Disclaimer: Doctor Who is not mine. *weeps*
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The Grief of a Time Lord
The Doctor leaned against the bar and watched people dancing at the wedding reception. Well, it was not really a wedding reception, given that there had been no wedding. The guests had already forgotten that the bride had vanished while walking down the aisle and now they were busy having a good time. Donna stood to one side, still trying to explain the situation to her fiancé and her parents without really explaining anything at all. All the while, the Doctor was staring darkly at the couples on the dance floor.
He had been so happy when he had twirled Rose around the TARDIS, dancing hectically. Jack had cut in for his fair share of the dancing, but they had danced jitterbugs and jives and even a hustle. Later, they had tried the slower ballads and the Doctor could not wipe the grin off his face while he was holding Rose close to him. She had positively glowed and then blushed beautifully at Jack's suggestive comments. Now, every dancing couple he saw reminded him of Rose and how he would never dance with her again.
From the moment he lost her, wherever he was travelling, the Doctor searched the crowds for a blond girl. When he spotted someone with blond shoulder length hair, his hearts would leap just a little. But then the girl would turn and he would see that it was a stranger, not his Rose. He would always listen out for her melodic laughter and the familiar sound of her calling out his name, but he was always disappointed. Little by little his eyes became filled with sorrow and his face grew haunted. His loss seemed to weigh him down and cast a shadow over him.
He tried to tell himself that Rose was safe and she had her parents, the new baby brother or sister and Mickey to comfort her in her grief. But he found no solace in that thought, for he knew as well as she had done that she belonged by his side. She was supposed to stay with him forever, or at least her entire lifetime, just like she had promised. So he never stopped looking for a way back to the other dimension, just as he never stopped looking for her.
The depth of his grief surprised even himself. He was a Time Lord, who had seen entire solar systems and civilisations die. He had watched his own people and planet burn, and yet this grief for a human girl seemed to surpass it all. Deep down he knew why. Rose had healed him and saved his soul. She had reminded him what kind of person he wanted to be and then helped him to actually be that person. She had shown him where his boundaries lay, she had comforted him, listened to him and held his hand when he had been scared. He had needed her and she had been there for him. He still needed her, but now she was gone.
Then there were the regrets. He was so mad at himself for never voicing his love for her. It was plain in all his action and he thought that she had always known how deeply he cared for her, but now it seemed so important that he had never actually said the words. He now understood that they should have been not just friends, but also lovers. He should have started and ended each day by telling her how special she was and how much he loved her. He should have pulled her to him and kissed her gently a million times. Then he should have let go of her just so he could do it all over again. He should have held her tight and never let her go. The thought of never being able to touch her again made him feel physically sick.
Through it all, the Doctor kept going. Not because he wanted to, but because it was the only thing he knew how to do. There were other, precious companions, Martha and Donna, who both healed tiny pieces of his broken hearts. Much as he loved them, no one could even take Rose's place in his hearts. He would love her until the end of his days. So on he went with his travels and wherever he touched people's lives, stories and legends spoke of the Doctor with a haunted face, who grieved in silence for his lost love.