Listening Sunshine
By: NewMoonFlicker
Disclaimer: Not mine! ((squeezes Sesshoumaru plushie))
Beta: InuNightWalker ((huggles)) So any mistakes... I do not take full responsibility! ((innocent smile))
Warnings: I got the inspiration for this lil' story after reading the manga chapters 469-471 of InuYasha, so SPOILERS (-ish, lol) if you don't read the mangas at all! Anyway, it'll explain any OOCness you may encounter in a certain charater. Enjoy!
0o0o0o0o0
"Sesshoumaru-sama, can you see the birds?"
The bright, cheery laughter of a nine-year-old girl drifted happily through the trees. High above her head, dozens and dozens of tiny sparrows dotted the sky, flying from treetop to treetop and filling any listening ear with song. Rin danced through the grass far below them, watching the little creatures dart through the air in waves with rapt fascination.
The warmth of summer nights are always far more enjoyable away from the bustle of many people. When the air is still and calm, and the wind gentle and sweet, the atmosphere of the entire world seems to change into something far less menacing than the world these travel companions have come to know. Rin loved it when it felt this way; her spirits always lifted.
The great Inu youkai, whom she had called by name, continued walking without reacting; sharing far less enthusiasm and more his normal neutral side at her announcement. Birds of this kind were of no special meaning to him, they had brought him neither annoyance nor joy. They just were.
If the little girl who followed him closely noticed his lack of pleasure she gave no sign. She continued to run through the thick, pathless grass, stopping only to gaze up in wonder at the great expanse of branches above her and all the birds cradled within the heavy leaves. The trees were thick, almost ancient looking, the bark chiseled and weathered tough and strong during the course of many harsh winters and an equally unforgiving sun. This section of the forest was old. Very old.
Rin looked back a moment, searching for her companions. Some distance back she could barely make out the small form of Jakken, struggling through the long grasses and thick roots. Without the longer legs of his master and the human child who had joined them many months ago, he was almost always struggling to keep up. Even far as he was, Rin could still make out the sound of his grumbling as he struggled over a fallen log she herself had jumped over like a fallow deer. She did not worry for him though, the evening was too nice and she knew they would stop soon anyway as the light faded to the blanket of night.
Lord Sesshoumaru was less than ten feet away from her, walking in a moderate speed that did not show any sign of weakening. Though his eyes were not on her, Rin could tell he was watching his gaze was unfocused yet trained on everything around them. But tonight, even he seemed to be affected by the stillness. In a rare display of ease his right hand had relaxed into the white fur on his shoulder, fingering its softness almost unconsciously. The sun was setting in the distance behind him, accenting his appearance and the trees around him in a soft, yet deep hue of gold. Unbeknownst to him, even his eyes were glowing as bright as sunshine.
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" in boundless energy Rin ran back to his side. "You are glowing, my lord!"
Sesshoumaru glanced over his shoulder to study the setting sun, nearly level with the horizon, and the vibrant yellow-gold mist it had thrown over the land, his only reaction to the child's statement ever in his eyes, the black pupils expanding for a few breaths of time to allow the sharper light in.
"No, Rin," his deep, baritone voice in his usual calm, though for a moment Rin was sure it was edged with something else. "I do not glow. It is only the sun, and soon it will fade."
"But you are glowing." Rin stated again. She giggled. "You are glowing like an angel!"
An angel... he was about to refute that comment when he suddenly stopped to study her eyes. They were dazzling in the sunset light, full of life. And something else: wonder. Even pleasure. That look of total awe, admiration, and complete trust, the one she only gave to him.
Without him even realizing the action, his upper lip quirked in a small smile for an instant, flashing a glimpse of one fang. "Step out of the shadows Rin." He told her as she stood next to one of the thicker trees. "You should be in this glowing light with me."
Her smile brightened even further (if such a thing were even possible) and she bounded into the rays next to him. She stretched her arms out and lifted her chin, letting the warmth cascade around her. The light enveloped her body, dancing off the yellow and orange on her kimono and filled it, making the colors nearly blend, her cheeks taking on a shade of pink under the attention. She laughed lightly and shut her eyes, drinking in the feel of the sun for an instant. It felt so good.
"Am I glowing too, Sesshoumaru-sama?" She asked softly, the shyness of her smile lighting up her face all the more.
More than an angel. . .
"Yes." Was all she heard Sesshoumaru say, and in the next instant she heard his light tread taking him away from her.
"Wait for me Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin called out, easily breaking out of her revere and catching up to his side in moments.
As Rin settled into the rhythm that kept her next to Sesshoumaru's side, she again glanced up at the sky, still clinging to the blue of the morning. And the birds, how they flew! As before, they were gliding from branch to branch, tree to tree, sometimes one or two, other times in waves, flocking together to move as one. And as she and Sesshoumaru had discovered for themselves, these birds too were lit up in the now fast fading rays of light. Their feathers glinted gold, orange, red, silver, and black. As the sun sunk further behind the distant hills and mountains, some even appeared to be on fire when they flew, while others took on a silver mist and flew with the illusion of a speeding arrow.
"Sesshoumaru-sama?"
Sesshoumaru took an instant to let his gaze steal a glance before answering. Instead of looking right at him, as was the norm whenever she asked one of her questions, the little girl's eyes seemed to be trained on the birds, as though enraptured by their unending chatter and activity.
"Yes?"
"Are birds angels too?"
The Inu youkai's first initial thought was to figure out how she had acquired such a conclusion, but after a moment realized she must have attached her own idea of him looking like an angel in the rays to the birds dancing in the same sunset light. Though he had never really given it much thought before, the sight of them was, even if fleeting, a bit mesmerizing.
"Rin, birds are not angels. They are creatures of this world, just as you and I are."
Rin's smile fell a little, her eyes turning to look at him for a moment before looking back at a rather large cluster of sparrows. "Oh," she whispered, trying hard not to look let down. "I just thought... I thought they could be..."
"Rin."
Rin looked up. "Yes?"
Sesshoumaru turned his gaze pointedly to the flock mingling in the trees. "They are not angels... but you look at them with respect," he glanced sideways at her, no change in his demeanor, "... so perhaps that alone makes them special... as angels are."
A tiny smile returned. "Yes."
"Come," he said, his pace quickening slightly. This lethargic mood he had found himself in was going to get him in trouble. "There is a protected clearing a short distance away. We will stay there for the night."
Rin looked ahead, but could see no such clearing in so little light. Still, she trusted Sesshoumaru could and that was enough.
"Oh!" the little girl suddenly turned around, searching a moment. Her actions made Sesshoumaru pause. "Is it very far Sesshoumaru-sama? I cannot see Master Jakken anymore! What if he cannot find us?"
Sesshoumaru looked beyond her and pierced the growing darkness with far better sight. He discovered his servant even farther behind them, grumping loudly at an overgrown tree root he had caught his foot on. "He will find us. Don't be foolish."
Rin smiled at him, that absurdly cute toothy smile.
Sesshoumaru hadn't taken more than five steps before Rin caught up to the interrupted conversation and put it back into full swing with another question.
"Sesshoumaru-sama, does caring about something really make it special?"
It was a good thing Sesshoumaru was so used to Rin firing questions at him, though he still found them frustrating at times. The great youkai inwardly sighed. Curse this mood she had caught him in.
"Even if it is only to you," Sesshoumaru said pointedly after a moment.
But Rin just smiled knowingly, as though remembering a secret she longed to tell someone.
"Sesshoumaru-sama, Rin's mama had a bird once."
This garnered no reaction, though Sesshoumaru's eyes did drift over to her as if to ask, 'Your point?'
Rin giggled, knowing she had his attention now no matter how he acted.
"He was a big bird, not like them-Rin had to hold him with two hands." The little girl demonstrated, cupping her own two soft hands together. "He was pretty too; he had mostly green feathers and a loooonng blue tail." She smiled and spread out her arms to twirl gently in place a few times, as though imagining she was wearing a coat of those feathers; showing off the flashing, beautiful colors she remembered. "But mama liked his eyes best, they were grey."
Her hands dropped to her sides, and quickly resumed walking close by.
"Sesshoumaru-sama, do you ever hurt?"
He took a moment before responding, almost as if he expected her to finally burst and say she was joking. "How so?"
"Does your heart ever feel heavy... and-and... ache?" Rin asked slowly, as though trying to recall the wording of some distant memory.
Humans. Always placing so much importance on emotion. "Sometimes."
"Do you tell anyone?" She asked in fascination.
Why bother? Sesshoumaru had hardly ever even considered something so impulsive as an option. "No."
Rin's voice lowered a degree, watching him with something almost like sadness in her expressive eyes. "Why not, Sesshoumaru-sama?"
"I have not since I was very young. It has always been that way."
"Oh. Sesshoumaru-sama?"
"Yes?"
"Could Rin tell you about Rin's mama's bird?"
Had she not already done so? "If you wish."
Was it unusual for him to actually want to listen to her speak?
Probably.
Curse indolent moods.
"Rin's mama's bird was special. Mama would tell Rin that he could hear her heart."
"Hear her heart?" A creature with a brain the size of a single claw? Cut in half, no less. Impossible tale.
But Rin nodded. "When mama was sad and papa wasn't home, she would go hold her bird. She would hold him close to her face like this," Rin again demonstrated, her hands cradling an invisible little form against her jaw and cheek, letting her eyes slowly blink with the memory. "And she wouldn't move again. And her bird would chirp for her. He would make soft chirps when mama held him like that. He never made that sound any other time. Rin asked mama once why, and mama told Rin that he was listening to her and making the hurt go away."
Rin smiled up at Sesshoumaru brightly. "Isn't that sweet?"
A bird... as a balm for pain? Sesshoumaru glanced up at the trees, still able to glimpse the near invisible forms of such creatures beginning to nest in the branches. The light was nearly gone, and it was difficult. The only real evidence of their presence now was reflective, gentle chirping.
Chirping that seemed to send a flare of ache through him and settle directly on the remaining stump of his left arm. . .the stump that had already been bothering him for days. Though the injury had long since healed, there were still times when the pain would return to him for a space of time. Pain he had never been forward about, never letting anyone know he felt it.
But this sudden painful touch, as though being seared with an iron, hurt far more than it ever had before; managing to beat its way into the forefront of the youkai's normally cold, expressionless eyes. And Sesshoumaru shut them, unwilling to let such a struggle be seen by anyone.
Rin almost never saw Sesshoumaru blink. She had once entertained the thought that he didn't even need to close his eyes... but she was almost certain she had seen something touch that impassive gaze. Something she didn't like.
"Sesshoumaru-sama?" she looked up at him, her voice tinged with familiar worry.
His eyes drifted open, all traces of the pain gone from their depths and banished from his face. Yet when Rin watched him, she saw something new, something she had never seen before. Something like a glimpse of sadness.
Sesshoumaru didn't let her dwell on the thought. He ignored her worry and continued on his pathless course to a destination only he could see. He did not even respond to her earlier question, his long strides taking on an even greater speed.
"Oh, don't leave me behind, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin dodged a rotten log and ran after him.
Far behind them, Jakken was currently trying to beat his way through a particularly foul-tempered rose bush. His master and the human girl were almost beyond his sight now. Stupid bush! He slapped at an offending branch, only to have it retort by hitting back. The toad youkai grumped and sighed in frustration. "Sesshoumaru-sama!" he called fruitlessly into the growing darkness.
0o0o0o0o0
The fire had long since turned to glowing coals, giving off only a fraction of the warmth it once had. Both Jakken and Rin had fallen asleep close by, lured into dreams hours ago by the hypnotic flames.
Sesshoumaru had not slept all night. His thoughts had kept him awake, as had the deep pain in his shoulder. As a youkai he had a high tolerance for pain, but this was bitingly deep. And his conversation with Rin kept replaying itself over and over in his mind.
"Does your heart ever feel heavy... and-and... ache?"
"Sometimes."
"Do you tell anyone?"
"No."
"Why not, Sesshoumaru-sama?"
"I have not since I was very young. It has always been that way."
Such an innocent child, still so open and forgiving; not knowing the world as he did. He was no stranger to how incredibly cruel and diabolically unforgiving it could be. How deception and loss could destroy everything. But then, how different were they from each other?
"Hear her heart?"
"... mama told Rin that he was listening to her and making the hurt go away."
Was such a thing even possible? A bird, able to understand something as complicated as the hidden pain of a soul... she must have been mistaken.
The pain in his shoulder suddenly increased. Sesshoumaru growled in annoyance and stood, stepping away from the tree he had chosen to sit under to stand at the edge of the small, makeshift camp. He let his gaze be swallowed up in the view before him, the ground he stood on dropping a few feet away into a vast valley full of enormous trees. What stood beyond this infinite valley... who knew?
He touched his burning shoulder with his hand and let his fingers roll slow, heavy circles over it in an attempt to quiet the pain. To an observer, it would have looked more like an unconscious habit than an action with real intent behind it. His eyes unfocused, his thoughts spreading as they would, and the world faded.
Tiny child's arms suddenly alerted his consciousness, immediately waking him out of his short solitude, wrapping themselves around his right leg. Sesshoumaru looked down and saw Rin, her body leaning into him, half her face hidden in the soft cloth of his thick clothing and her eyes lined with sleep.
How had she gotten up without him noticing?
Rin didn't move for a moment, immediately suggesting that she felt what she was doing may have been crossing some personal boundary. But when a few seconds passed and Sesshoumaru did nothing to encourage or dissuade her, she relaxed. The strength of her embrace grew, and she buried her face into the cloth barely above his knee, nuzzling it and feeling the warmth of the flesh it always hid. When she stopped moving again, her position was completely reliant on his stance, leaning into him in her own gentle, comforting weight.
Sesshoumaru didn't know how long they stood together like that. All time seemed to halt for him. He stared down at the little girl in confusion though it did not show. What was she doing, reaching out to him this way? And why wasn't he backing off? Within moments her breathing evened out and deepened, each breath resonating through to him. He could feel her breathing, and through it, could almost feel the very beating of her heart. He didn't move.
His attention adverted, the ache of his shoulder eased up for a moment.
If he hadn't known she was sleeping, Sesshoumaru would have thought Rin was trying to listen, her ear pressed against his knee as it was and her face visible. She looked thoughtful, as though trying to answer a question.
Was she... Is she listening to me?
"... he was listening..."
Sesshoumaru could suddenly see a vague image of a woman with a bird in her hands. She held the little creature close to her face, rocking softly in place. And the bird... he was slightly fluffed up in contentment, resting in ease as the woman lightly stroked his back, chirping in an infinitely gentle way.
She wasn't saying anything. She didn't want to explain anything. She just wanted someone to listen...
"...and making the hurt go away..."
And the hurt was gone. The Inu youkai again remembered his shoulder and the returning pain of his missing arm.
"Do you tell anyone?"
No need to explain. Just someone to listen...
Sesshoumaru looked down at the slumbering girl with nothing short of slight amazement flickering over his eyes. How had she known? Through the entire evening, their conversation seemed to be indirectly linked to the pain he had done his best to ignore for days, and the struggle he had endured for years.
Rin was instantly awake the second she felt his knee bend and she jumped away from him as though barely realizing what she had done. A large, slender hand stopped her, pressing against her back in a silent warning to not move. She resisted the urge to wince and peeked up at her lord in uncertainty. His deep silhouette loomed over her, eyes glinting. Was he really so tall? At least with normal humans she would be considered tall for her age, but she was easily dwarfed by him, so much taller than even the father she remembered from years ago.
Sesshoumaru knelt, his knees bending slowly, almost thoughtfully, to the ground. The clawed hand holding the little girl at bay moved, the arm following it winding around her, and after a silent moment of consideration, drew her close.
Rin gasped slightly in surprise. The few times she had ever been this close to Sesshoumaru had been times when her life had been in danger, times she could count on one hand. Never before had he held her purely out of impulse. It was an action she was no longer used to and she stiffened.
Untroubled, the arm that had drawn her close did not wane in strength. Instead, Rin felt her body being gathered and supported, held against a strong, armored chest and lifted completely off the ground.
Sesshoumaru ceased to move, apparently content in his actions.
And he had, for one of those rare, wonderful moments, managed to stun Rin speechless.
She was close enough to hear him breathing, close enough to feel his warmth. Her senses bombarded her with information, things she had wondered about him now suddenly being answered.
She found herself sitting in the curve of his arm, his hand resting against her side. Sesshoumaru held her high enough for her head to rest against his shoulder, the brunt of her light weight settled against his chest. Beneath the armor, his white kimono made of thick youkai cloth pillowed her head, able to be explored through the careful touch of her hands. Her feet dangled free, one finding a place resting against the hilt of one of Sesshoumaru's swords–the Tenseiga. The Tenseiga's hilt bindings were surprisingly supple and soft against her bare foot, well worn through many long years of service. The sword was silent at her touch, welcoming her. Like she belonged there.
Rin started to still; remembering this feeling of safety with long looked over memory. In the presence of this warmth she trembled slightly in a thrill of gooseflesh, surprised again when Sesshoumaru's arm tightened slightly and rumbled an answering growl in reassurance to her discomfort. The sound eased her fear.
When she finally looked up to see his face, he was not watching her, choosing instead to again let his eyes be enraptured by the forest. But then she slowly began to realize that his eyes, usually so cold, were open with ancient emotion.
Sesshoumaru was letting her in. He was letting her listen.
She didn't understand his pains. And she didn't have to. She just let him share them as he had deemed necessary. Years upon years of frustration and pain and anger were suddenly there for her to see as no one else ever had. Emotions she had never felt, days she had never seen, things she had never lost-suddenly there, controlled, but no longer hidden from her ever searching eyes. So many, she could not keep track of them all.
Rin watched his eyes in growing sadness, sensing the pain, both remembered and real. One hand found a resting place against his hurting shoulder, while the other lifted up to lightly trace the youkai markings on his cheek. Rin listened. She now understood why he was so silent.
And when Sesshoumaru was done and his eyes closed off once more, Rin pulled closer to his neck and wrapped her arms loosely around him, fingering his soft silver-white hair gently. It was as though she was merely trying to reassure him as he had done for her minutes before.
Seconds later, she was asleep.
Sesshoumaru glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes and studied her sleeping face. The fiery pain in his shoulder began to recede.
His eyes softened a moment, even seemed to glisten.
Rin. . .dear little Rin. . .
The sun was rising, slowly casting new rays of pure gold around them. Recalling Rin's observation the night before; she was glowing in the sunshine. Glowing like an angel. Sesshoumaru could not help but reward her sleeping form with a small, but genuine, smile.
Perhaps her story about her mother and a bird was not so impossible after all.
THE END
Thank you for reading! Any comments, thoughts, or questions are welcome.