This will be a whole bunch of little snarky!Kurt, bitchy!Kurt, confident!Kurt, and so on and so forth drabbles. So far the ones I have are reactions to Sexy and Blaine's awfulness (gas pains!) therein.
I really wanted to write this because, despite how easy it is to write Kurt as broken-down and vulnerable and full of emotions and want and unrequited, in the end he really is a most fantastic bitch and I love him for it. Kurt here is really kind of my esprit d'escalier; he says all the things I wish I could have or would have said but couldn't/wouldn't because you never can react quite as well irl as you can on paper. Or, you know, whatever.
Review as the spirit moves you.
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine, the characters are not mine, it would be a little odd if you sued me considering the sheer number of fics on this site and in the world, Glee and otherwise, so please don't.
Kurt entered the practice room to find the rest of the Warblers clustered around Wes's laptop, watching something with upbeat background music Kurt was sure he recognized.
"What are you guys watching?" Kurt asked innocently.
They all jumped and looked at him guiltily as Wes scrambled to pause the video.
"Nothing!" Thad said in a strangely high voice.
Kurt raised one skeptical eyebrow and leaned against the doorframe lazily. "Uh-huh. So 'nothing' comes with Beyoncé in the background now? Seriously. What were you watching?"
"Um." Blaine coughed awkwardly. "Tina may or may not have sent us a copy of your Single Ladies dance."
"Oh no she did NOT." In one fluid, terrifying move, Kurt vaulted the couch (it's not like Blaine hadn't done worse to it) and snatched the laptop from Wes. "You're practically at the end anyway. Fantastic. At least she had the grace not to send you the version my dad interrupted." Kurt glanced at them, his face working through several different degrees of embarrassment. "Please don't make fun of me, okay? I'm actually refraining from being bitchy right now. I was a sophomore and I had yet to realize that sexy is not a good look for me—yes, that is what I was going for, I swear—and I really, really do not need you guys giving me shit about it. Capiche?"
"Dude—Kurt, sorry—" Thad held up his hands placatingly. "Seriously, it's not a big deal. We won't make fun of you, I swear."
"How kind," Kurt said drily, regaining a bit of composure.
"Hey, where'd you learn to be all… gymnastic-y?" Faced with Kurt's uncomprehending stare, David clarified. "The vaulting-over-the-couch thing."
"Oh, that." Kurt grinned inwardly. "I used to be a cheerleader. Won Nationals at McKinley." He walked away, swaying his hips just a little, listening to the flabbergasted silence.
Thus the mighty begin what will, for certain, be a slow descent into madness. Also, if I manage to get a few more chapters up soonish then I'll change it to 'complete', but that doesn't necessarily mean it won't be updated more after that.
See that button there? The one that says 'review'? It aches for your loving caress.
Okay, I'm done now, I swear.