A/N: This piece is written for my McWifey and bestest friend in the whole wide world. Tis a present to her for our ten month anniversary hehe. I hope you all enjoy. Please R/R.
Don't be afraid to make it real ; Don't be afraid to feel tonight
Don't turn away, it's only love
xXxXxXxXxXx
The expectations Addison had for her life were always fairly simple; get into medical school, become a surgeon, find the love of her life, have children, and live as close to happily ever after as could be. Addison had never expected any of this to happen. She never thought things would end the way they had; her life, her marriage, her career. Everything happened so suddenly. It always did; like a quick jolt, flashes of lightning, a rude awakening.
She could still remember the day she first ran into Derek, literally. There was a gross anatomy test that day and, being Addison Forbes Montgomery, she had studied all night for it, memorizing every term, every procedure. In a rush to get to class and get in some last minute studying, she crashed into him, sending their books flying to the floor. Addison had been shaken by it all. She looked up to see if he was alright, only to be comforted by his concerned eyes. He smiled and her knees went week, his awkward laughter sent her heart beating just a little faster. From there, their love hit them like a ton of bricks, falling way too fast and into each other's arms.
The night it all came crashing down was still vivid in her mind. Slow movements, roaring thunder, sweat-covered bodies, pouring rain, Derek standing at their bedroom door as Mark moved above her. Everything came and went in quick flashes, moving way too fast for Addison to keep up. Mark left. Derek grabbed her clothes. She chased after her husband, trying to make him understand. He threw her out. The door slammed in her face. He left, and Addison remained, wondering how her once envied life had changed so drastically and then disappeared in the blink of an eye.
Her marriage had ended, even after she chased him across the country and fought for his love, for their marriage. In the end, Derek chose his intern and that was it. Or it was supposed to be.
They were supposed to be moving on. He had Meredith and she had her ever confusing relationship with Mark. She even had her newfound lust and interest for her intern, Alex Karev. So it wasn't surprising that Addison was a little shocked that her ex-husband was pressing her up against the wall of a supply closet, his lips crashing upon hers and his hand creeping beneath her scrub top. The gentle grazing of his fingers against her ribcage sent shivers down her spine.
Addison kept telling herself that she should stop this. This was a mistake and Derek would come to regret this later. Being the other woman was not something she ever wanted to become. It wasn't who she was or who she wanted to be.
Her mind kept telling her to stop, but her body refused to listen.
It felt too right; Derek's soft lips upon her skin, his warm hand roaming the small of her back, and his gentle touch at the front of her scrubs. This was everything she'd had for over a decade. It was everything she lost when she let herself fall into bed with Mark. But Derek gave this up too, when he cheated on her at the hospital's prom. And although she never sought out the details of that horrid affair, she was sure it was common and dirty; two words she would never classify herself as. She shouldn't let this go on.
"Derek," she gasped when his lips reached the hollow of her throat, her hands pushing slightly back on his shoulders but not enough to actually be effective.
He cupped her cheek with his hand and moved back up to brush his lips against hers. "Shh, Addie," Derek whispered breathily, pressing his forehead against hers.
All thoughts of resisting, though, left her mind as Derek's hand came up to cup her breast underneath her scrubs, his thumb running back and forth across her nipple through the lacy fabric of her bra. His mouth resumed its descent on her skin, causing soft moans of pleasure to escape her lips. Her breathing quickened, chest heaving under his touch while he sucked gently on the delicate skin at the side of her neck. Suddenly, she brought her hands to the hem of his scrub top, tugging on it gently to pull it over his head.
It was then that Addison realized just how much she wanted this. She had tried to move on; sleeping with Mark (multiple times), lusting after an intern. None of it worked. No matter how hard she tried, her heart would always belong to Derek. He was still the man she saw sharing her future. He was still the one she wanted to create a family with. She had never really let him go and she was starting to think that she would never be able to.
Derek's shirt was shed and Addison's soon followed, the two pieces of fabric pooling together on the supply closet floor. One of his hands snaked around her to caress the smooth skin on her back. The tracing of random patterns made her skin hot underneath his touch. The fingers on his other hand danced around her abdomen, leaving goose bumps in their wake before coming to her waistband to pull on the drawstrings. Derek pushed her pants down passed her hips, letting them fall to her ankles so she could step out of them.
Her fingers tangled in his hair and drew him closer as he placed a trail of kisses where her bra met the smooth skin of her breast. A gasp escaped her lips when Derek suddenly pressed his fingers against her dampened panties, rubbing her slowly through the thin fabric. And to keep herself from moaning too loud, Addison sank her teeth down onto her lower lip, succeeding in only slightly muffling her cries of pleasure.
She was too focused on the movements of his hand between her thighs that she didn't notice him unclasping her bra and removing it. She threw her head back against the wall and pushed her chest out, however, once Derek lowered his mouth onto her nipple and pinched the other to a hardened peak between his thumb and forefinger. Her moans grew louder and her body started to respond to the new sensations. Arching her back, she pushed her breast further into his mouth as her hips began to move, pressing herself against his hand.
Derek suddenly switched his mouth to her other nipple and slid his hand down to the small of her back, pulling her towards him a bit. In one swift movement, he pushed her panties to the side and pushed a finger inside of her, soon followed by another. He started with a slow and steady pace, matching it with the swirling of his tongue over her nipple.
It wasn't long before Derek had her teetering over the edge, her nails digging into his shoulder as he curled his fingers upward inside her. Addison shut her eyes tightly, her muscles tightening around him as he continued pumping his fingers in and out of her. With a few more thrusts and Derek's sudden flicking of her clit with his thumb, she came crashing down on his hand, her muscles convulsing as she let out a loud moan.
Smirking, Derek moved up to kiss her on the lips languidly, holding her against him to keep her upright while he shed the rest of his clothing. He soon divested Addison of her panties and stared straight into her green eyes that were glazed over with desire. His hand went up and caressed her cheek with his thumb gently, a smile playing on his lips.
Addison looked into his face, breathing deeply, and studied him carefully as coherent thought came back to her. He was staring at her with his look and was smiling at her with his smile. It felt like it'd been so long since Derek had directed that look and that smile at her, because in reality, it had been. She couldn't bring herself to tear away from this moment, not now; not when things were going the way they were. Stopping wasn't an option anymore. She took his face into her hands and leaned forward, capturing his lips in a searing kiss.
He responded immediately to the kiss, darting his tongue out to trace her lips before slipping it between them, roaming the inside of his mouth. His hands came beneath her thighs and he lifted her up off the ground, entering her slowly. Their mouths parted and each let out a groan at the new sensation while he pressed his forehead against hers.
Derek soon found a steady rhythm, moving in and out of her as his lips found hers again before shifting downward to press several kisses to her jaw. Sounds of heavy breathing and cries of ecstasy filled the air as two sweat-slicked bodies moved against each other. Addison's body shuddered as waves of pleasure swept over her, his name upon her lips as she slumped over him. A few more thrusts and the warm feeling around him was enough to bring Derek to his climax, his head falling forward to the wall beside hers. He murmured her name into her dampened red locks and waited for the two of them to come down of their state of euphoria before moving away.
No words were exchanged as they both collected their clothing and put them on piece by piece. Her eyes stayed on him the entire time, watching him move about and straightening himself up, the things needing to be said hanging aimlessly in the air. There was so much to sort through and to talk about; no right thing to say or right place to begin.
She pursed her lips together as she tied her now unruly hair up into a bun. "Derek," she called out just as he was about to open the door and take his exit.
The question of 'what in the world are we doing' lingered at the tip of her tongue just waiting to be said, but she couldn't bring herself to utter it. He had just cheated on the woman he left her for and she, well, she might have just taken ten steps backwards and turned her whole world upside down. Whatever it was they were doing, it couldn't be any good.
"We're going back to work, Addie," Derek said knowingly, being able to read her like an open book. He threw her one of his McDreamy smiles and opened the door to leave, stepping into the hallway with one last look back at her.
Addison stood frozen and watched as the door closed, very much like the night Derek left the Brownstone. Only this time, everything had taken a whole different turn. There was a completely different atmosphere that surrounded her as things finally fell into place inside her mind. The Derek she saw today wasn't the same Derek she'd gotten used to while she lived in Seattle. He was looking at her the way he used to, smiling at her like they were still dating, touching her like he never wanted to let her go.
She wasn't supposed to have this overwhelming feeling of hope. They'd done so much to hurt each other and there was too much damage. Feeling this way could only be bad for her. But it was only love; a love she couldn't seem to let go, a love that, after today, Derek may still have. It was a love that still burned even after everything that had happened. Where they went next, only they could determine.