She can remember him young. When she closes her eyes, she sees him there, just like when they lived in the caves. You will always be mine, thinks the old woman with the grey hair and hunched shoulders. The old man in the bed shifts, looking at her lovingly. There is so much in those eyes. Words cannot even begin to describe.
"Wanda?" rasps the old man.
"Ian? Yes, yes, I'm here." Her hands tighten around his own. His crinkled face brightens when he hears his name spoken aloud. They sit perfectly still for a minute, soaking in each other's company. They have grown so used to each other, they don't need words to speak. It's scary sometimes. It's just like when Melanie's voice used to occupy her head and speak to her. His silent glances are worth a thousand words alone.
Her eyes search over his face. Her hands in his are brittle, birdlike. She can feel him crushing the bones even in his weakened grip. This body was never meant for his strong hands, she thinks.
A shadow darkens Ian's face. Butterflies flutter agaisnt Wanda's stomach. In his eyes, she can see her own reflection. Her own hunched over form. This body is betraying her. Dying. But it happens to everyone. No matter how much she has tried to tell herself otherwise, she cannot escape this. She cannot lie to herself any longer.
They will both die.
The freckles in their eyes line up like constellations as she bends over to kiss him. His own lips respond, moving in their familiar pattern, though they feel cold. She shivers, and Ian grabs her brittle arm in a surprisingly strong grip.
"I love you, Wanda," he whispers. Words meant only for her. "I will always, always love you. Nothing-" His voice grew ragged, strained. "Nothing will ever change that."
Wanda sits very still. Her grey hair gets into her eyes, obscuring her vision. She presses her lips to his forehead, where the skin is clammy and pale.
"I would love you if I was a fish. Or as a bird. Even as one of those crazy ice monsters."
He is getting tired now. His purple shaded lids close slowly, and she counts each rise of his chest as a blessing. The walls seem to suddenly spring up around them, choking off every breath she tries to take.
A hundred years insn't enough, she thinks. But there is never enough time is there? A thousand years wouldn't be enough! But our lives are so short. Pain and pleasure, love and loss all intertwined.
She intertwines his fingers with her own. The despair has not left his face. That dark shadow has not moved.
"And I would love you as a bug. Or a blade of grass. I would love you as the wind, or the ice, or the rain. I couldn't stop. No one could ever make me stop. Not even time. Not even..." The words she wants to speak hover on her lips.
Not even death.
She blinks back tears, not wanting him to see. You be strong for him Wanda. It is Melanie's voice, though Melanie is gone. I knew it would take a lot more than surgery to get her out, she thinks, smiling a little.
"Will you lie with me?" Ian's voice is barely a whisper. She curls up beside him, and the familiar arm drapes around her body, holding her. She can feel her tears starting now, rolling silently down her cheeks. I want him to hold me like this forever. I don't want to ever leave this bed. Please, please, don't make this ever end. I don't want to lose him. I can't.
"I'll lie with you, but I don't want to ever lie to you again. You mean too much to me."
"Wanda..." His voice is thick with tears. She turns her body so they are resting forehead to forehead, eyes lined up. His silver eyes match perfectly to her own, and both sets are glassy. His tears slide down his fall and dot the pillow. She closes her eyes, waiting for his next words. His face grimaces with pain.
"I'm so sorry, Wanda. I..." The sobs break loose from his body. They shake through her, and her own tears splash onto the pillow. He is shaking, a little lost boy again. A hundred years mar and crinkle his face, but for a second he looks like only a child.
She waits for him.
"That I have to leave you!" He gasps. "I don't want to stop loving you. Because, once I die, you know that I can't come back. You can Wanda."
"But I can't. I won't. I belong here with you, Ian. Always."
"I won't...please don't do that Wanda. Promise me that you won't kill yourself, because that wouldn't be fair. You have a soul. You have to keep living. I won't let you do that, won't let you..."
His fingers grasp desperately at her shirt. "Promise me that, Wanda. That even after I'm gone, you'll keep living for me. I...I..." His voice was weakening, a shaking whisper. "Just promise me."
"I promise." But I will be with you. I won't live without you. When I said always, I wasn't lying.
They hold each other tight and eventually Ian's breaths slow. He breathes unevenly. Each breath is a pain. A blessing.
I don't know which.
"I love you so much, Wanda. My Wanderer." His eyes soak up every line on her face. He is memorizing her for the last time. How she looks in the lovely early morning light. They have woken up so many times together just like this, but there is a finality this time.
"I will love you forever, Ian," Wanda whispers. "I promise you."
"Wanda..." It is hard to hear his voice now. It is raspy, hardly there. He is leaving her. Dying. His human body will not keep him much longer.
"Please don't forget me." These last words like a knife. They make her ache. He is aching too. She wraps her arms tighter around him, breathes in the scent that is only his. So gentle. He has always been so fragile somehow.
"I could never forget you." She can hardly speak around the tears. Their foreheads press together and she touches her lips to his. One last time. One last kiss. How could something so strong, so memorable, ever be forgotten?
When they break away, he sighs. Content. Happy. She wants him to leave feeling this way. To die happy was all most people could hope for. Happy and loved.
"Good...I'm going to take you with me. The memory of your face. Even in the darkness, I think...well, I hope it stays around for me."His voice is barely there. His eyes are closing on this planet for the last time. "Thank you, Wanda. For everything."
She sobs now, for this kind man who means everything to her. "Thank you. Thank you. For...for being so kind. For being so...good. You're all I could have ever asked for."
She clutches his hand tightly. The hand is cold and the blood has stopped pulsing through Ian's veins. His face is so peaceful, bathed in the early morning light. It looks as though he is sleeping.
Soul seperates from body then. His soul hovers in front of her eyes. So beautiful. It is intesnely blue, matching Ian's eyes. Her own soul moves to be with it. Yes, she can feel it breaking away from the ties that bind.
She will be free.
Once and for all. With Ian.
I will follow you, Ian. Into the dark. Wherever it is souls go in the end, when they're finally tired. It doesn't matter. I just want to be with you.
The air is cold. Breaking through the body is painless. Ian hovers in front of her. A tiny light glowing in the dawn. She wraps herself around him, and they are linked perfectly. Two souls in harmony, together always.
Love of mine, someday you will die, but I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark...-Death Cab for Cutie