. I'll make 'em change, so that you can rest knowing nobody is gonna suffer like you had to."

Alright. Here it is - my new story :D

I know, you guys must really hate me, right? I know I have some other stories I should really update by now _ *kneels on the ground and begs for forgiveness*

Gaah, but this needed to get out of my head, don't you understand? It was THERE, and it wanted OUT. I really am sorry to all of you waiting for updates. But hey, if you're interested, why not read this story in the meantime...? *guilty grin* Yeah, I'm totally making publicity for my own stories here. Don't look, nothing to see here *holds hands up to shield face* xD

Anyway, thanks for reading, and any review/comment/suggestion/critique is welcome, in any form at all. You can also pm me if you prefer, and if you have something to say :3

Alright - please don't hate me; again, I'm sorry!

~ZoeTsunami~