'Reality'

By: QuotheIDani

I used to sit up at late night and cry beneath a particular window in my room. It had been my specail spot. I'd sit, back against the wall, and hug a pillow to my chest. I used it as a comfort item to hold onto, and also as a rag to catch my tears. It caught many from my eyes after my life began it's downhill direction.

That pillow became like a drug to me over a short period of time. I was addicted to the soft texture of the fabric my fingertips so enjoyed. I craved the warmth I would feel if I held it tight enough, and how the sent of my mother's lavander detergent would linger deep within the fibers. In general, I needed the relief it provided me.

I was in pain then. Sasuke-Kun had left, and I didn't know what to do. Sobbing was the only way I knew how to express myself back then. Sobbing, and depression.

I'd pull at my bangs, screaming as loud as possible. No one would hear me if I didn't. No one ever heard me. He hadn't.

'Do you hate me Kami-San!? Do I deserve this pain? Why does it hurt so much?! WHY?!'

The first time I threw one of these fits, my parents came running. My mother desperately tried to pry my hair away from me, but I held on tight. She kept telling me i'd go bald if I didn't stop pulling it out. She kept telling me Sasuke-Kun would never notice me if I didn't let go of the pink locks. I lashed out at his name, I didn't want to hear what she had to say. I tried to run, but my father held me where I was.

I fought against him. Hitting, slapping, clawing. I even snapped at his hand, he dropped me then. My teeth barely missed his fingers, and I looked like some wild dog. One that was dieing knew it dieing, and wanted to do so by itself.

'Leave me alone!' I half snarled, half cried at them both, and my insides purred with pleasure when my mother quivered,'Just go away!'

They left shortly after that, my mother watered down with tears, and my father silently leading her out of the room. They walked away from me. There was nothing they could do for their poor, broken daughter.

My fits lessened, became quieter. But I still cried every now and then, mostly on days that didn't go my way. Like when I miserably failed learning some new jutsu, or even had trouble keeping up with all my work at the hospital for example, because if Sasuke was there, I knew he'd look down upon me for that. His eyes would narrow at me, and he'd set his lips just so, half way between a smirk and frown, I could never tell. Then came my favorite words 'Your worse than Naruto' and my world came crashing down again, Only to be rebuilt over night, and broken by him again the next day. It was a never ending cycle between me and him.
It was about the only tie we'd truely had apperently.

My days after Sasuke's self liberation from Konoha were relatively quiet. I stayed locked away in my room, staring out into the distance. Searching for him mostly, though he never came.

'Because of Orochimaru' or so i'd reasoned,'He took my Sasuke-Kun. If he wasn't in the picture, Sasuke-Kun would have never left.'

But the truth was I just wasn't looking at the picture as a whole.

All I could see was that Orochimaru lured Sasuke away from me, that it was his fault I was alone. I simply didn't want to come to terms with the facts. Sasuke left because he had more to gain with that snake man than here in Konoha, than with me.

That was then. This is now. I finally woke up from that fairytale of a dream and started living in the real world. Sasuke is a thing of the past. Another broken memory in my pool of sorrow. He left, and he's never comming back. That is my reality.