Thank you to everyone who read "I'm Sorry." I appreciate it. Most people were quiet, but there was a warming number of hits. Thank you for reading this new piece and my gratitude to anyone who takes the time to reply.
This one-shot combines two of my greatest passions. Josh Groban has to be a fan of the boys, right? Set season three, dealing with Dean's fate. It includes a bit of wee-chester as well.
I own nothing and the song (February Song) belongs to Josh Groban and Warner Music.
February Song
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
'Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life
Into this life
"Dean? Why the hell are we eating here?" Sam eyed the restaurant suspiciously. "There's a perfectly good burger joint across the street." He scowled. "Why couldn't we just order a pizza in? I'm not in the mood to be out anyway."
Dean's expression didn't change. He retained his typical smirk. "I want a hotdog." He scanned the menu. "And ice cream for dessert." He ignored his brother's attitude. "Besides, whiner, we're celebrating."
"Mommy?" Dean asked as he watched his baby brother fumble with the corner of his blanket.
Mary smiled. She could watch her sons all day. It amazed her that Dean was so interactive and positive with his baby brother. He had spent over three years garnering all the attention of his parents-- no small thing. Their firstborn mesmerized both his parents.
They had been thrilled to find out about the new baby, but Dean hadn't been excited at first. John placed baby Samuel in his brother's arms after only a few short hours and Dean pulled the blue bundle to his chest and proudly exclaimed, 'my bwofer.'
They'd been working on his letters since then, especially as she rocked young Sam to sleep. Mary wanted only the best for her sons.
She loved watching him entertain his infant brother. "Yes, Dean?"
"You and daddy was talkin' about Sammy's birthday?" He switched his expectant gaze to his mother.
Mary smiled. Her first born seldom missed anything. She made a mental note to talk to John. They needed to be more careful with the little ears were around and soon enough, the problem would double. "Well, not his real birthday, but Sammy is six months old today. That's called a half-birthday."
Dean beamed at the confirmation. "So we havin' a party?"
Mary bit her lip to keep from laughing out loud. Dean had discovered the joy of birthday parties since joining a playgroup shortly after Sam was born. He knew all about cake and ice cream and especially presents. Their small family celebrations paled in comparison now. "Well, not really."
Dean's smile immediately faded and he turned sadly back to his baby brother, who had turned himself over and was trying to wiggle his way around the confines of his playpen. "I think Sammy wants his swing." Dean mumbled.
Her children easily broke Mary's heart. She knew it was necessary to tell her son 'no', but she didn't think this was a time to make him quite so sad. "Well, we don't have parties for half-birthdays, but there's no reason we couldn't have a special dinner and…" She continued when her son turned his curious face back to her. "maybe ice cream for dessert?"
Dean burst into a big toothy grin and turned back to his brother. "Hear that, Sammy? We get ice cream." Then it occurred to Dean. "Mom, Sammy gets ice cream too, right?"
Mary frowned. "I don't think his tummy is quite up to ice cream, Dean." She smiled. "Maybe daddy will help you eat his?" Seeing the sparkle again in her eldest's eyes, she cinched the deal. "So, what do you think Sammy would want for his special dinner?"
"Hotdogs." Dean shouted, jumping to his feet and dancing around the living room.
Mary broke into the laughter she'd been holding back.
Hours later, Sammy sat in his father's lap, with Dean hanging on his side, giggling. Mary knew exactly what they were doing, but she played along. Each time she turned away, John would dip the end of his finger into the ice cream and let Sam suck it off his fingertip.
Dean squealed with delight at his father's actions and his glee was unrestrained when John motioned for him to treat Sam as well. He laughed from his belly when Sammy reached out and grasped for his finger to keep the sweet treat nearby. The baby nearly fell out of his father's grasp, but his big brother stretched out an arm to save him. "No, Sammy. Stay in daddy's lap." He scolded his brother with a sincere expression.
Mary turned back and leaned against the sink, watching the Winchester boys play. The house radiated happiness. John glanced up and made eye contact with his wife. He mouthed the words, 'I love you' and she replied in kind, blowing him a kiss.
He sighed. "Well, boys, I have to run back to the shop."
Dean withdrew from his father. "You can't leave Sammy's half-birthday dinner."
Mary took Sam from John and he turned to pull Dean into a giant bear hug. "Deano… I've got just a quick bit of work to do and then I'll be home." He glanced over to his wife for confirmation and then continued. "I'm betting by the time you get done helping mommy give Sammy a bath…" He watched a spark enter his son's eyes. "And maybe get one yourself…"
Dean shouted with joy. There was nothing more fun than a nighttime bath and lots of splashing. Course, he got to splash more with daddy, but mommy allowed some too. "I'll be back to read you a story before bed."
Dean ran over to his mother and tugged at her arm. "Come on, Mommy. Sammy's real dirty. I don't know how he did it, but he gots ice cream on his face."
Mary laughed and allowed herself to be led from the room, while John chuckled and made his way out the back door.
"Celebrating? What the hell are you celebrating? You know what the date is, right?" Sam was stunned his brother would have such an easygoing attitude toward today. It always haunted him. Jess lectured him constantly on his melancholy at this time of year.
"Yeah, it's your half-birthday." He watched Sam's stunned expression. "Mom said we couldn't have a party, but we could have a special dinner."
"You remember that?" Sam whispered. He was stunned by this sentimental side of his brother.
"Yep. Hotdogs and ice cream for dessert. Mom said you couldn't have any, but Dad and I fed it to you anyway." Dean was happy with the memory. He held out his finger. "You sucked it right off this finger, bitch."
"Jerk." It automatically came out of Sam's mouth, despite his mood. "But… why?… You never said…" Sam didn't understand this sudden change in his brother. In twenty-four years, Dean had never shown a sentimental side before. The sentimental side of the Winchester men died the night Mary had.
Dean grinned. "What's the choice? Remember the last happy evening as a family in vivid color or dwell on the gray our lives became after that night?"
A full emotional war raged in Sam's heart. They'd argued his decision ad nausea, that didn't quell the war within. He knew he would save his brother or most likely lose his own soul as well.
Course, he didn't care much for saving Dean as he kept pushing an ice cream laden finger at his mouth all through dessert.
Dean however was relishing this moment with his brother. This was the kind of memory he would carry with him into the depths of hell. This is what made his deal worthwhile.
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Sam rolled over and the green hue invaded his eyelids. He pulled his eyes open and looked to the source. "Dean, what are you doing?"
"Just surfing." He called over his shoulder. "Gotta get some porn while I can, right?" He flashed a wicked grin over his shoulder. "Since you weren't willing to sleep in the car."
Even half asleep, Sam could never be described as stupid. Dean always viewed porn when he was awake in order to torment him. And never did he have research books available within arm's reach. "With books?" Sam stretched his long legs over the edge of the bed and moved to see what his brother was reading. His jaw dropped.
"Interesting, isn't it?" Dean asked, thrilled with his find. "Ya know. Your freak powers would be far more interesting if you could do this. Wanna try?"
Sam swallowed, as he was afraid to ask the question screaming in his brain. "Just whom do you intend to make contact with?" Dean was researching séances.
"Dad."
"Dad?" Sam sank to the end of Dean's bed. "Why dad? Do you think he might know a way to get you out of this deal?" They hadn't spoken of it for months.
Dean frowned and his face contorted as if he'd just heard the most ridiculous thing. "No."
Sam rolled his eyes and wiped a hand across his face to wake up more. "Then why dad? You just miss him? Why not mom?"
Dean took his eyes from the screen and glared at his younger brother. "Dude, you're supposed to be the college boy. I wanna find out how dad got out of hell."
He made the statement so casually, Sam wondered if his brother had been drinking. "The gate was open?"
Dean rolled his eyes this time. "Why don't you go back to sleep? It's obvious you need more rest. How many millions of demons are in hell, Sammy? They don't all get out. There's got to be a way. I need to find out."
Sam was incredulous. "You intend to get out of hell and come back as a demon? Some hunter would kill you. I might have to."
Dean laughed. "In your dreams… like you or any other hunter could take me out? Me? With everything I know?" He shook his head. "Na, I figure I'll be a ghost."
"What will you haunt?" Sam was stunned he was getting sucked into this. "You think you're so good you won't be evil?"
Dean shook his head. "You really aren't tracking are you? You? Or maybe the Impala?"
"Me? You'd haunt me?" Sam wasn't sure how he felt about that thought. He could only imagine the torment his brother would inflict.
Dean looked hurt. "You wouldn't want me to haunt you?" Before Sam could answer, he continued with his hurt tirade. "You don't think I could help you? Think of the inside information I could get? I could fight for you and no one could stop me."
"You don't think I can fight on my own? You did. Lots of hunters do." Sam's voice was as sincerely hurt as Dean's had been.
"I didn't mean that… I thought… Jeesh, Sammy… I thought you didn't want me to go?" He threw his arms into the air. "I spend the night trying to find a solution. We've been hunting for months for a way out… We can't find one, so I try finding a loophole that will keep us together and you don't care? You don't want me around." He slumped against his chair and crossed his arms on his chest. "You don't appreciate it afterall?"
"That's not what I meant… Although you do have to admit, it's creepy." Sam insisted.
"You're calling me creepy now?"
Dean was teasing this time and Sam knew it. They'd long ago learned to read the other. "Get some sleep, Dean. We're heading out tomorrow, remember? Unless you want me to drive?" He added the extra bait.
Dean grunted. "You'll need the practice anyway."
Sam smiled confidently. "Ya know it makes more sense to haunt the car. I mean you love her more than me and well, if something is going to keep me safe…" Another positive came to him. "Heck, you could do all the driving."
Dean's face displayed nothing but annoyance. "You're not taking this seriously. I'm on borrowed time here and you don't seem to care any more." He looked back at the screen. "Guess you've moved on."
Sam punched him on the shoulder. "I haven't given up saving you like I promised, remember?"
"Fine, but just remember, I promised I'd always be there for you. I'm just trying to make sure I keep my word. Always, Sammy. Always."
Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find my ground
'Cause I keep on falling as
I try to get away from this crazy world
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Sam's heart had never felt so heavy. Then again, he'd never been so alone before. The faces of the ones he loved drifted before his eyes. He captured a memory for each of them, praying in some way it would make his pain go away.
Did he want to hunt?
Did he want to return to school?
Did he want to wake up tomorrow?
He had no answers and he knew they wouldn't come any time soon. He switched off the light, rolled onto his side and slipped his hand under the pillow to rest on the cold blade. His last thought was what he would dream of that night.
He had never felt quite so alone. Even when he'd left for college, he still knew Dean and his dad were somewhere out there.
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
'Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes
He didn't open his eyes. He simply waved the offending nuisance away from his nose and hoped sleep would completely reclaim him. When the cool air hit his feet, he knew something or someone was up to no good. He smiled. "Took ya long enough, jerk!"
"I know, Bitch! It sucked. My pretty face and charm only got me so far down there."