Never
By: mj0621
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Geez, if I did, I wouldn't drop another bomb on Stella. She's my favorite for Pete's sake...
Rating: T
Spoilers: None, but if you watched the s1 - s3 eppies, you'll get the fic more.
Pairing/s: SMacked/MacStella, MacPeyton, hints of M&Ms/DannyLindsay and slight implication of Fiesta/FlackStella and Stawkes/HawkesStella (them liking her anyway), HawkesPeyton. (depends on how you look at the situations.)
Author's Notes: No. I'm not gonna rant about how they picked on Stella... again. I'm just gonna write what idea I had(dreams?) since last night. I don't mind MacPeyton now really... I dunno... The show's changing and I'm kinda changing about how I write too. I told this to some of my friends... If my ships 'totally' sink, I won't write CSI (LV or NY) anymore-but I will write House M.D. still, not sure about NCIS though. Of course, if at that time I still didn't finish my WiP fics, I will still finish them but no more new fics from me. I promised my buds I will think about this and I am. So let's hope our shippies ain't sinking eh? I don't want to lose my inspiration in writing. Last thing, this is like the fic Break (House M.D.) fic I wrote... except the ending. Brace yourselves. ;) All mistakes are mine.
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Stella's POV:
I was never sorry that I met him. He is all that I got and all that I need. I've gave him all the support that he needed and a shoulder to cry on... but he never (shows that he ) cries. And in return, I was never alone and I always know he's always there for me.
I never liked people thinking I'm weak. I'm a strong woman and damn it, I'm independent. Sort of... He keeps me in balance... holds me when I need a wall to lean on. Talks and gives me words that boosts up my confidence when I'm down on the rocks. God, just his presence gives me security.
I never felt inferior and stupid when I'm with him. He doesn't underestimate me nor limit my abilities and capabilities. And I appreciate that. He respects me and I respect him back... After all that's what I liked about him when we first met.
I never want to have an argument with him. I don't show it but it hurts like hell whenever he spats angry words at me. His eyes make me squirm and cry. I know his anger wasn't fixed on me but still... Some cases really get to us in that way.
I never want to see him sad and lonely... longing for someone. That's why I keep telling him I'm here and Claire's always with him. I even suggested he should start dating again if he was ready... and I'm glad he took it. He appeared to be happier when he did.
I never doubted him and as he to me. I trust him with all my life and it's safe to say he does too. I would had him my life and never worry about it.
I never thought I'd realize that I love him... I love him with all of my heart...
but it's too late for that now.
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"Stella."
"Hi Peyton."
Peyton smiled as she came up to Stella, handing her a folder.
"Here's the autopsy report on your John Doe."
Peyton's thoughts about Stella were a mystery. She never implied liking nor disliking her. Ever since Mac told Peyton he decided to tell Stella about them, she has this weird feeling. Uncertainty.
"Thanks. I was about to go ask you for these.", replied Stella whilst reading the files.
She nodded. "Listen, I was planning to cook dinner for you, Mac, Sheldon and myself tonight..."
Stella suddenly stopped on her tracks. She didn't really comment on Peyton when Mac asked her what she thought about the ME. She remained passive about the whole topic. She didn' really hate her but...
Stella gave a small smile and declined, "I wish I could go but I have to help Lindsay with her apartment."
Peyton sighed and returned her smile, "Okay. I understand."
The two female felt jealous and threatened about the other's relationship to a certain detective. Both realize that they can't keep their relationship with Mac the same way as before. Neither of them wouldn't admit it but they're terrified at the thought of losing the man.
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"Stella, is it me or there's an invisible war between you and Peyton?"
Lindsay nudged Danny, "Danny, that's kind of a personal question don't you think?!"
Stella smiled at the couple in front of her. She knew something between them is going on... both were just damn stubborn to do something about it.
"Nah. Don't bother Lindsay. I don't really have an answer for that anyway."
Both of them stared at her confused. Suddenly, they understood the situation as they saw her sigh and stare at Mac and Peyton walking towards them.
"You're not gonna lose Mac, Stella. Friends don't leaving each other hanging.", Lindsay whispered.
Danny swallowed as he crossed his arms on his chest, "I think that's not the case here Montana."
Lindsay gasped and frowned, "Oh."
The younger woman hugged Stella from behind like a daughter comforting her mother.
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"YOU'RE WHAT?!"
Mac slowly closed his office doors as he sighed. He knew she'd react the way she did.
"Peyton and I decided to move to Chicago. She... wants to see where I came from."
It's like someone threw a sack of stones at Stella when she hear him say that.
"Then go. What's stopping you?"
That was the last thing she said to him after leaving him alone in his office shaking his head. She was never the same since.
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"What the heck did you do to Stella, Mac?"
Eventually, the whole gang cornered Mac in the locker room when they noticed Stella's sudden change.
Mac turned to look at the speaker, "I don't understand what you mean Don."
"You damn know what we're talking about.", Sheldon muttered.
Still oblivious of what their point is, Mac just stared back at them.
"What they mean is... do you know that Stella's preparing to quit her job?", Lindsay said.
"Excuse me?"
Danny nodded, "Yeah, she is. Ever since whatever you guys talked about in your office, she's been... quiet. Still smiling but you could definitely feel somethin's botherin' her."
"And we ALL know it's something that has got to do with you.", Flack pointed heatedly.
Mac sat on the bench pondering.
Sheldon declared, "You hurt her didn't you? You hurt your own friend so bad she wants to leave her life here."
"Enough."
"I can't believe this is happening. She's leaving... because you left her first!", Lindsay spat as a tear came down her cheek. Danny pulled her in a half hug and walked her out of the room. "We're outta here. Let's treat Stella a party guys." Danny exclaimed.
"I'm coming. My treat.", Don said as he gave Mac one last look.
"I know you didn't mean it Mac but... you do get our point right? We came cause we care... for Stella and you. And I swear, if you hurt Peyton..."
An unwanted tear rolled silently down Mac's cheek as he looked down. What did he do wrong?
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"I don't feel like partying right now guys... sorry."
Lindsay tugged Stella's arm lightly. "Just one drink Stel, Messer's paying. Might as well take advantage of that."
"Fine. Messer, you're gonna regret this."
Danny took a peek in his wallet and sadly said, "I know."
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I never said it was his fault. And I didn't say he did something wrong. I just felt hurt. After how many years we've been friends, I was never asked by him to go to his 'past'. I never pushed him about it... and now, I hear that after months of dating her, they decided to take one step further. At that point, I knew I had to start forgetting about him as someone who I love dearly. He already has someone and I think she'll take care of him as I did.
I never hated to be right but now, I hate it so much. I hate the fact that I know what I should do but my emotions are making it hard for me.
I never asked for him to return my feelings... and that is killing me. It's partly my fault. I knew I shouldn't expect much. It's my fucking fault for falling for a man I can never have.
A night before leaving this city that I love, he came to my apartment asking if he could talk to me. I politely declined. If I did talk to him, it'll make things complex. I might give in to him and his wishes... That I should avoid.
I never expected for me to be that dependent on him but... I don't know. Damn it. I should learn how to live without leaning on him. Besides, if I was Peyton, that would brew trouble... intricate more relationships. I plan on keeping my relationships with them the way it is, thank you very much.
I left them without much of a goodbye. I always hated goodbyes and this isn't an exemption.
They'd hate me for it but it's easier this way.
I'd never risk destroying everything I care about...
...even though it means I'd never get to say I love him so much I'd give away my happiness for him.
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Yes, the difference between this fic and Break is the happy ending. This pretty much sums up what I feel today. Anywho, I'd be happy if you guys tell me what you think. Next from me is an update of A Right Mistake.mj(wgf)