Santa Baby
Ry_Rain
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me.
Fandom: House
Pairing: Cameron/Thirteen
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Who is Thirteen's Secret Santa? For bridz87
Feedback: ry_
Thirteen rolled her eyes as she reached into the bed pan and pulled out a slip of paper. Only House would think a bed pan would be a good thing to hold Secret Santa names in, then again, everyone pulled House's name last year, so maybe it all made sense.
"Cuddy suggested we do something fun this year, since we've all lost someone recently," House said. "I think it's a crappy idea, since my plan didn't work out too well last year. She also made me promise to include everyone's name, which is why she is in here."
Thirteen looked at her slip. Kutner. Great, that should be easy. She handed the slip to Cuddy. "Here's proof not everyone's slip has House's name."
"Thank you Thirteen," Cuddy said, taking the piece of paper from her. "There's a hospital Christmas party in two weeks, please have your gifts to exchange by then. I would set a limit, but knowing that whoever has House or myself will probably go over the limit, I don't see the point." Cuddy reached into the bed pan, grimacing at House and pulled out a slip. "Good to see at least two slips didn't have his name."
"That would be so much funnier if I hadn't heard it already. Actually, it wasn't even funny the first time." House gave a fake little smile. "Now, if we could all get back to work, that would be awesome."
Thirteen rolled her eyes and was the first to leave the room. She smiled as she walked past Cameron.
House handed Cameron a slip of paper as she walked into his office. "What's this?"
"Secret Santa." House handed Chase and Foreman a slip as well. "Cuddy suggested I include you three as well. You know, get my old team and my new team working together and getting along and some other stupid stuff."
Chase frowned as he looked at his slip. "Taub? Really?"
"It's Secret Santa, Chase. You aren't supposed to announce who you picked," Cameron said as she pushed her paper into her pocket.
"Yea, but how else would I know what to get him?"
"Be creative," Foreman said, slapping Chase on the back. "At least all the slips didn't say House's name this year."
House rolled his eyes. "Oh, and we're doing this a little different than before. Everyone has to buy their secret Santa five presents. Every other day, leave your present under the tree that will be in my office. The fifth present is the real one, so spend money on it." House yawned. "Apparently, we'll be exchanging gifts right before the hospital Christmas party. It'll be a blast."
Chase turned as House walked out of his office. "So I have to find Taub five gifts?"
"The first four can be gag gifts. Get him small bottles of alcohol or something like that," Foreman answered. "So, who'd you get Cameron? I'm guessing we all got someone on the new team."
"I got Cuddy, actually," Cameron said over her shoulder as she left.
Foreman looked at the door. "That's odd."
"What?" Chase asked.
"I got Cuddy," Foreman said, showing the blond doctor his paper.
"So, who'd Cameron actually get?"
Two days later, Cameron sat across from Thirteen in the cafeteria. "So, how is your first present?" she asked.
The brunette looked up at the newly blonde doctor. "I think Kutner picked me. Only he would thing a bottle of alcohol was a good gag gift." Thirteen shook her head. "I was hoping for someone who would get me an awesome main gift."
Cameron nodded. "Yea, I'm not sure who picked me. I got a box of surgical gloves." Thirteen smirked. "What?"
"Either House or Taub picked you. The gloves probably weren't suppose to be funny," Thirteen said with a wink.
"Meaning?" Thirteen just looked at Cameron. "Oh." Thirteen chuckled. "Who picked House?"
"Cuddy."
Later that day, Thirteen noticed one of her male colleagues in the hospital gift shop. "Hey Kutner."
"Thirteen," Kutner said as he looked around the shop.
"Why are you in the gift shop?" Thirteen asked, following him down the aisles.
"I haven't bought my Secret Santa gift yet. I figured something from here would be a good gag gift," he said. Picking up a stuffed animal, Kutner showed it to Thirteen. "Do you think Cameron will like this?"
Thirteen frowned. "You picked Cameron?"
"Yea."
"You gave her the surgical gloves?" Kutner smirked and nodded. "Pig." Kutner just continued smiled and shrugged. "Get the pink bear, blue is for a boy."
"Do you have any clue who's buying gifts for you?" Kutner asked.
"Nope, you?"
"I'm guessing either Foreman or Chase. None of you girls would have left Playboys for me." Thirteen smirked. "Well, now that I have a gift for Cameron, I can go check the tree and see if I have a gift waiting for me."
Another day, another gift, Thirteen thought as she sat at the conference table, looking at her second gift. It seemed like someone had actually put some thought into it this time. The silver frame was beautiful. The brunette ran her fingers over the words etched underneath the picture. Whoever bought it had managed to get into her locker, steal the picture of her and her mother, scan it, and put it back without her ever knowing it was gone.
"Mommy's Little Angel," Cameron read. "That's a sweet gift." Thirteen nodded. "You okay?"
"Yea, sure," she said, wiping at her eyes. "How'd you like your gift?"
Cameron groaned as she put the pink teddy bear on the table. "Congrats! It's a Girl!" Thirteen chuckled. "I doubt House or Taub would buy this." Thirteen shook her head and grinned. "You know who bought it."
"Now, how would I know that?"
"I saw you coming out of the gift shop yesterday with Kutner … who isn't your Secret Santa after all, huh?" Thirteen shook her head. "Could you try to steer him toward a little better gift next time?"
"I have no clue what you are talking about," Thirteen said with a wink. "Hey Kutner."
"I love my Secret Santa," Kutner said as he sat next to Thirteen, throwing a box of extra large condoms on the table. "Whether they believe this is the right size or not, does not matter. I mean, everyone says it's the thought that counts." Thirteen winked at Cameron again. "I can't wait to thank whichever guy picked my name."
Cameron chuckled. "What makes you think it's a guy?"
"None of you women would understand us men enough to buy these kinds of things," Kutner answered. Cameron shook her head. "Only two more to go before the reveal."
"Yea, you better make sure your final gift is good, if you have whoever picked you, they might be hurt if its not something good," Thirteen said, glancing in Cameron's direction.
"Really?" Kutner mouthed. Thirteen just shrugged in response. "You are totally right. I just might get you to help me pick something out, you know, if you don't mind."
"Not at all."
"Thanks Thirteen." Kutner stood up and saluted his female colleagues. "I'll see you two around."
Thirteen walked into the locker room after working two triple shifts and saw Cameron sitting on the bench, holding a small package. She smiled. "So, Kutner get something good this time around?"
Cameron laughed as she opened the box. "I doubt this is what you helped him pick out," she said, pulling out a small cylinder.
"Um, no, that is not what I helped him pick out. What the hell is tha- nevermind," Thirteen said as Cameron turned the magic bullet on. "Wow, he's got balls."
Cameron laughed. "Well, since I believe you made him think I'm he's Secret Santa, I think he just decided to go with the theme of his gifts." Thirteen winced as she realized that's just what happened. "Maybe his next gift will be what you picked out."
"Or he gave it to his girlfriend," she said.
"What did you get?" Thirteen pulled a candy bar out of her pocket and showed it to Cameron. "A whatchamacallit? You got a candy bar?"
"I'll admit, it is one of my favorite candy bars, but it's a far stretch from the thoughfulness of the last gift." Thirteen opened her locker and put the candy in her purse. "I have no clue who picked my name, although, I'm leaning toward House."
"No way would House buy that frame," Cameron said as she too opened her locker.
"I dunno, he may have gotten Cuddy to help him pick it out." Thirteen turned to Cameron and leaned against the lockers. "Who else would know my combination?"
Cameron shrugged. "True."
"Oh well, only one more to go before we all find out."
"Well, before you all find out," Cameron said with a smirk as she lifted the pocket vibrator. Thirteen laughed as the blonde dropped it in her purse.
Taub dropped a stack of porno mags on the table. "Whoever picked me is taking a page from Kutner's secret Santa's book."
"Wow, those are some high end magazines," Thirteen said as she flipped through the magazines. Taub looked at her. "What? You all already know I go both ways. What's the point in hiding it? Hey, who'd you pick?"
"No, sorry Thirteen, I am not helping you possibly narrow down the suspects of who picked you." Thirteen glared at the balding man. "No."
"I know who picked you." Taub looked at the brunette. "I pretty much know who everyone picked, except me and a couple other people."
"I got Foreman." Thirteen nodded. "So, who picked me?"
"I dunno, I just wanted to know who didn't pick me." Thirteen smiled and stood up. "Thanks."
House smiled at everyone as they sat at the conference table. "Well, whoever picked me got us some new dry erase board markers, so, let's get some stuff written on this white board of ours." House pulled the whiteboard next to him and grabbed a marker. "I've decided to make this secret Santa thing a little more interesting."
"How's that?" Foreman asked.
"Easy, if you want to know who picked you now, just yell out an amount of money you'll pay, and if the person accepts, they'll announce it." Everyone just stared at House. "Lets not all yell out at once." House looked at everyone. "Fine, I'll start. $100 to whoever picked me if they announce it now." No one even blinked. "You guys are really taking this seriously."
"Or whoever picked you thinks making you wait is worth much more than $100," Thirteen commented. "And you know I didn't pick you because I showed my paper to Cuddy to prove not all the slips had your name on them."
"Again with the name thing," House said, hitting Thirteen's shin with his cane. "$200." No one moved. "$300?" Foreman left the room. "$400?" Thirteen looked at Cameron and the two of them stood up. "$500, my last offer." The two women left the room.
"House is getting desperate," Cameron said as they reached the elevator. "Also, I think Kutner took your advice this time." She showed Thirteen a small crystal vase.
"About damn time, I was scared at what he would decide would be a good idea after the last gift from me."
"Where did you find those anyway?" Cameron asked.
"The breast pops? There's a sex shop just down the road. I drive past it everyday on my way in." Thirteen stepped into the elevator. "It's probably where he got your vibrator."
Cameron blushed. "You're something else Thirteen." The brunette grinned. "What you get today?"
Thirteen chuckled and held up a box. "Seems like my secret Santa is taking a page from my book too. Although, I think I have more use of a pocket vibrator than you." Thirteen winked at a blushing Cameron as the elevator doors closed.
It was a couple days before Christmas and Thirteen stood by the tree in the lobby of the hospital, holding Kutner's final gift. She was nervous, not because she was worried Kutner would like the gift, she knew he'd love it, but because she had no clue who was her secret Santa. She only knew it wasn't Kutner, Taub, or Cuddy.
"I have a question for you," Cameron asked as she walked up next to the brunette. "I've been wondering this for a while. Kutner told me Cuddy mentioned something about at least two of the slips did not have House's name on them." Thirteen nodded. "But, according to you, she picked House."
"Yep."
"You know this how?"
Thirteen smiled. "She showed me her paper."
"So, I'm guessing you know who your secret Santa is?" Cameron asked.
"Nope. I just know its not Kutner, Taub, or Cuddy."
"How do you know it's not Taub?"
"He picked Foreman." Cameron looked at Thirteen, questioning. "He told me." Cameron chuckled. "I think you'll like your gift."
"Will I?" Cameron asked, with a small smirk. "Interesting."
Thirteen looked up as she heard House walking into the lobby. "I guess it's time to exchange gifts."
"I guess so," Cameron said as everyone followed behind House.
"Alright my peons, its time to reveal who picked who." House looked at everyone standing in a circle. "Whoever picked me, hand me my gift first, please."
"House, really, could you be anymore self-centered?" Cuddy asked as she handed him a small, wrapped box. "Merry Christmas. You're not fired."
House looked down at the gift. "Sneaky. Now, whoever picked Cuddy, hand her gift over and I think the rest of you get the idea."
Foreman smiled and handed Cuddy a red envelope. "Merry Christmas, boss." Cuddy chuckled as she opened the card. "I think I remember you saying something about liking opera."
Cuddy nodded as she looked at the two tickets. "I do, thank you Eric."
Taub handed Foreman a small box. "I wasn't sure what to get you, and while I figured you already had one of these, I thought another couldn't hurt."
Foreman opened the box and pulled out a model brain. "This is pretty cool, Taub, thanks."
Taub nodded as Chase handed him his gift. Thirteen watched as House handed Chase his gift, then realized there were only three people left, and she knew who two of those three had picked. Everyone turned to the trio left standing there with unopened gifts.
Kutner handed Cameron a card. "I got a little help, so I hope you like it."
"Thank you, Kutner." Cameron opened the envelope. "A gift certificate to my favorite spa, I love it."
Kutner smiled and nodded, then looked at Thirteen. "Well, buddy, you were wrong all along," she said, handing the slim package she held to Kutner. "I hope you like it, was kind of hard to find."
Kutner tore open the wrapping paper and grinned. "A mint condition, first edition Batman comic?" Kutner wrapped Thirteen into a big bear hug. "Thank you."
Thirteen awkwardly returned Kutner's hug, then pulled back. Brushing off her dress, she looked away. "You're welcome."
"Well, Thirteen, you got a lot of other people to spill, but you couldn't get me to. Didn't you think that was a little odd?" Cameron asked as she handed Thirteen a small envelope. Everyone else had turned away, looking at their presents and talking. An envelope was boring, most likely meant a gift card or something.
Thirteen chuckled and shrugged as she opened the envelope and pulled out a note card. Opening the card, she read aloud, "Merry Christmas from Your Secret Santa." Thirteen tried to hide her frown. "Thanks Cameron."
"You really think your present is just the card?" Cameron asked.
Thirteen looked up and saw Cameron smirking. "Um, no."
"Good." Cameron took the card from Thirteen. "Because I'm wearing your present underneath my dress," she whispered into Thirteen's ear. "As soon as this party is over, you're coming home with me."
Thirteen gulped. "I thought you were …"
Cameron chuckled. "With Chase?" Thirteen nodded. "Remy, my dear, that ended as soon as I laid eyes on you."