Almost Lover, a law and order: svu fanfic

Almost Lover

Summary: Alex and Olivia say goodbye. Set at the end of "Loss" and as if the events that followed never happened. Songfic; "Almost Lover" - A Fine Frenzy. Sadly, I own nothing.

Your fingertips across my skin. The palm trees swaying in the wind. Images. You sang me Spanish lullabies. The sweetest sadness in your eyes. Clever trick. Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy; I thought you'd want the same for me.

Olivia sat silent in the passenger seat as she and Elliot pulled up to the beach. Her Captain's words echoed in her head; "Something about closing out the case." She wondered what this could possibly mean. The body count finally stopped growing, with Alex at the top of the list. Her Alex. She couldn't say Alex's name without a lump rising in her throat. She lost more than a best friend that night; she lost the only woman who could take her breath away by just entering a room. The first woman she finally had the courage to tell that she loved her. The woman whom she slept with her arm around at night. She knew she could never look at strawberries the same way; they were Alex's favorite. She hadn't touched the coffee pot in her kitchen since that night; Alex had made coffee for them both that morning. It was still half full.

She climbed out of the passenger seat of their car and shivered. It was a warm spring day that morning, but now they were down by the water, and it was freezing. She couldn't stop thinking about her. The beach brought back memories of the day last year they decided to be impulsive. It was a particularly slow day downtown, so they decided to go out for lunch. That is, until Alex decided it would be a great idea to go down to the beach at Coney Island instead. She kept a blanket in the trunk of her car, "for emergencies." And after much prodding, Alex shed her suit jacket and they walked along the shore, swapping stories and laughing until their stomachs hurt. Olivia felt like a teenager again.

They had their first kiss on the beach. Olivia pushed the memories out of her head as the tears came back.

Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you; can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance; my back is turned on you. Should've known you'd bring me heartache; almost lovers always do.

"Wouldn't take no for the answer; a real pain in the ass this one," Hammond commented, leading the two detectives to a van with the words US Marshalls painted across the doors in yellow lettering. He grabbed the door handle and gently guided it open. The shadows partially obscured the face of the figure inside, until it turned towards Olivia and Elliot. She was instantly recognizable.

Elliot's eyes widened in stunned disbelief; Olivia couldn't believe her eyes. Alex looked frail and exhausted, with her arm encased in a sling. Olivia resisted the urge to wrap her arms around her and never let go; she would hold her and whisper, "Everything will be okay." But this was different. Olivia couldn't protect Alex like she did from the occasional spider in her office or the apartment.

"I am so sorry about all of this," Alex whispered hoarsely.

Olivia could only choke out, "You're funeral's tomorrow." Hammond was speaking to them all in the background, but Olivia's eyes never left Alex's. She wasn't paying attention to anything he said. Alex was struggling to hold back tears too.

We walked along a crowded street; you took my hand and danced with me in the shade. And when you left you kissed my lips; you told me you would never ever forget these images, no. Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same for me.

Everything else melted away, and Olivia felt as if the two of them were alone. She wanted to take Alex away from here; from the city, the state, or hell, even from the country. She wanted to bring her somewhere where she'd be safe.

"Witness Protection?" Elliot finally said. Olivia understood. That was the only place she'd be safe. The only way Olivia would have a prayer of ever seeing her again.

"Until Velez is extradited or... otherwise dealt with," Alex responded, shaking her head.

"How long?" Olivia finally choked out. Olivia knew Alex had no idea when she'd see either of them again. She had so many things she wanted to tell her, but none of the words would come.

Alex opened her mouth, but could only shrug; her eyes said so much more. She looked vulnerable and afraid, two words no one would ever use to describe Alex Cabot. She was the ice princess, the woman no one could crack. The silence was deafening, and Olivia kept her eyes locked on the blonde.

Alex merely nodded at Olivia, trying to reassure her she'd be fine. Typical Alex; she was always so sure of herself. This time though, Olivia felt Alex was trying to convince herself of something for the first time.

"We're on the move," Hammond called.

This was it, the time to say goodbye. Alex climbed back into the van and gave another nod of reassurance. This one was shorter, more confident. Olivia knew Alex would fight like hell to get back to them. Back to her. Elliot and Olivia stood out in the night and was the parade of vehicles drive away. Neither one moved until Elliot finally looked back at his partner. She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself.

"You okay?" he asked, concern evident on his face.

She was quiet. "I will be," she finally responded. "She'll come back; she has to come back, right?" Olivia questioned. Elliot always had the answers.

"I hope so Liv, I really do."

I cannot go to the ocean; I cannot try the streets at night. I cannot wake up in the morning, without you on my mind. So you're gone and I'm haunted, and I bet you are just fine. Did I make it that easy to walk, right in and out of my life?

Olivia returned that night to the empty apartment. In every room of the apartment, she heard Alex's laugh or smelled her Chanel No. 5. She went to the kitchen, poured herself a glass of red wine and then settled in on the couch. She flipped on the television and couldn't really find anything of interest; she flipped on Leno but she left the volume low. She nursed her glass, and sat with the tears silently falling, curled up in the silence, reflecting on where she would go from here. It was then that something caught her eye; the answering machine on the table next to the couch read one new message. Olivia chuckled to herself; one of Alex's pet peeves was messages that were not listened to. Olivia reached over the side of the couch and pressed play.

"Tuesday, 7:07 PM," the voice on answering machine called out. It was Friday. Olivia wondered who could've called three days ago. Suddenly, a sweet sound filled the room.

"Hey Liv, it's me. I know you're probably on the way back right now, but you weren't answering your cell phone. I'm gonna be a little late home tonight. Don't worry, it'll be worth it! I've got a surprise for you. I love you and I'll see you soon!" Alex's voice rang out in the empty apartment.

Olivia couldn't stop the tears from coming now. She fumbled with the machine, but she found the button she was looking for, and pushed it.

"This message will be saved for 21 days," the voice on the answering machine called out.

Olivia got up for her spot on the couch and headed towards the bedroom. She made a detour to the kitchen and picked up the pen next to the phone. She turned to face her calendar on the wall and made a note for 20 days from now, just in case.