Hello! 'rora here! This is a present for Iwantsalmon (whom I share this account with) for her birthday (which is mine too, since we share a birthday)! She'd asked for RomHun crack. I guess this is more like crackish HunRom, but I tried my best. Happy birthday to us, unbirthday to everyone else, and hope you enjoy! (The little 'o's and '0's with swirly lines are line breaks.)

Warning: One kiss scene and some swearing.

Far away, in the world of Hetalia, Prussia and Gilbird were running a- I mean, making an awesome strategic retreat. Why? Because a certain green-eyed, frying pan-wielding, hungarian woman was in a very bad mood. She'd just heard a sentence containing 'Romania', 'cool', 'vampires' and (last but not least) 'Transylvania'. You can guess where this is going.

"I'LL PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT TRANSYLVANIA IS RIGHTFULLY MINE! YAAAAARGH!"

Antarctica took shelter underground when he heard the shriek, knowing that an evil penguin spirit was on the loose.

For all intents and purposes, this was a good decision. All nations were crazy, it's just that some were better at hiding their insanity. Hungary was currently at the level of 'Norway dancing the Macarena while laughing madly and going berserk'. Frying pan in hand, with a murderous look that sent the all three axis powers racing to the nearest airport for a jet an isolated island on the other side of the world, Hungary set off to go see her archenemy.

o ~ 0 ~ o

Bulgaria was listening to Romania talk about Vlad the Impaler, when he got the unshakable feeling of an impending catastrophe. He ignored the feeling for five minutes, before he felt something demonic was arriving. He looked out the window for a second, and, upon seeing one of the most frightening creatures he had ever seen, hastily made up a stupid excuse to Romania, and ran out the door. He would never forget the green-eyed demon he had seen.

"Eh?! Where'd he go? I was getting to the interesting facts! And I remember he said he wasn't doing anything today!"

Because really, what kind of an excuse was 'I need to tune my piano'? Bulgaria didn't even own a piano. Maybe he was actually Austria, and had used a spell to disguise himself as Bulgaria so that he could distract him while that Hungary set up pranks outside. Romania shook his head. Austria couldn't know that spell. He was sure he and the rest of the magic trio had buried the formula in the Seychelles under a magical coconut tree. Which meant that Bulgaria had run away after seeing something terrifying out the window. He walked towards the door annnnnd… promptly got slammed into the wall by it.

Hungary swung the door open. "ROMANIA! I know you're here!" She heard a muffled whimper behind the door. Confused, she checked. As soon as she saw Romania behind the door, she smiled/sneered sadistically. Romania, although recovering, sent back a sneer of his own, showing off his sharp canines.

As usual, the got into their traditional disgusted noise making contest.

"Hrng."

"Geh!" Was Romania's proud reply.

"Hn!" Hungary sniffed and lifted her head to look down at him.

"Tch." Romania lifted his head too, a condescending look on his face.

Lightning fizzed where their gazes met, and sparks of electricity were in the air. Hungary got closer, and Romania prepared himself for- What. The. Fuck. Hungary's lips were on his. He opened his mouth to ask her (and the universe) what the fuck was going on, but she just used that to deepen the kiss. Like, with tongue and all.

Romania didn't like this. It was probably a trick. She was going to used the kiss to 'prove that she was better', since she was the one directing it. Nope. Not gonna happen. Romania stopped struggling and decided that he would take lead and, once he was in control, push her off before demanding explanations. Nice plan, except she stopped kissing him ten seconds after he started co-operating.

Hungary smiled victoriously (*diabolically*) as she pulled back. She had it! She'd finally taken it! Her, ahem, informant was right!

Romania understood. She'd been reading those crazy romance comics again! He'd read one of them and remembered how the crazy chicks in them went on about 'taking a the first kiss', and 'proving dominance' before he was too disgusted to continue reading. So Hungary had misunderstood her comics and thought that was the best way to make herself 'better than him'. Even as he smirked in pity, he still got the feeling that something was missing.

Hungary had no idea why the goddamned shithead was smiling. She'd taken it! He should be crying and begging at her feet! Or at least in a murderous rage! Or maybe he hadn't noticed? If that was the case… Hungary threw her head back while she cackled malevolently.

Romania actually feared for Hungary's mental health. She was getting onto the Russia and Prussia level, 'laughing for mistaken or bad reasons'. Well, he would show her.

"That wasn't even my first kiss! There goes your plan!" He burst out in laughter. He quieted down after her reaction (or lack thereof). She was staring at him incredulously. "What? You didn't expect that? Hah!" He started laughing again, but stopped abruptly when she sent a horrendously arrogant shit-eating grin at him before turning away and prancing out the open door. He hated the way she had turned her nose up at him, the way her green eyes had sparkled with malicious mirth. Seriously, what type of eyes sparkled?

o ~ 0 ~ o

Hungary was still grinning when she arrived at her apartment building. Upon seeing a happy downstairs-neighbour. Prussia (and Gilbird) sighed in relief while Poland got out of his locked walk-in closet. Crisis averted. Prussia called Germany to tell him the red alert was over before cleaning their apartment, and Poland was back to straightening his hair. They only paused when they heard the echo of a demented laugh. A triumphant "I did it, I did it!" followed, sending shivers down their spines.

Prussia, curious as to what had driven her mad with triumph, decided to climb the apple tree next to the building. As he peeked through her window's transparent curtains, he saw her lying on her couch, admiring a ring, holding it to the light and smiling at it. Prussia nodded understandingly. It was that ring. He off-handedly wondered how she got it, considering where it used to be.

o ~ 0 ~ o

That night, when he went to brush his teeth, Romania finally noticed what was missing. He screamed in anguish. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" His tongue ring was missing. When Moldavia came in with a murderous 'how dare you wake me up' face, he just turned his incandescently seething eyes at him (scaring the shit out of the little guy) and said "She took it! She took it and I DIDN'T NOTICE! Fuck! Goddammit, Transylvania!"

THE END

Note: My headcannon is that, if Texas is America's glasses, Transylvania could also be an object. Why not a ring? Romania could be hiding it in his mouth as a tongue ring. 'Course, I usually think of regions/provinces/states as people, but, IT WAS FOR THE SAKE OF THE PLOT.

I won't beg for reviews, but it would nice to have some!