Still even to this day, it hurt to keep secrets from him.

I don't have the words to tell him of what he means to me or how he changed the course of my life so much.

This may not be my only secret kept from him, but it hurts so much more than anything I've experienced up to this point.

I love him.

I'm sorry Ludwig for the words that I never could tell you and for every scar that my existence will leave on you after I'm gone.

I know you love me like the brother that I am to you, and that it must suck to watch me fade away day by day.

I don't know if you've noticed the fading yet with how small it has been so far, but if you have, I hope you can ignore the pain of it and just smile for me.

Relax, brother, and enjoy these last few moments, no anger, no pain.

I love you too much, and I selfishly want my last memories of my life here to be of your joy and not of your tears.

In the end, I think of you more than me.

Elizaveta would be impressed, but I've stopped thinking of her in that old way as you've replaced my childhood crushes and dreams.

I hate being seen as weak, but I can't avoid it, not now, not as my last moments tick by.

I refuse to let you see my pain though; you don't deserve to be sad over this ex-nation.

You deserve to laugh and smile as if all is right in the world again.

You know, I don't know when I fell for you.

It was like one day, I woke up and Hungary had lost her claim over my heart, and you'd stolen it.

It took me a while to get over the infatuation just enough to be normal.

You didn't see me be awkward, did you?

I know it did not happen when you were a kid as I remember being proud of how strong you were and happy to raise a brother to be like me only better.

I fell for you much later sometime before it was revealed that you were the stronger nation out of the two of us.

Please don't count my days left and think on that.

I guess you managed to get the mighty Prussia to say, "Please."

I hope you don't see me crumble and worsen day by day as more of me slips away.

I hope I can remember and feel enough as my days go by, to acknowledge how deep my love for you flows.

I'm not France who probably would have let who he loved know how much he cared in his last days; Spain probably would too.

I miss you more than ever when you're away from me like a child, holding on to my last moments with you.

You can read my diary after I'm gone if you want, but please don't regret anything or feel sorry for me.

I lived long enough, much longer than a human would anyway.

I've felt love in all of its intensity and ways, and I knew of loss.

I just want you to live well, Ludwig, after I'm gone as if it doesn't still hurt you to be without me.

Can you do that just for me?

It's my dying wish; I, at least, deserve that.

I've decided on my last day, I'll leave this journal page open for you, so you know that you can read every single one of my entries and that you know even if its a little late, how much I love you.

Goodbye, we'll see each other again one day though hopefully not too soon as you deserve a longer and better life than I had.

Tell Feli that I give my blessing to the two of you.

I'm not nearly old enough nor blind enough to not tell what the looks in both of your eyes mean.

He'd make a great brother-in-law.

Ich liebe dich, Ludwig; may you never forget that or how much I really do care.