Fandom: D. Grayman
Pairing: Lenalee/Lavi
Prompt: Chokehold
Requestor: Remy (Agent Ren)
Warnings: Uh…bits of Kanda/Lenalee, Allen/Lenalee. A little angsty.
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Why can't I breathe,
Whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak,
Whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable,
It's a fact that
We're going to get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe,
Whenever I think about you?
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Fading Records
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There are many things that you have seen during your life. Or maybe, that should be during your lives—you've lost track of who you are in the first place. Lavi isn't your first name, nor shall it be your last, but it is your favourite.
(Maybe it is because of the people you've met—the dark-haired girl with eyes that—)
Right now, you're in your dark room, packing up your clothes. The exorcists are off to fight the Noah again—for the last time maybe—and you have to get ready.
A part of you hopes that the war lasts longer, that there will be more demons to fight. It's a part of you—a selfish part—that you hide. If the war ends tomorrow, then you no longer have an excuse to not change into your next alias.
The door creaks open and the Bookman appears there.
"Lavi, are you ready yet?" he asks you. You look at him for a moment, a long moment and hear the underlining message.
Will you change yet?
"Nearly," you reply to both questions. Nearly is not necessarily the truth, nor is it a lie. However, it is close enough for you know you'll never be completely ready.
(The chains on your feet never felt heavier when you saw her fly)
You'll always be close to it, close to being ready to change, but always stop because when you do that you'll lose—
her smile, her face, her voice her eyes, her
—everything and everyone.
-x-
It's the end of the whole war and while your—no, the exorcists' side has won, you haven't felt more lost in your life.
(And this includes your other aliases too—you might not remember them, but this feeling, this feeling of pure sorrow, like you can't breathe and your chest is too tight, is something that no one could ever forget)
Your friends—even though the purpose of having those aliases was so that you don't have friends, you still ended up getting some—have fallen around you.
They haven't all died yet but you know they soon will.
Yuu is lying down in a pool of his own blood. Allen's left arm and leg are permanently destroyed, with his heart slowing down. And Lenalee—
Lenalee doesn't look like that bad. She's just bruised and a little bloodied.
You know better, though. You know that her eyes are slowly fading.
The three of them lie there, Lenalee between the two boys, holding hands. Kanda's eyes soften slightly as he looks at her and Allen gives a smile too, thinking that at least she'll survive.
They don't realize how wrong they are.
You know, though, and therefore can tell them that.
You don't, though, because at least they can die peacefully this way. Until she joins them, at least.
It feels like an intrusion as you walk to them. You almost want to walk away, let them be, but that will make you feel worse and so you keep going closer and closer to their deathbed.
"Yuu!" you call out, half-jokingly, "Why so tired, Bean-sprout?"
Kanda turns his head and glares at you—without the usual energy, you notice—while Allen—weakly—shouts, "HEY!"
Lenalee smiles, her eyes brimming with tears, and you are unable to look away because she looks so beautiful at that moment. Her hair is matted to her face and there is sweat and blood on her skin and even though there is a sad look in her eyes that breaks your heart, you don't want to tear your eyes off of her.
Maybe it's because this might be the last time you'll ever see her.
Kanda coughs a little, some blood spilling onto his open hand, and you know it has started. They are all going to slowly leave you.
They are all cursed, in different ways but still they are cursed. Lenalee's innocence ate away at her life, Allen's kept his heart beating, and Kanda's forbidden technique…
You might be the most cursed of them all, though, because you are going to be left behind.
As Allen and Kanda slowly die, their hands continue to grip Lenalee's, comforting her in a way.
(You can see it in their eyes that she is their most precious thing, their everything, and they love her in infinite ways that were showed in how they tried to protect her until the end. How they keep on trying to protect her, even in their deaths.)
Their eyes close for the last time and you don't need to look to know that Kanda's last petal fell and listen to hear Allen's time has stopped.
Lenalee is still alive, though, and as she's all that's left you quickly sit down behind her and move her head gently—ever so gently—onto your lap, careful not to disturb the dead boys. She looks up at you, her eyes filled with something you think is reflected in your own eyes, but you both say nothing so you can't confirm it.
"Lavi…" she murmurs, her voice losing strength and her eyelids slowly close.
"Don't close your eyes," you plead. You normally never plead—you didn't have a reason too—but you know that if you don't she'll be gone forever. "Don't. Stay. Please, just stay."
"Lavi…I…" she whispers now, and you tighten your grip on her shoulders. She says something else, and you are about to ask her to repeat it because you couldn't quite catch it—
and she's gone.
Completely utterly gone.
You look at her for a long moment, closing her eyes for her, and then carefully place her head on the ground. Standing up, you calmly act like a bookman.
Noah was annihilated. The exorcists won the battle. However, the innocence was for the most part destroyed.
The Earl and his creations where also erased.
Three exorcists—Kanda Yuu, Lee Lenalee, and Walker Allen—were destroyed during this final battle, dying along with their innocence.
Coolly, you record these facts as a bookman would, no emotion in your data. Your mentor would be proud.
While to a bookman, these are all statistics, to you this means something else.
Your friends, your identity is slowly dying around you, spilling off you just like their blood.
And Lenalee—
With her, she took your world.
As a bookman, you mark down one more thing for this battle, another casualty:
Lavi also died during this battle.
-x-
And I'm fading, into someone else
Maybe someone I don't want to be
Yeah I'm fading, into what you want
But I'm not taking it too well
-x-
"Yuu Walker," someone calls out and you turn around.
"Yes?"
"We need you to help us pick this up," he yells at you.
As you walk over, in your new life, Bookman watches you approvingly. You changed your alias again, and can't fully remember who you were before.
It doesn't matter, really, but for some reason you can't explain why you choose the name 'Yuu Walker' or why you use your money to buy ribbons and hair-ties.
At night, you dream of soft hands and clear eyes and a young girl haunts your walking step.
You don't know why but your heart pains when you wonder who the girl is.
(Something tells you not to tell Bookman, that if you do she'll disappear for good and you wouldn't be able to survive that)
All you can do now is just try to figure it out on your own and hope that one day the answer will come to you.
When it does, you know it'll be worth the wait.
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A/N: Uh…yeah…a bit depressing…and the ending is terrible. I'm posting this early because of my operation later.
ANYWAYS,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REMY!
HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE!
SPARKLES