AUTHORS NOTE. its currently 12:10 in the afternoon and i've been up all night for like three days in a row trying to finish this thing so hopefully you enjoy the story. yeahhh so everyone keeps writing stories about Tadashi dying in a fire. and I was like, "god thats so boring and unoriginal." sooooooo I made him kill himself. (evil laughter) I had two songs really inspire me for this first chapter here though. "Cough Syrup" by Young the Giant and "The End Of All Things" by Panic! At The Disco. i'd say the first 3/4 of the story are Cough syrup and then the last quarter The End Of All Things. i highly recommend playing the songs while you read this...hah uhm...that is, IF you read it...heh heh...ANYWAYS! on to the story.

DISCLAIMER:
-I do not own or claim ownership of any intellectual property held by Disney, or any parties/entities associated with Disney
-I do not own or claim ownership of Young the Giant or Panic! At The Disco or their respective record labels
-I do however, own this story. chyea bro, i own the FUCK out of this story...bitch.

Chapter one
Sweet as Honey

life's too short to even care at all...

she had been drinking again...

she sat slumped over the bar, one arm outstretched used as a pillow. Her hair falling in messy tresses about her with a drink still in her light, drunken slumberful graps.

Jack and coke with a wedge of lemon placed on the brim of the glass.

The ice had melted inside severely diminishing the alcoholic affects and as everyone lost track of time in the atmosphere of the bar and the drinks, all were uncertain of when drunken sleep had taken her, and it was a wonder in itself how long she had been there passed out. it was also a wonder how many people even noticed or cared. The bar was rather busy that night, light chatter filling the air every which way. Pool was being played in the far corner near the juke box, music playing low adding to the ambiance and it looked rather lively, except for the section at the corner of the bar where Honey sat. The bar goers would glance over now and then at her slumped figure and could almost literally see a rain cloud floating above her head. And so they stayed away.

She was a regular there though. Almost every night she could be seen behind the bar pounding down drinks like a man stranded in the desert aching for water. One down, and then one more and another and then another, but no one ever asked. There was no one there to care...at least not the way that he once did.
They came to know her as Honey. Honey Lemon. They always assumed her name was because she was such a sweet girl. Sweet as honey you could say with a killer look to boot, and every drink she had was always accompanied by a tiny slice of the sour. Sooooooooo thats' not exactly accurate to explain her name, but it was a convenient coincidence. So that's how they came to know her and no one pushed the subject...but did they actually know her..? heh...If only...

I'm losing my mind...losing my mind...losing control.

The crack of a Q ball breaking the rack on a nearby pool table stirred her from her sleep. Her vision was blurry still from the whiskey, but she slowly rose upright in her chair, the spot on her face she layed on her arm bore a very noticeable red skin indentation. Delicately she placed her other hand on the bar for support. The glass of Jack and Coke was slightly warm still within her grasp. How long had she been out? She looked around the bar and then back at the glass, gazing at it forlornly for a quick moment. She breathed a deep melancholy sigh with a shut of her eyes before slowly, almost cautiously raising the drink to her lips, and in three swift gulps she downed the drink with a sigh and slammed it back down on the bar stirring the bits of ice still left within. The alcohol warming her insides like a hug from BAYMAX...oh...BAYMAX...she could feel the heat begin to pulse in her face and a tear threatened to spill over the brim of her eye as she began to wander the recesses of her mind. Fond memories of Hiro, Wasabi, Gogo, Fred and...especially...him rushed to the surface making her poor heart ache deep inside. She quickly swept the thought aside to keep her composure. She would not cause a scene. Not here. Not even if her life depended. She grimaced pushing the thoughts back below the surface and reached an intoxicated yet delicate hand to the side pulling a cigarette out of her orange purse. A Marlboro Menthol. It hadn't been until recently that she started smoking, but she found solace in the feeling of nicotine rushing through her blood stream though and it numbed the pain, if only for a moment. Placing the end in between her lips lighting the other side with her pink and orange swirled lighter she dragged hard on it. The menthol coating her throat and lungs in a cool breeze. She closed her eyes thoughtfully, inhaling deeply, relishing the sensation and blew out a thick cloud of smoke, her lip gloss leaving a perfect pink lip stain on the end.

The bartender nearby cleaning glasses peered to the side at her, a minor sense of concern about his aged features. But he would never ask...after all, it was none of his business. His glance broke and he focused his attention back to another glass on the bar. His dark old eyes held fast and he paused for a moment putting the glass down. A thoughtful grimace etched it's way upon his face creasing the wrinkles around his mouth and he ran a rugged hand through his thick black hair with a empathetic sigh. He could only imagine what the young lady was going through as he had seen her so many nights before always drinking by herself. and yet it was funny, because she would always pull two stools away from the bar as if she were waiting for someone. he even saw dozens of young men try to talk to the young girl but she always politely waved them off or said she was with someone, but he never saw anyone ever come in to meet her. the only thing he ever saw in the next seat was a black baseball cap which didn't really look like something she'd wear...so he knew that something was wrong. At his age the sad alcoholic sitting alone at the bar was something he'd seen far too many times in his day. but just then-

CRASH
CRACK
CLATTER

Startled, the old man shot his attention in the direction of the noise. Not only him but apparently it caught the attention of everyone in the bar. And that's when he realized he couldn't ignore this anymore. Honey Lemon was in a state of drunken shock at what she had done. In the middle of grabbing her things to head home her purse had knocked all the empty glasses over and off the bar. The glass was everywhere and slushed over with ice and alcohol. The bartenders eyes turned stern with a minor look of concern and he placed his hands on his hips leveling her with a gaze, his lips pressed in a firm line.

Honey still in a drunken daze looked from the men at the pool table, to the mess on the floor, to the bartender, back to the floor and then her gaze slowly slid down to look at her feet. She was so embarrassed. Her hands balled into trembling fists at her side and she began to feel the heat pulsing in her face once more. She swallowed hard once relaxing her hands and slowly shed off her purse and yellow jacket and knelt down to begin picking up the broken glass all over the floor, everyones eyes still on her.

one piece...

two pieces...

three pieces more...

She continued picking up the glass and could feel the gazes of all the patrons in the bar easing off her as they went back to their own business. Inwardly she berated herself for being such a drunken clutz and drawing so much attention to herself. But she reasoned it wasn't so bad. It's not like anyone really even cared anyways. yeah...I mean how could they..? Not about her at least. Not about her alcohol and smoking addiction, not about the smeared mascara shadowed on her face by a steady trail of tears throughout every night, not about the glass knicking cuts into her hands with each piece she picked up, and definitely not about the broken shattered heart barely beating in her chest.
and suddenly she felt she couldn't hold herself together anymore...

she softly sobbed once, almost inaudibly as a large lump caught itself in her throat. Unable to choke it back this time she felt the heat in her face rise once more. Reaching out and picking up another large piece of glass, the blood from the tiny cuts in her hand smudged and smeared it red as she held it loosely in her hands. She looked deeply into the glass, miring her cloudy reflection in it noting the streaks of blood it was awash in. And then, a tear drop slowly escaped from over the brim of her eye, trailing down to the tip of her nose and broke up her reflection in the glass with a soft plip mixing in with the blood. And then fell another, and another, and another and within moments her mascara was running down her cheeks once more as she continued picking up the glass, sobbing quietly to herself. Her face was flushed pink and her vision was blurred behind the tears. God, why was this happening to her? It's as if the world literally has it out for her to make sure she is as miserable as possible. She wouldn't even be here embarrassing herself if the stupid bartender hadn't left those stupid glasses there. Hell, she wouldn't even be here at the bar if her classes at SFIT weren't so fucking unbearable. And even those stupid classes certainly wouldn't be so unbearable if...if...
she sobbed once more...

...if Tadashi hadn't died. that's right. Tadashi was dead. 19 year old tadashi was found in his room after three days of being absent from class with a bullet hole in his head and his brains blown all over the place. Hiro had struck a business partnership with Alistair Krei to mass produce his Micro Bots and was away for the week. Aunt Cass also had a business deal of her own to open up more cafe's around San Fransokyo and even all the way out to New Yorshima so she was away as well. But Honey Lemon was still nearby and very available.
It was a wednesday evening when Honey had found him.

she was on her way home from SFIT with the sun low on the horizon streaking the sky with pinks and oranges fading to blues and purples. She stood at the corner of an intersection and took it all in, feeling the warmth of the sun as it bathed her in its final dying rays. And just as always, she looked stunning. You know, in a dorky nerdy kind of way. The light turned green on the crosswalk and she shifted her backpack back high onto her shoulders. It was a little heavier than usual because she had three days worth of homework to bring to Tadashi. That idiot, he probably figured he could just skip school whenever he wanted because he was so damn brilliant. Honey rolled her eyes at the thought and merrily trecked onwards to Tadashi's house. She hadn't seem him in three days because she was so busy with her own chemical experiments. She was in the midst of a breakthrough for the mixture of human hormones to be able to regenerate wounds and hinder ageing at an incredible rate. She was extremely proud of herself, and even though she spent many long nights working which would probably make the average persons life a living hell, she felt her life was perfect. She had it all. The brains. The beauty. A boyfriend who was just as equally brilliant and handsome. She smiled warmly at the thought of seeing her boyfriend again after these long three days. Maybe Tadashi will let her stay with him for the night. Maybe they can cuddle up on the couch and watch a corny science fiction movie together...or...Maybe they can get distracted from the movie and end up making out on the couch again. She blushed at the thought, but smiled once more when she remembered that Hiro and Aunt Cass were gone. And Tadashi was all alone waiting for her. .

It was dark when Honey had reached the cafe. She reached down under the welcome place mat in front of the door for the spare key but accidentally bumped into the door and it swung open with barely any resistance at all. Her brow creased in slight confusion. how odd, as long as she's remembered they always lock the doors at 7pm. And even with Aunt Cass gone the cafe was closed until she came back so it definitely should've been locked. A small pang of discomfort was nagging at Honey on the inside, but she could hear Mochi fiddling around upstairs and was set at ease. The cafe was dark as Honey slipped off her monstrously tall high heels and ambled towards the stairs. She leaned over the banister looking up at the dark staircase that disappeared into blackness.

"Tadashi? I'm here babe!" she said with a bright smile,"But oh you are in so much trouble mister!" her demeanor changing instantly.

She started up the steps.

"Where have you been? you've been absent from the Institute for three whole days! And you havent even seen my latest work!" her lips pouting a bit.

She was at the top of the first staircase now where the cafe turned into the living spaces for the Hamada family. She scanned the living room and was a little creeped out how everything was so...still. There were dishes still in the sink from when she had been here last sunday, and a blanket still messily thrown over the couch from when she and Tadashi had been watching a movie. God this boy was messy, with a huff she continued upward to Hiro and Tadashi's room.

"Well I hope you're well rested, because you have a TON of homework to catch up on."

She was halfway up the stairs when a foul odor suddenly shocked her senses. She pinched her nose between her index finger and thumb and grimaced waving the air in front of her with her other hand.

"Ew Tadashi, do you smell that? It smells like Mochi pooped somewhere. And you should definitely wash those dishes in your sink. They've been there since sunday for crying out loud!"

She was almost at the landing when the idea of cat poop on the floor weighed heavy on her mind and so she stepped onward with a little more caution.

"Okay mister, where are you?" she said quietly to herself. As stern as she tried to sound she was just so happy to be seeing Tadashi again. Three days somehow manages to feel like three years to young lovebirds.

The staircase opened up to show Hiro's section of the room first. His bed pressed to the far wall with his work desk and computer against the wall to the left. Honey set her bag down at the top of the stairs and ventured in slowly gazing over the room. To the right was the sliding divider that split Hiro and Tadashi's room to their own respective spaces. Honey tip toed up to the divider quietly biting her lip in excitement. She drew in a deep breath and slid the door open slightly to peek in. It was dark but she could just barely make out the silhouette of Tadashi sprawled out on his bed. She opened the divider the rest of the way and stepped over the threshold smiling to herself at her lazy boyfriend.

"Of COURSE you'd be asleep you bum, c'mon wake up!" she said crossing her arms.

no response.

"Tadashiiiiiiiiiii..." she whined slouching over and waving her arms cutely like a child.

Still no response.

"TADASHI LOOK! IM NAKED!"

And still nothing. Ahe huffed in annoyance crossing her arms again.

"Geez that one used to get your attention all the time." She muttered quietly to herself starting to feel rather cross with her lethargic boyfriend.

She began to grow impatient with Tadashi. And then, a devious plan hatched in her mind and she started taking off her yellow jacket with a devilish smirk.

"Well fine then. If you won't wake up, 'll just have to wake you up myself." she said with a sly smirk tossing her jacket over her shoulder onto Tadashi's desk.

And with a pounce she jumped onto the bed right on top of Tadashi with a gleeful squeal and lovingly collapsed onto his chest nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck.

But something wasn't right.

"Jesus Tadashi, did you take a nonbenzodiazepine?" In ordinary english that would translate to a chemical compound found in most heavy duty sleeping pills. But her chemistry vernacular couldn't have been any more wrong.

"Tadashi?" Honey began to feel panic lifting her head off of his chest.

"Tadashi are you okay?" she said gently shaking his shoulder, but that's just the thing. Tadashi wasn't okay. In fact he was far from it. And that's when she noticed something.

He was cold.

Not as if he was just outside in the autumn weather cold. No, he was ice cold. She touched his fingers. Cold. She touched up his arms. Cold. His shoulders, his chest, his neck. Cold, cold, cold.

In a panic she sprawled off the bed and bolted back to the wall near the divider where the light switch was located and flipped it on.

And then she screamed.

She screamed again, and then she screamed some more at the grizzly sight before her.

There layed Tadashi on his back, with a gaping hole in his head, and the contents of his brilliant mind were everywhere, soaking his bed sheets, splattered across his walls, hanging from his cieling and even on his window.

And in his limp hand laid a shiny silver revolver with five more bullets left within the chamber.

And she was hysterical. She fell to her knees clutching her face in horror still screaming at the top of her lungs. Her breathe was ragged and heavy as she slowly ambled to Tadashi's bed side taking it all in. Millions of questions racing through her mind. Why? How? When? Tears streaming like waterfalls down her face. Her screaming had reduced down to horrified whimpers and whines as she reached a shaky hand to Tadashi and caressed his face, his eyes blank staring at the cieling.
Oh Honey Lemon...It wasn't that her boyfriend had "skipped" school and was just being "Lazy"...oh no, not at all...as it turns out, he had been dead since early that morning.

and just then,

Honey Lemon heard two pairs of feet step into Tadashi's room.

"Hey Tadashi we're ba-" Hiro and Aunt Cass poked their heads into the room.

And the horror ride began all over again, Hiro and Aunt Cass's faces were riddled with horror as Aunt Cass ran to the bed side to Tadashi, screaming and crying, cradling a dead Tadashi in her arms, rocking back and forth with grief. Honey Lemon on the other side of Tadashi sobbing as well and running her hand through Tadashi's blood stained hair. Hiro in shock of the whole situation remained silent, still as a statue, his jaw slightly ajar. His wide eyes were scanning laps around the room taking in the amount of blood and meat and for some reason it just couldn't connect. Though there was screaming and his heart was racing it was as if suddenly everything was in slow motion and quiet. Nothing made sense. Tadashi had been just fine when Hiro had left for his business trip last Friday. In fact he had never seen Tadashi happier. Hiro's gaze shifted upwards, just above him was a particularly blood and meat splattered section of the ceiling. A single drop of blood hanging by a partially dried red stalagtite fell from the cieling and landed directly underneath his left eye, running down the length of his face like a tear drop, a red trail left in its wake. He leveled his gaze and saw his reflection in the window and noticed the red streak down his face. He gingerly brought a hand to his cheek smearing the streak across his face slightly and bloodying his knuckles and analyzed it. Blood. Deep red blood. Tadashi's blood. And suddenly it dawned on him. Something clicked in Hiro's head and all the pieces had finally fit together. He stepped out of the room away from the sobbing women and his dead older brother and placed his back against the the wall, slowly sliding down until he was sitting against it, unwilling to behold anymore of the situation at hand. He gulped and shakily pulled out his cell phone dialing the three digit number.

ring ring
"911 what's your emergency?"
Hiro looked over his shoulder analyzing the scene before him. Aunt Cass and Honey still bawling over Tadashi. His words were caught behind a lump in his throat.

"My..." He started, barely able to speak, "My brother's...dead..." still unable to believe the words that had just come out of his mouth. The phone slipped out of his grasp and clattered on the ground, the 911 operater still on the line. And it finally began. He sobbed hard once and his lip began to quiver. He covered his mouth with his hand and he sobbed again, tears trickling out. He choked hard on the lump in his throat and the trickle of tears developed into a flood. The tremble in his lip escalated and his entire body shook, his sobs growing uncontrollably. He began to wail woefully into the empty room bringing the heels of his palms to his eyes attempting to stop the flow...it didn't work.

If i could find a way to see this straight,
I'd run away to some fortune that i should have found, by now...
and so i run now to the things they say can restore me.. restore life the way it should be...
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down...

The autopsy was confirmed. Tadashi Hamada had indeed committed suicide. A background check was done on the firearm he had used and the report revealed that he had bought it fifteen blocks away from his house at a gun shop/firing range. The man who sold him the weapon informed the police that the young man had entered the store wearing a black hoodie with the hood up over his black baseball cap right at the crack of dawn. At first the gun shop employee had thought that Tadashi was going to attempt to rob the store, but Tadashi apparently had other plans. The gun shop owner recalled how Tadashi walked up to the counter and had bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in months with an extremely vacant stare in his eyes. Tadashi asked for a gun, the tone of his voice was hollow. The gun shop employee told how he was skeptical to sell to Tadashi, but Tadashi had convinced him by throwing eight hundred dollars cash onto the counter. Tadashi pointed above the employees head at the wall behind him where a silver revolver was on display. With the cash right on the counter the employee still seemed slightly skeptical but granted him his request. He packaged up the gun for Tadashi as open carry in San Fransokyo is illegal. He remembered though that Tadashi had another strange look about him. He went from looking vacant to somewhat deranged. A storm brewing behind his eyes. The employee was slightly concerned and then had asked a question that would have confirmed a well informed persons suspicions.

"That's a nice piece, you got any plans for using that?"

Tadashi looked the employee dead in the eye.

"Yeah...I got plans...big...big plans." and he walked out of the store leaving the employee peculiarly unnerved.

Tadashi Hamada. Honey Lemons crush since freshman year in high school. Her lover since senior year and brand new lovers attending college together. But that stupid, selfish fucking idiot...how dare he?! Did he not think of Honey Lemon at all? Or even his family? And the funny thing is Tadashi wouldn't have even been pushed to committing suicide if it weren't for those stupid Doctors and Psychologists who couldn't properly diagnose his depression. They were too wowed by his brilliance and cunning to ever imagine how badly Tadashi was suffering. Perfect little Tadashi. Smart, handsome Tadashi, all smiles and peaches on the outside, yet dying and withering away on the inside. Why couldn't they see it? WHY?! everyone else did, and yet these people with their PhD's with claim of such self worth and who expect accolades of praise can't even do their fucking job. Scum. All of them.

The thought of how a malpractice stole her lover infuriated Honey and she suddenly had a taste for blood. It would have been such an easy fix if a doctor had just asked the deeper question. If they had asked Tadashi if he was actually really okay. If they had asked him about his personal life. About how bitter he was that he was constantly out-shined by his younger brother. About how he always seemed to follow in his younger brothers footsteps of brilliance. About the jealousy he felt for Hiro landing a business deal with Alistair Krei and not him. About how his brother graduated high school at age thirteen. About how a five year distance in age was more realistically like twenty. About how Hiro recieved all of the praise and not him. Oh,but Honey had known all of this all along though. Her face once flushed pink from gushes of tears was now flushed red with rage. Yes indeed she had definitely known. She had always noticed Tadashi suppress his anger and jealousy towards his brother every time he was beaten out for first place at an invention convention. And she would always comfort him, first his demeanor ice cold but eventually warmed up under Honey's tender care, but she would never have imagined the jealousy and anger would fuel Tadashi's sense of insignificance and drive him mad. Just like every other family in the world the Hamada family had some hiccups and minor turmoil and was blindingly far from perfect...But she could never have seen this coming. No one did.

The piece of glass still in Honey's hand slipped out breaking into a bundle of smaller jagged pieces. She was still knelt down, her gaze on the floor as she was lost in her own rageful bitter thoughts. That is, until a pair of shiny black dress shoes stepped into her peripheral view. Honey snapped back to reality and leveled the pair of shoes with a gaze,her face still vivid with the affects of her anger. And then she started scaling her gaze upwards to the pair of black dress pants, past the brown belt, past the white long sleeve dress shirt and black vest until she met the piercing stare of a pair of old wise eyes, the anger contortions of her face retreating bit by bit. The pair of eyes did not have a sense of irritation behind them like Honey had imagined, she could feel it in his gaze...but what was it that she saw though..? She was confused for a brief moment and then it hit her. It wasn't irritation in the bartenders eyes. it wasn't even close. What she saw was pity in the bartenders eyes. Their gazes locking for a brief moment before Honey ashamedly stared back at the mess she had made and stood full height reaching across her body bashfully rubbing her arm. Surprisingly as she stood she noted that the bartender was taller than her. A rarity considering she was so tall herself, especially when she was wearing her heels. Even more surprisingly the bartender had shown up with a broom and sweep bucket, and with a silent stare and a small sigh, he began sweeping up the bits of broken glass. Honeys eyes shot wide with guilt seeing the bartender clean up her mess.

"Oh no! Please sir, hand the broom over. I'll clean up my mess, I'm sooooo so sorry really I had no idea what I was thinking." she said exasperatedly, wringing her hands in anxiety. She continued,
"Please allow me to, it was all my fault, I should have been more careful I should ha-"

"Jesus Christ kid will you shut up?" the bartender said leveling her with an exhausted gaze. Honey was taken aback. He fixed his gaze back down and continued sweeping.

"Listen kid..." he began, his gruff voice low, "I see you in this damn place almost every single night knockin back them drinks like a fish starvin fer water, and now it's nunna my business-" He sure had that right, "But whatever it is that's eatin ya ain't gonna get any better by sittin here trying to wash it away with alcohol. Believe me kid, i've seen quite a bit in my day, hell i've even sat behind a bar trying to drown my sorrows a few times too, but if anything it only ever made it worse." He glanced sideways at Honey still sweeping up the glass. Honey was quiet.

"y'know...There's no greater danger in the world to your own sanity than the demons swimming about in your own head." he said, meeting her stare and tapping a few times against his temple. He continued sweeping.
" They nag at ya and make ya do crazy things, and guess what? They absolutely love alcohol. In fact, that's the shit that they love to swim in. heh, I would know." He smiled curtly as if being reminded of a bitter memory, his gaze still focused on the mess on the floor.

"Being a bartender I see it all the damn time. One kid over here might break up with his girlfriend, he starts drinking and suddenly starts bawling his eyes out. One girl over there's puppy might die and the same thing happens. I'm sure you probably already know this, but alcohol is awfully dangerous kid." His tone became serious. Brow creased with concern.

"Not only is it bad for yer health, it brings out the truth in people. The dark truth. And it usually almost always ends in absolute disaster. Now this ain't my first rodeo kid, so please..." he stopped sweeping for a moment leveling her with a gaze, gingerly placing a hand on Honey's shoulder in a comforting gesture, "Put the drink down for a while." He offered a solemn, yet deeply meaningful smile. his tone was soft. She stared blankly attempting to take in the bartenders words.

"Trust me kid, it ain't goin nowhere, and we all know that devils water ain't always so sweet, and sure, you can dip yer feet every once in a while. Just don't dive all the way in and drown yourself alright? I would hate to see on the news something terrible had happened to ya. After all, yer practically my best costumer what with all that Jack Daniels you've been drinking. I had to reorder an entire stock!" The man let out a hearty chuckle at his own insensitive joke. Honey Lemon although did not find it to be quite as funny. She grimaced slightly at the joke, whole heartedly knowing the validity behind it.

"ahhhhhh, bad joke bad joke." the bartender said, slightly appalled at his own warped sense of humor and insensitivity. He continued,

"But really kid. Just take a little break. Go have yerself a good cry, without alcohol. Lord knows you need it. Stay up all night to watch the sunrise sometime. Reminisce on all the good times you had before your problem showed up instead of the bad. Go home and tell your friends and family ya love 'em. Try to Feel love instead of feeling bitter and angry. I know it's hard right now, really I do, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel."
the bartender now fully facing Honey Lemon gave her a genuine smile, his eyes warm and tender...just like Tadashi's, and just for a moment she could've sworn she saw a glimpse of Tadashi overtake the bartenders being. His eyes tender and so full of love and in a blink it was gone. Although her mind must have suddenly been playing tricks on her, Honey felt a glimmer of hope pierce through the veil of dark cloudy thoughts in her head, and she felt something that she hadn't felt in a while. Relief.
"I believe in ya kid, you can make it through this...I know ya can."

After hearing the bartenders words of encouragement Honey Lemons tough facade had crumbled and she found herself standing there sobbing again, fighting to maintain her composure and keep herself from bawling her eyes out with a few short hiccups. But it proved to no avail, she collapsed into the bartender rapping him in a bone crushing hug and finally let it all go. she cried ferociously into his shoulder, dampening his dress shirt. And in a monstrous flood everything had come out. all of her anger and rage, her confusion, her despair and sorrow, everything that she had been holding inside had come gushing out of her by the boat load, and even though she was doing what she had never intended to and caused a scene, she didn't care. Not this time. Because finally, there was someone else out there who cared. Someone who legitimately honest to God cared. And suddenly it felt like an enormous weight had to lifted off of Honey's shoulders.
Slightly startled at first from the spontaneity of the hug, the bartender smiled to himself and softly returned the embrace softly chuckling as well. Honey continued to cry for the next fifteen minutes, but the bartender did not mind at all. With patience and understanding he held her, comforting her, giving her the solace she needed not daring to say a word. As it were, Honey had been drowning in her sea of misery and woe for so long and now finally there was a shore of land she could lay her weary head on. And even though she knew the road ahead would be treacherous, she finally felt she had the strength she needed to go on.

With a few more wet hiccups and sniffles and a deep satisfied sigh, Honey loosened her grip on the bartender, her face damp and streaked from all the tears and makeup she rubbed off onto the bartenders shirt. She gave a soft chuckle to herself taking a step back from him simultaneously wiping away a remaining stray tear. And then she smiled an honest to God, true blue genuine smile. And it was beautiful, her eyes beeming with gratitude. The bartender smiled in return.

"Feel any better?" he said placing a hand on his hip.

Honey dwelled on it thoughtfully for a moment averting her gaze and nodded.

"Yeah...yeah I do. I really do..." She said graciously, lacing her hands behind her back appreciatively and meeting his gaze. And then her smile faltered slightly and her gaze shifted away again slightly confusing the bartender.

"Geez what's wrong with ya now kid?" his brow creasing in mild concern. Honey sighed.

"Nothing it's just..." She paused for a moment dwelling on her words, "No one ever seemed to really care about me before y'know?" she shrugged her shoulders for emphasis offering a timid smile.

" I guess...I guess maybe coming here so often was somewhat of a disguised cry for help. And it was disguised so well that even I didn't know how much I really needed it." She said bringing her gaze back to meet the bartenders.

"And honestly i'm not entirely sure how this whole thing would've panned out if you hadn't stepped in...and really..." a lump began to form in her throat again making her stammer on her words, tears welling in her eyes once more.

"really I...I-I-i'm so grateful to you. i-i owe you my life, and I just-" The bartender held his hand up to her silencing her.

"Stop, don't you dare." he said with a smile.

"You don't owe me anything kid, all I did was give ya a little nudge in the right direction." he said gesturing with his elbow. Honey offered another smile, listening intently.

"You're a good kid, and it's real easy to see. I'm just glad I was able to help. And hey. Life sucks y'know? Everyone knows that, but it don't get any easier when you give yourself more shit to be stressed out about. Besides, no one ever really makes it out alive anyways right?"

He had a valid point, and Honey Lemon averted her gaze once more, nodding in bashful agreeance of the bartenders wise words.

"Yeah...you're right."

"Well no shit, of course i'm right. I might be a little crazy but I ain't stupid!" the bartender shot back and they both chuckled heartily at his callous choice of words. Thoughtful silence grew between them and they realized they were now the only ones left in the bar. The bartender quickly shifted his gaze left, then right analyzing the empty room and then took a look down at his watch.

4:00 AM

He scoffed a bit, "Well would you look at that, jeezow it's already 4 AM. ah, sorry kid but I gotta get to closing down the bar. You should head on home." he said tapping at his watch giving her a its-time-for-bed-young-lady kind of look.

Honey Lemon glanced at her own watch to confirm the time.

"Yeah it is pretty late isn't it? ehhhhhh... yeah I guess I really should get going then." She said reluctantly, not quite ready to face the world outside. Tentatively she picked up her yellow jacket and orange purse and slowly made her way to the exit. The bartender leaning against the bar watching her leave.

"Yer not goin home...are ya?" the bartender asked. A knowing smirk on his face as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one up.

Honey Lemon stopped midway of the room, turned around, and leaned against a support beam facing the bartender.

"ehhhh ...Nah, I think i'm gonna take your advice, it's late but the sun should be coming up soon." her gaze shifted to her foot and she tapped the tip of her shoe against the ground thoughtfully, "I think i'll take a nice walk around town and enjoy the sunrise. Reminisce a little bit maybe." She recited the bartenders advice with a playful smirk.

The bartender smiled, "Thatta girl." he said giving her a thumbs up of approval. Honey Lemon smiled back and motioned back towards the exit. The bartender waved a goodbye and Honey Lemon turned back around and made her way towards the door. The bartender turned the other way himself and began wiping down the bar, his back to Honey Lemon. She stopped for a brief moment, the bartender still busy wiping down the bar. And in a dash, Honey Lemon sprinted back to the bartender wrapping him in one last bone crushing hug smushing her cheek deep in his back, with a big smile almost knocking his cigarette out of his mouth.

"Thank you." she said, and before the bartender could even say anything in return, she was out the door.

San Fransokyo was still dark, street lamps and business banners lighting the streets in a faint glow, stars still glistening high in the sky. Honey Lemon turned up the hood of her jacket and with one last glance at the bar behind her she jammed her hands in her pockets, smiled and took off into the early morning.
She had been walking for what felt like forever, she checked her watch again for the time.

4:37 AM

She'd been walking for half an hour in what she felt like was no particular direction, wandering the streets of San Fransokyo, reliving fond memories of the past. Over the past thirty minutes she had passed quite a few familiar sights. Fred and Wasabi's houses, SFIT, and even past the dock yard, and now she was trecking up a steep hill of a sidewalk. The sky was beginning to shade from black to dark blue indicating the sun was starting to rise, and then it hit her. This area had seemed awfully familiar. she was so lost in thought that her feet had subconsciously started moving her towards a very special destination. And so she trekked on.

4:53 AM

The sky now slightly lighter than before was glistening still with twinkling stars and Honey Lemon moved as a dark silhouette against the horizon. She had made her way up a few more hills and was now on a concrete pathway leading to a steel gate. Above the gate in Black steel letters read "San Fransokyo Grace Cemetery", and luckily enough for her it was open. She slid through the gate quietly and stopped at the threshold, scanning over the dozens and dozens of graves that sat high on the hill top. Fittingly it was the highest point in all of San Fransokyo. The city deemed it fitting to honor their dead by placing them as high up as possible, to give the feeling of being so close to heaven. Honey pressed on and veered through a couple headstones onto a pathway that led to the very tip of the hill. it was a bit of hike but finally she made it up and from there...wow... at the top of the hill over looking a cliff she could see all of San Fransokyo all the way across the city and out to the ocean, the sun just now barely peeking over the horizon, painting the sky and clouds with streaks of pinks and blues, oranges and reds. she soaked it in for a moment and a little spark of excitement erupted in her knowing how much more explosive the sunrise was going to be in just a few minutes. She turned around slowly, a gentle breeze swaying through her blonde hair and there it was. the one thing she was dying to see, yet all this time was much too afraid of. She took a deep breath in and walked up kneeling down near a very new headstone, not even a month old. she could feel herself begin to tremble slightly, but she steeled herself and gingerly traced her fingers down the headstone, her gaze deep immersed in the writing on it.

"In loving memory of Tadashi Hamada, friend, brother, and brilliant genius. 2080-2099. Rest in Peace."

Honey felt a familiar heat rise in her face, a single tear trailing down her cheek and down to her chin, hanging in a watery stalagmite catching the rising rays of the sun before falling down onto Tadashi's grave. but she smiled.

"Hey you. long time no see." she could feel the lump begin to form in her throat again but she choked it down.

"I uh...it's been really hard not having you around. SFIT's just not the same anymore you know? it just feels like such a large part of our little family is missing now...but you know what? I realized something..." She paused for a moment, another tear cascading down her face.

"You never really left, and i finally understand now, you've been here with me this whole time..." She breathed in deep trying to steel herself. the lump in her throat was putting up a fight and she was battling to keep her compsure.

"I wish it could've been different...God i wish so badly..." Her voice broke a bit. her composure was standing on its last legs.

"But i just..." she wiped at her nose with her sleeve.

"I just wish i could have told you how much i loved you before you...you know..." She averted her gaze behind her to the sunrise now newly fresh in the sky. the entire horizon awash in magnificent colors. she turned back to the headstone.

"But it's okay...I think you know. I think you always knew, even though we never said it you were always smart enough to know my feelings about you, so then now, let me be the first to say it." She smiled a sad watery smile, leaned forward and placed a wet fragile kiss on Tadashi's headstone.

"I love you Tadashi Hamada. Always and forever." Finally, the words she had so long ached to say but never got the chance to were finally out there for the world to know. or at least in that moment between them.

She scooted over from kneeling by the headstone to sitting directly next to it so that she could continue watching the sunset, a content smile on her face. and then, oh! she almost forgot!

Honey reached hastily into her orange purse and pulled out two extremely significant items. One a black baseball cap, another a framed picture of Tadashi with his tender smile and warm eyes. she gently placed the baseball hat and the picture right against the tombstone in just the right way until she was satisfied with her handywork. sighing deeply to herself she looked back over the horizon and leaned her head on the tombstone admiring the sunrise. And in that moment, she felt Tadashi again. Maybe not physically but...she felt him, and she could tell he could feel her too. and then something strange occurred. A gentle breeze blew across the cemetery rustling the leaves and branches in the trees and swept across Honey, blowing across her ear and blowing her hair to the east, the blonde tresses catching the sunlight. and in all the combined noises of nature Honey could almost swear she heard "I love you too Honey." and just as soon as it appeared, it vanished.
She didn't think about it too hard though and smiled contently to herself as the sunrise rose higher and higher, igniting the sky in even more magnificent arrangements of color and finally, Honey Lemon's world felt at peace. She and Tadashi sat quietly together for the remainder of the sunrise enjoying each others company, and even though she knew the road to healing would be long and treacherous, she finally felt for once that maybe...just maybe...everything was going to be okay.

Whether near or far...I am always yours.
Any change in time...we are young again.

Lay us down...we're in love
Lay us down...we're in love

In these coming years, many things will change...
But the way I feel will remain the same...

Lay us down...we're in love
Lay us down...we're in love.

Ugh i'm exhausted. so yeah, its been like eight years since the last time i actually sat down to write a story buuuuuuut i dunno, something just kinda motivated me to sit down and write again and i gotta admit it feels pretty great. So hopefully i'll be keeping this thing going for a little while, i have rough drafts for each of the characters connected to Tadashi so stick around! Leave a review! i'd love to hear feedback and ideas. until next time, Corporal Douglas signing off.