Needless to say, I own none of the characters or events mentioned in this story, perhaps aside from my own musings. This is a highly personal work that I didn't really take the time to polish, but I'm a nineteen year old college student so hell, I'm allowed to write bad fanfiction. I had a mind-bending obsession with Digimon in my youth and after thinking a lot about life, I watched Frontier and Tamers again for nostalgia's sake and here I am, obsessed again. I see this story (more like a soliloquy, but nevertheless) as a summary of why I loved, and still love this anime, because it showed me the human condition in simple, unpretentious language that even a child like me could understand.
I always saw Kouji as a reflection of myself, and have frequently wondered what happens to the kids after the Digimon adventures. But behind it all, I, like Kouji, am a confused teenager trying to find my way in the world. Enjoy it, if you haven't fallen asleep by now, but I might be in way over my head putting out something this idiosyncratic.
It's rush hour at the Shibuya station. Walk too fast and all you hear is a blurry cacophony, but stop to listen, to really hear the pulse of this monstrous crowd, you might pick out the beeping of electronic gates opening and shutting, the hoarse shouting of woman in office attire into her phone, the urgent clickity-clackity of shoes dispersing in all directions, and the wailing of an infant bewildered by this flurry of activity. Legs, all sorts of legs, crossing over one another. Legs in childish pink shoes, legs with stockings and office skirts, legs with formal trousers, legs in constant motion, not guided by any drill sergeant yet marching with the fury of a thousand armies. One pair of legs in black sneakers stopped in front of an elevator, and the river of life simply parted for him and flowed on, as if unaware of his presence.
Nineteen-year-old Kouji Minamoto fingered the control panel of the elevator where he first met Takuya, wondering if the same buttons could take him back to Flame Terminal. Such a thorn at his side at first, thought Kouji, Takuya would have been the closest thing to a brother to him if not for Kouichi. Junpei had a field day with the "bromance" jokes, and the rest of the gang had a hard time picturing them fighting apart: so hard, that Izumi felt compelled to offer dates to them both, as if that could ever work out in reality! But where is Takuya now? That's easy to answer facetiously: He's studying Business Administration at the University of Tokyo, and still as big a gamer as ever. On the outside, you could say some things never change, but who knows what Takuya is really going through?
If Kouji were to be honest with himself, he didn't have much in common with the rest of the gang ever since they'd met, and after all they had been through, they're still fundamentally different people with very different callings in life. Every reunion felt a little more forced and the "how are you doing?" became obligatory. If anything was going on in the inner lives of these soon-to-be adults, you couldn't tell. Every meeting prompted a laundry list of new developments from everyone, and by the end ninety percent of what had been said was forgotten primarily because nobody really cared. They tried to, in good faith, but the narrative of other lives is trivial compared to the turmoils of young adulthood. Kouji felt alienated and awkward at these gatherings but he didn't have the heart to stop attending, as if by disappearing from the group, something in him would die for good. As he learned watching rings of data seep from his own flesh, there is a terrifying finality in death.
But the people Kouji saw prattling on about nothing are the very kids who brought out the best in him and showed him what he could be. They were the first people outside of his family to love him without reserve, with all his brusque manners and disagreeable temperament. They didn't understand his brooding nature or what he could possibly think about during those long hours of silence away from the group, but they embraced him all the same. Back in the real world, the years wore away their childish resolve to always be together; phone calls and e-mails became scarce. They went from seeing each other every other day to once a month, and finally, they're lucky to meet once a year. For all his anger at them, Kouji had to acknowledge the unwelcome reality of his own failings. He might be sharply critical of the imperfections of others, but it dosen't begin to touch how harsh he is on himself.
Now that he's in college, he has less and less time for the cares that occupied his childhood. And people. He said to himself. With his new station in life as a young, independent adult, he is all too aware that nothing will ever be the same, not in the way he relates to old friends, nor in the way he makes new friends. Even his nuclear family suddenly seems alien to him, as though something essential snapped that needed to be rebuilt from the ground up: he's not his parents' little boy anymore, and with adulthood came a whole new set of expectations.
After he returned from the Digital World, it had seemed life could only get better: he kept his word to Kouichi and reconciled with his birth mother, rectified his poor treatment of his stepmother, and had a supportive group of friends who would be there for him come hell or high water. In time, however, he realized that nothing had changed at all. He and Kouichi still had their own lives and did not become as close as he had hoped, he was once again caught up with the banality of everyday living and for all intents and purposes, he might as well never have gone to the Digital World. Like the frantic men and women in the rush hour crowd, he had rushed from one destination to another without pausing to orient himself. It feels distinctly like... I'm losing everything. And just like that, Kouji was back to square one.
"An unexamined life," mused a voice in his head, "is not worth living." Once again, this is one of those moments when banal platitudes are wont to take on surprising new meanings.