Last Christmas
Hello, I know I am currently writing, Today Could Be The Day but I really wanted to post this as it has been on my mind constantly since the episode All I Want For Christmas Is You. This fanfic is a one shot based on the touching Janny scenes at the end of the episode and scenes from the Christmas episode from last year, And We Banish Shade. Let me know what you think and I promise that the next chapter of Today Could Be The Day will definitely be uploaded tonight.
Ps. (To save the confusion, the words in Italics are from the episode As We Banish Shade).
'Uh', I thought as I caught the sight of the two nurses cuddling and swaying in time to the dreadful noise that was the Christmas music. I crinkled my nose in disgust and hurried away to the furthest side of the nurses' station to prevent myself from puking. As Mo followed behind me smiling at the response I had made while passing the loved up pair, she herself couldn't stand the sight of them together, cheerful and romantic. Meanwhile Jac was clearly miserable and alone. Her heart went out to the red headed pregnant consultant, if Mo was placed in her shoes, she would have been sat at home crying her eyes out that the man of her child was not romantically linked to her but with another less deserving lady, in her eyes, who only waltzed on the ward a few weeks ago as a temporary nurse.
Mo glanced over her shoulder to check on her pregnant boss as she stood looming over the computer screen keeping her head lowered. I could feel Mo's beady eyes boring a hole into her back and felt agitated that she had become my shadow for the past couple of weeks. The stuttering voice of Professor Hope dragged my thoughts away from the usually bubbly surgeon to my wise old mentor. Pulling my gaze to the man in question I frowned at his high spirited character and effort as he bounced around, clothed in a Santa's outfit, curly white beard and pompom hat the whole lot, encouraging the staff to join him for a sing song later after their shifts.
Upon finding no immediate accepts he mumbled to himself as he scurried away from their undivided attention. As the man moved out of my eye line, the giant Christmas Tree positioned in the corner snatched my breath and I stared at the brightly lit and coloured decorations. Without any warning someone crept up behind me and stated calmly, "You put that fairy on the tree last year, you remember?" As I spun to face the annoying Scottish nurse he nodded towards the gold and sparkly fairy that balanced onto of the tree.
Christmas 2012
I sat at the nurses' station all by myself as everyone was either not on shift or accompanying patients who were also alone like I had found myself. Rejecting the offer of a slice of cake one of the girls had held up to me with a simple shake of my head I twisted away from their tiny family gathering and brought a hand to my mouth to stop myself from shedding any tears.
A cough startled me slightly and I twisted my head in the direction of the sound. I was astonished to see him here, his arms crossed and looking down at me. I thought he would be with Mo and her family celebrating the festive season. "Thought I'd stay on shift. Lead from the front and all that". That was odd; it was like he had answered my question without me even asking it. He walked around me to the other side of the station and picked up the fairy decoration. As he came closer to me, I was finding it quite hard to be around him when I still have very strong feelings for him. "Oh, it's pretty quiet so, if you need me I'll be in the rec room". I made as an excuse pushing myself out of the chair and gearing myself to leave but stopped when he spoke up again. "Uh, Mo was obsessing about this, wouldn't help me put it up would you?" he asked. Stunned that he wanted to still be around me, I glanced down and coolly answered, "Yeah, sure", however I now found myself asking a difficult question of how to place the fairy on the tree. "Uh, what's what's quickest? Do we just tilt it over? I queried acting it out with my hands.
Jonny following me over to the tree looked at me bewildered and inquired my question. "No, use a chair or a step ladder", he replied baffled, then continued amazed at this revelation, "you never decorated a Christmas tree before". Smiling awkwardly and fidgeting on the spot I responded "Always seem a bit of a hassle". Jonny also gave a warm, understanding smile before holding up the fairy in his hand and raising his eyebrows, urging me by saying, "Go on", he gestured with his head at the fairy, "you can't catch religion". Taking the decoration from his grasp and spinning away from him I muttered, "No, it's not that". As I attempted to climb the chair, he shuffled up against my back and supported me as I mounted the chair.
His touch electrified some nerves in my body and I rose up and wrestled with the fairy and shoved it firmly on the tree. To re-start the un-finished conversation again I began to question his reappearance on the ward. "Oh, I was just wondering why you really came back". Twisting around to dismount the chair he held his hands out to assist my descent, he answered, "Well…" Taking a seat to hear his side of the story, he followed suit and sat opposite me"… Mo's lot can be a bit full on. My parents aren't around, so it's a bit full on" with a shake of the head I knew I had touched a delicate area.
Creasing my brow I quizzed myself aloud, "How can I not know that about you?" Jonny chuckled, probably because he had made me slightly confused, "But don't tell people, I hate pity", he admitted. Knowing that I too hated pity, it made me reflect and realise that we aren't so different after all. Changing the subject I remembered something, "Oh," I gave a short giggle. I bent down and searched for the item and upon locating it I uttered, "Yeah, it's from your secret Santa". Giving him a cheesy grin he took the gift with a warming smile and unwrapped it.
As I watched I beamed with laughter as he stared at the present amazed and asked in mock awe, "Is this from you?" "No, see it's not just me" I replied still giggling, but the look on his face didn't believe me so he reacted as in shock, "I can't believe this". The joke I had told him earlier on that he looks like Andy Murray and he had protested that he doesn't, yet I still continued to call him that throughout the shift and held in his hands now was a book with the face of Andy Murray covering it. I couldn't stop laughing and soon he too joined in.
The laughter died down slowly and then I lifted my head up to find his eyes glued to mine and I whispered loudly, Happy Christmas". He too then offered his wishes by saying "Merry Christmas", and in that moment with the choir singing in the background and the two of us in each's others company nothing could shatter that moment.
Remembering the words I had spoken last year Jonny added, "Couldn't believe you hadn't decorated a tree before". Wondering why he was paying so much attention to me now, I questioned him harshly, "And what about next year Jonny?" ignoring my harsh words he gave me a gentle smile and replied, "Well you'll have your own tree to decorate..." he paused as he leant his head on my shoulder and slipped his hand on my rounded abdomen, "…for our baby", he finished quietly, rubbing his warm hand over the smooth spot where our unborn daughter lay nestled inside of my womb.
In an instant I could feel tears swelling in my eyes and bit my bottom lip hard to prevent them from falling, 'I cannot show any emotion towards what he says', I think in my head. 'I can't we are not together, he has "her" but I don't want this moment to end'. Sadly, he let ago within a few seconds but I can still feel a warm area on my bump where his hand had just been removed. He was right though, next year I would have my little girl if she survives the birth and hopefully have a Daddy and Mummy that will love her unconditionally and maybe each other too.