Title: Forget-me-not
Day/Theme: May 8 / I'm afraid to forget you
Character/Pairing: Sheena, Raine, Colette, Genis, Lloyd, Kratos, mentions of Presea, Regal, and Zelos
A.N.: Uh, slight spoilers past the Teth'alla visit. When I wrote this, I was nowhere near the end of the game.
I'd still like to write a proper Kratos/Raine, instead of putting tiny hints (really, really tiny), except it doesn't seem likely considering their characters (D:), so I'll make up for it by writing a Zelos/Sheena one instead.
Warnings: Each section has a different character's point of view. If it gets to confusing, just ask and I'll answer.
Summary: This is how they deal with loss-by remembering everything that was and never will be.
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This is what hurts her:
The steady clang of two swords (silver glints blinding her eyes, the steady metallic noises steadying her heartbeat). Lloyd attacks first-head-first, his arms raised, swords straight up. A moment later, he brings down the swords only to find Kratos standing behind him, cool as ever. He raises his sword, calmly, onto his pupil's back.
"That was a stupid move."
"..." Lloyd groans, straightening himself as he stares at Kratos. "Not again!"
Sheena smirks, agreeing with Kratos when he reprimands him. The kid did this yesterday as well-honestly, this is more like a slaughter than a fight.
(Grudgingly, she admits he does get better, little by little).
Looking at the older man, she quickly heads to him. "Would you mind taking me on?" He's intelligent, she knows that-the campfire talks have given her much to think about. Whenever Lloyd breaks out angrily, shocked by the ways of the world, it's Kratos who brings them back to center. There has to be a plan and he has all the ideas.
He'd be a good teacher. She can learn and grow a little, even here, and maybe, just maybe, she won't have to rely on others as much.
(She feels the lightning in her bones and knows she can never go back.)
Kratos sighs, the hot sun making his outfit uncomfortable. "Fine."
-x-
This is what she remembers:
Quiet talks, mostly watching the others from the back. Lloyd is running ahead, Colette laughing (for how much longer?), and Genis sighing as he tags along. Sheena is trying to act too mature for all of this but it's only minutes before she dashes after them as well.
They don't talk as much-Kratos is naturally taciturn and as for Raine...
Well, she doesn't know quite what to think of this man beside her. He hasn't done anything incriminating, has only done as requested, and for that she is grateful. It's hard enough to go across the world with a group of children, let alone protect them from all the dangers around them.
(She ignores the part of her that coolly informs her that they can protect themselves, they aren't children anymore. They've seen too much.)
He's strong, unassuming, wise. Similar to her in some ways. He knows what to do in a situation, knows how to survive. Knows a lot of things, when she thinks about it.
At night, when the others are sleeping, she helps him keep guard for a while. They talk, occasionally, about the seals and the angel toxicosis. He mentions various ruins he's seen through his travels and she murmurs about the possible people who lived there. She brings up theories upon theories, bouncing them off him as he stares at the sky, at the infinite distance above them.
Kratos is a good listener, and for that she thinks she doesn't hate the man. Perhaps even likes him a bit now. Formalities get cast aside when you travel for days on end together.
Maybe a day will come when this distrust will disappear entirely. Only, there are times when he talks, a morose tone overtaking his voice, a dark glint in his eye. There is something he isn't telling them, something dark that keeps him up those nights when the stars hide and the moon disappears. Something broken that haunts his every step, a shadow cast over him permanently.
When he turns on them, Raine isn't surprised. The signs were all there.
(It doesn't stop the hurt and she takes up the night watch after that, staring at the starless sky.)
-x-
This is what she keeps:
The advice. The rare words that Kratos gives her, when she needs to hear them the most. Lloyd's words are special, will always be special, but Kratos...his words are different.
His words are like the summonings, glimpsed once and remembered forever. They are ancient and they are what she refers to when she clenches her fist as another lie bubbles inside her.
(The fire crackles in front of her, her plate untouched, and Kratos quietly picks it up. "I-" she starts but his stare silences her.
"You don't have to explain," he tells her, "but it would be best if you do so before he finds out on his own." It hurts less that way, remains unspoken, but it is that which drives her on.)
She knows what to do. She knows she can do it. And if it is her friends who she draws courage from, then it is from Kratos that she draws composure.
(Sometimes, it is all she can do to not cry, curl up on the cold ground and just grieve. For what was. For what never could be.
For all her dreams and wishes that will remain that way, locked inside her for eternity.)
So when she silently says goodbye to everyone, Colette doesn't forget to add him.
He isn't just a bodyguard anymore. He's a friend as well.
-x-
This is what he sees:
Two men-Lloyd is no longer a boy. Or at least, he is no longer just a boy. He is not quite a man but not quite a child and Genis isn't sure where that puts him either. He has changed just as much as his friend and they are trapped in that awkward stage between growing up and letting go.
"This is what growing up means," Raine says when he tries to explain it. "It will always have change. No matter what age, it can happen."
Genis never quite understood that. Maybe that is something else he will acquire with time, this knowledge that seems to flow out of his sister.
As it is, he takes the bits and pieces he can see and tries to put them together. So he starts with what he can see happening right in front of him now. This is a battle he can't understand either.
Lloyd growls and almost charges blindly at Kratos when they catch sight of him again. Genis thinks he might do the same, only Kratos has this habit of appearing with clues, small hints that lead further and further in this twisted story. Why does he help so much?
There is a sense of déjà vu as Lloyd prepares to fight-
The thunderous roar, two hearts beating harder, faster, drops of sweat, exhausted pants, and then Lloyd collapsing, his swords still in his hands as he crashes onto the grass. "One more time," he asks. "I can get you then."
-and Kratos calmly acknowledges this.
Genis watches for a moment, thinking of the guardian, the helpful stranger, the comrade, and still can't figure out how it came to this.
-x-
This is what he dreams of:
Kratos is sitting under a tree, drinking water as Colette and Genis rest. Sheena is scouting for fresh food and Raine is studying her notes once more. Maybe this time she can find out what's happening to Collette and fix her. Heal her.
Make sure Collette is always nearby, singing her favourite tunes as she tries to cook without burning the food.
She's laughing right now, Genis snorting by her side, as they are reading a small book together.
Lloyd looks down at his swords, his (blood) red sleeves draped over the handles. Looking up, he notices Presea has joined Colette and quietly reading alongside them. Presea starts to chuckle, a strange sound, and the other two make a sound of surprise. They stare at her, a moment, two, and then in a rush they try to get her to do it again.
Raine keeps reading through the noise, ignoring Zelos as he steadily chats. He leans closer, closer, and suddenly the heavy tome of her favourite history book falls on him. A pout, a depressed sigh at the lack of attention, and suddenly he leaps up. Sheena is still within sight and deserves some love.
Looking back at Kratos, Lloyd sees Regal sits beside him now, calmly watching the others. They suit each other, Lloyd faintly thinks as he starts to get up. They would make good friends.
Something feels odd about this scene, but how is that possible? There is laughter, there are smiles, and the sun is shining. Everything is as it should be.
He watches the two for a moment, thinking he should try to get some practice with Kratos today. Maybe the older man will smile at his progress, or give a rare compliment.
Lloyd blinks and Kratos is gone.
This is where he wakes up, seeing the morning sky as he lies there, blinking.
Oh.
It makes sense now. Getting up, Lloyd turns to face the rising sun. Kratos is out there somewhere. He just has to be found. Then, maybe this time, they can talk. Maybe this time he can explain his actions.
(The dream still lies there, behind his closed eyes, this perfect world Lloyd wants to get back.)
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