*NOTE*
Black bolded — Black Zetsu
"Hidan, Tobi doesn't think this is being a good boy." Tobi said, looking from the Jashinist to the squirrel that was currently tied to the table.
"Tobi, Jashin dictates that his fucking followers must be destructive! And you do want Jashin to think you're a good boy, right, asshole?"
"Tobi thinks so…"
"Hell yeah." Hidan went on, smiling and handing a mallet to Tobi. "Now smash it."
"Tobi, don't listen to him." Zetsu ordered, walking into the kitchen. "He's just trying to corrupt your innocent mind."
"Shut the hell up."
"Make me. Tobi, we're going to the park. Why the park? Because we need fresh air. I hate fresh air. Do you want to come, Tobi?"
"Yes Zetsu!" Tobi exclaimed, tossing aside the mallet and glomping his friend.
"Good boy." Zetsu said, petting the masked teen's head as they walked out of the room.
"Oh for Jashin's sake… Fine, I'll do it." Hidan muttered, grabbing the mallet from the ground and raising it to smash the squirrel.
"Don't you dare." Kakuzu ordered, grabbing it out of the Jashinist's hands. "Squirrel blood stains the floor, so we'd have to pay for a cleaner."
"Jashin dammit."
"Come on, un." Deidara growled, tugging the brush through his hair. Today was looking to be a bad hair day. After the brush got caught for the fiftieth time, Deidara had finally had it. "Fine, be that way, un!" he cried, ripping the brush through his hair in frustration.
Sasori noticed the problem and walked over, plucking the item from Deidara's hand. "You're going to rip all your hair out if you keep that up, brat."
"Don't call me brat, un!" Deidara hmmphed and walked over to their bed. "My hair's a mess, un! I'm just going to stay in bed all day." he declared, ducking under the covers of the bed.
Sasori rolled his eyes and walked over to their bed, throwing back the covers and sitting down near the blonde. "Dei, get up."
"Not while my hair's a disaster, un!" Deidara cried, tugging his locks in frustration.
"Do you want me to help?"
Deidara looked at Sasori, surprise all over his face. "Un?"
"Well?"
"Um…" Deidara wasn't sure how to answer. Sasori's hair was a lot shorter than his, and the sculptor had a very tender scalp. There was a good chance he'd be in even worse shape if Sasori was allowed to work with his hair. "Sure, un." Wait, what?!
"Ok, sit up." Sasori ordered, kneeling.
Deidara did as instructed, sitting with his back to the redhead. "Farewell, cruel world. I knew ya well." He shut his eyes, tensing for the incoming pain.
Much to his surprise, there was no pain. Deidara slowly opened his eyes, body relaxing. This actually felt… Well, pretty good.
The redhead seemed intent on getting the knots out without causing the blonde any pain. This meant that he was taking his time, probably longer than he needed to. "Alright, now turn around." Sasori ordered. Deidara obeyed the command and spun around, sitting so that he was now facing Sasori.
The Akasuna was biting his lower lip, a look of concentration on his face. He ran the brush through a patch of hair, then used his free hand to finger-comb the locks in an effort to catch any remaining tangles. Finally, he pulled up a portion of Deidara's hair and tied the trademark ponytail. "There." he said, leaning back to admire his handiwork.
Deidara, however, had other plans. He lunged forward, wrapping his arms around the puppet master's chest, knocking them backwards. "OOF! Deidara, I just fixed your hair!"
"I don't care." Deidara said, snuggling against Sasori. "Just fix it again, un."
"I'm not your hairdresser, brat."
"Nope. Just my danna, un."
Pain was walking through the house, in search of writing supplies. "Where the heck did Kakuzu store the paper?" He turned the corner and entered the kitchen, where Kisame and Itachi were, well, "occupied". "THE KITCHEN TABLE IS NOT FOR MAKING OUT!" Pain snapped, glaring at the two teens.
Kisame pulled away, allowing Itachi to sit up. "What's the big deal, Pain?" the shark asked. "It's not like you've never seen us make out before."
"No duh. I see you two make out everyday." Pain replied, looking around the counter for paper and pencils. "But a table is for eating, not kissing. If you want to make out, take it to your room."
"With pleasure." Kisame said, scooping the weasel off the table and exiting the room. Pain rolled his eyes and continued his search, finally stumbling upon the sticky notes and a pencil cup.
Seeing a note beside the items, Pain picked it up and brought the note to his face to read it. "Attention, all house members. In an effort to conserve paper, we are replacing all notebook paper with cheaper sticky notes. ("WHAT?!") Furthermore, each person is only allowed three sticky notes a day. ("You've got to be kidding.") We are not kidding. ("Ok, that's just creepy.") Don't even think of disobeying this rule; we will find out."
Pain rolled his eyes and replaced the note, turning to the pile of sticky notes. He pulled off three, and then stopped. Looking first to the left, then to the right, he reached forward, grabbed the fourth piece-
*Sound* BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEP "Put down the sticky note. I repeat, put down the sticky note."
"Why didn't Kakuzu just buy regular paper instead of an alarm system?" Pain groaned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I, Pain, being of sound body and unsound mind, do herby declare this as my last will and testament…" The leader was having a rather difficult time writing his will, since he was limited to the three sticky notes he'd been allowed to take from the kitchen.
He heard the door to his room open, then close. "What are you doing?" Konan asked, walking over to him.
"Writing my will. It seemed a bit more appropriate than a suicide note." Pain replied, trying to figure out what the heck he wanted to leave to Zetsu.
"Why?"
"Because those notes usually tell people why you killed yourself, and I think the answer to THAT question is pretty obvious for me." Pain answered.
"Pain, it's not that bad." Konan said, rubbing her boyfriend's shoulders.
"Not that bad? Not that bad!?" Pain stood and walked over to the door. "Have you heard what's been going on for the last few hours?!" Not even waiting for an answer, Pain threw open the door, allowing the noise from downstairs to filter into their room.
*Sound* WHAM
"Jashin damned squirrels, get your asses back here!"
*Sound* BANG
"Hidan, why the hell did you try to sacrifice squirrels!?" Kakuzu demanded.
"They please Jashin! Look out, dumbass!"
*Sound* CRASH
"I smashed one!"
"Save the body. I can make good bacon out of that."
"Here's another! Stand back, un!"
*Sound* BOOOOOM
"Zetsu, the squirrel went splody!"
"If you need me, I will be throwing myself off the roof." Pein informed Konan, walking out of the room.
Konan walked down the hall to Kisame and Itachi's room, knocking on the door. "Kisame? I need your help."
"Is Pein trying to kill himself again?"
"Yup. This time it's the roof."
She heard several thumps, and a moment later Kisame was at the door. "We've gotta lock him up." Kisame said, leading the way to the roof. "The neighbours are starting to complain."