Hold My Hand Harder

Chapter Two

In Christians POV

It took all the willpower in the world to walk out of that flat and leave the man I love. I knew that Syed wanted to make things the way they were but I couldn't help but wonder if that was even possible. The second he took Amira as his wife my heart shattered into a million pieces and it was only recently that I had started to glue everything back together again. I felt like fucking Humpty Dumpty…but my Muslim prince didn't decide to help me come back together again. No, he chose to marry his princess and keep his 'perfect' family. And I don't think he has ever realized how much that hurt…

I slowly stumbled down the stairs unable to see straight. My head was spinning. I wanted so desperately to run back into the room and grab him roughly. I wanted to yell at him for making me this crazy… I wanted to cry and tell him he was beautiful and I loved him…I wanted to kiss and tell him that I loved him too.

I was interrupted from my unrealistic daydreaming by someone's arm grabbing my shoulder. I spun around and there he was, watching me with those beautiful brown eyes, sparkling full of hope.

"Christian…Please…" He pleaded softly.

"What do you want me to do Sy? Hold you and kiss you just so you can turn around and tell me that you love her more? Because I cant take much more!" I snapped.

Syed looked put out. He shrugged and took a step back up the stairs.

"Fine Christian…Have it your way. I don't want to hurt you anymore…" He whispered.

I shook my head angrily and shoved Syed square in the chest. He fell back onto the stairs, his eyes wide and angry.

"Have it my way? If I could have things my way you never would have married her! You and me would me together now! But no, of course not! For once in your pathetic life Syed will you please just stand up for yourself and for you are?" I roared.

Syeds eyes widened even further and clouded suddenly.

"I am a married Muslim man. How many times Christian? I am NOT interested…" he spat.

I spun around and saw Amira's shocked face looking back at me.

"Fuck you." I hissed, turning on my heel, shoving past Amira and racing out the door.

I didn't stop running until I reached my flat. I fumbled with my keys clumsily and banged the door open, almost taking the flimsy piece of wood off its hinges. I slammed the door after me and stared at my empty flat. I was so angry I couldn't sit down. I couldn't do anything. How could Syed do that to me? Why would he want to? I was angrier with myself for letting this stupid man affect me so much. Why do I love someone who keeps hurting me? Why did I have to fall in love with someone who can't love himself, never mind me?

I stomped into my kitchen and flicked the switch of the kettle. Maybe a cup of tea would calm me down? I doubt it. I was so worked up I didn't hear the door open.

"Christian?" A soft voice whispered.

I spun around and saw Amira looking at me, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"Amira? How did you get in?" I asked in shock.

Amira sighed and shrugged.

"The door was open…is it true?" she asked softly.

I frowned, confused.

"Is what true?" I asked.

Amira looked away and sobbed to herself.

"You and him! How…why…when… My husband?" she cried.

It took a few minutes for her words to register in my head. My heart stopped and raced at the same time. The truth was finally out! Oh God, the truth was finally out…

"I'm so sorry Amira…" I managed to choke, stepping closer to her.

Amira rolled her tearful eyes and looked at me with contempt.

"Christian! Why would you do this to me?" she demanded.

I heaved a huge sigh.

"Amira… He was always gay…he just never admitted him to himself until-" I started to say but she cut across me.

"Gay? Why would you chase a straight man? You can have any man you want! Why would you chase him?" she snapped, shoving me in the chest.

I shook my head, at a loss for words. She was in serious denial.

"I didn't chase him…it just…happened…" I explained weakly.

Amira collapsed into my sofa, wrapping her arms around herself, trying to keep herself together.

"Christian, why are you lying? Syed is not gay!" she said, sounding seriously confused.

I sighed and sat in the chair opposite her. If Syed had told her the truth, why was she so slow?

"I tried to stop him from marrying you…" I said gently.

Amira's head snapped up with anger.

"Oh I bet you did Christian! You probably begged him to want you too, you sad, lonely little man!" she shrieked.

I nodded and cursed myself for saying such a stupid thing.

"Amira…I know this may sound strange to you…but I do love him. This isn't some perverted fling. I think he's amaz-"

"Leave her alone."

Amira and I looked up in shock and saw Syed standing at the door. It was the first time in ages that I've seen that glint in his eye, that sex appeal oozing from him. I couldn't help but smile.

Syed walked towards us and looked between the two of us.

"Amira. It's true. I love Christian. And I am so sorry that I've put you through all this but…" he mumbled, trailing off.

Amira shook her head; her long curls falling over her shoulders.

"Syed, please. I am your wife! I know you love me!" she insisted.

Syed shook his head sadly.

"Amira…I do love you, just not like Christian." He said finally.

Amira squeezed her eyes shut and buried her head in her hands.

"I can't believe this is happening!" she sobbed into her arms.

I looked at Sy and smiled. To my delight Syed grinned right back at me, his eyes shining with happiness.

"Thank you…" I whispered so quiet, that only the two of us heard.

Syed nodded and took my hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze.

Or at least how it should have happened…

"Leave her alone."

Amira and I looked up in shock and saw Syed standing at the door. I felt my heart break when I saw his broken face and dishevelled appearance. Syed walked across the room and went to sit with Amira.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed.

Syed groaned and reached for her hand.

"I told you Amira, Christian just flirts with me. You saw me say no!" he argued.

Amira shook her head in disbelief and glared at him.

"Stop lying! He told me everything!" she sobbed.

Syed spun around and looked at me in horror.

"What did he tell you?" he asked slowly.

Amira folded her arms and crossed her chest, as though she were in serious pain.

"That he told you not to marry me…that you were always gay…that you're 'amazing' and ye are so in love!" she hissed.

Syed swallowed hard and never once took his eyes off me.

"I hope you're happy!" he spat.

I shook my head, panic setting my heart.

"Sy, I thought she knew!" I exclaimed.

Syed threw his hands up in the air.

"KNEW WHAT?" he roared.

"That you're a compulsive liar!" Amira shot back through her tears.

I stared at him in shock. I was rooted to the spot.

"Are you actually going to try and deny it now?" I demanded.

Syed looked from me to Amira, his eyes filling.

"I-I…uh…I'm so sorry!" he bawled, collapsing to the ground.

Amira nodded slowly and swallowed her tears. She watched Syed for a moment and then walked over towards him. To my surprise to crouched down and kissed his forehead.

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy." She said softly, before leaving the room.

Forcing me to stay and watch Syed claw at himself and cry his beautiful eyes out.

Its funny what a person would do for love.