Disclaimer: Matt Groening owns Futurama. All glory to Matt Groening.

At the New New York Institute of Mental Health, where Zapp Brannigan had voluntarily interned himself, Dr. Zoidberg was applying the latest methods in an attempt to cure the captain of the personality warping he had endured as a captive of the Cerulean Pirates. (A/N: For the whole story, read "Bender's List".)

From behind a large glass pane, several medical experts in white smocks watched the proceedings alongside Fry, Leela, Bender, and the inventor of the Fossitron device, Philaster Foss. Zoidberg scuttled into the darkened room, holding in his claws a metal box with holes punched into the sides. "Put on your visors, everyone," he cautioned the spectators.

"God, I hope this works," said Leela as she carefully placed a mono-visor over her eye.

The bespectacled, balding Foss shot her a confident grin. "Your lobster friend looks like he knows what he's doing," he said, taking Leela by the hand.

Zapp sat quietly and sullenly in a chair, his hands and feet cuffed. Once everyone except for him had donned protective eyewear, Zoidberg pried open the lid of the box. A lumpy brown creature promptly hopped out and landed with a wet squish on the table in front of Captain Brannigan.

"Ladies and gentlemen, behold the Hypnotoad," said Zoidberg officiously.

Zapp stared blankly at the amphibian. Its eyes began to shimmer, and it made an eerie humming sound with its throat. To those who wore visors, the spiraling colors in the toad's slitted eyes made a pretty show. To Zapp, they were an irresistible attraction.

"So…beautiful," he mumbled in spite of himself. "Can't…look…away."

Zoidberg opened his mouth, although no one could tell due to the scarlet tendrils hanging over it. "Violence is wrong," he told Zapp. "Killing is wrong. You have no desire to commit acts of violence."

"I…have…no…desire…" said Zapp deliriously.

"You are a man of peace," Zoidberg continued. "You are not like the space pirates who did this to you."

"I did this to him," muttered Foss under his breath.

When the session was finished, Zoidberg replaced the Hypnotoad in its container and sealed it inside. He removed the protective visor from his face, and gestured for the spectators to do likewise. Turning his gaze to the bewildered-looking Zapp, he asked, "How do you feel, Captain?"

Zapp blinked a few times, then smiled with relief. "I feel…completely rehabilitated," he said calmly. "I'm filled with regret for what I've done. I'm no longer a menace to society."

"Excellent," said Zoidberg, using his claw to clip off the cuffs from Zapp's hands and feet. "After one more week of daily Hypnotoad therapy sessions, I expect that you'll make a full recovery."

"I'm glad of that," said Zapp as he stood. "Now I can get busy living."

Leela tightened her grip on Foss' hand. "It worked!" she exulted. "Zapp's back to normal! Well, that's both good and bad."

Suddenly, as Zoidberg was opening the door for Zapp to leave, the captain's face contorted into a mask of fury. "Hypnotize me, will you?" he snarled. "Just for that, and the fact that I don't like your face, I'll kill you!"

Fry, Leela, and Foss gasped when they saw Brannigan wrap his fingers around the crustacean's neck. "Again with the strangling!" exclaimed Zoidberg as the angry spaceman tried to squeeze the breath out of him.

"We've got to do something!" cried Fry in horror.

"He looks perfectly normal to me," Bender remarked.

With his little remaining strength, Zoidberg rammed his claw into Zapp's crotch. The captain abruptly let go of his neck, and grimaced with dismay. "Oh, God…oh, God…"

"It's still there," said Zoidberg. "I only pinched the nerve."

Foss and Bender greeted him after he had once again restrained Zapp. "I'm terribly sorry the Hypnotoad therapy didn't work," said Foss. "But I didn't have my hopes up to begin with. As effective as the Fossitron is, removing the contamination Balalaika introduced into his mind is like trying to excise a piece of his soul."

"I kinda like him the way he is," said Bender.

"The poor man," said Zoidberg glumly. "I'm afraid only time will heal his wound."

The hallway was quiet and empty where Fry and Leela walked along, except for a faint shouting in the distance. Fry did his best to keep up a pleasant smile, but a question burned in his heart and had to be asked.

"Leela," he said nervously, "how is it between you and Foss?"

The cyclops looked at him with compassion. "I like him," she stated, "but I'm not sure what to do about him."

Fry's mouth fell open slightly.

"His own invention made him fall in love with me," said Leela. "It's a phony kind of love, but it did prompt him to change his ways and take our side against the pirates. And now I'm worried that if I tell him I don't really love him, he'll go back to his old life."

Fry nodded. "Yeah, that would be bad."

"Please don't tell Philaster what I said," Leela urged him.

"My lips are sealed," said Fry. I should tell him, he thought. Then he'll break up with Leela, and I'll have another chance with her. Oh, who am I kidding? Only myself, since nobody can hear me think.

The deranged shouting grew louder as Leela and Fry neared the exit: "Worms everywhere with the slithering and the mucus and the little holes in the ground, gahoyven…"

"Who the hell is that?" Leela wanted to know.

In a nearby janitorial closet, a white-haired man in grubby clothes looked up at them. "That's Professor Horatio Frink," he informed them, "the inventor of the body switcher."

"He invented the body switcher?" Fry marveled. "Cool."

The old custodian gave them a stern look. "Ya know that TV show where a regular person gets to switch bodies with a movie star for a month?" he related. "Would ya like to know why they ain't allowed to switch back before the month is out?"

"Uh-huh," said Leela with a curious nod.

"'Cause it's dangerous," said the janitor. "The brain needs time to recover from the shock of the switch. Professor Frink learned that the hard way. He just switched and switched, and didn't think about the consequences."

"Fascinating," said Fry thoughtfully. "Uh, I mean, cool."

"Can anything be done for him?" asked Leela.

"Nope," replied the old man. "His brain's too far gone."

Fry and Leela mused on what the janitor had told them as they made their way to a transit tube. "I guess if you could switch bodies as often as you wanted," said Fry, "people would be doing it all the time."

"It's funny, if you think about it," said Leela. "If you switched bodies with me, you'd have no choice but to go through one of my periods."

"That's okay," said Fry. "I learned all about periods when my head was attached to Amy's shoulder."

After a bit of consideration, Leela stopped in her tracks. "Fry…" she began to say.

The redhead put up his hands defensively. "No way, Leela."

The cyclops grinned deviously. "I'll make it worth your while," she offered. "I'll spend the whole month dieting and exercising. When you get your body back, it'll be trim and muscular."

"Forget it," said Fry adamantly. "I don't want Foss lusting after my voluptuous body."

"He won't," said Leela, "if he knows you're really a guy. And hopefully, by the time the month is over, he'll lose interest and find a different girlfriend."

Find a different girlfriend…?

"Uh, my answer is still a tentative no," said Fry.

To be continued