**Hi! It's been forever since I was on here, and this story has been sitting in my writing book for about...two years maybe? :p I don't know. I figured it was time to type it up. So...here it is!**
**It is the pairing Jovanthony with one sided Ianthony. And the song is based off of I Wish by One Direction. I hope you guys enjoy (: **
Anthony let out a small laugh at something Joven had said, rolling his eyes a bit. He took the taller man's hand in his own and gently laced their fingers together, which caused Joven to lean over and press a light kiss to Anthony's temple. Joven grinned when he saw the familiar tinge of pink in Anthony's cheeks and knew that he was blushing. He loved to make Anthony blush. It had seemed that the two were so caught up in their own little world, that they didn't notice the others staring at them. Either that or the two of them were simply ignoring the rest of the group.
It had been like this ever since the couple became real; ever since they came out. Everyone was surprised to find out that it was Jovanthony that was together and...not Ianthony. No one knew that Anthony had had the biggest crush on Joven. Not even Ian knew, which was the biggest shock, considering how close the two friends were.
That's why, a few months after Kalel broke off their engagement with Anthony, and Anthony soon came out as bisexual, they were all confused. Then, the only reason Anthony and Joven even came out was due to the fact that Matt, otherwise known as Sohinki, had walked in on the two of them kissing.
Although everyone was shocked, it didn't mean that they weren't happy for the two of them. The only one who seemed to be upset was Ian. Ian was upset at Anthony for so many reasons. Not only had his best friend kept the fact that he was bisexual from him, but he had also hid his huge crush on Joven from him. And then eventually, Anthony had hid his with Joven from Ian. Had Ian done something wrong? Had he lost Anthony's trust? Because right now, he wasn't feeling like Anthony's best friend. And it really just sucked.
It wasn't only because Ian felt like he had lost Anthony as a best friend, but he had also lost his opportunity. Ian had had a crush on Anthony since high school, but he hadn't said anything since he was sure that Anthony was as straight as a ruler. And Joven just had to come along and just...ruin this for him. But at the same time, he couldn't exactly blame Joven. Or Anthony for that matter. It was his own fault for not speaking up sooner. He was just too nervous to say anything, not wanting to ruin their friendship. He would rather be friends with Anthony than lose the other male completely.
Ian could really only be mad at himself.
He takes your hand
I die a little
I watch your eyes
And I'm in riddles
Why can't you look at me like that?
Ian kept his eyes on the couples' intertwined fingers, his heartbreaking a bit. He looked up towards Anthony's face next though, and...he loved the way Anthony's eyes sparkled when he was with Joven. It was obvious to him the Joven made Anthony happy.
Ian could see how happy Anthony was just to be with Joven, or even when he just talked about Joven. But Anthony's happiness with Joven seemed to make him sad. It should have made Ian happy to see Anthony happy but he just couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle how perfect they seemed to be together as a couple.
Ian wanted Anthony to look at him the way he looked at Joven. It was selfish, he knew that, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking about it; he couldn't stop himself from thinking about the what-ifs. It only he had manned up and told Anthony how he felt, he could have been where Joven was. He could have been the one to call Anthony his.
It was gone, now.
Everything was different when Anthony was with Kalel, because, of course, everyone thought Anthony was straight. Ian included. Ian hadn't exactly come out wither. Not yet. He didn't think he was going to come out anymore. He didn't feel the need to considering Ian didn't have feelings for anyone except Anthony. Not at the moment anyways.
When you walk by
I try to say it
But then I freeze
And never do it
My tongue gets tied
The words get trapped
Ian made his way over to where Anthony was, wanting to actually talk to him because the two of them really hadn't talked too much since the coming out. Things were just different between the Smosh Games group now. Especially with Anthony and Ian. Everyone seemed to notice the tension; people just didn't enjoy talking about it or bringing it up. Ian gave Anthony a gentle smile before he chickened out and decided to head elsewhere. He, instead, walked right by the happy couple to chat with Mari. In reality, he still couldn't seem to talk to Anthony. It felt like his tongue was tied and he just couldn't get his words out properly. And he wasn't sure if it was due to the fact that he was so devastated or because he knew he wouldn't be able to handle himself in front of the happy couple of Jovanthony.
Anthony watched as Ian walked by, but he didn't try to stop his best friend and decided to lean into his boyfriend a bit more with a slight grin still on his lips. Sure Anthony had noticed the change in Ian's behavior, but he had thought it was just due to them coming out; He had thought that Ian was still shocked to find out that he was bisexual. Anthony had no idea that Ian was truly in love with him.
Joven noticed the shift in the atmosphere as well, giving Anthony a worried look. He let go of Anthony's hand in order to wrap it around Anthony's shoulders instead resting his head gently on his boyfriend's head. He rubbed Anthony's shoulders gently before he gave them a light squeeze. They were just so lovey dovey together, and it was still odd for the others to see it.
He felt eyes on them, and he glanced Ian's way almost instantly. Of course Ian was the one who was staring at them. As soon as their eyes met, Ian instantly went back to focusing on Mari and their conversation. It seemed obvious about what the two were talking about.
Joven didn't comment on it though, and instead went back to focusing on the man that he had in his arms. He listened to Anthony's beautiful voice, as he himself chewed on his bottom lip. He felt he was the one to ruin Anthony and Ian's friendship.
I hear the beat of my heart getting louder
Whenever I'm near you
The Smosh Games group was currently filming yet another Game Bang. Or at least they were trying to anyways. They were playing another dancing game, much to Lasercorn's displeasure, and the punishment was the same as always; a dancing duet. Ian was just praying that anyone but Anthony and Joven lost. It'd be too awkward and tense for him to get through the dance on camera.
Luckily, everyone got through their turns relatively quickly, which meant the losers were determined soon after. And apparently is wasn't Ian's day, considering the two with the lowest scores were none other than Anthony and Joven. Jovanthony. And since none of the fans knew about their relationship, they didn't have an excuse not to do it.
"Well it looks like the Jovanthony fans are in for a treat." Lasercorn grinned, giving Joven a teasing nudge to the shoulder. He then went on to say what song they were going to dance to, as well as their embarrassing outfits that they would have to endure for it.
Ian had zoned out though, since he knew about everything that was about to go down. His own job at this point was to try and fake a smile for the rest of the recording, as well as to try and get his heart to calm down. It was still pounding in his chest, and he still couldn't tell if it was due to him finishing his dance, or because Anthony was just so...close to him. Something as simple as having his best friend beside him made Ian's heart skip a beat. He didn't get it.
Why him?
But I see you with him
Slow dancing
Tearing me apart
'Cause you don't see
Whenever you kiss him
I'm breaking,
Oh how I wish that was me
Ian swallowed thickly as he watched the couple try to act upset about having to dance together. Everyone else on the set however, could tell that they were loving it; It only made Ian feel sick to his stomach. It was so unfair, to him anyways. Ian wanted Anthony to himself.
He was rudely reminded that he couldn't have Anthony to himself as the two started to dance their romantic duet together. Ian watched the scene with a bittersweet look on his face, clenching his jaw to keep from saying or doing anything he would regret. The two men were still putting on a show, acting disgusted, though they both were still loving it.
Joven was the man, leading Anthony through the dance as best as he could. The two of them were simply adorable together and Anthony was just soaking up the affection. The way Joven's arms were wrapped around Anthony's waist with such care made the shorter male grin slightly.
Anthony was trying not to make it obvious that he was actually having a good time, but it was hard being in the arms of the man he was in love with. It was like they were the only people in the room. But of course, he knew that he had to keep it as comical as possible for the viewers.
Ian had finally given up, and had to look away as the two seemed to dance forever. He couldn't watch anymore of the heartbreaking scene. He focused on a certain spot on the ground, his jaw still clenched painfully hard.
It seemed to work though and before Ian knew it, the dance was over and they all did a quick outro before the cameras were finally turned off. They all finally relaxed a bit and laughed off the rest of the video, though the room seemed to fall silent as the two men were hesitant to let go of each other.
Joven decided to lovingly tug Anthony into a quick peck on the lips, causing the others to coo. Well, everyone besides Ian, that is. Joven and Anthony were completely oblivious as they leaned in for another, deeper, more passionate kiss. Ian looked on with a hurt expression on his face, he didn't know how else to react.
He eventually looked away from the happy couple so that he was able to blink back tears. He felt ridiculous for tearing up but the scene still got to him. Watching the two kiss with such passion only made him more wishful. He should be the one kissing Anthony like that. Not Joven.
Ian gently wiped at his eyes before he quickly excuse himself and left the room, heading to the bathroom close by. He could only handle so much of them making out before he had finally just had enough; before he just needed a break. He made his way into one of the stalls, sinking down onto the ground beside the toilet. He pulled his knees to his chest, resting his forehead against them softly.
He looks at you
The way that I would
Does all the things,
I know, that I could
If only time could just turn back
Ian was glad that no one had followed after him, meaning he finally had a bit of time to himself. All he could think about was the way Anthony looked at Joven with a lovesick sort of look. And Joven of course returned the look. But Ian knew that he probably had the same look on his face whenever he looked at his best friend, and at this point it was just pitiful.
He had seen how the couple acted; he saw how Joven treated Anthony and he continued to compare himself to the bespectacled man. He could do everything, and more, for Anthony. He could have done anything and everything for Anthony; he knew his best friend better than anyone else: and that included Anthony's boyfriend of a few months.
He wanted to be the one to caress Anthony's check in such a gentle way. He wanted to be able to press light kisses to Anthony's cheek, or temple, or hair, or...well basically anywhere. He wanted to be the one wrapped up in Anthony's arms. He wanted to wear Anthony's clothes in the cute coupley way that he always imagined. And he knew for damn sure that if he was Anthony's, he wouldn't hide it from the world that was for damn sure. He would have been proud to tell everyone; their friends, their fans, their family. Everyone.
If only he was able to turn back time. If only he had told Anthony sooner. But then, Ian had no idea if his best friend was even interested in him like that. He knew Anthony was bisexual but that didn't mean that Anthony was interested in him. But it looked like it was too late now anyways.
He couldn't tell Anthony now or he would be like the home wrecker. He couldn't do that to Joven or Anthony. The two deserved to be happy.
But then...what about his own happiness?
'Cause I got three little words
That I've always been dying to tell you
Still, no one had come to check on Ian, which he was thankful for. He needed to compose himself to a somewhat believable state. He wanted and hoped that they wouldn't be able to see through his act.
He cleared his throat carefully, wiping at his face before he pushed himself off of the ground. He ran a hand through his hair as he exited the stall to head to the sinks. He turned on the tap, watching the water splash against the material that was the sink. He cupped his hands, sticking them under the rather cold water. He waited for a few seconds until his hands were filled with water, and he ducked his head down to splash the cold water onto his face. Hopefully by doing this, the tear tracks would be gone. Or at least not noticeable by the others.
He splashed his face a few more times before he wiped off his face with a paper towel. He had to work himself up, almost as if he was giving himself a small pep talk, before he made his way towards the door.
Just as he was about to open the door, it was swung open in front of him and nearly hit him in the face. He let out a small noise of surprise as he took in the shorter male on the other side.
"Woah. Sorry Ian. I just wanted to come and check on you." Matt, also known as Sohinki, spoke up. "You've been gone for a while and Anthony-" He was cut off by Ian's voice, pausing even his actions as he felt a little awkward now.
"Yeah, sure. Anthony stopped sucking Joven's face for a few seconds to actually care about me? Hm, how thoughtful." Ian mumbled, the bitter tone obvious in his voice. He carefully pushed past Matt, though he was having none of it as he grabbed Ian's wrist gently.
"What is your problem?" Matt asked, shaking his head as he carefully turned him around. "Did you and Anthony get in another fight or something? You guys seemed fine until..." He trailed off as things seemed to click in his mind. "You're jealous...?" He replied, though it turned into a question.
"Let me go." Ian muttered out weakly, not even looking him in the eyes. He knew that Matt would see right through him, knew he could see that he was indeed in love with Anthony.
He was so in love with Anthony. The words just seemed to float in his mind, but were always left unsaid. Three simple words that could change so much. And Ian just couldn't say it. He couldn't tell his best friend how he felt. It was haunting him.
With my hands on your waist
While we dance in the moonlight
I wish it was me that you'll call later on
'Cause you wanna say good night
Matt flinched slightly but didn't back down from what he had to say. "Ian, come on man. You know you can tell me, right? You're one of my best friends and...I care about you. I want you to be happy." He said softly, dropping Ian's wrist carefully. He was glad to see Ian didn't move, but at the same time he knew Ian didn't want to talk. It was obvious in his facial expression.
Ian shook his head in return to the question, his eyes glancing down at the floor. All he could think about now was everything he could be doing with Anthony – as a couple. He shook his head against, as if to get rid of the thoughts as well as to bring himself back to reality. "We should get back to the others." He finally mumbled out, heading out of the bathroom.
Matt was about to protest, but he let it go and followed after Ian with his hands shoved in his pockets. The two headed into the Game Bang room again, since they were supposed to be shooting another video, and it was strangely quiet. He raised an eyebrow as he looked around the room. It felt as if something had happened while they were gone.
Ian didn't seem to notice, or he didn't seem to care, as he made his way into the room and towards the script. They had their video planned out already, meaning they could most likely get everything sorted out as well as filmed fairly quickly so that Ian didn't have to be...around the lovesick couple anymore.
The others chatted amongst themselves, while Ian took it upon himself to chat with We about the second video. Ian happened to glance up towards Anthony, though he was focused on Wes talking. Ian watched as Anthony moved closer to Joven, and the glasses half of the couple slid an arm around Anthony's waist gently.
Joven pressed a light kiss to Anthony's cheek as the others continued to talk, his hand rubbing and caressing along Anthony's side. It was a small, yet sweet and intimate moment. Everything was just so sweet about it.
It made Ian's throat close up a bit as his emotions got the best of him. The way Anthony and Joven were just co coupley all the time now; it made him sick. But it also made him so upset, heartbroken even.
The same thought came to him yet again.
Oh how I wish that it was me
It should have been him instead of Joven.
But no matter how many times he told himself that, things weren't going to change.
Oh how I wish that it was me
**Well...that was that. I hope you liked it (: Again, it was written like...two years ago? So it's shit? Let me know what you thought about it! Buh-bye for now! :D **