Author's Note:
Yes, this is an odd one. It was begging to be written, though. And, although it pains me to pair Bender with anyone but Fry, this was incredibly fun to write. All reviews are extremely appreciated- thought it was great? Yay! Review! Thought it was the crappiest thing you've ever read? Tell me how I can make it better! No opinion? Review anyways! c:
"That jerk, he's late- where the hell could he be?"
Bender sat at a table in the middle of Elzar's, rapping his three fingers on the clean white tablecloth. All around him, the restaurant buzzed with customers and waiters rushing around with steaming platters. Resting the side of his head on his other hand, he looked around impatiently with narrowed yellow eyes. His first actual date in like forever, and the ass hadn't even bothered to show up on time.
Elzar, holding four platters at once, stopped by Bender's table.
"What can I get for you, Bender?" he asked.
"Eh, nothing yet."
"Waiting for someone?" the blue Neptunian inquired.
"Yeah, but they're late. Inconsiderate bastard," he said querulously, tapping his footcups in annoyance.
"…Alright, then. I'll be back when you're ready to order."
The mildly magnetic bow tie he suffered through for his absent date had folk songs running through his head, which, mingled with the chatter of patrons and clinks of dishware, coalesced into a medley of frustration.
Don't sing love songs, you'll wake my mother
She's sleeping here right by my side
And in her right hand a silver dagger,
She says that I can't be your bride,
he thought distractedly. A crash of plates from a rowdy table caused him to jump a little in his seat. Why was the weak magnet dragging this depressing song into his head?
All men are false, says my mother,
They'll tell you wicked, lovin' lies.
The very next evening, they'll court another,
Leave you alone to pine and sigh.
Bender couldn't even remember what this song was called. It was right on the tip of his memory chip, but he couldn't quite recall. If anyone could help him recollect the title of this folk tune, it was his date, who, as of now, was still not present.
My daddy is a handsome devil
He's got a chain five miles long,
And on every link a heart does dangle
Of another maid he's loved and wronged.
The robot wanted to remove the bow tie, but somehow he was enjoying the melancholy tune. Usually it was others' frustration and sadness that made him happy, but he needed his own sulky moments, too. The faint noises of the restaurant faded further into the background. How could he have been stood up?
Go court another tender maiden,
And hope that she will be your wife,
For I've been warned, and I've decided
To sleep alone all of my life.
What a bitter, sad song, he thought. Didn't quite match his mood, which was more pissed off than anything.
"Silver Dagger," Bender muttered aloud. "That's what that stupid song's called."
His eyes were unconsciously drawn to the doorway, where the afternoon sun caught a shiny object in a sudden bright flash, ephemeral in its brilliance, disappearing once the reflective person entered.
"There's that selfish asshole!" he exclaimed, turning his head away from the entrance in a show of wounded feelings, ignoring his date as he sidled up to the table.
"Hello, gorgeous," his date said, resting an elbow on the table, burnished golden ass hovering over the chair opposite Bender in question.
"Sit down," Bender replied, waving a hand dismissively.
"Someone looks hot tonight," his date told him, leaning in closer.
"Don't I know it?" he replied, his anger melting a little. How could he ever stay mad at someone so charming and sexy? "You're an hour late," he said, crossing his arms.
"Ah, it took the Professor longer than expected to find your universe again. Aren't you glad I made it at all?"
"Of course." Bender's eyes strayed over the golden torso, identical to his own, save for the gaudy color.
"Aw, you know you can't stay mad at me," said Parallel Bender charmingly, taking one of the other Bender's silver hands in his gold ones.
Grey Bender scowled, then smiled. "You loveable bastard." He withdrew a cigar from his chest cabinet with his free hand and lit it, blowing smoke in Golden Bender's face.
Parallel Bender looked around the crowded restaurant, still holding the other Bender's hand like it was a priceless treasure. "You know what, let's skip dinner. Go straight to the pub."
"You're paying," he said in way of reply.
"Sweet-talker. How about a kiss before we head out?"
Grey Bender swung himself around the table, his golden counterpart drawing their chests together until they touched. Blue sparks flew as they rammed their mouths together, mingled with little moans and giggles as their hands found each other's waist.
"Dude, that's just weird," a patron complained loudly from the next table.
"Hey, bite my shiny metal ass," they snarled in unison before exiting, hand in hand.
Silver Dagger was gone from Bender's mind. The magnetic bow tie made him hum a happier tune which he couldn't name. After all, it was impossible to stay mad at someone who was as great as himself.