EXT. BIG GREY FIELD - EVENING
SAURON
I'm too sexy for my Ring, too sexy for my Ring, Ring's going to leave me..
(Isildur grabs the Ring from Sauron, Isildur drops it in a lake, Gollum grabs it, Bilbo takes it from Gollum, and we cut to
EXT. THE SHIRE - NIGHT
and Bilbo's Party. Zoom on Frodo doing his Chicken Dance.)
FRODO
I'm too sexy for this dance, too sexy for the dance, so sexy I'll prance..
(FAST FORWARD - Bilbo runs away, tossing the Ring behind him to Frodo. Gandalf pulls Sam in from a window, and Sam and Frodo walk off together.)
SAM
I'm too sexy for the Shire, too sexy for the Shire, Bree, and Lorien..
Cut to: EXT. FIELD OF CORN - DAY
(FAST FORWARD - Sam and Frodo walk through some corn. Merry and Pippin come flying out and they all run.)
MERRY and PIP
We're too sexy for our mushrooms, too sexy for our mushrooms, the way that we are running..
(FAST FORWARD – The Four Hobbits run over the horizon and we cut to
INT. THE PRANCING PONY - NIGHT
and Aragorn sings to Frodo.)
ARAGORN
I'm a ranger if you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk. Yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk.
(Cut to: EXT. WEATHERTOP – NIGHT
FAST FORWARD – The Five run to Weathertop, Aragorn disappears and the hobbits go on top, where they are attacked by Nazgul.)
NAZGUL
We're too sexy for our swords, too sexy for our swords, oh, here comes the ford..
(Arwen rides with Frodo to Rivendell as we fade to
EXT. RIVENDELL COUNCIL – DAY
and Elrond dances around the table that has the Ring on it.)
ELROND
And I'm too sexy for my council, too sexy for my council, nothing rhymes with council..
(The Nine Walkers jump up, form a long line, link arms and begin to kick Rockette style.)
FELLOWSHIP
We're the Nine Walkers, if you know what we mean, and we do our journey on the catwalk. Yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, we do our journey on the catwalk.
Cut to: INT. MORIA - DAY
(The Fellowship runs into Moria. The Balrog comes and drags Gandalf into the hole. As they fall, the Balrog sings.)
BALROG
I'm too sexy for my whip, too sexy for my whip, too sexy for my whip..
(Fade to: EXT. LOTHLORIEN – NIGHT
FAST FORWARD – The Fellowship runs into Lorien and immediately drops to the ground, asleep. Frodo jumps up and follows Galadriel to the birdbath, where she bursts into song.)
GALADRIEL
I'm an elf queen, if you know what I mean, and I do my little thing with the birdbath. Yeah, with the birdbath, yeah, with the birdbath, yeah, I do my little thing with the birdbath.
(FAST FORWARD – The Fellowship receives gifts and boats and sail down the Anduin as we
Cut to: EXT. AMON HEM– DAY
where Boromir, alone, confronts Frodo.)
BOROMIR
You're too sexy for the Ring, too sexy for the Ring, please, give it to me..
(Suddenly, Uruk-Hai and Orcs appear.)
ORCS and URUK-HAI
We're too sexy for our loincloths..
(The Orcs grab Merry and Pippin.)
MERRY and PIPPIN
Too sexy to be captured..
(Frodo grabs a boat.)
FRODO
I'm going to leave..
(Sam wades into the water and jumps into the boat.)
SAM
And I'm too sexy coming with you.