Sam has so much more to say. I hope this is okay for you. I tried to be Sam

Dear Freddie,

Hey, it's Sam.

So, I left. Just like Carly did. I don't know why, but I took Carly leaving as a sign. Without Carly, what would I do in Seattle? There's nothing new to discover and I just want a new beginning. So, I'm gone and if you're wondering where I am – I have no idea. I packed my things and left on my motorcycle to some place that I'll soon know.

Everything just happened so fast. One moment, Carly was here and now she's off to Italy. One moment, iCarly was going on and now it's done. One moment, I didn't own a vehicle and now I do.

One moment, I had you and now you just seem so far away.

I saw Carly kiss you and I saw you pump your fists in joy, and I just couldn't bear it. Carly didn't tell me about, you didn't and I just wanted to have someone to trust when it came to love. I thought Carly would leave you and I didn't have to worry about having my heart broken again by my best friend. I thought you would have lost all feeling for her.

And I was okay with living a life not yours, but I don't think I can handle a life with you holding someone else's hand.

You know, when you said that maybe if I became normal and you became more abnormal, we might have gotten together. Well, I held on to that. I tried, Freddie. I tried to be nice to everyone. I tried to fix my bad manners. I tried to be normal. For you. And I really hoped that you were doing your share on our promise, but it just seemed like you forgot that we ever dated, that we actually had feelings for each other. You told me your crush on Carly was back and I told myself to just stop, that I'm just getting too attached, that I'm holding on to a thread so thin, that this love is only one-sided and there's no chance fighting for it.

But I couldn't let go, no matter how I tried. I couldn't avoid you. Everything reminded me of you and I just stopped trying and just went with the flow because maybe thing's will just take their turn for me. I was tired, Freddie. And you had no idea.

But despite all that, Benson, I'll miss you. I'll miss our stupid fights and silly arguments. I'll miss you being my punching bag. I'll miss laughing at you as I steal your stuff. I'll miss blackmailing and pranking you and watching you look for your things that I've hidden. I'll miss our intellectual conversations. I'll miss our sorries and kisses. I'll miss your arms and the smell of your perfume. I'll miss your voice telling me nice things and talking back with some lame comeback and that glint in you perfect brown eyes when you talk nerdy things I never understood but actually liked and I'll just really miss you so much.

Freddie, you know that I've always been second best to Carly. I was never the girl that would catch your attention. I was never the first choice. I was the one hiding behind the curtains as Carly danced in the spotlight. Each guy and girl who ever wanted to be friends with me only ever really wanted to be with Carly. Hell, even my mom liked Carly more than me. And maybe that's how the walls started forming because I didn't want to get hurt, because I couldn't ever trust anyone.

But you came into my life and chose me over Carly and for once, I felt perfect and I forgot about the long list of flaws I have and I felt invincible emotionally and I just felt really happy to be standing center stage in someone's life.

But when I think it over, was it worth changing those flaws just to have you in my arms again? Freddie, I'll never be Carly. I'll never be the girl you dreamed of marrying. I won't be any as close to that. And I don't even know if you loved me because I kissed you and you just really liked having a girl kiss you or if you loved me because I softened up and it reminded you of Carly or did you ever love me because I was Sam? You can't ask me to be perfect, Freddie and I can't ask you to be imperfect.

But thank you for bringing out the good in me. Thank you for being there for me in my worst times and thank you for loving me. Thank you for being my punching bag and tolerating me. Thank you for being my friend and for not abandoning me. Thank you for being my first kiss and for keeping secrets. Thank you for being the first boy to make me feel special. Thank you for being Freddie, Freddie.

I love you, Freddie. I meant what I said that night. I hope you did because I believed you. And I'll hold on to the thought that you do love me, because I can't bear not to. You're on me like a tattoo, Fredward.

So, Freddie, I'm not leaving for you, or because of you. I'm leaving because I have to. You've contributed to the reason of my leaving, but I think I have to find something better for me. I'm leaving for me and I have a good feeling about this. I'm moving on, slowly but surely and I'll try my best to let go of you, because it's for the best. I know that maybe I'm just doing without thinking again, but sometimes you have to. Like you said, I'm insane.

And I'll skip the part where I'll say that I'm not actually leaving because I'll always be in your heart, because it's your choice to keep me or to set me free.

Maybe one day, years from now, we'll see each other walking down the street with your arm around another girl's shoulder and my fingers intertwined with some guy's fingers. I'll say hi and we'd do some small talk and we'll forget about all the feelings we've ever had and I'll be okay.

And if you come looking for me, I'm not gonna stop you because it's your choice. I'm leaving this all to chance, Freddie. And if you really meant what you said that night and you still do love me, then maybe, you have to because aren't we both insane. But sort it over, Benson. Who do you really love and why?

So, this is it. This is Sam Puckett, your enemy, your frenemy, your friend, your lover, your very own memory.

Tell Spencer and Gibby that they're the best and that I'm okay and I love them and to stay the same.

See you soon, Fredward. Thanks for the memories.

I hate you.

Love, Sam

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