A.N.: The first sentence is a reference to a really awesome book. Any reviewer who figures out what it is gets a virtual cookie.
It's raining, Elphie. Sheets and sheets of it are pouring down outside, and there's thunder and lighting every five seconds, and I'm so nervous I can't sleep. You know how I hate thunderstorms. Remember that time at Shiz when there was the most horrible storm, and you let me sleep in your bed, and hugged me close whenever the thunder got loud? You said, "It's okay, Galinda, it's all right. I'm here with you. Don't be scared, I'm here."
I wish that were still true. I wish you were here now. I want more than anything for you to be lying here beside me, so I could cuddle up against you and feel like everything was okay. You always made everything okay.
Is it strange for me to be talking to you like this? Well, not talking exactly, because it's just inside my head, but…I mean, I guess I know that you can't hear me. It sort of feels like you can, though. I hope you know I'm thinking about you, at least. I hope you know how much I miss you.
There are a lot of things I never told you when we were together. Now we're not anymore, and I wish I had. Talking to you in my head like this is probably crazy, but it helps. It makes me feel like you're not so far away after all, like you're alive and safe and nearby, and you can hear me.
I want you to know just what you meant to me. Nobody had ever challenged me before I met you, and I don't think anyone ever saw me as a real person, either. They saw my beauty and my money and all my pink ruffles, and never bothered to look any deeper. You looked deeper. You saw the real Galinda, the person who wasn't perfect, who wasn't always good—and you loved her anyway. You loved me.
One thing that always drove me crazy was not knowing how deep that love went. I guess you just thought of me as your friend. You kissed me on the cheek three times, and on the forehead once—do you remember? Probably not. I always cried afterward, when I was alone, because those kisses meant so much more to me than they ever could to you.
The truth is that I'm in love with you. I think I always have been, ever since the night of that dance at the Ozdust, when we talked for the first time. Actually, I think it started a bit before that—as soon as Madame Morrible told me that you had threatened to quit the sorcery class if I couldn't be in it. Or maybe I really fell in love when we first met, because you weren't like anyone I'd ever seen before, so different and beautiful and magical.
It took a long time for me to figure it out. I never really wanted to love you—for one thing, it would be unthinkable for Galinda Upland of the Upperuplands to fall in love with another girl. And I didn't want to hurt our friendship. So I kept it a secret from everyone, including myself.
I still remember that night when I realized it for the first time—we were sitting on my bed, and I was braiding your hair while we talked. You were tired, so you lay down, and quickly fell asleep. I looked at you, with your hair—still with little braids in it; whenever I played with your hair, you always let it stay that way—spread out on my pillowcase, your eyes closed, your face peaceful and faintly smiling. You were so beautiful, and at that moment, it just hit me: I love her.
It's hard being in love with your best friend. I was never brave enough to tell you—I'm not brave like you are, Elphie. You were always so brave. I could never be like that. I had the chance to tell you—I had so many chances—but I was afraid.
I'm not afraid now. If you were here, I would tell you. I would tell you I love you and then kiss you, on the lips this time, like I've wanted to do for so long. If only there were a way to go back in time to the night you died…I would do anything for that. I really hope you can hear me now. I hope you know.
Sometimes I really wondered if you loved me back. You would look at me, and I would think I saw something in your eyes…but then you would shake your head suddenly or look away, and it would be gone. I still wonder. I wish you were here, and could tell me.
I keep telling myself that you're in a better place now—somewhere over the rainbow, where the skies are blue. It doesn't rain there, not ever, and you're far away from all the people who ever wanted to hurt you. You're with your mother and Nessa. You're not ashamed of your skin anymore—you finally know how beautiful you truly are, how beautiful you've always been. You're happy there, like you never could be here.
I know that, and I guess it makes me feel a little better. Not really. I know it's selfish, but I want you here, with me. I want that more than anything else. I miss you so much, Elphie.
At least we'll see each other again someday. That's something I know for sure. And that's what's keeping me going now: the knowledge that we'll be together again, and I can tell you everything that I couldn't before. I can tell you I love you—and maybe you'll tell me the same thing.
It's quiet now. I haven't seen any lightning in awhile now, or heard any thunder. I can't hear any more rain. Maybe I can sleep now. Maybe I'll dream about you. I hope so.
Good night, Elphie. I love you.