Faith
I don't remember the last time life felt real.
I don't recognize myself anymore;
the girl I was a year ago,
the girl I was a week ago,
I don't know her.
Reckless behavior, bad choices, that's my life.
what's the point of taking of yourself
when no one else cares?
I've been taken advantage of.
I've been held down.
I've been smothered.
All by the hands of others
and by the grips of my own mind.
I am the one that is strong when others need me,
Always strong.
Always keep fighting.
But where are these people now?
now that they think they don't need me.
I'm watching them be happy
while I'm just trying to survive.
I smoke to look older, cooler
that's what I tell myself.
the real reason is because I know it's killing me.
I feel the burning in my lungs
and I know I'm a little bit closer
it's my own form of self harm,
and if I can look cool while doing it,
then hell, I'll take it.
The night after I was raped I was in denial.
I couldn't tell anyone.
I wouldn't even admit it to myself.
I hate the piece of shit for touching me,
but I also hate myself for going to his house.
if I wasn't there it couldn't have happened.
I pray that karma will bite him in the ass one day.
I worry he goes about his days without regret,
carefree, without any consequence.
My innocence was ripped away from me.
but I will stay strong.
I still have faith
Faith that I will make it to tomorrow.
Faith that I will not go down without a fight.
Faith in my future.
Faith in myself.